OT: Cobol jokes

[Alistair Maclean]

When responding to Vinces query I came across these:

•What did COBOL yell to the escaping thief?

STOP RUN RETURNING NOW.

•A COBOL programmer's husband asks, "Honey can you go to the store and
get some milk. And if they have eggs, get a dozen." After twenty
minutes she returns and flops 12 bags of milk on the table. He looks
at her curiously, "Honey, why did you do that?" She responds flatly,
"They had eggs."

•What did COBOL reply to the executive? Yes, I can

PERFORM JUMPS THRU HOOPS.

or

PERFORM JUMPS THRU FLAMING-HOOPS UNTIL HELL-FREEZES-OVER.

[Pete Dashwood]

Alistair Maclean wrote:
>
> •A COBOL programmer's husband asks, "Honey can you go to the store and
> get some milk. And if they have eggs, get a dozen." After twenty
> minutes she returns and flops 12 bags of milk on the table. He looks
> at her curiously, "Honey, why did you do that?" She responds flatly,
> "They had eggs."
>

I liked that :-)

The others I thought were generally lame or have been done before.

I guess humour is a personal thing :-)

Pete.
--
"I used to write COBOL...now I can do anything."

[Howard Brazee]

On Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:45:24 +1200, "Pete Dashwood"
<dash...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:

>Alistair Maclean wrote:
>>
>> •A COBOL programmer's husband asks, "Honey can you go to the store and
>> get some milk. And if they have eggs, get a dozen." After twenty
>> minutes she returns and flops 12 bags of milk on the table. He looks
>> at her curiously, "Honey, why did you do that?" She responds flatly,
>> "They had eggs."
>>
>
>I liked that :-)
>
>The others I thought were generally lame or have been done before.
>
>I guess humour is a personal thing :-)
>
>Pete.

Me too, but I will note that this joke isn't exactly new. But I
suppose all jokes are new to someone who hasn't come across them.

--
"In no part of the constitution is more wisdom to be found,
than in the clause which confides the question of war or peace
to the legislature, and not to the executive department."

- James Madison

[Alistair Maclean]

> - James Madison- Hide quoted text -
>
I thought that the eggs joke had appeared in this newsgroup before but
thought it still worth posting.

[Howard Brazee]

On Thu, 1 Sep 2011 07:59:59 -0700 (PDT), Alistair Maclean
<alistair.j...@gmail.com> wrote:

>I thought that the eggs joke had appeared in this newsgroup before but
>thought it still worth posting.

I'm not sure where I first saw it, nor whether it was posted here
before - but it was still worth posting.

[docd...@panix.com]

In article <79ns57949sm2ot0b6...@4ax.com>,

Howard Brazee <how...@brazee.net> wrote:
>On Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:45:24 +1200, "Pete Dashwood"
><dash...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:

[snip]

>>The others I thought were generally lame or have been done before.

[snip]

>Me too, but I will note that this joke isn't exactly new.

Are there COBOL jokes that are exactly new?

DD

[Alistair Maclean]

On Sep 5, 5:32 pm, docdw...@panix.com () wrote:
> In article <79ns57949sm2ot0b6p63e8gvo67fiic...@4ax.com>,

Is there any joke that is new? I know, asking a question is no answer!
Welcome back Doc.

[docd...@panix.com]

In article <66305f95-ea15-440c...@e9g2000yqb.googlegroups.com>,
Alistair Maclean <alistair.j...@gmail.com> wrote:

>On Sep 5, 5:32?pm, docdw...@panix.com () wrote:
>> In article <79ns57949sm2ot0b6p63e8gvo67fiic...@4ax.com>,

>> Howard Brazee ?<how...@brazee.net> wrote:
>>
>> >On Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:45:24 +1200, "Pete Dashwood"
>> ><dashw...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:
>>
>> [snip]
>>
>> >>The others I thought were generally lame or have been done before.
>>
>> [snip]
>>
>> >Me too, but I will note that this joke isn't exactly new.
>>
>> Are there COBOL jokes that are exactly new?
>

>Is there any joke that is new? I know, asking a question is no answer!

If one knows the answer then there's little need in asking the question,
aye.

>Welcome back Doc.

Thanks much, old boy.

DD

[HansJ]

On 5 Sep., 18:32, docdw...@panix.com () wrote:
> In article <79ns57949sm2ot0b6p63e8gvo67fiic...@4ax.com>,

... well I don't know any new COBOL jokes, but should we make jokes
about someone lying in his deathbed???

