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Overcoming Masturbation

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Brother Thrall

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Oct 29, 2007, 9:22:44 PM10/29/07
to
Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men
and women of all ages. Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not
harmless. If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it is
possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work). If you are
determined to do it, you will be able to. This page will give you some tips
that can help you along the way.

Determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide
that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the
problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good
for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind you
will have the strength to resist temptations which will come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific
guidelines:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal washing
and using the bathroom.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this
good company, especially when you are feeling particularly weak.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU
MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having
the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you
never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their
presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be
taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be
on other and more wholesome things.

4. After you bathe, don't admire yourself in the mirror. Stay in the shower
just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM
into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

5. When in bed (especially if that is where you masturbate), wear pajamas or
other clothes so that you cannot easily touch yourself (and so that it would
be difficult to remove those clothes. The time it takes to remove your
clothing gives additional time to controll your thinking and overcome the
temptation).

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF
BED! Go into the kitchen and make a snack, even if it is in the middle of
the night, and even if you are not hungry. The purpose behind this
suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject
of your thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never look at pornography on the internet or elsewhere. Never read about
your problem (even on sites claiming to be "educational"). Keep it out of
mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must
be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you
accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books,
scriptures, talks of church leaders. Make a daily habit of reading at least
one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New
Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke
and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their
uplifting qualities.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will
tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for
understanding of the Scriptures, pray for members of your family who need
help. Pray for your friends, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT
MENTIONING IT EVEN IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT OUT of your mind! The attitude
of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome.
It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a
person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the
conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops
the power to control it.

As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming
masturbation can be implemented using some of these suggestions. Remember it
is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be
recognized and failures understood and eliminated.
Here are some additional suggestions that have proven helpful for others who
have successfully overcome masturbation:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen
you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are
the strongest.

2. Exercise daily. Exercise reduces emotional tension and depression and is
absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical
activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts
as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or
sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from
the selfish need to indulge.

4. If you ever do give in, don't give up. The worst thing you can do is say
"oh well, I screwed up, I guess I'll stop trying". Simply get back on track
and don't look back. Until you commit yourself to never do it again you will
always be open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed
self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control,
easily overcoming tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to
improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your
family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to
enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships
found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale
Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely,
bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the
desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these
low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a
friend, doing something athletic, etc.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times
and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your
particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it
happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called
aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful
with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful
thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If
you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it
will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to
masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of
them as you do the act. It sounds goofy, but it actually works!

12. During your bathroom and shower activities leave the bathroom door or
shower curtain partly open. Enough to keep from being totally alone, but
still giving adequate privacy. Take cool, brief showers.

13. Get out of bed immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no
matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with
an enthusiastic activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Believe it or not, having a full bladder can
cause you to feel sexually stimulated. As strange as it sounds you may find
that going to the bathroom often makes it easier to refrain from
masturbating.

16. Always wear pajamas at night (preferably ones that tie or are difficult
to open).

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or websites that create sexual
excitement.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming
this problem. A Bible, for example, held firmly in hand, even in bed at
night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big
reward. A dollar in a jar for every day you don't masturbate. At the end of
the month you can buy something you like. If you don't make it to the end of
the month, donate the money in the jar to charity - this one works quite
well.

Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were
part of your problem. Temptation never goes away. Be calmly and confidently
on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can do it! The joy and
strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a glow of
satisfaction and fulfillment.


johns

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Oct 29, 2007, 9:43:49 PM10/29/07
to

CoinSpin

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Oct 29, 2007, 9:52:44 PM10/29/07
to
<sniiiiiip>

So is he calling us a bunch of wankers?


djar...@gmail.com

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Oct 29, 2007, 11:02:12 PM10/29/07
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On Oct 29, 1:43 pm, johns <johns...@moscow.com> wrote:
> OK. You get the cat picture
>

Heh, it was worth the orginal troll to see this pic. :)

Thanks!

