very off-topic: human needs - sex vs. relationships

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163749
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So... I'm sorry if some of you find this beyond the pale for the list,
but you know, the HOF community lately is my only social outlet (as
sad as that sounds), because my social groups in south Florida eroded
while I was away last year.

Many of you know that Tiff and I are bi/polyamorous -- or at least we
consider ourselves to be, although in the past 5 years we've not found
anyone we've been able to develop a good long-term poly relationship
with. Tiff is subscribed to a number of poly mailing lists and
yesterday someone posted an introduction on one of those lists saying
they were poly and providing a link to their site/profile/whatever...
So Tiff checked it out and it's all about sex/swinging -- the term
polyamory (or any variation) isn't mentioned anywhere, just sex, sex
and some more sex. So rather than lambast them (which happens to
swingers who wander on to the wrong poly lists), Tiff sent a reply
saying simply that it was a poly list and that as such they weren't
very likely to receive the kind of response ("hey, ya wanna hook up?")
they were likely interested in from that list. Apparently someone else
on the list (not the moderator) took offense and lambasted her for
pointing out the distinction between people who typically identify as
poly ("relationships -- 'multiple _loves_' -- sex is good with people
you love") and people who typically identify as swingers ("sex --
probably only sex -- in many cases, 'love' with more than one person
is scary and avoided like the plague").

Excerpt from his response:

---------------------------

My impression of a poly gathering so far is that bunch of unfuckables
are coming together to prove their worth. Cuz if they know they are
sexy, why stop when chemistry is right? Do we want to limit ourselves
by definitions? Or do we want our love to be unlimited? Who can
distinguish the purpose of sex from the purpose of relating? How can
one relate to another without the ultimate closeness of genital
contact? My brain hurts from these questions and too much tequilla...
Cudos to all of you who know me in bed and yet did not form a
relationship.. Next life, maybe..

---------------------------

I dunno... it just seems to me like any reasonable person with a
diverse set of emotions (like, I think most people have) should be
able to tell the difference between someone who wants to _know_ you
(your loves, your hates, your quirks, the "art" of you) and someone
who just wants to get in your pants because they're addicted to the
endorphine release of orgasm.

For instance -- the "art" of Jim Davis (if you pay attention, there's
a very definate style to all of his emails, a certain way he talks,
and the way he uses the ^ character in emoticons) is very different
from the "art" of mtangry (this is self-explanatory isn't it?) or Tony
Weed... err... I mean Weeg. :) My moods vary (I hope most people's do)
and although I'm not sexually attracted to _any_ of the
afforementioned men (no offense guys, you're just not my type. :) I
enjoy "hanging out" and talking about things (I hope most people do)
and that experience would be different with each of them so I'd like
to think it's natural that as my moods change, I would want to spend
that time talking with different people. I wouldn't go pal-around with
Jim when I'm mtAngry, because Jim doesn't seem like the sort of person
who'd enjoy that mood. And I'm not likely to hang out with Tony much
at all because, well, I don't know how to inhale. :P

No wonder so many self-identified "poly people" have that knee-jerk
response to swingers... <sigh>

FUCK-WIT!

/end rant...

yeah, I'm in one of those mtAngry moods...


s. isaac dealey 954.522.6080
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[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163753
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> From: S. Isaac Dealey [mailto:in...@turnkey.to]

> yeah, I'm in one of those mtAngry moods...

First off... doesn't onTap have a plugin to help you? Just kidding of course
:-)

Secondly, I am really not angry! I think we need to squash this nonsense
because people I don't even know are like "aren't you that dude who is all
angry all the time on those cf lists". Geeeeezus! LOL

I do get fired up about certain issues, usually anythin Sam says or some
other assanine comment made by someone... but don't confuse fiery discussion
with anger; it is not evne close to me being angry :-)

Finally, I enjoyed hijacking this thread, please resume normal replies. :-)

MTHappy.




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[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163757
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Isaac: I ALWAYS love reading your posts.

I wish I could answer this one intelligently - but I just wanted to let
you know: I love ya babe ;) And I love your posts.

I'm not into your lifestyle - but I love reading your tales about it!
Isn't human life a wonderment?

Cheers,
Erika

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163759
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I'd say that anyone who has to ask the following question is probaby
not worth your time...

