Announcing the comp.sys.sinclair crap compilation!

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l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk

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Jan 26, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/26/96
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Hi all,

After my last posting I got to thinking......
If you remember, I said :

:Scoop of the bunch (and not originally on my list of obscure games) is
:Cascade's Cassette 50! Yes, the biggest compilation tape of all time is now
:available as a single .TAP thanks to Andy (who I got it from). And every single
:game on there is utter, utter crap! You really have to see it to believe it!
:You wouldn't think that people could use such awful concepts, terrible graphics
:and grating BEEP 10,10s so many times, and then inflict them upon others!
:
:If you think you can do worse than these games (which make Advanced Lawn Mower
:Simulator look complex and enthralling), send them to me! I'll make a follow up
:'comp-sys-sinclair cassette 50' and sell it for nothing! ;)

This was originally intended as a joke, but I've had a few replies from people
saying they thought it was a good idea. So.......

Formally announcing the 'comp.sys.sinclair crap compilation'.
I'd like everyone on here to write a crap game in Speccy BASIC and send it to
me. I will then collect them all together into one gigantic fun-filled file and
put them somewhere where everyone can have a laugh at 'em. The main point of
this exercise? To prove that we could knock up a better compilation that
Cassette 50 when we were TRYING to make the games crap! :)

I've got a few crappy BASIC games that I've written over the last year or so
(usually whilst waiting for games to load into the sound sampler!), so I've
already got a start. Come on, let's all be creative for a change and leave that
2000th game of Manic Miner until later! :)

I'll be very interested to see what I receive...! ;-)

Waiting for your replies..........!


Blood.

===============================================================
| The Infamous BLOOD! (l.d....@bra0202.wins.icl.co.uk) |
| A Sinclair Spectrum user since 1982 and still going strong! |
| Who needs Interactive Movies when Chaos only takes up 48k?! |
===============================================================

Paolo Nusco Perrotta

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Jan 27, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/27/96
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l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk wrote:
>Formally announcing the 'comp.sys.sinclair crap compilation'.
>I'd like everyone on here to write a crap game in Speccy BASIC and send it to
>me. I will then collect them all together into one gigantic fun-filled file and
>put them somewhere where everyone can have a laugh at 'em.

I remember a SU competition for crappy games in one of the latest
issues. They even published a series of guidelines to make a game
really bad - they were really useful. There were sample screenshots,
also.


Barry Plewa

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Jan 28, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/28/96
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In article: <4ede2t$c...@accursio.comune.bologna.it> nan...@comune.bologna.it (Paolo "Nusco"
Perrotta) writes:

I used to love reading the "Crap games corner" in YS. There was some real classics such as the
Lawnmower simulator series of games!!
--
*****************************************
* BARRY PLEWA *
* E-Mail : DOC...@DOCBARRY.DEMON.CO.UK *
* *
* EMULATE! *
* The Spectrum Emulator Magazine *
* Issue 3 Out Now *
*****************************************


l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk

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Jan 29, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/29/96
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Barry wrote :
:I used to love reading the "Crap games corner" in YS. There was some real
:classic Lawnmower simulator series of games!!

This is just the sort of thing I'm looking for! Current progress report on the
crap compilation is that I already have four games (and a promise of more).
What's more, I'm going to get my Speccy BASIC programming hat on (as opposed to
my 80x86 assembler, C++ and Visual Basic hat) and try and knock up a few truly
awful (but playable) pieces o' crap this lunchtime (and still leave time for
lunch!).

I remember the old SU competition too - I wrote three entries, but didn't win. I
think I still have 'em on tape somewhere, but they're way out of reach. Maybe
I'll try reprogramming them (at least, the ones I remember) and put them on the
compilation. I don't think it'll take too long.

Pride of my entries was the fabulous "Mr. Blobby Goes Down the Newsagents",
written, I might add, in the days well before a certain Mr. Edmonds hijacked my
character to use in a dismal TV show. Maybe he owes me some royalties? In the
game you had to guide Mr. Blobby through five (FIVE!) fun-filled screens of
arcade action, avoiding the dog turds and winos until he got to WH Smiths to
pick up his newspaper. Classic. You really did have to see it to believe it. I
can feel a re-write coming on....! ;-)

Thanks to everyone who has helped so far but WE NEED MORE GAMES!
(Beginning to sound like a Telethon, isn't it?)

All contributions in .SNA, .Z80, .TAP, .BLOODYWHATEVER to the address in the
.sig below. And watch this space for regular updates!