John Cochran

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Oct 29, 2007, 11:20:02 PM10/29/07
to
In article <13icht5...@corp.supernews.com>,

CoinSpin <coin^spam^sp...@hotmail.com> wrote:
><sniiiiiip>
>
>So is he calling us a bunch of wankers?
>

Nope. He's just seeing himself in others. It's called projection.

Justin

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Oct 30, 2007, 12:01:59 AM10/30/07
to
I thought projection was see how far away you could land it?

Ishkabibble at dot

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Oct 30, 2007, 12:46:45 AM10/30/07
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"Justin" <justi...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:gBtVi.1487$%Y6....@nlpi061.nbdc.sbc.com...

reported!


Timothy Alcorn

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Oct 30, 2007, 1:28:00 AM10/30/07
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"Brother Thrall" <x...@zzz.com> wrote in message
news:fg5fd3$kuc$1...@news.datemas.de...
Who has time to masturbate when they have a WoW account??


Jonah Falcon

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Oct 30, 2007, 1:56:15 AM10/30/07
to
I'm cumming over masturbation.

Gerry Quinn

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Oct 30, 2007, 2:58:58 AM10/30/07
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In article <fg5fd3$kuc$1...@news.datemas.de>, x...@zzz.com says...

> Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men
> and women of all ages. Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not
> harmless. If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it is
> possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work). If you are
> determined to do it, you will be able to. This page will give you some tips
> that can help you along the way.

Thank you for your description. I just tried it out... it's GREAT!!!

> For example, if you are tempted to
> masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of
> them as you do the act. It sounds goofy, but it actually works!

Mmmm, filthy slimy worms crawling over my skin, tickling me... you're
right, it really does work!

> 12. During your bathroom and shower activities leave the bathroom door or
> shower curtain partly open. Enough to keep from being totally alone, but
> still giving adequate privacy. Take cool, brief showers.

Now here there have been some problems, and I am now facing a court
case. All I did was leave my bathroom door open and explain to those
passing by that masturbation was an evil I was trying to avoid.
Unaccountably, some of them were offended and even claim to have felt
threatened by this!

- Gerry Quinn

Mike S.

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Oct 30, 2007, 4:00:50 AM10/30/07
to
On Mon, 29 Oct 2007 20:22:44 -0000, "Brother Thrall" <x...@zzz.com>
wrote:

>Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men
>and women of all ages.

<SNIP>

I read this exact same 'do not masturbate article long ago at a web
site that claimed it was given out by Mormons in the 1970s. I have no
how accurate that claim was.

Doc

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Oct 30, 2007, 5:00:54 AM10/30/07
to

"Brother Thrall" <x...@zzz.com> wrote in message
news:fg5fd3$kuc$1...@news.datemas.de...
> Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men
> and women of all ages. Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is
> not
> harmless. If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it
> is
> possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work). If you are
> determined to do it, you will be able to. This page will give you some
> tips
> that can help you along the way.


Oh lol! This must have been written in the 1950's :)

--
Doc


lcpltom

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Oct 30, 2007, 1:36:59 PM10/30/07
to
I just can't help myself here.

On Oct 29, 4:22 pm, "Brother Thrall" <x...@zzz.com> wrote:
> Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men
> and women of all ages. Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not
> harmless. If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it is
> possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work). If you are
> determined to do it, you will be able to. This page will give you some tips
> that can help you along the way.

Just why is masturbation harmful? What adverse physical conditions
can result (other than a little chaffing)? You say its harmful but
give no reasons why. And don't tell me God said its bad, because the
Flying Spaghetti Monster says its perfectly natural.

>
> Determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide
> that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the
> problem will be greatly reduced at once.
>
> But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good
> for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind you
> will have the strength to resist temptations which will come to you.
>
> After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific
> guidelines:
>
> 1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal washing
> and using the bathroom.
>
> 2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this
> good company, especially when you are feeling particularly weak.
>
> 3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU
> MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having
> the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you
> never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their
> presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be
> taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be
> on other and more wholesome things.

Typical christian response to a moral problem, pretend it doesn't
exist. That doesn't work. Putting the problem out of mind doesn't
mean it won't come back.

