I like monkeys
Mark
thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand.I decided
not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them.I like
monkeys.I took my 200 monkeys home.I have a big car.I let one of them
drive.His name was Sigmund.He was retarded.In fact,none of them were really
bright.They kept punching themselves in the genitals.I laughed.They punched
me in the genitals.I stopped laughing.I herded them into my room.They didnt
adapt very well to their new enviroment.They would screech and hurl
themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.Although
humorous at first,the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third
hour.Two hours later I found out why the monkeys were so inexpensive:they
all died.No apparent reason.They all just sort of dropped dead.Kinda like
when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.Goddamn cheap Monkeys!I
didnt know what to do.There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room;on
the bed,in the dresser,hanging from my bookcase.It looked like I had 200
throw rugs.I tried to flush one down the toilet.It didnt work.It got
stuck.Then I had one dead,wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead,dry
monkeys.I tried to pretend that they were all just stuffed animals.That
worked for awhile,that is until they began to decompose.It started to smell
real bad.I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didnt
want to call a plumber.I was embarrassed.I tried to slow down the
decomposition by freezing them.Unfortunately there was only enough room for
two at a time,so I had to change them every 30 seconds.I also had to eat all
the food in the freezer so it didnt go bad.I tried to burn them,but little
did I know that my bed was flammable.I had to extinguish the fire.Then I had
one dead,wet monkey in my toilet,two dead,frozen monkeys in my freezer,and
one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed.The odor
wasnt improving.I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead
monkeys and i really had to use the bathroom.So I went and severely beat one
of the monkeys.I felt better.I tried throwing them away but the garbage man
said the city was not allowed to dipose of charred primates.I told him I had
a wet one.He couldnt take it either.I didnt bother asking about the frozen
ones.I finally arrived at a solution.I gave them out as christmas gifts.My
friends didnt quite know what to say.They pretended to like them,but I could
tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like
Monkeys
Jeff Grimmett
In article <37617...@news.oanet.com> "Mark" <decl...@oanet.com> writes:
> I like monkeys.The pet store was selling them for five cents a peice.I
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
--
// Jeff Grimmett . ICQ 17300370 . http://www.ald.net/dlg
Remote
>
> I like monkeys.[snipped]
I wonder why those assholes cannot post their shit to another group???
Like we need another Rue here!!!
Mark
Remote <rem...@jps.net> wrote in message news:37637709...@jps.net...
Oh, blow it out your ass. And lighten up, while your at it.
Mark
Mark
Mark <decl...@oanet.com> wrote in message news:37642...@news.oanet.com...
Sorry, I meant to say:
Oh blow it out your ass!!! And *why can't you assholes like you* lighten
up???
There. That's more your language. Perhaps I should sign my name MaRk, so
you'll really feel at home...
Randy Vice
d> Remote <rem...@jps.net> wrote in message news:37637709...@jps.net...
d> > Mark wrote:
d> > >
d> > > I like monkeys.[snipped]
d> >
d> > I wonder why those assholes cannot post their shit to another group???
d> >
d> > Like we need another Rue here!!!
d> >
d> Oh, blow it out your ass. And lighten up, while your at it.
FWIW, I thought it was humorous. =)
: damo...@nostromo.gate.net : Bruce Morrow,a man before and after his time:
:"The Constitution shall never be construed to prevent the people of the :
:United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms." :
: - Samuel Adams : Morrow Project Recon - The Expendable Ones :
Firebird^
---> Snip <---
Amusing. Hysterical, in fact. ;)
Joe Cosby
Randy Vice hunched over his computer, typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, Randy Vice laughed madly, then wrote:
> On Sun 13-Jun-1999 3:36p, decl...@oanet.com wrote:
>
> d> Remote <rem...@jps.net> wrote in message news:37637709...@jps.net...
> d> > Mark wrote:
> d> > >
> d> > > I like monkeys.[snipped]
> d> >
> d> > I wonder why those assholes cannot post their shit to another group???
> d> >
> d> > Like we need another Rue here!!!
> d> >
>
> d> Oh, blow it out your ass. And lighten up, while your at it.
>
> FWIW, I thought it was humorous. =)
>
Uhm if there's gonna be a vote I thought it was damn funny.