[Pete Dashwood]

:-)

I have been saying for some time now that COBOL should be allowed to go with
dignity. However, I don't think he's quite ready to go just yet.

'Nother three years, I reckon... :-)

[HansJ]

On 9 Sep., 14:47, "Pete Dashwood" <dashw...@removethis.enternet.co.nz>
wrote:

... Pete, ok, I think its going to take a bit longer, if you're right,
I'll buy you a good meal.

[Bill Gunshannon]

In article <24688fa7-012c-47a9...@cd4g2000vbb.googlegroups.com>,

HansJ <hans...@googlemail.com> writes:
> On 9 Sep., 14:47, "Pete Dashwood" <dashw...@removethis.enternet.co.nz>
> wrote:
>> HansJ wrote:
>> > On 5 Sep., 18:32, docdw...@panix.com () wrote:
>> >> In article <79ns57949sm2ot0b6p63e8gvo67fiic...@4ax.com>,
>> >> Howard Brazee <how...@brazee.net> wrote:
>>
>> >>> On Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:45:24 +1200, "Pete Dashwood"
>> >>> <dashw...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:
>>
>> >> [snip]
>>
>> >>>> The others I thought were generally lame or have been done before.
>>
>> >> [snip]
>>
>> >>> Me too, but I will note that this joke isn't exactly new.
>>
>> >> Are there COBOL jokes that are exactly new?
>>
>> >> DD
>>
>> > ... well I don't know any new COBOL jokes, but should we make jokes
>> > about someone lying in his deathbed???
>>
>> :-)
>>
>> I have been saying for some time now that COBOL should be allowed to go with
>> dignity. However, I don't think he's quite ready to go just yet.
>>
>> 'Nother three years, I reckon... :-)
>>
>

> ... Pete, ok, I think its going to take a bit longer, if you're right,
> I'll buy you a good meal.

Well, I personally know of at least two COBOL IS that if they started
writting code today (and there is no plan to even consider doing that)
it would take a decade or more to convert it all from COBOL to any other
language. I also know of companies with millions of lines of COBOL
that is also not planned for conversion and they continue to write new
code (and make modifications to old code) in COBOL. And, it doesn't help
that these particular niches are very conservative and resistant to any
kind of change. (banking, insurance, etc.)

While I expect it is unlikely that I will get my wish to go back to
full-time COBOL programming again I am totally certain that COBOL will
still be around in some of the most important places int he IT world
long after I have shrugged off this mortal coil.

bill


--
Bill Gunshannon | de-moc-ra-cy (di mok' ra see) n. Three wolves
bill...@cs.scranton.edu | and a sheep voting on what's for dinner.
University of Scranton |
Scranton, Pennsylvania | #include <std.disclaimer.h>

[Bill Klein]

<docd...@panix.com> wrote in message news:j42ti7$8l9$5...@reader1.panix.com...

Yes, there are new COBOL jokes. Please see the specificaiton of IEEE
decimal floating point support in the draft of the next COBOL revision. It
is both new and a joke - and it is certainly (nominally) COBOL.

P.S. Please consider this a hint for waht I will be posting soon.

[Pete Dashwood]

I'm not sure whether that was a lucky guess or whether you have inferred my
delight in dining, Hans. :-)

If there's good food going, I'm there... :-)

Food is something very dear to my heart (I love cooking it, eating it and
sharing it with others). But I wasn't aware that I had consciously indicated
that here. This particular indulgence means I have to watch my weight and I
learned many years ago that eating delicious food doesn't mean you have to
become obese. I am 1.83 metres (around 6 feet) tall and never weigh over 100
KG (220 pounds). As an ex-Rugby player I have a large enough frame to carry
this and I'm not afraid to get into a swimsuit. It is achieved by eating
sensibly and going for healthy foods. I don't get as much exercise as I
should (although now the Summer is coming here I hope to address that) but
it is fitness levels that suffer rather than general health.

Anyway, I will gladly accept your offer, but let's be sure it is fair.

Sometime back in the '90s I stated that COBOL would no longer be the
development language of choice by the year 2015.

This was at a time when Gartner were saying that astronomical numbers of
lines of COBOL could never be converted or thrown away and the implication
was that COBOL was still a good career choice and it's future was not in
doubt. (Gartner have since backtracked on those claims but there are vested
COBOL interests who have not given the same publicity to the recant which
they did to the original.)

