Post With the Jokes

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California Fires

September 5th, 2009

FIRE CHIEF

L.A. County Fire Chief Michael Freeman characterized his department’s fight against the recent fires as being “at war with Mother Nature.” Yes, and as Saddam Hussein might have said, the fire-fight “was the mother of all Mother Nature battles.”

ABILIFY

Have you those ads for a new prescription medication to treat depression called Abilify? Abilify sounds like one of those made-up Don King words. As in, “The opportunities bountificated by the United States of America abilified me to become the prosperific man you see standing before you.”

KENNEDY

Friends of Ted Kennedy remarked that he would sometimes hit the ground out of fear for his life when he would hear a car backfire. On the Fouth of July, he’d go up and down like the stock market.

ADD, KENNEDY

They’re now estimating the crowd of mourners who filed past Ted Kennedy’s casket last week to be over 50,000. To be fair though, about 15,000 of those were Kennedy family parole officers.

CRUISE SHIP

A man was saved this week after jumping off a cruise ship into dangerous waters. The Bahamian tourism council says that to prevent this from happening again, they’re changing the song in their ad to “It’s better to be on the ship than to actually be IN the Bahamas.”

SCIENCE

A new article in the journal Science says that the temperatures in the Arctic are warmer than they have been in 2,000 years. Still, I’d wear a sweater if I were you.

MILITARY

The U.S. Defense budget under President Obama calls for $666 billion in military spending. That’s right, 666. Come on White House! You guys are just asking for trouble now!