On 23/01/2012 04:25, Brian Gaff wrote:
> The thing is, though I can no longer play games, the real fun time was when
> thee Spectrum was still mainstream, and yet some game writers thought they
> were producing good software, but it was in fact crap in some way.
> So what was the worst non intentionally crap game in the 80s and early 90s?
>
> I'm not talking about bugs, though a bug that stopped one completing a game
> would qualify I think.
"Sqij!" by The Power House seems to be more or less uncontested for that
title. It manages to be crap on so many different levels that it's
actually quite profound:
* The graphics are hideously bad. To be fair, this is possibly justified
by the storyline, where you play a mutant bird in a post-apocalyptic
setting, and maybe mutant birds are meant to look like they've been cut
out of polystyrene with a butter knife, and their enemies are supposed
to look like cubist pigs.
* The loader enables caps lock, but the game doesn't respond to
capitalised keypresses, so you can't control your character at all
unless you break into the program (it's in Basic, natch) and turn caps
lock off again.
* Even then, it's pretty much impossible to control because your
character tends to reverse direction at random.
* But your score continuously increases anyway.
* When it does move in vaguely the right direction, it moves at about
three pixels a second, because your sprite is so freaking huge and the
game is written in Basic.
* And leaves a trail of stray pixels behind.
* The enemies are implemented not as regular sprites, but portions of
the screen that scroll up and down, which means that if you stick your
head in their path, your head starts scrolling up and down with them.
* Wait... scrolling, in Basic? Oh yes, it's actually using Ocean's Laser
Basic add-on. But it doesn't use the Laser Basic compiler like you're
supposed to, so the game actually includes a pirate copy of the Laser
Basic runtime.
* If you manage to get out of the first room without dying (and being
greeted by the friendly message "WHAT A PLONKER.YOU'VE JUST GOT YOURSELF
KILLED"), and then go back in again, it loses track of the enemy
positions, which means they start wrapping around the top and bottom of
the screen, and the collision detection happens in the wrong place.
* The Power House went on to demonstrate even more disdain for their
customers by re-releasing it, in the same broken state, as part of a
compilation.