>
> 4. After you bathe, don't admire yourself in the mirror. Stay in the shower
> just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM
> into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

Thats right, the human body created in the image of God is a horrible
ugly thing and should never be admired in the form God created
(nude). Of course, if you turn yourself on just by looking in the
mirror, you might have more serious problems than masturbation.

>
> 5. When in bed (especially if that is where you masturbate), wear pajamas or
> other clothes so that you cannot easily touch yourself (and so that it would
> be difficult to remove those clothes. The time it takes to remove your
> clothing gives additional time to controll your thinking and overcome the
> temptation).
>

Feety pajamas FTW!!!

> 6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF
> BED! Go into the kitchen and make a snack, even if it is in the middle of
> the night, and even if you are not hungry. The purpose behind this
> suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject
> of your thoughts, so to speak.

Thats right, interupt the rest of your life to control a harmless
act. Lose sleep, gain weight, sure thats a healthy way to overcome
masturbation.

>
> 7. Never look at pornography on the internet or elsewhere. Never read about
> your problem (even on sites claiming to be "educational"). Keep it out of
> mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must
> be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you
> accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

Never read about your problem, such as this little turd of knowledge
you are trying to present?

>
> 8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books,
> scriptures, talks of church leaders. Make a daily habit of reading at least
> one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New
> Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke
> and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their
> uplifting qualities.

Oh wait, missing this part before. The book of Mormon? You want me
to stop jerking it because of some guy who just happened to find a
golden book in the middle of the woods which no one has ever seen but
just believed that he found them or whatever you crazies believe?
Good luck on that one.

This won't make you look crazy one bit.

>
> 4. If you ever do give in, don't give up. The worst thing you can do is say
> "oh well, I screwed up, I guess I'll stop trying". Simply get back on track
> and don't look back. Until you commit yourself to never do it again you will
> always be open to temptation.
>
> 5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed
> self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control,
> easily overcoming tempting situations.
>
> 6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to
> improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your
> family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.
>
> 7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to
> enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships
> found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale
> Carnegie.

I make it a point to avoid books titled in that manner.

What?? Having a full bladder makes me want to pee, not jerk it.

>
> 16. Always wear pajamas at night (preferably ones that tie or are difficult
> to open).
>
> 17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or websites that create sexual
> excitement.
>
> 18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming
> this problem. A Bible, for example, held firmly in hand, even in bed at
> night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

Or become one really sick sex toy.

>
> 20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big
> reward. A dollar in a jar for every day you don't masturbate. At the end of
> the month you can buy something you like. If you don't make it to the end of
> the month, donate the money in the jar to charity - this one works quite
> well.
>
> Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were
> part of your problem. Temptation never goes away. Be calmly and confidently
> on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can do it! The joy and
> strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a glow of
> satisfaction and fulfillment.

I just have to ask exactly where in the bible it says a man shall not
lie with himself? My dad was a minister, I've been subjected to this
crap for a really really long time. People take the bible and pull
interpretations out of it that make no sense. Christrians try to say
that masturbation is wrong because it stimulates immoral thoughts.
Its immoral thoughts that stimulate masturbation. And given the
alternative to masturbation, I think God intended us to be able to do
it.

I could go out and have unprotected sex with some woman who will
probably have an abortion when I get her pregnant before we both die
from some STD, or I could stay home, rub one out and go to bed for a
good nights sleep ready to face the next day (child and disease free).

Perhaps you should spend more time writing more useful how-to's, such
as how to stop the priesthood from molesting young boys, or how to
prevent a faction of my own denomination from forming a polygamist
cult that participates in the raping of young girls.

Kz

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Oct 30, 2007, 1:54:55 PM10/30/07
to
"Brother Thrall" <x...@zzz.com> wrote in message
news:fg5fd3$kuc$1...@news.datemas.de...
> Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men
> and women of all ages.

So is sex.
So is wow.
Come down from your tower, Brother Thrall, I would like to thrash you.


ScratchMonkey

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Oct 30, 2007, 2:31:41 PM10/30/07
to

ScratchMonkey

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Oct 30, 2007, 2:43:54 PM10/30/07
to
"Doc" <the.do...@REMOVETHISgmail.com> wrote in news:13idb3p16f5k3c0
@corp.supernews.com:

> Oh lol! This must have been written in the 1950's :)

1970, so some sites claim.

