My seven-year-old son doesn’t go to a Jewish school. After hearing some pretty graphic details of the Bondi attack from his friends, he keeps telling me, “Dad, I don’t want to be Jewish anymore.” He’s had counselling and is otherwise doing fine, but he still refuses to attend Jewish events or go to Jewish venues. How do I deal with this?
Answer
Your son is not rejecting Judaism. He is rejecting fear.
In his young mind, being Jewish and being a target have become linked. The brain connects identity with danger and says, “If I drop the identity, maybe I drop the danger.”
You can’t argue him out of that because, in a way, he is right. Jews are sometimes targeted. But we are not targeted because we are weak. We are targeted because we carry something precious.
A child who inherits great wealth may attract envy. There may even be people who want to take that wealth from him. But no child gives up his inheritance just because someone else wants it. He learns to value it more.
Our Jewish identity is that inheritance.
Right now, for your son, “Jewish” equals “scary.” You need to gently widen that picture until “Jewish” also means “joy,” “music,” “friends,” “belonging,” and “fun.” He is rich; he just doesn’t know it yet.
Take it slowly. No lectures about Jewish pride or heavy speeches about Jewish history. He is seven. He needs tangible experiences. What he heard was vivid and real. The positive experiences must be just as real.
It is almost Purim. Bring him along. Let him see the singing. Let him dress up. Let him eat hamantaschen and laugh with other children. When booing Haman, he won’t just hear about our heritage, he will feel it.
But this cannot be a one-off event. Over time, Jewish life needs to become a steady part of his world: Torah classes, Shabbat meals, youth programs, community moments. Children feel safest in what is familiar. When being Jewish becomes part of his weekly rhythm, it stops feeling like a target and starts feeling like a treasure.
You can’t erase what he heard. But you can give him new memories that are stronger. You can’t pretend away our enemies. But you can surround him with friends.
We will not give up our gift because someone else resents it. We hold it tighter, share it louder, and pass it on with joy.