(Many people, particularly in this forum, were pleased to hear it and lapped
it up...)

I made my statement because I realised that the paradigm had changed, that
the new one was "better" (in terms of where IT was going, which was to
Networked solutions), and that COBOL was no longer cost effective. (This
last is the REAL major factor for the decline of COBOL). For many years
there was no choice; you HAD to maintain thousands (millions?) of lines of
COBOL. It was tricky and demanding. A one line change can have impacts in
programs way downline and the effects can require considerable time,
application, and skill to run down and fix. The fix causes more problems and
the whole cycle repeats itself. Not only that, but the tools provided for
working with COBOL were woefully inadequate, yet people just accepted them
because they hadn't seen anything better.

Object orientation allowed the building of components that could encapsulate
functionality and be re-used. They were visible only through an interface
and they could have multiple interfaces. If the logic in a component was
found to be flawed you could fix it, secure in the knowledge that NOTHING
outside that component would be affected. In fact, components were usually
small enough that you could rewrite the entire component in less time than
it took to fix standard COBOL... It went even further as people realised
that you could buy packaged functionality and plug it into your
applications. If it didn't do what it said on the box the vendor would
replace it. (In the 25 years I have been using component based development
with a mix of third party components as well as my own, I only ever had one
occasion to contact a component vendor. They rectified the problem within 24
hours. It probably would have taken more than that to locate and fix it in
COBOL source...) There was no longer any need to enshrine Source Code;
FUNCTIONALITY was everything.

COBOL people just sniffed and said "We've been writing modular code for
years...". The other implications of OO programming (and they are legion)
were never discovered by them. Meanwhile, outside COBOL a new IT world,
based on the new paradigm was being constructed. A new generation of more
"computer literate" IT users was arriving in the workplace (with higher
expectations than their predecessors who had simply had to accept whatever
the COBOL guys gave them...) and a new generation of programmers was coming
out of Acadaemia. They simply didn't need COBOL any more.

If you were to compare the role of COBOL in the IT world of the l970s
through to perhaps the mid 1990s, with the role of COBOL in the IT world of
today, I think I could claim that my statement is already vindicated. COBOL
is no longer the development language of choice for just about anybody. (Can
we agree that less than 2% of the world's development constitutes
"nobody"?). COBOL is now around the 30th most popular development language
(and falling), when it was in the top five for over 30 years.

On that basis I could already claim my meal with you :-).

However, when I said "'Nother three years I reckon..." it was a
light-hearted allusion to my previous 2015 date. (yes, it should have been
"four years" but I was tired when I wrote it... :-))

Having said all of the above, there IS a place for COBOL legacy and it will
be with us for a little while yet. COBOL is excellent at batch processing
and there are still many systems around that require batch processing.
Similarly, there are many mainframe systems using CICS for their transaction
processing and it will be some time before all of that is replaced. (But,
you can be certain it WILL be replaced. The question is WHEN not IF)

Modern systems avoid batch processing. The idea is that you design a data
warehouse/repository/database that can model the real world and use
distributed processors to update it in real time, and derive information
from it. At any given moment, the data store reflects reality so there is no
need to update it overnight. "period boundaries" (delimited by dates) are
processed on the basis that every piece of information in the store has a
timestamp derivable for it, if not explicity placed in a DB row. Instead of
just monthly intervals being reported, you can set start and end dates for
ANY period you like and the information can be presented to you on a screen
instantly or on a printed report (derived from the screen display, or built
with tools like stimulsoft and Crystal (no specifc coding for reports) .
High frequency or key reports may be built in real time line by line as the
transactions which would generate them occur. This is made possible by
parallel processing using distributed processors. It is a far cry from the
centralized processor of the COBOL world.

Maybe you would like to define what you see as being fair for me to claim my
meal (or not), Hans. :-)

[Pete Dashwood]

I know you would expect me to reply to this, Bill, so I shall... :-)

> Well, I personally know of at least two COBOL IS that if they started
> writting code today (and there is no plan to even consider doing that)
> it would take a decade or more to convert it all from COBOL to any
> other language.

That is someone's estimate. Estimates are based on what people know. But
very few people know everything.

How long it will take depnds on who is doing it and what tools they use.