Here's a multi-denominational site that includes it in the Mormon section:

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/daily/sexuality/overcoming_masturbation.
html

A site that celebrates Pee Wee Herman by quoting the tract with graphic
photos and illustrations (you've been warned):

http://www.lovelypartinggifts.com/masturbatorium.html

Links to religious sites with other viewpoints:

http://www.religioustolerance.org/masturba9.htm

And of course lots of info here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masturbation

lcpltom

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Oct 30, 2007, 2:59:30 PM10/30/07
to
I think what amazes me the most is that this guy knows enough about
warcraft to come up with an appropriate on-topic name for himself, or
was this just a fluke?

Vincenzo Beretta

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Oct 30, 2007, 3:34:01 PM10/30/07
to
> Who has time to masturbate when they have a WoW account??

Playing WoW for a couple of days actually made me to forget about sex. But
this was not due to addiction, but to depression.


Orion Ryder

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Oct 30, 2007, 5:09:42 PM10/30/07
to
On Oct 29, 4:22 pm, "Brother Thrall" <x...@zzz.com> wrote:

Interesting title for a thread.

Talk about the proverbial Freudian slip.


Shawk

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 5:45:55 PM10/30/07
to
lcpltom wrote:

>
> I just have to ask exactly where in the bible it says a man shall not
> lie with himself? My dad was a minister, I've been subjected to this
> crap for a really really long time. People take the bible and pull
> interpretations out of it that make no sense. Christrians try to say
> that masturbation is wrong because it stimulates immoral thoughts.
> Its immoral thoughts that stimulate masturbation. And given the
> alternative to masturbation, I think God intended us to be able to do
> it.


Quite the opposite ;-)

"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might."
The King James Bible, Ecclesiastes 9:10

(from one of Scratchmonkeys links)

ScratchMonkey

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Oct 30, 2007, 6:07:11 PM10/30/07
to
Shawk <sh...@clara.co.uk.3guesses> wrote in
news:MaCdncqSI9pIwrra...@bt.com:

> Christrians try to say
>> that masturbation is wrong because it stimulates immoral thoughts.
>> Its immoral thoughts that stimulate masturbation. And given the
>> alternative to masturbation, I think God intended us to be able to do
>> it.
>
>
> Quite the opposite ;-)

George Carlin: If god had intended us not to masturbate, he would've made
our arms shorter!

http://baconeatingatheistjew.blogspot.com/2006/04/george-carlin-there-is-
no-god.html

Found this link on that page:

http://gods4suckers.net/

Tokay Pino Gris

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Oct 30, 2007, 6:01:01 PM10/30/07
to
Brother Thrall wrote:
> Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men
> and women of all ages.

I actually thought this was a joke, so I read on quite a bit to find the
punchline....

Found it, in a way....

>9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will
> tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for
> understanding of the Scriptures, pray for members of your family who need
> help.

Then I knew what that was... Sorry, no punchline... this article is
serious....

Some thoughts about that piece of junk, in case some young an
impressionable people read this.

Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not
> harmless.

Yes, it is harmless. Well, as long as you don't use a certain type of
vacuum cleaner....

Otherwise it is great. It releases stress, lowers blood pressure, burns
up calories.... and so on...


> 1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal washing
> and using the bathroom.

Oh bugger. Ever got a hard on and that dongle is hanging the wrong way?
Outch....

>
> 3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU
> MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having
> the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you
> never will.

I daresay you will.... if that person is of the other sex (or same sex,
if you lean that way)... and you happen to be attracted to each
other.... well... it could reduce masturbation greatly. Well. Bascially
it just gets a different name. Cunnilingus and fellatio come to mind.

> 4. After you bathe, don't admire yourself in the mirror.

Actually, that is something else. Can't remember the name.


> 7. Never look at pornography on the internet or elsewhere.

Why not? Not interested?

Never read about
> your problem

Problem? Hell, I like it. Not as much as with someone else, but it is
the next best thing.

