Endurance athletes !!
Stuart Strang
Are you keen on dating an ENDURANCE ATHLETE ???
A dating guide
to understanding your triathlete (or runner or cyclist...)
"I am an outdoors type of person."
Really means: I train in any type of weather. If its raining, snowing, 90
degrees w/100% humidity, or winds gusting at 30 mph. I don't want to hear any
complaints because I will still train in it and you're just a big wuss for
complaining about it.
"I enjoy riding my bike." Really means:
With or w/o aero bars, alone or in a peloton, I don't care. If you can't do a
spur of the moment 30 miler then you're not my type. I will let you draft, but
if you can't hang and I drop you - I will see you later. I am a capable
mechanic, but don't expect me to change your flats or tune your bike. You need
to learn that on your own.
"I enjoy jogging." Really means: Lets
run hills until we puke. I have just as many shoes as you only mine are better
because they are functional and all look the same.
"I enjoy dining out." Really means: I
enjoy eating out, in or anywhere else I can find food. Don't be shy because
with the amount of food I eat, you can have that main entree instead of a salad
and you will still look as though you eat like a rabbit in comparison. Don't
get your limbs too close though as I may take a bite out of you. Most
importantly don't expect any taste off my plate unless you can bring something
to the party like more food. Eventually though if your not burning 4,000+
calories a day your going to plump up and have a terrible complex due to
watching me eat deserts and not gain any weight. Friends and family will
eventually decide not to dine with us anymore due to my horrid table manners.
Oh, and don't ask me any questions during breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch,
afternoon lunch, dinner or recovery dinner as it does not lend to efficient
food intake.
"I enjoy quiet walks on the beach."
Really means: Walks on the beach warming up into an 8 mile run and then
plunging myself in the ocean for a 2 miler. If you get in my way you're going
to find out what mass start is and let me assure you that you don't want to
find out.
"I find fulfilment in charitable work."
Really means: If I am not racing, I am volunteering or cheering on my buddies
and I expect you to be there along side me as I stand out in 90 degree weather
for 8 hours handing out sports drink to cyclists going 20 mph. Just stick the
ol' arm out there and hope it doesn't get taken off.
"I enjoy sharing quiet moments
together." Really means: It's taper time. Just back off because I am
strategizing, trying to get into the zone and in a pissy mood because I am
worried about my "A" race and can't workout.
"I am an active person." Really means:
Aside from my 40 hour job, and the 8 mandatory hours of sleep a night. 10 hours
a week are devoted to me during the off-season and 20 during race season
leaving us 4 hours. 2 of which are spent inhaling food and you not talking to
me, so lets make the best of the 2 hours we will spend together on average each
day.
If you are a licensed message therapist or doctor
this would make the most optimal use of our time together. Nutritionist is also
acceptable, but I probably already know just as much as you.
"I enjoy road trips and vacations."
Really means: You have your choice of British Columbia,
Wisconsin, Idaho,
Florida, California,
Arizona, and New York, but don't expect to do much site
seeing. But if I get enough support from you we might be able to include Hawaii in there.
"I enjoy site seeing." Really means:
Lets grab a mountain bike and get our HR's up to 90%. There's plenty of time to
look around on the descent as trees and bushes whiz by you at 40 mph.
"I like stimulating conversation."
Really means: while we are running, we can talk about food. Then we can talk
about how we decided what to wear on this run based on the temperature at start
time versus the temperature at the time we expect to finish, how horribly out
of shape we are, how many miles we did last week, and how many we will do this
week and next week. Then we can talk about food.
"I enjoy relaxing soaks in the tub."
Really Means: I'm going to stop on the way home and buy two bags of ice, throw
them in the tub with some water, and sit in this torture chamber for 30
minutes.
"I'm interested in photography" Really
Means: My camera is permanently perched a tripod in front of my trainer. I
obsess over taking photos of my bike position and analyzing them to get the
perfect set-up.
"I'm into in technology" Really Means:
My HRM and bike computer are my best friends. Until you can give me some hard
data that can improve my training, don't bother trying to buddy up to me. You
could one day break into the top three if you recognize and feed my dependancy
by buying me more gear.
Article courtesy of an anonymous Triathlete who is
likely still single, from Toronto, and who
completed rather well the Lake Placid Ironman
in 2006. For a small fee we'll connect you to this handsome and successful
individual...(works "downtown" Toronto
in the "money business"
--
Stuart
Chelsea Strang
Chelsea Strang
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