Urgent medical advice needed in India

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Paresh Yadav

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Apr 26, 2024, 12:59:00 AM4/26/24
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Dear Friends, 

I am in Mumbai since last Sunday as my mother's health is serious and currently she is in ICU but out of the woods/stable.

Due to her old age of 84 years our options on what can be medically done are limited. 

I wanted to have someone independent and from medical field to add their opinion to decisions we are making regarding my mother's treatment. It is so confusing and stressful to make those decisions...

My biggest concern is to make sure that not only my mother gets well but also for her to have good quality of life and not just to remain bed ridden in vegetative state. This is what I have told my own children to do with me.

With all the horor stories I know of greed for corporate profits I am not sure if hospital doctors are giving advice based on sound medical opinion alone or desire to make more money...

Do you any recommendation for someone, preferably a close trusted friend or family, paid is fine? I  am not sure how this works in reality in India as I want this independent medical expert to remain anonymous as far as the hospital is concerned so that she/he can be fearless in expressing their opinion. I am happy to sign a no liability document so that the independent expert has nothing to worry about. 

Thanks a bunch in advance, 
Paresh 

Geeta Mahashabde

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Apr 26, 2024, 1:08:25 AM4/26/24
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Is this mail real or AI generated?

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Paresh Yadav

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Apr 26, 2024, 1:19:33 AM4/26/24
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Hi Geeta,

Thanks for checking. 

This is not spam. I can be reached on my India mobile number +91 8097239831 as well as below numbers for those who are calling from overseas. 

Canada -  +1 416 688 1003

Thanks
Paresh

Ajay Gallewale

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Apr 26, 2024, 7:22:14 AM4/26/24
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Geeta ( and anyone else) , Paresh is indeed in India and his mother is in ICU
This is genuine request . 
- Ajay 

Paresh Yadav

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Apr 27, 2024, 5:06:14 AM4/27/24
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Hello Everyone,

Sending last update to this group and then will switch to individual person.

I want to thank everyone on this group for their support and prayers. I want specifically thank Ajay Gallery, Geeta Mahashabde, Rajesh Sharma, Shashank Joshi and Abhay Avachat for sharing actionable information. 

Geeta, It takes tremendous inner strength, courage and compassion to share your own experience when your mother passed away in January as I am sure this would have brought back memories of your mother back. No words can describe how thankful I am to you for doing this. It tremendously helped guide and console me as I was/am going through mental marathon of thoughts and emotions.

TLDR: With some miracle of the almighty due to prayers from family and friends like you, my mother's health is getting better! There might not be further drastic treatment required. We will know for sure in a couple of days. Of course she is not going to be absolutely fit as she was a few months ago but hopefully she won't be bedridden.

Details if you have time...

1) Please don't ever give up on your parents. This is what I was going to do starting from when I saw my mother's condition for the first time in Mumbai. My only plan was to how to reduce her pain and suffering during her last few days. Of course it is hard to know where is that thin gray line...

2) Good karmas never go to vain. I usually don't like to jinx and boast but hopefully this information might help a few people who are reading. As I was in the ICU waiting area, I came across a poor family whose options were getting constrained because of financial resources. After few hesitations I helped them thinking what the hack... without any expectations (this part is the key) and within less than 24 hours my mother's condition started to improve! This is the Nth time I have experienced this in my life i.e. the sample size is big enough, of course what about other 100s of time things haven't happened? Yes this is not a controlled experiment. You can take it however way you want to take it.

3) Those of you who stayed back in India or came back to India inspite of options to settle abroad and might occassionally feeling regrets... Don't. As long as you have taken the opportunity to take good care of your parents, siblings, family, friends and raised good children, you haven't lost much, infact lost nothing. The emotional cost of not doing so can't be measured by other success. I believe I have done most of the above except for being not there for my mother.

Thanks
Paresh

Paresh Yadav

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Apr 27, 2024, 5:07:03 AM4/27/24
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Apologies autocorrect changed Gallewale to Gallery..

Thanks
Paresh

Prashant Kulkarni

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Apr 27, 2024, 5:54:17 PM4/27/24
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Wish a speedy recovery to your mother Paresh. Just having the kids around gives them strength as I can see from my mother’s case. This time I spent most of my time in India staying at home with her.

Prashant Kulkarni 

Sent from my iPhone

On Apr 27, 2024, at 7:07 PM, Paresh Yadav <ypa...@gmail.com> wrote:



Prasad Talathi

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Apr 28, 2024, 6:20:41 PM4/28/24
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Wishing a speedy recovery to your mother, Paresh.

 

I had been through this last few years. My parents are going through similar situations. Being far away, can’t do much on day to day basis, feels very frustrated. We human being need social interactions and especially in person as you get older. I do talk to them almost every day and I do spend most of the time with them when I am in India. I am lucky to have my brother and sister in Pune, which is 5-6 hours drive from my parents in Konkan. They can be with parents in a short notice. I think being in the small town makes a big difference. The neighbours are like part of your family or maybe more than your family. I am blessed with neighbours who look after my parents.

 

I hope you received unbiased medical advice for your mother and have a good support structure around her. Her physical independence is very critical to have a good mental health. I can visit her during my next trip to India in Aug.

 

Take care!

Prasad Talathi

Paresh Yadav

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Apr 29, 2024, 7:24:24 AM4/29/24
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Dear Prasad,

Thank you for your kind words and support 🙏. 

Kudos Prasad for finding time to speak with your parents everyday. It is a simple sounding gesture but hard to organize, telling from my experience as my mother's mobile is usually "somewhere" in the house or on silent!

We got excellent excellent care and unbiased medical advice due to our family doctor who has been treating my mother for free of charge for over 25+ years and his network and respect in the field. 

Thanks to everyone's prayers... Mother has been shifted out of ICU to normal ward. Another few days and if the progress continues we would get to take her home! Surgery for removing gall bladder TBD in few weeks. 

All,

I am probably preaching to the choir here ...

I am repeating few points others have already made or presenting few of things I have learned along the way hoping that it might help someone on this group as we all go through our parent's aging process. 

Prasad makes a very important point regarding parents' physical independence being important for their mental health. In my mother's case, she refused to stop overloading her physical activities around home because (I am guessing) she couldn't mentally accept being dependent on others for day to day chores (eg cooking). The trick is to figure out how she can let go of such tasks without thinking that she is loosing her independence (which in her case ties to her self esteem). And to make sure our parents accept letting go of such tasks before it is too late as in my mother's case.



Thanks
Paresh

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