> How can
> one relate to another without the ultimate closeness of genital
> contact?

as for the following -- cudos indeed :)

> Cudos to all of you who know me in bed and yet did not form a
> relationship

Dana

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163760
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Nope. Almost totally with you on this one. Except that for me,
monogamy is preferred. With girls.

I much prefer a sexual _relationship_ than sex. If I don't really like
the person, I'm not going to sleep with them. That's why it is called
being intimate.

This is a problem in and around Boston, where most women my age are
not looking for a relationship, just casual sex.

20 years ago I would have been thrilled. Now, not so much.

Jerry Johnson

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163764
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Well, while I don't really get the poly lifestyle (trying to stay
emotionally connected to one man is enough, thanks), I definitely get
the distinction between poly and swinger.

And, yah, that guy sounds like a jerk.

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163770
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Sounds like a jerk, no he's demonstrated in the first sentance that he
is a jerk. Actually I'd say major ass. The sort of person its not
worth getting upset over.

larry

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[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163772

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>> From: S. Isaac Dealey [mailto:in...@turnkey.to]

>> yeah, I'm in one of those mtAngry moods...

> First off... doesn't onTap have a plugin to help you? Just
> kidding of course :-)

Friends onTap? Not (yet)... :P

> Secondly, I am really not angry! I think we need to squash
> this nonsense
> because people I don't even know are like "aren't you that
> dude who is all
> angry all the time on those cf lists". Geeeeezus! LOL

Heh... I didn't realize it had gone that far. :P
It's just such a catchy play on your name tho...

> I do get fired up about certain issues, usually anythin
> Sam says or some
> other assanine comment made by someone... but don't
> confuse fiery discussion
> with anger; it is not evne close to me being angry :-)

> Finally, I enjoyed hijacking this thread, please resume
> normal replies. :-)

> MTHappy.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Henceforth, Michael T. Tangore, formerly known as MTAngry shall be
known as MTFluffy!

-- of course, now you need to have your last name legally changed to
Fluffgore. :)

s. isaac dealey 954.522.6080
new epoch : isn't it time for a change?

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the onTap open source framework

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[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163773

---
> Isaac: I ALWAYS love reading your posts.

> I wish I could answer this one intelligently
> - but I just wanted to let you know: I love
> ya babe ;) And I love your posts.

> I'm not into your lifestyle - but I love reading your
> tales about it! Isn't human life a wonderment?

Thanks Erika.

I love you too, chickie. ;)

I guess if nothing else I'm never at a loss for "interesting" in my
life. Now if I could only make it a little less "interesting" in the
Chinese sense... :)

s. isaac dealey 954.522.6080
new epoch : isn't it time for a change?

add features without fixtures with
the onTap open source framework

http://www.fusiontap.com
http://coldfusion.sys-con.com/author/4806Dealey.htm

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163776
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On 7/8/05, S. Isaac Dealey <in...@turnkey.to> wrote:

> No wonder so many self-identified "poly people" have that knee-jerk
> response to swingers... <sigh>

Heh. That rant takes me back. My problem with the various alternative
lifestyle communities was the people part of it. People just suck.

-Kevin

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163779

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> From: S. Isaac Dealey [mailto:in...@turnkey.to]

> Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
>
> Henceforth, Michael T. Tangore, formerly known as MTAngry
> shall be known as MTFluffy!
>
> -- of course, now you need to have your last name legally
> changed to Fluffgore. :)

YOU FUCKER :-)

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163781
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first of all. you would totally dig the weeg man. nice guy.
completely and utterly straight to the point of sickeness and
certainly approves of sex only relationships (enjoyed the fuck
out of them during my Before-Jayme years :) but with that outta
the way, not trying to defend myself, but if i had more time, id write
posts just like jim's ( i just dont have the time :)

he is a nice guy, REALLY not as angry as he comes across
and for the love of god, i do not inhale, havent in years, i just
like to stand up for those that do... as they shouldnt be persecuted

:) tw

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163782
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> On 7/8/05, S. Isaac Dealey <in...@turnkey.to> wrote:
>> No wonder so many self-identified "poly people"
>> have that knee-jerk response to swingers... <sigh>

> Heh. That rant takes me back. My problem with the
> various alternative lifestyle communities was the
> people part of it. People just suck.

Hey hey now... not all of us... some of us understand foreplay. :)


p.s. I've never been a big fan of the "hell is other people" cliche,
although there are times that I do understand how it became a cliche
-- this is one of them.