I am currently working with a client who is converting their current flat
file base to Relational Database. (It is a step towards migration off COBOL)

Before they came across the PRIMA Toolset, they estimated this job would
take 2.5 man years. It was started last Monday and is now complete. (say 5.5
days). They are now cleaning up and preparing to convert their existing
legacy COBOL code base so it can access the new RDB instead of the old
files. Original (multi-man-year) estimates for doing this have been
discarded.

I will go there myself to provide support and walkthroughs on the Toolset
(although they used it without problem for Data Conversion after watching
the videos at http://primacomputing.co.nz/COBOL21/demosandtutorials.aspx ),
but I don't expect to be away for more than a week.
(Unless I take a holiday afterwards; it is a nice part of Australia...)

Code Conversion of the legacy base is a bit more complex and I don't have
videos done for it yet, so it is best to just pop over there. It is still a
lot faster with tools than if you do it manually. (And the tools don't make
careless errors from fatigue or lack of concentration.)

There are some excellent tools available (not just mine :-)) for people who
want to convert COBOL to something else. Veryant are offering a good product
and they are not the only ones. You can convert COBOL automatically to Java
or C# and it DOESN"T take years. Personally, I don't favour doing that
because it maintains the old paradigm in a new language, but there are
certainly occasions when it would be a very viable option. and a step
towards getting legacy encapsulated as objects.

I also know of companies with millions of lines of
> COBOL
> that is also not planned for conversion and they continue to write new
> code (and make modifications to old code) in COBOL. And, it doesn't
> help
> that these particular niches are very conservative and resistant to
> any
> kind of change. (banking, insurance, etc.)

As I specialized in Banking and Insurance for a number of years (household
name institutions around the world) I am very familiar with the old chestnut
that these people are still totally dependent on COBOL. COBOL IS important
to many of them (although it is NOT, to just as many), but I don't know of
ANY who are not currently planning to reduce or remove their dependence on
COBOL going into the future.

So we have a different view on this. Even people (managers) who are "very
conservative" (and I don't disagree there are many of these in the
industries we are discussing), retire or move on. Sometimes, they get
retired early BECAUSE they are "very conservative" in terms of technology,
if not in terms of their business functionality.

>
> While I expect it is unlikely that I will get my wish to go back to
> full-time COBOL programming again I am totally certain that COBOL will
> still be around in some of the most important places int he IT world
> long after I have shrugged off this mortal coil.

I hope you'll be with us for a considerable time yet, Bill :-)

[docd...@panix.com]

In article <f3256255-9f8b-46b7...@w28g2000yqw.googlegroups.com>,

HansJ <hans...@googlemail.com> wrote:
>On 5 Sep., 18:32, docdw...@panix.com () wrote:
>> In article <79ns57949sm2ot0b6p63e8gvo67fiic...@4ax.com>,

>> Howard Brazee ?<how...@brazee.net> wrote:
>>
>> >On Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:45:24 +1200, "Pete Dashwood"
>> ><dashw...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:
>>
>> [snip]
>>
>> >>The others I thought were generally lame or have been done before.
>>
>> [snip]
>>
>> >Me too, but I will note that this joke isn't exactly new.
>>
>> Are there COBOL jokes that are exactly new?
>

>... well I don't know any new COBOL jokes, but should we make jokes
>about someone lying in his deathbed???

Answering a question with a question is no answer at all, Mr Igel, but one
might examine Socrates' last words as reported in Plato's
'Crito' and conclude they are a rather wry joke.

DD

[docd...@panix.com]

In article <qCxaq.357814$Li5.3...@en-nntp-11.dc1.easynews.com>,

Bill Klein <wmk...@noreply.ix.netcom.com> wrote:
><docd...@panix.com> wrote in message news:j42ti7$8l9$5...@reader1.panix.com...

[snip]

>> Are there COBOL jokes that are exactly new?
>

>Yes, there are new COBOL jokes. Please see the specificaiton of IEEE
>decimal floating point support in the draft of the next COBOL revision. It
>is both new and a joke - and it is certainly (nominally) COBOL.
>
>P.S. Please consider this a hint for waht I will be posting soon.

Gosh... is this what I was taught to call 'foreshadowing'?

DD

[Alistair Maclean]

On Sep 10, 3:32 am, "Pete Dashwood"

<dashw...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:
>
> Food is something very dear to my heart (I love cooking it, eating it and
> sharing it with others). But I wasn't aware that I had consciously indicated
> that here.  This particular indulgence means I have to watch my weight and I
> learned many years ago that eating delicious food doesn't mean you have to
> become obese. I am 1.83 metres (around 6 feet) tall and never weigh over 100
> KG (220 pounds).  As an ex-Rugby player I have a large enough frame to carry
> this and I'm not afraid to get into a swimsuit.

