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[Danny Hosford]

Theflaws extend beyond the mystery to the payoff. The mystery itself would matter less if the payoff delivered, providing Helen and the audience with catharsis. But Glass Onion falters because the ending is nonsensical and insignificant.

Late in the film, Blanc gives a speech that perfectly encapsulates how I feel about Glass Onion. Blanc was spelling out the answer to the mystery for the audience, but he may as well had been talking about the movie.

I expected a complex puzzle, densely layered, mysterious, and inscrutable. I expected complexity and intelligence. What I got confounded me like no other: a mind-numbingly obvious film as hollow and fragile as its name suggests.

It wasn\u2019t until the end that I understood why Knives Out 2 is titled Glass Onion. The movie is as fragile and hollow as its name suggests. Sure, it might be perfectly pleasant, but crack open its superficial layer and nothing of substance remains.

Rian Johnson, who wrote and directed Knives Out and Glass Onion, is one of my favorite directors. I love Knives Out \u2014 so much that I casted my version of the sequel for the second edition of this newsletter. Looper is one of my favorite films. I like almost everything about The Last Jedi; I think it\u2019s the best film of the Star Wars sequel trilogy by a wide margin.

Generally, I do not enjoy writing about movies that I do not like. For one, people should like the movies that they like, and in the case of Glass Onion, everyone but me appears to like it, which is okay. I\u2019m not here to tell anyone that they should not like Glass Onion. I\u2019m just here to tell you why I did not like it. Two, I try to always view a movie through the lens of what the filmmaker is trying to accomplish, because I\u2019d rather appreciate what a filmmaker accomplished rather than criticize their shortcomings. Three, I started this newsletter to write about the stuff in movies that excites me \u2014 what I\u2019m passionate about. This is the first post I\u2019ve written that can be characterized as negative. I imagine it\u2019ll be the last one for a while. So, if you\u2019re new here and didn\u2019t sign up for a cranky, negative post about a film you enjoyed, don\u2019t worry \u2014 back to regular programming soon.

Chances are, if you\u2019ve seen Glass Onion, you liked it. Released in theaters for a single week over Thanksgiving, it grossed $15 million. The showing I attended was so overstuffed that AMC moved it to a larger room without telling anyone, which led to absolute mayhem in the age of reserved seating. The movie boasts an approval rating in the 90s from both critics and audiences. It very well may be nominated for Best Picture. All of which is to say, the people love Glass Onion.

But it\u2019s a hollow shell of a movie. The mystery is entirely too predictable, the characters are all fluff, the payoff is inconsequential, and the mechanics of the story don\u2019t survive scrutiny. Glass Onion is all flavor, no substance \u2014 like a bag of Lay\u2019s. Enjoyable? Sure. Substantive? Not at all.

Like Knives Out before it, Glass Onion is a murder mystery. This time around, world famous detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) is hired by Helen (Janelle Monae) to figure out who killed her sister, Andi (also Monae), the founder and former CEO of a tech company called Alpha. To figure out who killed Andi, Blanc and Helen travel to billionaire Miles Bron\u2019s (Edward Norton) private island in Greece for a murder mystery party that Miles is hosting for his closest friends.

There, there\u2019s Alpha scientist Lionel, Connecticut governor Claire, fashion designer Birdie, men\u2019s rights Twitch streamer Duke and his girlfriend Whiskey, among a few other \u201Cdouchey friends,\u201D as Johnson described them. The only thing you really need to know about the side characters is that they\u2019re all terrible, selfish people who will do anything to advance their own agendas at the expense of others and that they\u2019re friends with Miles because he helps them achieve their agendas.

Before her passing, Andi shared a complicated history with Miles. Once friends who founded Alpha, Miles ousted Andi from the company when she refused to move forward with his pet project, a new hydrogen-based alternative fuel called Klear that happens to be as explosive as the Hindenburg. During the fight over the company, their close friends \u2014 the same ones on the island \u2014 perjured themselves at trial by testifying that Miles, not Andi, provided the founding idea of the company. Miles won and took over the company. Andi turned up dead. Before her death, Andi found the cocktail napkin that she scribbled the founding idea for Alpha on, theoretically proving that Alpha should belong to her, not Miles.

After Helen comes to Blanc for help, he hatches a plan: Helen will pretend to be Andi and use Andi\u2019s invitation to the party to gain access to the island, where they\u2019ll uncover the identity of the killer. Blanc, on the other hand, will show up and pretend that he was invited.

