Take some time away from business
Aditya Nadig
A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.
Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was outsourced to India.
A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name and what
their father did for a living.
The first little girl said: “My name is Mary
and my Daddy is a postman.”
The next child, a little boy said: “I’m Andy and
my Dad is a mechanic.”
And so it went until one little boy said: “My name is
Johnny and my father is a striptease artist.”
The teacher gasped and quickly
changed the subject. Later, in the school yard, the teacher approached Little
Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced
nude.
Little Johnny blushed and said, “No, he’s really a Business Development
Director at Lehman Brothers, but I’m just too embarrassed to tell anyone.”
Because of the ongoing market turmoil, several companies are merging in order
to survive. Some results of these mergers:
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay
Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become – Hale, Mary,
Fuller, Grace
3M and Goodyear will merge and become – MMMGood
FedEx is
expected to join its competitor UPS to become – FedUP
Honeywell and Dewey
Electronics – Honey Dew
The government is going to be handing out rebate checks. We’re like a bad
car dealership now in this country, handing out the rebate checks. They’re
trying to restore confidence in the U.S. economy. The bad news – half the people
want the money in euros, the other half want it in pesos. – Jay Leno