I'm trying to kill that image of you in a pair of budgie smugglers.
8-O

[Pete Dashwood]

Alistair, control of mental imagery is one of the defining factors for
sanity.

Your head is your problem. :-)

There are some beaches here where you don't actually need the swimsuit but
there is still a lot of Victorian conservatism in our "culture". Our town
was recently embroiled in a raging debate over whether a procession of
topless women on motorcycles (Boobs on bikes) should be allowed.

Some of the comments were really quite frightening to me. Things like: "It
is the work of Satan and if this goes ahead we let him win..." "I want my
children protected from this filth..." and so on. Fortunately, reason
prevailed and the procession was a great success. Boys from the local
Colleges cut school to go and see it and one Headmaster was patrolling the
City rounding up his pupils. A good crowd turned out, local businesses were
very happy, and a small group of protesters who put a chain across the road
only succeeded in delaying the procession longer so everybody had a good
photo opportunity. I didn't go myself, but only because I had something more
interesting to do at the time, not because I objected in principle.

A City Councillor who saw a chance to win support form the God Squad tried
to stop it on legal grounds (indecent exposure) and found, to his horror,
(and my amusement), that there was already a Supreme Court ruling that in
New Zealand female nudity of the upper body is NOT considered offensive by
the majority of people, and is therefore NOT illegal.

I enjoyed living in Germany where they grow up with a much more healthy and
less repressed attitude to their bodies. I used to go for a swim and a sauna
every Sunday and became accustomed to having perfectly normal conversations
with naked people (men and women) while myself being naked. At first I was a
bit nonplussed, but after a couple of weeks I thought no more of it than
they did. We all have bodies and we really should come to terms with that.

[HansJ]

On 9 Sep., 15:46, billg...@cs.uofs.edu (Bill Gunshannon) wrote:
> In article <24688fa7-012c-47a9-9cb1-dff100f39...@cd4g2000vbb.googlegroups.com>,

> billg...@cs.scranton.edu |  and a sheep voting on what's for dinner.

> University of Scranton   |
> Scranton, Pennsylvania   |         #include <std.disclaimer.h>  

Bill,

I've been very sceptical about automated conversion from COBOL to Java
for quite some time. I've however seen some usefull samples for
complex subroutines used in an insurance environment where they tried
to use the same source base. I don't know how this turned out as it is
quite a while ago now.

I'm however also aware of a few very critical sites, one is banking,
where an automatd COBOL to Java conversion worked out really well.
Another is a north american police department of a fairly large city.

There have benn good reasons to go this path that might not apply
elsewhere, but in those cases it did the job in a consistent way and
really fast. Though the converted code is still "procedural", all the
new code to be developed from now on is running in the same open
environment and does introduce proper object oriented methods.

The alternative would have been to support the legacy system on a
proprietary platform for the time a new replacement system is
implemented. This was definitely less attractive.

Regards Hans

[docd...@panix.com]

In article <9d4u9e...@mid.individual.net>,
Pete Dashwood <dash...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:

[snip]

>Our town

>was recently embroiled in a raging debate over whether a procession of
>topless women on motorcycles (Boobs on bikes) should be allowed.

It is rare, nowadays, but there will still be times when I see a
motorcyclist riding without a helmet. My first thought is always a
moderately selfish 'I support your right to do that and I hope you die
before you have children; Get Those Genes Out of My Pool!'

When I rode it was with a helmet and the standard leather jacket, heavy
denim pants and a set of ankle-covering work boots. When I had to lay it
down (motorcyclist's slang for sliding the bike onto it's side in order to
avert greater tragedy) I followed the mantra of 'Leather before skin, skin
before hide, hide before bone, bone before life.'

(Despite all this I managed to fracture a few... bah, folks have heard
this (or the same) from other geezers before.)