It works. The friends can\u2019t tell Helen apart from Andi (remember: they think Andi is still alive) and Miles is so amused that the world famous Blanc has shown up to his murder mystery party that he lets him stay. From there, Helen and Blanc figure out that it was Miles who killed Andi, that Miles poisoned Duke at the party after Duke found out about Andi\u2019s death, and that Miles is now in possession of the smoking napkin.

After Miles burns the napkin out of Helen\u2019s hands, Helen destroys Miles\u2019 expensive artwork and then uses Klear to lay waste to his mansion, including the real Mona Lisa that he has on loan from the Louvre, destroying his reputation. As a result, all of his friends agree to testify against him \u2014 that they saw Miles driving away from Andi\u2019s house when she was killed, that they saw him burn the napkin, and that they saw him take Duke\u2019s gun, which he used to shoot (but not kill) Helen. The police arrive. The end.

There\u2019s a reason Knives Out became a phenomenon that transformed into a Netflix saga that will make Johnson filthy rich. Sure, it was funny and entertaining, but beneath the surface was: (1) a substantive story about a compelling character (Ana de Armas) we could root for against a family of spoiled brats, (2) a mystery that was difficult to crack, and (3) a rewarding payoff that made the entire viewing experience worthwhile. The shot of de Armas standing on the balcony with the coffee mug is one of my favorite endings to a movie in recent memory.

Although Glass Onion is almost as funny and entertaining and features a character in Helen who, on paper, is easy to root for against a band of selfish friends, the mystery is not difficult to crack and the payoff is entirely devoid of reward \u2014 to the point where it made the previous two hours feel like a waste.

As for the answer to the mystery itself \u2014 who killed Andi \u2014 the answer is inexplicably obvious. It turns out, the person who killed Andi is the person who had the most to gain by killing her: Miles, who needed Andi and the napkin to go away in order to protect himself as the owner of Alpha so that he can move forward with Klear.

Affirming our suspicions is the fact that Miles clearly murders Duke at the party less than halfway through the film, after Duke learns of Andi\u2019s death thanks to a Google Alert. It\u2019s embarrassingly evident that Miles is the murderer, because he kills Duke in plain sight. Duke dies immediately after taking a drink from a glass \u2014 a glass that the movie very clearly shows is placed into Duke\u2019s hands by Miles. And if you know Miles killed Duke, then you can probably guess that he also killed Andi.

Miles tries to pretend that the poison was intended for him because Duke drank from his glass \u2014 thus, he says, someone is trying to kill him. If we buy his story, then the killer is still at large.

Knives Out is great in part because it features a bunch of terrible people turning against each other. It\u2019s like Game of Thrones, Ivy League edition. They all conceivably could\u2019ve committed the murder, which made it fun, figuring out the mystery. Glass Onion, on the other hand, is just a big collection of douches all on the same side, being douches together. Funny, sure. But the movie never really plays the characters against each other, seriously interrogates them, or gives the audience a reason to think any of them could have conceivably killed Andi. All clues, always, point toward Miles. It was so obvious that as I was sitting in the theater, I kept thinking that I was missing something \u2014 that it had to be someone else because there was no way Johnson would design a mystery this easily answered. It turns out, the mystery really is that simple.

After Helen finds the napkin that proves Andi founded Alpha, she accidentally allows Miles to burn it, destroying the only evidence that, in theory, establishes that Alpha was Andi\u2019s idea, not Miles\u2019.

Except that, the napkin is not the smoking gun the movie pretends it is. For one, the napkin proves nothing definitive at all. How we do know when Andi wrote it? How we do we know she didn\u2019t write it down after Miles told her about his idea? And so on. Two, the napkin might not even be admissible in court because it might qualify as hearsay, violating the Federal Rules of Evidence and nullifying its importance. Three, even if the napkin is admissible in court, it does not prove that Miles murdered Andi; at most, it might prove that Andi came up with the idea behind Alpha, which might give Miles a motive to kill Andi, but it hardly proves that he did in fact kill Andi. And the point of the movie is not to give the company back to Andi, who is very much dead, but to nail Andi\u2019s murderer. The napkin hardly helps in that regard. It\u2019s as if the movie got confused and thought it was trying to prove that Miles didn\u2019t create Alpha rather than that he murdered Andi.

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