Matt

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Jan 29, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/29/96
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Paolo "Nusco" Perrotta (nan...@comune.bologna.it) wrote:

: l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk wrote:
: >Formally announcing the 'comp.sys.sinclair crap compilation'.
: >I'd like everyone on here to write a crap game in Speccy BASIC and send it to
: >me. I will then collect them all together into one gigantic fun-filled file and
: >put them somewhere where everyone can have a laugh at 'em.

: I remember a SU competition for crappy games in one of the latest
: issues. They even published a series of guidelines to make a game
: really bad - they were really useful. There were sample screenshots,
: also.

UDG graphics and it had to beep Sauls death march (dur,dur,dur-dur, etc)
when the game finished. Also having a description like "Awesome 3D
graphics" helped.

Is the competion seriously on then? Where do we post to?

--
---Matthew Smith,College of St. Hild and St. Bede,Durham University,England---

David Colin Sullivan

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Jan 29, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/29/96
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In article <4ede2t$c...@accursio.comune.bologna.it>, nan...@comune.bologna.it (Paolo "Nusco" Perrotta) writes:
> l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk wrote:
> >Formally announcing the 'comp.sys.sinclair crap compilation'.
> >I'd like everyone on here to write a crap game in Speccy BASIC and send it to
> >me. I will then collect them all together into one gigantic fun-filled file and
> >put them somewhere where everyone can have a laugh at 'em.
>
> I remember a SU competition for crappy games in one of the latest
> issues. They even published a series of guidelines to make a game
> really bad - they were really useful. There were sample screenshots,
> also.


That competition was cool, some of the games weren't that crap so they put them on some of the cover tapes, I've got all the tapes at home if anyone wants to get the permissions and port them.

-- __
< / / David Sullivan
__> /_/ / / /_/ e-mail: ph9...@Brunel.ac.uk
__/ home page: http://http2.brunel.ac.uk:8080/~ph95dcs

Stephen Smith

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Jan 29, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/29/96
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> I remember a SU competition for crappy games in one of the latest
> issues. They even published a series of guidelines to make a game
> really bad - they were really useful. There were sample screenshots,
> also.

They were going to publish the winner on a future Megatape, but AFAIK they
never got round to it. Still, the sample screenshots were great!

--
Stephen Smith
Computersmiths Training
(st...@jonlan.demon.co.uk) Nothing REALLY matters.

* http://www.hermetica.com/technologia/sinclair *


Mike Dolan

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Jan 30, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/30/96
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Barry Plewa <Doc...@docbarry.demon.co.uk> wrote:

>I used to love reading the "Crap games corner" in YS. There was some real classics such as the

>Lawnmower simulator series of games!!

ISTR that there was a crap compilation called ' Don't Buy This '...

Anybody remember anything about it?

Mike Dolan


Brian Gaff

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Jan 31, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/31/96
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Do these have to haveen commercial games? I, as the inventor of
Naffsoft, have a number of really bad games wot I wrote! :-)

If we are talking commercial, I thought the Spectrum version of
Pole Position was pretty bad!

Brian

--
bri...@bgserv.demon.co.uk
Brian Gaff AKA B G Services - Still supporting Z80
The Spectrum Emulator

Stephen Smith

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Jan 31, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/31/96
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> Thanks to everyone who has helped so far but WE NEED MORE GAMES!
> (Beginning to sound like a Telethon, isn't it?)

Hey, now you know what it's like trying to cajole people to write stuff!
The trouble I have with the SGD (rant, rave....)

l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk

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Feb 1, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/1/96
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Brian Wrote :
:Do these have to haveen commercial games? I, as the inventor of


:Naffsoft, have a number of really bad games wot I wrote! :-)

Nope, I'm not looking for commercial stuff. The entries should be games that you
have written yourself. As naff as possible as well, please! ;-)

Time for a quick update on the compilation :

Many thanks to everyone who has contributed so far, but......

Come on people! Surely you must have written more than this? I've received only
seven entries for the compilation so far which isn't nearly enough! It only
takes about ten minutes to knock up something quick n' crap and send it to me,
or alternatively send me that prog you wrote when you were 10 and just learning
Speccy BASIC! No-one's going to laugh at you (much)! Entries can be in any
common file type (SNA, Z80, TAP, etc.).

In case you missed the start of this thread, I am collecting small, crap BASIC
(or M/C, I guess) games to produce comp.sys.sinclair's answer to Cascade's
terrible Cassette 50 (now available from NVG). The point of the exercise is to
show that we can produce a better compilation (for free!) when we were TRYING to
make the games crap!

I'm in the process of knocking together a couple of crap games myself, so show
your support and direct all entries to the address in my sig. All entrants will
be documented in the instructions file (along with any history or instructions
that you send me), and the final compilation will be mailed to contributors and
available from NVG for the rest of the world to see. I'm hoping to get this
finished and put together sometime within the next few weeks.