Don't see anything in particular to be offended about.
A little creativity never killed anybody...well, John Lennon
maybe, but you see my point.
--
----------------------------------------------------
Joe Cosby
Devout member of the Church of Amiga since 1990
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it" - Goethe
----------------------------------------------------
Eelke Blok
with
this kind of stuff, I think it's OK. (Fat chance of flooding the NG all
by yourself, btw :)
Cheers,
Eelke
--
Eelke Blok, student Electrical Engineering, University of Twente
http://home.student.utwente.nl/e.blok, ICQ: 19514933
Amiga-page: http://home.student.utwente.nl/e.blok/amiga
"Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!" - Elwood Blues
Clockmeister
Mark <decl...@oanet.com> wrote in article <37617...@news.oanet.com>...
> I like monkeys.The pet store was selling them for five cents a peice.I
> thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand.I decided
Totally off topic, irrellevant and stupid, yet somehow incredibly funny.
Kinda like Tim on acid :-O
Regards,
Clockmeister.
Ted Barwell
You see,
I like monkeys, too!!!!!
I like monkeys live,
I Iike them dead,
I like them charred,
and on my bed.....
I like them flushed,
I like them frozen,
I like them numbered
to 16 and 2/3rds dozen.
I like 'em fried,
I love them boiled,
I even like 'em
slightly soiled.
I like them suppine,
like little fur rugs,
I like them pumped
with illegal drugs.
I like my monkeys
with Ice cream, too!
And there's nothing like
dead monkeys and glue.
I likes dem monkeys,
alive or dead,
I let them peak
inside my head.
I painted some monkeys,
that I stole from the zoo,
many bright monkeys:
red, green, and blue.
I like those monkeys,
red, green, and blue,
but I hate that BAD monkey
that evolved to Tim Rue.
It's as plain as the VIC,
you'll surely see,
that I like monkeys
and monkeys like me.
Ted
Brian K. Randall
On Mon, 14 Jun 1999 13:08:28 +0100, Ted Barwell wrote about Re: I like monkeys:
> How fortunate!
> You see,
> I like monkeys, too!!!!!
>
> I like monkeys live,
> I Iike them dead,
> I like them charred,
> and on my bed.....
>
I found the story very funny and am very glad to see Dr. Suess is not dead, just
getting very demented. If there was a Dead Monkey NG - I would subscribe for
sure, but I'm not opposed to a little humor posted here either as long as it
doesn't overtake the NG.
- Brian K. Randall
Mark
At last, someone with a sense of humour!
Dr. Seuss was actually quite a poet.
Mark
Ted Barwell <tbar...@neosoft.com> wrote in message
news:3764F0...@neosoft.com...
> How fortunate!
> You see,
> I like monkeys, too!!!!!
>
> I like monkeys live,
> I Iike them dead,
> I like them charred,
> and on my bed.....
>
Jeff Grimmett
In article <3764F0...@neosoft.com> Ted Barwell <tbar...@neosoft.com> writes:
> I like monkeys, too!!!!!
Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up amphetamines.
--
// Jeff Grimmett . ICQ 17300370 . http://www.ald.net/dlg
// --------------------------------------------------------
// Digerati Dreams : DLG Pro BBOS : Skimmer : Nag Plus
// : Addiction FTP : ASTG :
// --------------------------------------------------------
Ancipital
<gerr...@tnet.com.au> wrote:
>Totally off topic, irrellevant and stupid, yet somehow incredibly funny.
>
>Kinda like Tim on acid :-O
>
You mean the common-or-garden TimSpew ISN'T Tim on acid? Now I'm
really scared.
-Effervescing Elephant-
Ancipital- Inedible Buddhas reality control #1
http://www.buddhas.org is currently tqt- back soon.
To unmung email addr, remove all instances of "aremadeoffish"
"I'm not crying victim, but I am stating that a lot of spammers
are genuine scumbags." -Sanford Wallace
Ancipital
wrote:
>
>I like them flushed,
[snip]
Stay off the brown acid.. :)
Ancipital
>
>In article <3764F0...@neosoft.com> Ted Barwell <tbar...@neosoft.com> writes:
>
>> I like monkeys, too!!!!!