> 8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books,
> scriptures, talks of church leaders. Make a daily habit of reading at least
> one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New
> Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke
> and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their
> uplifting qualities.

Oh bugger. I doubt that reading those buggers would help anything.

> As one meets with his Priesthood Leader,

.... don't have one, don't want one.

a program for overcoming
> masturbation can be implemented using some of these suggestions. Remember it
> is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be
> recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

ROFL..... "regular report"....

> 2. Exercise daily. Exercise reduces emotional tension and depression and is
> absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical
> activity when you feel stress increasing.

Actually, physical exercise makes me horny....

> 7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to
> enjoy working and talking to them.

Like I said above, that one could actually help reduce masturbation. You
might find someone that can help you (get off).

> 17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or websites that create sexual
> excitement.

Oh bugger. How does this bozo think that the human race reproduces? By
fission?

>
> 18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming
> this problem. A Bible, for example, held firmly in hand, even in bed at
> night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

Well, I heard about rubber dolls and dildos.... but a bible? Well.


ROFLMAO....


Masturbation (Onanism) is healthy, harmless, normal and in short a good
thing. Probably not in public (it CAN become an obsession.... but that's
another league completely).

But it is LONELY!


Tokay


--

Rule of Feline Frustration:
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks
utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to
the bathroom.

lcpltom

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 8:18:50 PM10/30/07
to

This is an example of creative editing. They purposely left out the
end of the passage in order to make it look more like it pertains to
using your hand to wank it. Here is the full passage:

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is
no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither
thou goest.

In that context, I would take it to mean that while you are alive to
work hard, because you can rest when you die. At least, thats my
interpretation. With the remainder of the passage it makes it harder
to tie it into chocking the chicken.

Vincenzo Beretta

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:12:19 PM10/30/07
to
> Then I knew what that was... Sorry, no punchline... this article is
> serious....

I actually found it at:

> 7. (...) Never read about your problem (even on sites claiming to be
> "educational").


Tokay Pino Gris

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:17:22 PM10/30/07
to

To tell you the truth, I still think it is hilarious. I can't wrap my
head around the notion that anyone is that deluded.....

Hey, sex is great, no argument about it. And since onanism is a form of
sex (lonely, though), well...

I even dare to say, it is better than WOW. By a long shot.

(ducks)


Tokay

(oh how great it would be to find a mate that also digs WOW...)

(But even if not... I'd still prefer sex over WOW anytime. Hands down.
Not even a contest. There used to be a time when my ex came knocking on
my door and I hit Alt-F4 so fast.... )

Tokay Pino Gris

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:21:43 PM10/30/07
to
ScratchMonkey wrote:
> "Doc" <the.do...@REMOVETHISgmail.com> wrote in news:13idb3p16f5k3c0
> @corp.supernews.com:
>
>> Oh lol! This must have been written in the 1950's :)
>
> 1970, so some sites claim.

I doubt it.... Porn on the internet in 1970?

Bugger... what were the modems then? 1200 baud?

Tokay

Tokay Pino Gris

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:20:02 PM10/30/07
to
CoinSpin wrote:
> <sniiiiiip>
>
> So is he calling us a bunch of wankers?
>
>

(looks up "wanker" in wikipedia)
(english not my first language)

Oh! Yeah, sure!

Anyone who claims never to have jerked of is a liar. Ehm. How do you
call it when women jerk of? Same thing.

And the poor schmuck that really never did... I pity him. Or her.

Tokay Pino Gris

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:20:24 PM10/30/07
to

That is called "aiming"

Tokay Pino Gris

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:27:35 PM10/30/07
to
Tokay Pino Gris wrote:
> Brother Thrall wrote:
>> Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both
>> men
>> and women of all ages.
>
> I actually thought this was a joke, so I read on quite a bit to find the
> punchline....
>
> Found it, in a way....
>
> >9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will
> > tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for
> > understanding of the Scriptures, pray for members of your family who
> need
> > help.
>
> Then I knew what that was... Sorry, no punchline... this article is
> serious....
>
> Some thoughts about that piece of junk, in case some young an
> impressionable people read this.
>
> Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not
>> harmless.
>
> Yes, it is harmless. Well, as long as you don't use a certain type of
> vacuum cleaner....


