Whiparound June 15th

[Jane Keir]

Hi Guys!!!

 

My apologies for sending out this whiparound early! I am at the Denver airport waiting to board my flight to Israel and since I have lay overs in Toronto and Zurich (I was trying to save money on my flight) I will be traveling for a long time before I actually arrive in Tel Aviv.

 

For this whip around I would like us to reflect on how this Reality Check Fellowship is challenging us. What has been difficult for you throughout this process? I thought this might be a good place for reflection this week, since next week we will be presenting our progress and our proposals. If you can't think of how this process has been difficult for you, please just share any breakthroughs or ah ha moments. I don't think of this as a depressing whiparound topic, I believe we sometimes learn the most through difficulties.

 

Here's where I feel challenged:

I am having trouble asking for help and assembling my committee. I am learning through this process that I have the tendency to want to do things myself. I used to think that this was a strength and I was proud of everything I've accomplished all on my own. I can now see how this trait can result in my burnout. During my interview for my new teaching position I was explaining to my new Principal how much work I do at my current job, planning and designing all of my own lessons for 4 classes. I expected that she would be impressed by all the work I am capable of, but instead she reacted with concern. She told me that I should not have to do all of this work on my own, and that in my new position I will be expected to plan with other teachers, collaborate, and share my materials. This sounds ideal to me from a practical stand point , but from an emotional stand point, it sounds a little scary. I start to feel worried about my shortcomings or lack of skills/knowledge being exposed to my co-workers since I will no longer be autonomous.

 

I also reflected on this when we were listening to last Reality Check speaker when she was describing what it is like to collaborate with her cofounder on her non-profit and how they basically had to go to couples therapy to work through their different leadership styles. I feel like I need to seek help and support and be open to sharing my project with others who want to work on the same issue, but I can feel myself hesitating. Therefore, my goal throughout these travels is to sit with this feeling of resistance to collaboration because I don't know where it is stemming from. I hope to figure this out and push through it so that I can actually assemble my committee and move forward with my project. I know I can be hard on myself, and some of the reason I don't have my committee yet is because of being busy with the end of the school year, trainings, and travel. But ultimately, I want to learn how to collaborate without these feelings of resistance.

 

Much love!

Jane

[Jesse Fetbroth]

Hello there!

I've been a little nervous to answer this whip-around because I'm afraid my honest answer might get me in trouble, but I'm going to treat this group as Vegas like I usually do (what happens here stays here).

This theory of change project has been really hard for me, and for a pretty problematic reason: I don't have a theory of change. Eek! Jess, I hope you don't want to kill me. I've spent so much of the last year thinking about and working to clarify my theory of change, in large part due to Reality Check. And as you may know from every quarter-life crisis minded email I've written you all this year, I'm still not there yet. So, this project has added a very stressful new layer to my theory of change- it's turned it into a to-do list with a tight timeline. It's been hard to really get behind the theory of change I've chosen when so much of my brain space is still dedicated to figuring out what I want to do long-term and where my strengths fit in. I met with one of my advisors from my board last week and she very honestly told me that she thought the theory of change I've chosen is contrived (verbatim). And I think she's right.

Perhaps this is a little self-serving (or very self-serving), but I don't feel like I'm just throwing my hands up and saying "I don't know what to do with my life! The end." I'm taking concrete steps to actually get there. I've interviewed a bunch of people in roles that interest me, am starting to involve myself in volunteer opportunities that align with my interests, and I'm even considering starting therapy solely for the purpose of having a more structured place to work this all out (which is big for me given that I've lived most of my life thinking "therapy" is a dirty word). As I've said, though, I'm just not there yet, and so throwing myself behind a theory of change that I don't really have is pretty hard for me, especially given that I don't tend to anything half-hearted.

This seems like a rather large problem, but I guess it's important to get it out there in the atmosphere so I can start dealing with it. Deep breath.

Talk to you all soon!

Jesse

Sent from my iPhone

[Candace Burckhardt]

I've gotten close to responding to this many times, but it's tooo scccarrryyy. Thanks Jane for pushing me out of my comfort zone. Here is how this fellowship is challenging me currently:

1) Making me define and DEFEND my values. It is easy to know what your values are in theory, but now I feel a deep responsibility to make sure I am living them daily. I recently got two promotions at work within two weeks, which is fabulous, but I am starting to feel like I am getting further from some of my values and closer to others. Yikes.