Come on - show the world how bad you were (are?)!

Barry Plewa

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Feb 1, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/1/96
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I've got a TAP file of it if you're really feeling masochistic?!?

Steve Lake

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Feb 2, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/2/96
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Stephen Smith <st...@jonlan.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>They were going to publish the winner on a future Megatape, but AFAIK they
>never got round to it. Still, the sample screenshots were great!
>

Ah yes, the crap game corner in Your Sinclair.... what a wonderful page that was!

With all the various versions of Advanced Lawnmower Simulator that people made
and sent it and things like that... I vagely remember one called Potato Olympics
too... very strange..

Does anyone know if they ever got Castle of the Quizzard Wizard (or whatever) to
work..? they kept printing the screenshot of the loading screen with captions like
"tried again, it still wouldn't load though.. still, nice picture"

Actually if anyone's got any of the "crap games" on tape, why not bung 'em
on FTP ? Or any home-grown stuff too.. Or any programs that someone typed in from a
book or mag ? Stuff like that.

Cheers


--
Steve...@brunel.ac.uk---------------------+
| Steve "The Mad Hippo" Lake |
| http://www.brunel.ac.uk:8080/~hcsrsml |
+-----------------------Ste...@henleymc.ac.uk

Brian Gaff

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Feb 2, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/2/96
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In article <8229968...@osintot.demon.co.uk>
m.d...@bcs.org.uk "Mike Dolan" writes:

>
> Barry Plewa <Doc...@docbarry.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
> >I used to love reading the "Crap games corner" in YS. There was some real
> classics such as the
> >Lawnmower simulator series of games!!
>
> ISTR that there was a crap compilation called ' Don't Buy This '...
>
> Anybody remember anything about it?
>

> Mike Dolan
>
>
It had 2 dog games and a racing game you could not play.

I have the review copy somewhere...

Firebird. ....

Message has been deleted

l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk

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Feb 2, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/2/96
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Mike Dolan wrote :
:ISTR that there was a crap compilation called ' Don't Buy This '...


:
:Anybody remember anything about it?

Yep!

Don't Buy This was released by Firebird and was a compilation of five games, all
of which were too crap to be released on their own (or maybe too crap to be
released at all)! The tape was in their budget range, and was NOT COPYRIGHTED!
It actually said on the label that you could copy it around and give it to your
friends. How they ever sold any copies is a mystery!

The tape contained the following games :

Race Ace - A slooooooooooow BASIC car racing game, Super Sprint style.
Fido 1 - Play a dog, eat food, bash moles with your tail.
Weasel Willy - One of those games where you move around leaving a trail of
footprints and have to avoid them and trees and things.
Fido 2 - Play a dog, eat food, bash moles with your tail. Again.
Fruit Machine - BASIC, Slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.

I have the entire compilation as snapshots if anyone is interested. I've just
uploaded it to ftp.nvg.unit.no and it's now in pub/sinclair/snaps/games/misc as
dontbuy.zip!

BTW, these games are fine examples of exactly what we're looking for for the
comp.sys.sinclair crap game compilation. In fact, some of them (notably the Fido
games) are too good!

Russ Juckes

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Feb 4, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/4/96
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Steve Lake scribed:

SL> I vagely remember one called Potato Olympics too... very strange..

The very name conjures up a concept so bizarre as to actually defy
conceptualizing... Does anybody have this on .SNA?


Outta here.

Russ
--
Internet Co-ordinator & DOOM survivor, THE EDGE, Harrow.

"Do you *really* want to play?" Russ...@digibank.demon.co.uk

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Russ Juckes

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Feb 4, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/4/96
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Jonathan Brazier scribed:

JB> How about "The Great Space Race" by Legend (I think). Hyped for ages
JB> before release it turned out to be complete crap, and it was written
JB> in Basic.

It played itself. That was it's best feature. You could leave it humming
happily to itself, and if it didn't receive any user input, it would make a
decision by itself. Actually, even if you *did* enter some user input, it
still made the decisions by itself on occasion...

Barry Plewa

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Feb 5, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/5/96
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In article: <4esjm9$4...@izar.brunel.ac.uk> Steve Lake <ste...@henleymc.ac.uk> writes:

> With all the various versions of Advanced Lawnmower Simulator that people made

> and sent it and things like that... I vagely remember one called Potato Olympics
> too... very strange..

That was a very funny review! I remember that the screenshot showed one of the potatoes saying
"Tosh!" (for some reason) and the caption under the screen read "Looks like Mr Potatoe's got this
game pretty sussed!"