Forgot to add. This is the "Vorwerk Kobold". No longer produced. It had
the fan right behind the "hole". I NEVER would have thought that people
used a vacuum cleaner for that....

OUTCH!

ScratchMonkey

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:34:58 PM10/30/07
to
Tokay Pino Gris <tokay.g...@gmx.net> wrote in news:fg83sh$tml$03$1
@news.t-online.com:

> (But even if not... I'd still prefer sex over WOW anytime. Hands down.
> Not even a contest. There used to be a time when my ex came knocking on
> my door and I hit Alt-F4 so fast.... )

But *for how long*?! (Unless you have a lot of +stam gear.)

ScratchMonkey

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:38:12 PM10/30/07
to
Tokay Pino Gris <tokay.g...@gmx.net> wrote in news:fg844n$tml$03$4
@news.t-online.com:

> I doubt it.... Porn on the internet in 1970?
>
> Bugger... what were the modems then? 1200 baud?

No, it was a printed flyer. What we older folk call "sneakernet".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sneakernet

BTW, have you seen the RFC standard for TCP/IP over carrier pigeon?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IP_over_Avian_Carriers

Vincenzo Beretta

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:43:54 PM10/30/07
to
> To tell you the truth, I still think it is hilarious. I can't wrap my head
> around the notion that anyone is that deluded.....

And to exchange truth for truth, I'm still not sure that it is serious... I
fear it is, however.

> Hey, sex is great, no argument about it. And since onanism is a form of
> sex (lonely, though), well...

IIRC, it was Woody Allen who noted how "masturbation is having sex with
someone you really love".

> I even dare to say, it is better than WOW. By a long shot.

> (ducks)

Well, even having root canal is better than WoW, so I do not know how much
it counts (I'm not joking: I had a root canal procedure one year ago. Both
the dentist and her aide were two very good looking women, the procedure was
not painful at all, and the diffused music was very relaxing - almost like
being in a SPA. WoW, instead, involved an unconfortable chair, a
surpassingly lame game experience, mind-numbing grinding, bunchs of idiot
gamers and $50-plus out of the window).

> (oh how great it would be to find a mate that also digs WOW...)

Every time I launch WoW I get a feeling about how people were feeling in V
Century AD's Rome.

> (But even if not... I'd still prefer sex over WOW anytime. Hands down. Not
> even a contest. There used to be a time when my ex came knocking on my
> door and I hit Alt-F4 so fast.... )

Problem with girlfriends and significants ones is not when they appear in
$(surpassingly high).000 Victoria Secret's appareils while you are playing -
is when you, *after* the nasties, resume playing from the last save just
like that. :o)


Shawk

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:44:33 PM10/30/07
to


Where's your sense of fun? ;-)

Mark Morrison

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:45:07 PM10/30/07
to
On Tue, 30 Oct 2007 18:01:01 +0100, Tokay Pino Gris
<tokay.g...@gmx.net> wrote:

>Otherwise it is great. It releases stress, lowers blood pressure, burns
>up calories.... and so on...

Doesn't regular masturbation reduce the chances of prostate cancer,
too ? It was mentioned in papaers last year, I think. Studies were
done and everything...

--

Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes !
They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses !
And what's with all the carrots ?
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway ?
Bunnies ! Bunnies ! It must be BUNNIES !

Mark Morrison

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 9:52:36 PM10/30/07
to
On Tue, 30 Oct 2007 21:20:02 +0100, Tokay Pino Gris
<tokay.g...@gmx.net> wrote:

>Anyone who claims never to have jerked of is a liar. Ehm. How do you
>call it when women jerk of? Same thing.

Female masturbation, specifically, is called frigging. ie, "I'm off
for a frig."

It's not a commonly used word, though.

Just checked Dictionary.com - according to that, it's term for
masturbation, for men and women.