>
>Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up amphetamines.
Pass me the valiums, will you, old chap?
Mike Hutchison
> I like monkeys.The pet store was selling them for five cents a peice.I
All I can say is: What the f##k!!!!
This is so way off topic it's untrue!
In fact it's not even in the same universe!
--
Regards, Mike H.
MadMike+blizzard.u-net.com (put @ instead of +)
Eelke Blok
Mike Hutchison wrote:
>
> Mike H. scribbled this...
> > I like monkeys.The pet store was selling them for five cents a peice.I
> [BS snipped]
>
> All I can say is: What the f##k!!!!
>
> This is so way off topic it's untrue!
> In fact it's not even in the same universe!
Which almost makes it cool by default :)
Mark
Myron Sothcott <soth...@visi.nospam.net> wrote in message
news:588.837T1565T1...@visi.nospam.net...
> On 17-Jun-99 12:37:14, Eelke Blok said:
> >Mike Hutchison wrote:
> >>
> >> Mike H. scribbled this...
> >> > I like monkeys.The pet store was selling them for five cents a
peice.I
> >> [BS snipped]
> >>
> >> All I can say is: What the f##k!!!!
> >>
> >> This is so way off topic it's untrue!
> >> In fact it's not even in the same universe!
>
> >Which almost makes it cool by default :)
>
> who post here. :)
>
> Urk! Urk!, <scratch> <swing>, ya gotta banana?
>
> Myron
>
Well, well, well. What do you know? Ol' miserable,anal retnetive, whining
bastard himself liked a post by me....
Mark
Remote
> > > >
> > > > I like monkeys.[snipped]
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
> Sorry, I meant to say:
>
> Oh blow it out your ass!!! And *why can't you assholes like you* lighten
> up???
Because stupid shitheads like you are wasting our time with their
nonsense.
> There. That's more your language.
Actually it's the only language that assholes and morons like your type
understand.
>Perhaps I should sign my name MaRk, so
> you'll really feel at home...
That's how you feel home you fool?!?!?!?
Since you like monkeys, perhaps you sign as "the bAnAna sUkEr", at that
time you'll feel at home, with the rest of the monkeys, your real
family.
I guess your parents shouldn't let you use that computer after they go
to sleep!!!
And don't forget to eat some "Ka Ka" like that stupid thread of yours.
Stupid Asswipe!!!
John Murphy
wrote:
>All I can say is: What the f##k!!!!
>
>This is so way off topic it's untrue!
>In fact it's not even in the same universe!
Please refrain from flash photography and overuse of exclamation marks.
It causes undue distress to the monkeys.
Thank you.
Local
Joe Cosby
Mike Hutchison hunched over his computer, typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, Mike Hutchison laughed madly, then wrote:
> Mike H. scribbled this...
> > I like monkeys.The pet store was selling them for five cents a peice.I
> [BS snipped]
>
> All I can say is: What the f##k!!!!
Gesundheit.
>
> This is so way off topic it's untrue!
> In fact it's not even in the same universe!
It's a darn big universe.
wse...@spamnot.home.com
>I like monkeys. [snip]
blink...blink..........gurgle....
While I know not Mark's excuse here's mine:
MY EXCUSE
T'is true, some say,
I'm lacking in humor.
T'was merely the result,
Of a malignant brain tumor.
I try, though,
To bear the pain,
Yet ever and anon,
Yes, again and again,
It haunts me, taunts me,
Drives me insane;
Tortures, wrenches,
Destroys my brain!
It all began,
Some years ago,
I missed my appointment,
With Doctor Joe!
He once said,"son,
You've gone too far;
Spend too much time,
In that local bar!"
So I quit the drinking,
Yes, I tried again.
I turned to thinking,
But I couldn't bear the pain.
Nor could I see,
Through the thickening haze;
The rising smoke,
Obscured my gaze!
And then when I screamed,
"I just can't hack it!"
They came and hauled me away,
In a nice tight straight jacket!
I told Joe,
I was depressed and sad,
But Joe said, "boy,
You're utterly mad!"
He then said, also,
"Man, you're I.Q.,
Is surpassed slightly,
By the size of your shoe.