2) Telling others about my theory of change and tikkun project. It has been easy to tell people I do not know about my project, but I have been reluctant to tell my close friends and family about what I am working on. I keep making excuses that I should wait until everything is more put together, but I also realize I am probably missing out on some good networking opportunities and advice by not exploring it with people close to me. I think this gets back to my fear of creating deep relationships. 

3) I am learning to challenge the status quo (including parts of this fellowship!) more and more. During the call on Wednesday, I was googling the presenter and reading the 100s of articles essentially summarizing that her organization had been co-opted by lobbying groups. It made me sad to think about that and the idea of not having a project rooted in the community you are hoping to serve. I have no idea if Students for Educational Reform is actually a front for powerful edu-business lobbyists, and as a former charter school teacher I am not the biggest supporter of unions, but I am constantly frightened that something I create will blow up in my face. I doubt that will happen with an outdoor club for Wisconsin youth, but I think it goes deeper into my life and core values of not wanting to be one of the Joneses and maintaining an independent point-of-view in life. 

Thanks for reading my ramblings! These whiparounds are like a good group therapy session. :-) 

Candace

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[Nicole Wellman]

Yea, agreed. Thanks for making me think about this, Jane. And thanks to you three for being so honest. I have definitely had struggles through this process of deciding on a theory of change/tikkun project. It has really exposed a lot of the things I struggle with in general. Here we go:

-Not second guessing myself has been incredibly difficult for me in this process. Even when I felt strongly about an idea, I found myself reaching for reasons why I should not do that idea or why I should do the other ideas.

-I got really anxious about committing to a tikkun project because I want it to really make an impact, but at the same time I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. I contradict myself. I've always wanted to start my own venture and really pursue and carry out an idea, but it overwhelms me to think about taking on such a great responsibility and failing.

-Like Jane, I feel like I shouldn't ask for help until I have everything completely finalized. I have felt ok asking my mentor and Jess, but beyond that it's been really hard for me to reach out to others without everything thought out and perfect. It's definitely something that is a strength and a weakness, and I'm learning to appreciate it as both!

Life update: Graduated this past Sunday, I move to L.A. tomorrow, and start my fellowship Thursday! Woohoo!

Have a great week friends!

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Nicole Wellman
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wellman...@gmail.com
(602) 377-2910

[Amy Berkhoudt]

Woohoo. Good whiparound topic, Jane.

#1 Problem: I believe that I started my Tikkun project 2 years ago when I founded the Detroit Food Academy. So where do I go from here? I already have a Board of Directors that act as my steering committee. I already have a team of people that I bounce ideas off of. I already have a community of students, interns, parents, community organizations, educators, and friends that I hold my organization's goals and mission accountable to.

This summer is GO TIME. I am in the process of executing my Tikkun Project with it's 100-moving-pieces.

• Strategic development of our organization as a whole and re-evaluating our core values are in alignment with every new project we take on
  
• Grant writing and fundraising to make sure we meet our bottom-line
• Marketing and Strategic Segmenting via newsletters, social media, volunteer opportunities
  
• Partnering with urban farms to source our product
• Partnering with local farmers markets to debut our product
• Partnering with more schools to ensure our program's legacy
• Partnering with community organizations to create a robust ecosystem of social justice around education in Detroit, restoring the local food system, and fostering a sense of community
  
• Developing a series of teacher focus groups to maintain a hands-on curriculum that meets the specific needs of high school students in the city of Detroit
• Managing and maintaining 16 dedicated interns
• Creating daily instruction for all 16 interns
• Executing logistics for all the great ideas we have

This leads me to problem #2: I have no extra brain space to devote to developing a new piece to my Tikkun project. I think I want to focus my Tikkun project on the "Developing a series of teacher Focus Groups to maintain a hands-on curriculum..." 

I need to find a sweet spot where I can manage both my Reality commitments and my commitments as a founding director of a start-up organization. I guess problem #3 is figuring out if there is a difference between the two. 

I truly value this community of people. I understand my circumstance is a bit of a special case, but I also think a lot of you have expressed similar sentiments in feeling like you are already living out your Tikkun projects. How might we best utilize this committee of Reality Check fellows to act as a space for ideas and catalyst for action as we begin to move into crunch-time in fleshing out a Tikkun project as designated by our particular thread? How might we hold each other accountable to our theory of change as we move forward? How might we best learn from one another?

Alright, much love.

Amy

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Amy Berkhoudt

Cell: 313.649.5282

a...@detroitfoodacademy.com

 

Executive Director of Programs

Detroit Food & Entrepreneurship Academy

http://www.detroitfoodacademy.com

Intern Coordinator 2013

James and Grace Lee Boggs School
http://boggseducationalcenter.org/