[Middle English, to quiver, possibly from Old French friquer, to rub,
from Latin fricare.]

ke...@spamsucks.com

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 10:07:49 PM10/30/07
to
Ever notice how male (and yes, even female) Warlocks are always the happiest
players in the game?

Ever wonder what those rogues are realllly doing while they're stealthed?

Know why the race of gnomes was selectively bred to stand exactly waist-high
to most characters?

-----------------------------------------------------------
Posted using Android Newsgroup Downloader:
.... http://www.sb-software.com/android
-----------------------------------------------------------

Mark Morrison

unread,
Oct 30, 2007, 11:44:47 PM10/30/07
to
On 30 Oct 2007 21:07:49 GMT, ke...@spamsucks.com wrote:

>Ever notice how male (and yes, even female) Warlocks are always the happiest
>players in the game?
>
>Ever wonder what those rogues are realllly doing while they're stealthed?
>
>Know why the race of gnomes was selectively bred to stand exactly waist-high
>to most characters?
>

Gnomes FTW !

Message has been deleted

lcpltom

unread,
Oct 31, 2007, 1:26:04 PM10/31/07
to

Dwarves tend to come up to the waists of most races. Gnomes would
need a stool of some kind.

The Master

unread,
Oct 31, 2007, 2:27:26 PM10/31/07
to
On Tue, 30 Oct 2007, lcpltom wrote:

<<snip out bible passage>>


> In that context, I would take it to mean that while you are alive to
> work hard, because you can rest when you die.

Unless you have really good porn, a vivid imagination, or are easily
pleased, there are times when it is *cough cough* hard work. So yes, you
can rest (your hand) when you die.

Levicitus (sp?) chapter 20. It specifically says that man with an animal
is a sin. Woman with an animal is a sin. Man with a man is a sin. It
NEVER mentions woman with a woman... GOD BLESS LESBIANS!

lcpltom

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Oct 31, 2007, 2:50:17 PM10/31/07
to
On Oct 31, 9:27 am, The Master <tar...@nospam.sdf.lonestar.org.nospam>
wrote:

Proof that men wrote the bible?

ScratchMonkey

unread,
Oct 31, 2007, 4:08:08 PM10/31/07
to
lcpltom <lcp...@yahoo.com> wrote in news:1193838617.520643.72940
@d55g2000hsg.googlegroups.com:

> Proof that men wrote the bible?

Even here on Usenet, it's rare to see a woman writing.

PV

unread,
Oct 31, 2007, 4:13:33 PM10/31/07
to
lcpltom <lcp...@yahoo.com> writes:
>Proof that men wrote the bible?

Proof that an invisible man in the sky wrote it? *
--
* PV something like badgers--something like lizards--and something
like corkscrews.

The Master

unread,
Oct 31, 2007, 4:52:20 PM10/31/07
to
On Wed, 31 Oct 2007, PV wrote:

>> Proof that men wrote the bible?
>
> Proof that an invisible man in the sky wrote it? *

Doesn't everyone worship a man that was nailed to a large lower case "T"?

Brian Siano

unread,
Oct 31, 2007, 6:45:23 PM10/31/07
to

A _lower_ case t?

They nailed him through his _elbows_, and bent his knees up and around?


Message has been deleted

Tokay Pino Gris

unread,
Nov 1, 2007, 11:27:23 AM11/1/07
to

Well.... had no complaints.

And, ok, I admit. "Sex" is not just "ready aim fire"... Lots of stuff to
do, explore.... Azeroth simply can't compete....

I wouldn't say that I couldn't log in again afterwards if it was a
MC-run and the Bunch was still at it... but the usual instances....
well, the others were long offline.

:-)


Tokay

--

"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that
wasn't immune to bullets"

The Brigader, "Dr. Who"

Tokay Pino Gris

unread,
Nov 1, 2007, 11:29:50 AM11/1/07
to
Mark Morrison wrote:
> On Tue, 30 Oct 2007 18:01:01 +0100, Tokay Pino Gris
> <tokay.g...@gmx.net> wrote:
>
>> Otherwise it is great. It releases stress, lowers blood pressure, burns
>> up calories.... and so on...
>
> Doesn't regular masturbation reduce the chances of prostate cancer,
> too ? It was mentioned in papaers last year, I think. Studies were
> done and everything...
>

Probably. Even likely. I seem to remember that "regular" sex does that,
so why shouldn't masturbation do as well? For males, the "mechanics" are
similar.

