When is the PC port to BLAZEMONGER available?
Dan Stephenson das...@usl.edu
"There once was a Lady from Hyde/who ate some bad apples and died/but while we
lamented/the apples fermented/making cider inside her inside!"
-Member of the Court, Texas Renaissance Festival
Real hackers KNOW what gives BLAZEMONGER its speed.
>When is the PC port to BLAZEMONGER available?
Well, they did start work on a cut-down PC version of REGNOMEZALB a while ago.
(you remember REGNOMEZALB? The SLOWEST GAME EVER WRITTEN! The game that
takes 109 YEARS JUST TO TURN ON THE DRIVE LIGHT!! THRILL to the MOLASSES
LEVEL where you move ONE PIXEL EVERY HOUR! BE CHILLED by the FROZEN NITROGEN
LEVEL where your character is held COMPLETELY IMMOBILE with NO WAY OUT! And
has anyone EVER made it past the INCREDIBLY TEDIOUS "SLIDING DOWN A BOARD"
LEVEL?!!) Unfortunately, the porting crew (Psychosis Software, better known for
porting Phlegmmings and Shadow of the Toast II to the PC) all died of old age
waiting for it to compile, so things are a little up in the air right now.
Reliable rumor has it that Origin Software bought up the rights and will
be releasing REGNOMEZALB simultaneously with STRIKE COMMANDER (The MOST
VAPOROUS GAME EVER WRITTEN!!)
Incidentally, speaking of BM, has anyone got any tips for getting past
the gigantic Irving Gould on Level 693? I've picked up the first
eighty-seven power ups including the shock cannon, the missile launcher,
and the wave-motion gun but nothing seems to work here. What have I missed?
"Thank you, Dr. Science."
[Your blood pressure just went up.] Mark Sachs IS: mbs...@psuvm.psu.edu
DISCLAIMER: If PSU knew I had opinions they'd probably try to charge me for it.
My friend Peter (remember him? refer to my reply to "Will I get more
girlfriends with my 486 tower or do I need a life?") says that getting past
this early incarnation of Irving is quite easy. Just use your joystick in
your left hand to pick up the Amiga 4000 that you got in the back room of
the butcher's shop in Knarskoji in Norway on the "Conquer Scandanavia"
level. Next, use the mouse in your right hand to pick up the Eggbeater you
got in the specialty gourmet shop on the "Cooking with Julia Child" level.
Now, with your middle hand (You HAVE grown at least one extra appendage in
order to play BLAZEMONGER, haven't you? This is no wimpy two-handed game!)
type out "Lord Emperor Gould, your tax dodge is safe" while using the
Eggbeater to deflect the incoming dollar signs away from the A4000 to
Gould, as you carry the A4000 to the sacrificial lava pit in the corner of
Richard J. Akerman | ake...@QUCIS.QueensU.Ca | "There is no plot."
Semi-competent | ake...@QUCIS.BITNET | -Guinan in Time's Arrow II
Graduate Student in Computer Science | Star Trek: The Next
Queen's University, Kingston, Ontario, Canada | Generation
This is one situation where life imitates fantasy - umm wait,, I mean
fantasy imitates life, oh what the heck, when playing BLAZEMONGER it
really makes no difference. If you will remember back on level 421 just past
the two headed scorpion devil dogs there was a secret decoder ring inside
a box of Gomez Crunchy Crawlies (which you HAVE to eat!) Use this ring to
decode the location of the "unusual time acceleration machine" on level
503. Use the time machine on Gould as the only way around him is for him
to die of old age.
Bryan Duff - nowhere at large
All opinions are mine, although BLAZEMONGER's Customer Service Dept.
may have other ideas.
Network Systems Corp.
Come now, Mr. Stephenson -- you've been reading this newsgroup for
enough eons to know the answer to that already.
If you REALLY need to know the answer, please telephone our
"Customer Service" Department. They will be happy to "impart knowledge" all
over your vital organs.
>When is the PC port to BLAZEMONGER available?
We ported it to Windows a few months ago. Unfortunately, due to a
packaging error, it was put into boxes labeled "Fresh Mangoes" and shipped
to supermarkets around the country. We took this as a Sign from Fate,
destroyed the packages, and have given up on porting it to inferior machines.
| Dan Barrett -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center |
| University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA 01003 -- bar...@cs.umass.edu |
You forgot to eat the prune pastry on the first screen of Level 1.
Have you gotten past the Commodore CEO revolving door yet? There's a pair of
papers on the desk inside, one says "I accept this job" the other says
"I resign." Take the second one and the jar of suntan lotion and go out the
window. Take the Marc Barrett expressway (turn your car lights on, it's dark
and gloomy!) until you get to the smuggler's boat. Hitch a ride on the
boat to the Bahamas until you get to the wool factory. You have to sneak in
the front door by smearing yourself with the oil (the guards think you're Irving)
then free the Amiga fan with the wool over his eyes. Set a fire and run for it.
That should weaken the gigantic Irving Gould enough to blow him away, but you
have to lever him out, not blow him up. Nothing gets a Gould.
Queen of Swords