Steve Lake

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Feb 6, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/6/96
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Russ Juckes <Russ...@digibank.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>Steve Lake scribed:
>
> SL> I vagely remember one called Potato Olympics too... very strange..
>
> The very name conjures up a concept so bizarre as to actually defy
>conceptualizing... Does anybody have this on .SNA?
>

It really did look very strange... the screenshot shows a potato with a smiley face
stood on the end of a diving board, with a crowd of potatos onlooking....

I'll scan the screenshot and bung it on an FTP or something..

Steve Lake

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Feb 6, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/6/96
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l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk wrote:

>Nope, I'm not looking for commercial stuff. The entries should be games that you
>have written yourself. As naff as possible as well, please! ;-)
>

Right, time to dig out my speccy programming hat!

[SNIP]

>Come on - show the world how bad you were (are?)!
>

*GRIN* Are you -sure- you're making the right decision ?

Right, I've got a couple of games that spring to mind, one is called Feed The Dog
and my brother wrote it when he was about 12... it's not actually *that* crap, but
it is in BASIC. Then there's my extra mega crap Space Invaders clone, and that
really does lack bigtime.. It sucks.. It's got a greater density of crap particles
than something that's *really* crap...

I'll sort them out and post'em in..

Might even write some 'specially!

Steve Lake

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Feb 6, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/6/96
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Russ Juckes <Russ...@digibank.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>Jonathan Brazier scribed:
>
> JB> How about "The Great Space Race" by Legend (I think). Hyped for ages

[SNIP]

>Actually, even if you *did* enter some user input, it
>still made the decisions by itself on occasion...
>

Still... it had a nice box cover!

And the adverts were quite good..

Frode Tenneboe

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Feb 7, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/7/96
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Damion Yates (thdb86%te...@dcs.shef.ac.uk) wrote:
: l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk wrote:

: : All contributions in .SNA, .Z80, .TAP, .BLOODYWHATEVER to the address in the


: : .sig below. And watch this space for regular updates!

: : | The Infamous BLOOD! (l.d....@bra0202.wins.icl.co.uk) |

: How about as many different programs as you can do that are only one line, (but
: no 10 Print
: "6809547hubgiroe675hfyt758493jgt78594j3g7t805n4bg7yt85n43g78t0nb5h798ghfd86FGUBF^&(N^F&(Ngyut950437689504376859340":let
: l = usr (peek basicstartlower)+256*(peekbasicstarthigher)+6
: where the text is a m/c program, because thats cheating)

How about a separate competition in which this is allowed as long as
the text is in fact readable. Obfuscated assembly/basic anyone? :)

-Frode

--
^ Frode Tennebø | email: f...@edh.ericsson.se ^
| Ericsson Radar AS. N-1788 Halden | http://www.hiMolde.no/~frodet/ |
| Phone: +47 69 19 53 01 | Frode@IRC |
| with Standard.Disclaimer; use Standard.Disclaimer; |


Matthew Clemson

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Feb 11, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/11/96
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l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk wrote:

> Nope, I'm not looking for commercial stuff. The entries should be games that you
> have written yourself. As naff as possible as well, please! ;-)

I'm sure I can knock something up...

> In case you missed the start of this thread, I am collecting small, crap BASIC
> (or M/C, I guess) games to produce comp.sys.sinclair's answer to Cascade's
> terrible Cassette 50 (now available from NVG). The point of the exercise is to
> show that we can produce a better compilation (for free!) when we were TRYING to
> make the games crap!

Where in NVG is this? It's a bit hard to navigate through...

-Matthew

l.d.tonk...@oasis.icl.co.uk

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Feb 12, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/12/96
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On the subject of Cassette 50, Matthew said:

:Where in NVG is this? It's a bit hard to navigate through...

After this weekend's reorg, it's now in :

/pub/sinclair/tapes/c

as :

cass50.zip


Okay?

Russ Juckes

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Feb 15, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/15/96
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Steve Lake scribed:

SL> I vagely remember one called Potato Olympics too... very strange..

The very name conjures up a concept so bizarre as to actually defy
conceptualizing... Does anybody have this on .SNA?


Russ Juckes

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Feb 15, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/15/96
to
Jonathan Brazier scribed:

JB> How about "The Great Space Race" by Legend (I think). Hyped for ages
JB> before release it turned out to be complete crap, and it was written
JB> in Basic.

It played itself. That was it's best feature. You could leave it humming
happily to itself, and if it didn't receive any user input, it would make a
decision by itself. Actually, even if you *did* enter some user input, it

still made the decisions by itself on occasion...


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