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163790
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FLUFFGORE!!!!

sounds like al gore's daughters snatch's name :)

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163793
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> From: Tony Weeg [mailto:tony...@gmail.com]

> FLUFFGORE!!!!
> sounds like al gore's daughters snatch's name :)

Yes... I gave her that name thank you very much. :-)




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Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163808
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S.Isaac Dealey wrote:
> So... I'm sorry if some of you find this beyond the pale for the list,
> but you know, the HOF community lately is my only social outlet (as
> sad as that sounds), because my social groups in south Florida eroded
> while I was away last year.

Dude, anytime you need a bitch session, or a friend to back you up, or
whatever, just IM me. Whatt're pals for, right?

> with. Tiff is subscribed to a number of poly mailing lists and
> yesterday someone posted an introduction on one of those lists saying
> they were poly and providing a link to their site/profile/whatever...
> So Tiff checked it out and it's all about sex/swinging -- the term
> polyamory (or any variation) isn't mentioned anywhere, just sex, sex
> and some more sex. So rather than lambast them (which happens to
> swingers who wander on to the wrong poly lists), Tiff sent a reply
> saying simply that it was a poly list and that as such they weren't
> very likely to receive the kind of response ("hey, ya wanna hook up?")
> they were likely interested in from that list. Apparently someone else

Sounds like a kind, reasoned response to me. I dont' see anything wrong
with letting people know they're barking up the wrong tree.

> My impression of a poly gathering so far is that bunch of unfuckables
> are coming together to prove their worth. Cuz if they know they are

So.... Why are you on this list again? I know *I* wouldn't fuck
someone with that attitude, regardless of gender or physical assets. So
where does he get off insulting others?

> sexy, why stop when chemistry is right? Do we want to limit ourselves
> by definitions? Or do we want our love to be unlimited? Who can
> distinguish the purpose of sex from the purpose of relating? How can

Ooh, ooh! I can! I can relate to people without getting my rocks off.
You know, like my Dad, my friends, basically anyone of the male
persuasion. I can get my rocks off without relating. I call this
"masturbation". I particularly like getting my rocks off with people I
relate to.

> one relate to another without the ultimate closeness of genital
> contact? My brain hurts from these questions and too much tequilla...
> Cudos to all of you who know me in bed and yet did not form a
> relationship.. Next life, maybe..

Well, I like to talk. You know, about things like philosohy, religion,
math, and cartoons. Unless we're talking about the mathematics of the
philosophy of demons in hentai, genitals don't usually come into play
here. Maybe if you had a sober conversation with someone without trying
to jump their bones, you might get it. Not that there's anything wrong
with being horny, mind you.

> I dunno... it just seems to me like any reasonable person with a

See, there's your mistake, Ike. You want "reasonable," when this person
(to me) has adaquately demonstrated that they aren't.

> and although I'm not sexually attracted to _any_ of the
> afforementioned men (no offense guys, you're just not my type. :) I

Back off guys. He's mine.
/me ducks and runs

> No wonder so many self-identified "poly people" have that knee-jerk
> response to swingers... <sigh>

I think it goes beyond that. I would guess that part of the problem is
that so many people outside the poly lifestyle don't know the
difference. People hear that you date others while having a serious
relationship with Tiff, and assume the point is that you just like
jumping in the sack with other people. I know that's not accurate. You
know that's not accurate. But I bet it's irritating anyway.

That's just a guess, though. :-)


Hey? Where'd this soapbox come from? And why am I standing on it?

--Ben

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Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163827
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Nice try but it's not my fault everyone thinks your an angry ass.

On 7/8/05, Michael T. Tangorre wrote:
> I do get fired up about certain issues, usually anythin Sam says or some
> other assanine comment made by someone... but don't confuse fiery discussion
> with anger; it is not evne close to me being angry :-)

[arc...@houseoffusion.com]

Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163831
---
> From: Sam [mailto:samm...@gmail.com]

> Nice try but it's not my fault everyone thinks your an angry ass.

Sorry Sam, take a Centrum Silver and calm down, ass-hat.




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Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:163834
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Centrum Silver, now that's funny.

On 7/8/05, Michael T. Tangorre wrote:

> Sorry Sam, take a Centrum Silver and calm down, ass-hat.