DD

[Pete Dashwood]

It's still interesting. :-)

I found out in much later life that my Mother (who didn't seem to me to be
in the least an adventurous type) had raced motorcycles on a large expanse
of Northland called 90 mile beach, when she was 19. She broke several ribs
(as well as winning several trophies). I couldn't understand her fierce
resistance to my getting a small 250cc Jawa when I was a teenager. (At that
time I never knew about her motorcycle racing). A couple of excursions on
crowed roads in the rain persuaded me to give it up. "Four wheels good; two
wheels bad..." :-) and I managed to get an ancient (1936) Morris 8 which was
much too slow to ever be dangerous, but served the double purpose of taking
me where I wanted to go and getting me interested in cars and tinkering with
them.

Since then, on occasion I have ridden pillion on the motorcycles of some
very proficient and experienced riders and I agree it is a fantastic
experience to be on a bike, but I still love cars better.

Now I'm wondering if you were ever a patched member of a Motorcycle club,
Doc?

[docd...@panix.com]

In article <9dbq47...@mid.individual.net>,

Pete Dashwood <dash...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:
>docd...@panix.com wrote:
>> In article <9d4u9e...@mid.individual.net>,
>> Pete Dashwood <dash...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:
>>
>> [snip]
>>
>>> Our town
>>> was recently embroiled in a raging debate over whether a procession
>>> of topless women on motorcycles (Boobs on bikes) should be allowed.

[snip]

>> (Despite all this I managed to fracture a few... bah, folks have heard
>> this (or the same) from other geezers before.)
>>
>
>It's still interesting. :-)

'Interesting' is in the mind of the beholder, Mr Dashwood; I'm glad you
enjoyed.

>
>I found out in much later life that my Mother (who didn't seem to me to be
>in the least an adventurous type) had raced motorcycles on a large expanse
>of Northland called 90 mile beach, when she was 19. She broke several ribs
>(as well as winning several trophies).

Broke several ribs... on sand? Did something get in her eyes, like sun on
the beach? (sorry, couldn't resist)

All I can do is smile, Mr Dashwood, and think of Angry Young Folks
shouting at their parents '*You* were never young!'

>I couldn't understand her fierce
>resistance to my getting a small 250cc Jawa when I was a teenager.

The Jawa? A blast from the past, both barrels. I recall hearing them
described as being similar to Soviet-era wool suits; one good wearing and
you could never get a crease in them again but the saggy, shapeless
clothing wore like iron unto eternity.

>(At that
>time I never knew about her motorcycle racing). A couple of excursions on
>crowed roads in the rain persuaded me to give it up.

I was taught that riding in the rain is fine as long as you treat the road
surface as if it was a sheet of glass covered with a thin layer of
oil-soaked ball bearings. Slow down and enjoy the moisture; keep in mind
that you can only get so wet in rain but in snow you can freeze to death.

[snip]

>Now I'm wondering if you were ever a patched member of a Motorcycle club,
>Doc?

I never wore colors, Mr Dashwood, but years after I gave up riding I spent
time in a biker-bar (all indies) in order to learn some proper manners.

(Once, while visiting a friend, I saw another bar with a row of large
motorcycles outside of it. I walked in... it was a Saturday afternoon,
about 2:pm, and folks were still waking up. I said to the bartender 'My
father told me that if you see a row of scoots outside a bar there's
always an honest man inside...'

... and the bartender grinned...

'... and he's usually in the back, tied to a chair and beaten half to
death. Would you bring him out so I might meet him?'

The bartender dropped his head with a groan and said 'It's too early for
this. It's on me, what are you drinking?')

DD

[HansJ]

On 14 Sep., 02:18, docdw...@panix.com () wrote:
> In article <9d4u9eFse...@mid.individual.net>,

... motorcyles ...

I always had a motorcyle since I was 18 years of age, the first years
because a car was to expensive, later for fun. Fortunately, I never
had any accident, though I "did lay it down" a few times. Using the
proper gear is essential and riding a bike without a helmet and
leather jacket etc. (for more than just a few meters) is showing a
lack of responisbility. I still have a decent 1000cc Kawasaki sitting
idle, but registered and insured in the garage for a couple of years
now. As time goes by other things get more attention.

Last summer I did sell a 67 Honda 250cc and another 550cc Honda from
75 that I had owned for decades to a friend who was about to restore
them.

Now a short thing that happened a couple of years back when I was
refueling on a gas station in Vienna Austria.

A motorcyclist was speeding up on the road in front of the gas station
and doing a wheelie for a few hundred meters, a fellow fueling up
right besides me looked at him and then to me saying, "more work to
come". He was a physician an his way to work in a hospital.

Desaster for one guy makes a living for the other one.

