Left 4 Dead 2
Kezza
released and a bunch of drongos are telling them not to do it. Fellas
I reckon it's a tip-top idea and personally I can't wait. It reminds
me of last year when the Outback's Got Talent auditions were being
held down at me local pub. Young Barry Smith milks me cows on school
holidays and he is a little demon when it comes to Guitar Hero.
Smitty decided to audition and he did the best bloody version of
"Smoke on the Water" you'll ever hear. Everyone in the pub stood up
and cheered, even mean old Norm was clapping, and his son actually
drowned while smoking in his pool.
One of the judges was this toffy English smart-arse named Simon Cowen
or Cow some stupid bloody name. He made fun of poor little Smitty,
told him it was Outback's Got Talent, not Geeks that Have No Talent.
After the auditions me and Smitty's uncle, Brownie decided to stay and
have a few britney spears while the crew packed everything away. When
we saw Simon Cow head for the back door with his minder we made our
move. Brownie grabbed the cricket bat from behind the bar that was
autographed by Thommo and cracked the minder over the back of the head
as he was getting into the limo, the big gorilla dropped like a bag of
spuds. Then I told his driver to piss off or he's next.
I grabbed Cowl and said "Do you think it's funny havin a tin bath at
my little mate Smitty? His old man had to work away at the Wirrbadoo
Mine for 6 months to buy him that Xbox. Then he got bitten by a snake
and the poor battler died. So when you have a go at Smitty you are
insulting his dead dad too." I was bloody livid I was. Then me coppa
mate Ian walks to his car and Cowl yells out "Help me officer!". Ian
comes over and says "Kezza mate I've gotta make an important call to
the Prime Minister, the dope has got his LandCruiser stuck up near
Dead-Tourist's Pass. I'll turn me back now and make that call. Me
left ear's a bit dodgy and I don't hear too well behind me." That was
all I needed, I grabbed Smitty's Xbox guitar that his dad bought him
and smashed it across this Cowel fella's face.
Then we took off his adam ants and put him in the back of his Limo and
did the same with his big-arse minder. I called Shazza the Bar Maid's
step dad who was the editor of the Red Dirt Chronicle newspaper and
told him that some celebrity is drunk and getting it on with another
fella. He made it here in record time, he drove 650kms on only 8
beers. He got his photos and the headline the next day was "Simon
Cowell is a Poofta!"
Anyway me chinas, I gotta get back to work. These cattle aren't gonna
shoot themselves in the head with a nailgun are they. Hooroo!
Gray Death
Big tough Aussies listen to Britney Spears in the pubs when they
aren't wrestling crocodiles??