STAR TREK: The Borg Encounter - borg.txt [1/1]
Matt Thompson
<Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a
weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command
pathways?"
<Geordi> "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our
archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
<Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.>
<Riker looks puzzled.> "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
<Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for
some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside
their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an
unstoppable rate."
<Picard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
<Data> "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version
of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially
with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough.
Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be
available for their normal operational functions."
<Picard> "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric
shape' idea."
.. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
<Data> "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command
unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however
have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."
<Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to
compensate for their increase."
<Picard> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we have missed."
<Data> "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'.
Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in
their registration cards.
<Riker> "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency
escape sequence 3F . . ."
<Geordi, excited> "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
suddenly dropped to 0% !"
<Picard> "Data, what does your scanners show?"
<Data> "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named
'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
<Picard> "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
functionality."
.. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
<Riker> "Geordi whats the status on the Borg?"
<Geordi> "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for
increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase
resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more
'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
<Picard> "How much time will that buy us ?"
<Data> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time
span of 6 more hours."
<Geordi> "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
<Picard> "Identify."
<Data> "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"
<Over the speakers> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP
MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS
SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10
SECONDS"
<Data> "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
<Picard> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
<Riker> "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg
ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep
space ?!"
<Data> "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I
believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani
suits"
<Riker and Picard together horrified> "Lawyers !!"
<Geordi> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into
the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
<Data> "True, but appearently some must have survived."
<Riker> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types
of papers."
<Data> "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' it often
proves fatal."
<Riker> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
<Picard> "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg
deserve that."
THE END
-Author Unknown
Jonathan Chapman
> -Author Unknown
We don't care. This group is for the discussion of MACINTOSH GAMES. That's
not too hard to understand, is it? Go away, or post something usefull.
-Chappy
--
******************************************************************
* [ ][ ] Jonathan H Chapman jch...@minerva.cis.yale.edu *
* \\// I'm not saying what I'm saying. I'm not saying what I'm *
* 9||5 *thinking*. For that matter, I'm not even *thinking* what *
* [ ] I'm thinking. -Capt. John Sheridan *
***********************************************************************
Allen Newman
wri
>"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript :
>
><Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding
a
>weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command
>pathways?"
><Geordi> "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our
>archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
><Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.>
><Riker looks puzzled.> "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
Well, what goes around comes around, I guess. It was funnier a year ago.
Somebody ought to write a new one with Voyager characters and Windows 95,
assuming, of course, that Voyager will still be on the air when Windows 95
is released.
Just think, now that this group has been split, very soon this will be the
*only* kind of thing posted here. Scary, huh?
----------------------- _ | | ___ | |
Allen G. Newman |_| | | |__ |\|
ane...@charlie.usd.edu | | |__ |__ |__ | |
Jonathan Chapman
Stalker) wrote:
> Keep the mildly amusing stories flowing; for those of us who have seen
> all of the Simpson reruns, we need some laughs every now and then.
Very true, but shouldn't this sort of thing be posted in
comp.sys.mac.misc, or comp.sys.mac.advocacy? I thought it mildly amusing a
year ago myself, but I read it in a trek-related group.
comp.sys.mac.games is for the dicussion of mac games, and I think there's
enough noise here already without something that is barely of general mac
interest to be posted. Just my opinion, of course, but one that I think
makes sense.