Hans

[Alistair Maclean]

On Sep 15, 10:33 am, HansJ <hans.i...@googlemail.com> wrote:
> A motorcyclist was speeding up on the road in front of the gas station
> and doing a wheelie for a few hundred meters, a fellow fueling up
> right besides me looked at him and then to me saying, "more work to
> come". He was a physician an his way to work in a hospital.
>
> Desaster for one guy makes a living for the other one.
>

> Hans- Hide quoted text -
>

And that is why, in the UK, motorcyclists are called "Donors" in
hospital jargon.

[HansJ]

On 15 Sep., 12:05, Alistair Maclean <alistair.j.l.macl...@gmail.com>
wrote:

... ok, got it, though only if they are not grilled. Here is a link to
a video that was in the news here these days.

http://www.spiegel.de/video/video-1149368.html

you have to live with the ad at the beginning.

[Pete Dashwood]

Unfortunately, I can't see anything here. Just a black oblong, no sign of
the usual controls.

Then I noticed it is from Spiegel... I've had my suspicions about them ever
since they published "Hitler's Diary"... :-)

Apparently a passer-by rescues a motor cyclist but the details are not
clear.

Can you give us some clues or an alternative link, Hans?

Thanks,

[Pete Dashwood]

:-)

[Alistair Maclean]

On Sep 16, 8:46 am, "Pete Dashwood"

> "I used to write COBOL...now I can do anything."- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

The bike is jammed under the front of a car. The bike is on fire and
the ssmoke is coming up through the car engine compartment. A number
of passers-by attempt and manage to lift one side of the car off of
the rider and he is pulled clear and trucked off in an ambulance still
alive (face not covered). No crash helmet, gloves or leathers in
evidence on the biker.

[Pete Dashwood]

Thanks Alistair,

[Charles Hottel]

"Pete Dashwood" <dash...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote in message
news:9dgq3d...@mid.individual.net...

google: motorcycle accident logan utah

[Pete Dashwood]

Cheers, Charlie, very helpful.

[Fritz Wuehler]

> > alive (face not covered). No crash helmet, gloves or leathers in
> > evidence on the biker.

That's not a biker, it's a stupid guy on (at least momentarily) a motorbike.

Those of us who ride know the difference.

[Alistair Maclean]

On Sep 17, 7:06 pm, Fritz Wuehler

I also ride a motorbike (Kawasaki ZZR 600) and have ridden motorbikes
since I was 17.

I would still argue that the man was a motorcyclist (abbreviated to
biker) but also very much an IDIOT; that being the most accurate
description of riding helemetless, gloveless and jacketless.

[Charles Hottel]

"Alistair Maclean" <alistair.j...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:a080196e-c49c-4610...@1g2000vbu.googlegroups.com...

In my early twenties my first motorcycle was a Yamaha 175 cc. This was a
dirt bike and we rode off road along the power line routes. Used to race a
little and jump them through the air. I still have a bump on my right heel
from the first day of riding. I kept stalling it, and kickstarting it, and
my heel kept hitting the rear peg for the passengers foot. This was a two
stroke engine and it was hard to get more than 20 miles on a single spark
plug. The oil kept fouling them. I tried adjusting the float countless
times but never could get any increases mileage from the plugs. I have done
the "flying W" over the handle bars and once my leg was trapped between a
log and the exhaust pipe and no hair grows there(on my leg) to this day. I
remember a motorcycle movie "On Any Sunday" with Steve McQueen and others.
Boy those guys could really ride.

My second and last motocycle was a Honda 250 cc. It had an upswept pipe so
it was considered an off road bike but I also used it on the highway. This
was a four stroke and I liked it much better. The only time I went down on
it I was going about 2 miles an hour over some curving railroad tracks.
They were wet and the rear tire slide down the tracks. I climbed up on top
of the bike but did hurt my knee a little. Once I was riding through the
mountains on a dirt road and some green bug hit a bare spot on my leg. It
burned like hell for several hours. Once I stopped and saw a bear off in
the distance heading my way. It was a little scary but when he heard the
motor running he turned around and went the other way. I enjoyed riding the
dirt fire road in the mountains.