"And furthermore,
I don't know what to say,
For the good of the world,
We'll have to put you away!
They placed me promptly,
In a padded cell.
To me it was just,
soft-walled hell.
I screamed and protested,
To be set free;
But they didn't listen,
They ignored me!
They watched me closely
Night and day,
But the first chance I got,
I slipped away.
Yes, carefully they watched me,
Day and night.
But I got away,
Serves 'em right!
I escaped, I did.
I ran like hell.
I found my refuge,
Deep in a well.
Beware, now,
When you near that well,
Within dwells a monster,
Yes, I will tell.
He bellows and howls,
And at leisurely whiles,
He saunters forth,
When he sees you, he smiles.
Beware this monster,
Mad he is!
Mudman he is called,
Unknown his purpose is.
I escaped, I did,
Now I am here.
But Joe is still looking,
He may find me, I fear.
Yes, I escaped,
Now I am free!
But the pain in my head,
Still bothers me.
So beware mudmen,
And malignant brain tumors,
Or, yes, you too,
May be lacking in humor.
Sorry. I'm going to bed..........
Wade Segade
wse...@spamnot.home.com (remove the obvious)
Jonathan Gapen
>Remember, never low-level a monkey.
...and always mount a scratch monkey. (*ba-dump chink*)
--
Jonathan Gapen - sysadmin - biker - caver - collecter of old computers
I think you know exactly what I mean when I say it's a shpadoinkle day.
Ancipital
>I guess your parents shouldn't let you use that computer after they go
>to sleep!!!
>
>And don't forget to eat some "Ka Ka" like that stupid thread of yours.
>Stupid Asswipe!!!
My god, someone hide your lithium again?
By the way, punctuation is a non-renewable natural resource, please
don't use it all up at once.
Brecht Machiels
On 19-jun-99, wse...@spamnot.home.com stated:
w >> I like monkeys. [snip]
take this to alt.monkeys please ;-)
Salut
--
-=< Brecht Machiels <dark...@flashmail.com> <> Genk, Belgium >=-
-=< [ OSAP - http://www.crosswinds.net/~osap ] <> Dopheidestraat 21 >=-
-=< [ Amiga Club Genk - http://users.skynet.be/amiga ] <> Tel: 089/350676 >=-
-=< [ ICQ: 4328206 ] + [ PGP key available on request ] + [ Team Amiga ] >=-
I'm in mourning. My pet rock died last week.
Local
>
> Hmm,
>
> On Fri, 18 Jun 1999, Local wrote:
>
> : Because stupid shitheads like you are wasting our time with their
> : nonsense.
>
> I would not talk about wasting other peoples time if I was you. You see to
> post the same reply twice.
>
Since people here are picking on the writing, so I might as well do that
this time!!!
See where you made a mistake marked by ():
I would not talk about wasting other people('s) time if I (were) you.
You see(m) to poste the same reply twice.
Sorry couldn't resist. :)
> Once under Remote <rem...@jps.net> and again as Local <lo...@jps.net>.
>
> Fix that and then come back and talk about waste.
That was due to newserver error, and a change in the user name in my
account.
Speaking of waste shouldn't you post only one message at a time?!?!?!?!?
Or maybe it's Ok for you and not for others, even if they ahd a good
reason for it?!?!?!?
Now fix that and then comeback and talk about waste. ;)
And why that paranoid "X-No-Archive:yes"?!?!?!?
Afraid tha people might know who/what you are?!?!?!?
Local
>
> Hello
>
> On 19-jun-99, wse...@spamnot.home.com stated:
>
> w >> I like monkeys. [snip]
>
> take this to alt.monkeys please ;-)
>
alt.mark.is.the.monkey is the best choice. ;)
Ancipital
>Speaking of waste shouldn't you post only one message at a time?!?!?!?!?
>Or maybe it's Ok for you and not for others, even if they ahd a good
>reason for it?!?!?!?
>
>Now fix that and then comeback and talk about waste. ;)
>
>And why that paranoid "X-No-Archive:yes"?!?!?!?
>Afraid tha people might know who/what you are?!?!?!?
Do you have a sticky keyboard, or are you an ex-AOL user?
Just interested.