a little levity, anyone?

[Killer of Trees]

Top Ten HTML Extensions that Did Not Make it Into Netscape 0.9 (*)

1. <WIRED>...</WIRED>

Renders the enclosed text in Sturm und Drang 374 Medium Bold Condensed,
in light purple on a neon orange background. Tells you repeatedly
how cool you are for using netscape.

2. <ROACH>....</ROACH>

When selected, the enclosed text runs and hides under the nearest window.
OR, giggles a lot and demands nachos, depending on your definition of
"roach." (the formal definition, of course, to be determined by the
Official Honorary Internet Standards Committee For Moving Really Slowly.)

3. <KILL_SGML>

Should anyone foolish enough to think that HTML is still SGML and try and
run a netscape-html document through an SGML editor, processor, or other
tool, this tag causes an immediate core dump, erases anything on your
disk with "DTD" in the name, and emails a randomly-selected insult to Tim
Pierce.

4. <PINHEAD>...</PINHEAD>

Inserts "zippyisms" into the enclosed text. Perfect for those professional
documents.

5. <SECRET>....</SECRET>

In order to read the enclosed text, you have to have secret spy decoder
glasses (available direct from Mcom for a reasonable fee).

You can also read it by holding your computer in front of a full moon
during the autumn solstice.

6. <HYPE>

Causes Marc Andreesen to magically appear and grant you an interview
(whether you want one or not).

Please use this tag sparingly.

7. <PEEK>....</PEEK>
8. <POKE>...</POKE>

So you want more control over screen layout in HTML? Well, here ya go.

9. <YOGSOTHOTH>

Summons the elder gods to suck away your immortal soul. Or Bill Gates, if
the elder gods are busy.

Unpredictable (but amusing) results occur when the <YOGSOTHOTH> and
<HYPE> tags are used in close proximity.

10. <BLINK>...</BLINK>

Causes the enclosed text to....

ooops, that one made it in.

(*) because they ran out of beer.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not on anyone's side. I have a 100.4 degree fever,
six chapters to write in 13 days, three hours sleep and way too
much blood in my cafeine stream. I hate everyone.

Copyright (c) 1994 Laura Lemay. Copy this without my name on it and I'll
come to your house and make you read netscape documents using lynx.

--
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Laura Lemay le...@netcom.com
goawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoaway
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