Master Baiter

unread,
Nov 2, 2007, 10:30:16 AM11/2/07
to

"johns" <john...@moscow.com>
???????:1193690629.7...@t8g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
> OK. You get the cat picture
>
> http://simeonpilgrim.com/images/Youknowyourlovedwhen_F072/retarded.jpg
>
> johns
>

LOL, nice pic, loved it.


Master Baiter

unread,
Nov 2, 2007, 10:41:09 AM11/2/07
to

"Tokay Pino Gris" <tokay.g...@gmx.net>
???????:fg844n$tml$03$4...@news.t-online.com...

> ScratchMonkey wrote:
>> "Doc" <the.do...@REMOVETHISgmail.com> wrote in news:13idb3p16f5k3c0
>> @corp.supernews.com:
>>
>>> Oh lol! This must have been written in the 1950's :)
>>
>> 1970, so some sites claim.
>
> I doubt it.... Porn on the internet in 1970?
>
> Bugger... what were the modems then? 1200 baud?


WHATTT?!! You have never seen pr0n in ASCII arts?

Master Baiter

unread,
Nov 2, 2007, 10:50:54 AM11/2/07
to

"lcpltom" <lcp...@yahoo.com>
???????:1193771930....@d55g2000hsg.googlegroups.com...

> On Oct 30, 12:45 pm, Shawk <sh...@clara.co.uk.3guesses> wrote:
>> lcpltom wrote:
>>
>> > I just have to ask exactly where in the bible it says a man shall not
>> > lie with himself? My dad was a minister, I've been subjected to this
>> > crap for a really really long time. People take the bible and pull
>> > interpretations out of it that make no sense. Christrians try to say
>> > that masturbation is wrong because it stimulates immoral thoughts.
>> > Its immoral thoughts that stimulate masturbation. And given the
>> > alternative to masturbation, I think God intended us to be able to do
>> > it.
>>
>> Quite the opposite ;-)
>>
>> "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might."
>> The King James Bible, Ecclesiastes 9:10
>>
>> (from one of Scratchmonkeys links)
>
> This is an example of creative editing. They purposely left out the
> end of the passage in order to make it look more like it pertains to
> using your hand to wank it. Here is the full passage:
>
> Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is
> no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither
> thou goest.
>
> In that context, I would take it to mean that while you are alive to
> work hard, because you can rest when you die. At least, thats my
> interpretation. With the remainder of the passage it makes it harder
> to tie it into chocking the chicken.
>

My interpretation:

When you are alive, wank it as hard as you can, so that you will not end up
in a grave while you hand is still touching the naughty.


Master Baiter

unread,
Nov 2, 2007, 10:52:36 AM11/2/07
to

"The Master" <tar...@nospam.sdf.lonestar.org.nospam>
???????:Pine.NEB.4.64.07...@sdf.lonestar.org...

nor does it mentioned MAN and HIS OWN HAND is a sin too. God bless
masturbaters.


ScratchMonkey

unread,
Nov 3, 2007, 6:29:48 PM11/3/07
to
Brian Siano <si...@mail.med.upenn.edu> wrote in
news:fgaf1i$9ufl$1...@netnews.upenn.edu:

>> Doesn't everyone worship a man that was nailed to a large lower case
>> "T"?
>
> A _lower_ case t?
>
> They nailed him through his _elbows_, and bent his knees up and
> around?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion

Jack D

unread,
Nov 5, 2007, 5:01:22 PM11/5/07
to
On 2007-10-30 14:59:30 +0100, lcpltom <lcp...@yahoo.com> said:

> I think what amazes me the most is that this guy knows enough about
> warcraft to come up with an appropriate on-topic name for himself, or
> was this just a fluke?

Come to think of it, both Brother Thrall and Scratchmonkey are On
Topic... in a way ;)

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