I did experience a few close calls from cars on the highway. Finally one
day while returning home I stopped at a light at least 10 feet away from the
car in front of me. The guy behind me stopped but the woman behind him hit
him and pushed his car into my bike. This knocked me into the car in front
and I almost went down. The curved bumper helped me to keep it up and the
car behind me ended up partially on top of my rear wheel. My mom who had
previously had a heart attack passed by the accident on her way home and saw
my Michigan windbreaker hanging from the handlebars. Thank God she did not
have another heart attack. All of this made me finally decide to give up
motorcycle riding on the street.

[Howard Brazee]

I was attending Drake University and riding my motorcycle to its Chess
club one evening (the same day as I had my draft physical - which I
shouldn't have had as I was in AFROTC). A car pulled out of a bar
and knocked me and my chess pieces across 4 lanes of road. I messed
up my Father's WWII leather jacket, I messed up my leather boots &
gloves. My helmet was still good. The driver stopped (saving him
the felony hit and run), then left (saving him the felony drunk
driving), and was later charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

I knew we should get the license of someone doing that, but that isn't
why I had his license plate embedded in my leg.

I ended up with a year of college paid for (I switched to Iowa State
the next year as I was a resident then). That was the year with my
worst GPA, as I had plenty of time to study. When I worked full
time, I needed to make time to study, so I didn't put it off.

--
"In no part of the constitution is more wisdom to be found,
than in the clause which confides the question of war or peace
to the legislature, and not to the executive department."

- James Madison

[Pete Dashwood]

Interesting experiences.

Thanks for sharing that, Charlie.

[Pete Dashwood]

Howard Brazee wrote:
> I was attending Drake University and riding my motorcycle to its Chess
> club one evening (the same day as I had my draft physical - which I
> shouldn't have had as I was in AFROTC). A car pulled out of a bar
> and knocked me and my chess pieces across 4 lanes of road. I messed
> up my Father's WWII leather jacket, I messed up my leather boots &
> gloves.

But your underwear was fine, right? :-)

>My helmet was still good. The driver stopped (saving him
> the felony hit and run), then left (saving him the felony drunk
> driving), and was later charged with leaving the scene of an accident.
>
> I knew we should get the license of someone doing that, but that isn't
> why I had his license plate embedded in my leg.
>

It's no wonder parents object to their kids riding motorcycles... :-)

> I ended up with a year of college paid for (I switched to Iowa State
> the next year as I was a resident then). That was the year with my
> worst GPA, as I had plenty of time to study. When I worked full
> time, I needed to make time to study, so I didn't put it off.

A very interesting explanation for poor grades, Howard. :-)

And another interesting story.

[HansJ]

On 16 Sep., 09:46, "Pete Dashwood"

Pete,

you've got the hint to the video from Charles, so that should have
worked.

Now "Hitler's Diary" ... this was not the Spiegel Magazin, it was the
Stern.

Regards Hans

[Pete Dashwood]

Yes, it did, thanks.

>
> Now "Hitler's Diary" ... this was not the Spiegel Magazin, it was the
> Stern.
>
> Regards Hans

Of course it was... sorry. I was there at the time but it was a while ago
and my memory is not entirely reliable :-)

Thanks for the correction.

[Tony Harding]

Is that style of swimsuit also known as a "banana hammock"?

Tony :)

[Tony Harding]

On 09/11/11 19:24, Pete Dashwood wrote:
> Alistair Maclean wrote:
>> On Sep 10, 3:32 am, "Pete Dashwood"
>> <dashw...@removethis.enternet.co.nz> wrote:
>>>
>>> Food is something very dear to my heart (I love cooking it, eating
>>> it and sharing it with others). But I wasn't aware that I had
>>> consciously indicated that here. This particular indulgence means I
>>> have to watch my weight and I learned many years ago that eating
>>> delicious food doesn't mean you have to become obese. I am 1.83
>>> metres (around 6 feet) tall and never weigh over 100 KG (220
>>> pounds). As an ex-Rugby player I have a large enough frame to carry
>>> this and I'm not afraid to get into a swimsuit.
>>
>> I'm trying to kill that image of you in a pair of budgie smugglers.
>> 8-O
>
> Alistair, control of mental imagery is one of the defining factors for
> sanity.
>
> Your head is your problem. :-)
>
> There are some beaches here where you don't actually need the swimsuit but
> there is still a lot of Victorian conservatism in our "culture". Our town
> was recently embroiled in a raging debate over whether a procession of
> topless women on motorcycles (Boobs on bikes) should be allowed.

Hell, yeah!

[Pete Dashwood]

For some of us that would be a marrow hammock... :-)