Re: Here are some things that are helping me...

[tobenormalagain]

Hello,

I was in theraphy because of a near breakdown due to this problem.  When I finally opened up regarding this problem in a group I was pretty much turned out my the other members, the therapist and the clinic.  So, if I go to theraphy again it will not be for this specific problem that's for sure.

Thank you for your story!

desiretobenormalagain

On Saturday, November 5, 2011 7:50:17 AM UTC-7, desire2bnorm38.5 wrote:

Not sure if anyone knows my situation or not, but I recently started going to a therapist once a week. The best thing I ever did! No I do not have any meds Yet! But that will come with time. I have so many things to share that are helping me so much. First off some in-site, I had only one person I was talking to about this, that was my best-est friend I've somehow managed to hold onto for 16yrs. And I JUST started talking to her about it, she's the one that really pushed me to see a therapist.She has struggled with alcohol and drug addiction for as long as I've known her. (We both did at one point.) So she's one of the best people to go to when my paranoia aka 'My Problem' kicks in. It's very similar to an addiction. It's something you have to fight within yourself. My paranoia is what triggers 'the problem.' So she's like my sponsor, when I feel weak she reminds me I'm not. Any who, because I've been sharing this with her and seeing a therapist, I've managed to muster up the nerve to really share this with my husband. Which I've dropped hints before to him, I just didn't think he really got it. Surprisingly he actually did get what I was telling him but because I wasn't direct about it, neither was he, so it wasn't to the point where I could go to him when I needed to. Now I can!!! Half the weight is gone!! Therefor I'm stronger. We all know that sharing this with your spouse is hard. We all do not want to disappoint them or have them see us in negative way, especially when it comes to something of this nature. But it's worth it!! The people closest to you know your heart better than ANYONE, they truly deserve more credit than we give them. Keep that in mind.

 

Having said that my therapist made some really great points. First he asked me: How did you feel the first time this happened? My Answer: I felt like a pervert. I'm sure most of us can remember back to the first time this happened. Traumatic for you wasn't it?? Traumatic seems like a strong word but in your mind your thinking 'how could I do such a thing?? ' This is traumatic for you. Well because it was so traumatic, in our mind instead of thinking,..I felt like a pervert. Our mind converts it to...You are a pervert. Simply put our mind took a TRUTH: We FELT like a pervert. and made it into a FALSE: We ARE a pervert. Therefor traumatizing us. And well, people just don't forget traumatic things that happen to them. We just don't it's human nature. So, now you have the color red in your head, and it just won't leave, cause seeing that color red was just so traumatic for you. Then, you got other's who saw you looking at the color red...Devistating. Now they tell so and so that you were looking at the color red ect...ect...ect... Now Everyone is saying your looking at the color red, and now you just can't stop noticing the color red. EVERYWHERE!! Here's the thing..YOU ARE JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT!!!! Sounds terrible but your not. People have much better things to do with their time than just talk about you looking at the color red. What happens is our mind is choosing to filter in what ever supports our paranoia. We're not filtering in ALL the information.They may not be saying anything what so ever that has anything to do with us seeing the color red. But our mind is saying they are. And if they don't have anything better to do with their time then to talk about you looking at the color red, well then it's NONE OF 'YOUR' BUSINESS what they think. Their opinion of you is NONE OF 'YOUR' BUSINESS. Just like your opinion of them is none of 'their' business.

 

So if I say to you: Your hair is blue. Your gonna look at me like I'm a nut case and say: No, my hair color is brown/blond etc. Right?? Exactly!!! So are you a pervert just cause you FELT like one. NO!!!! YOU ARE NOT!!!!!!! Your hair color is brown/blonde.....

 

ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD FOR ALL OF YOU...hope this helps...  ;)

Will be back with more when I get more.

On Saturday, November 5, 2011 7:50:17 AM UTC-7, desire2bnorm38.5 wrote:

Not sure if anyone knows my situation or not, but I recently started going to a therapist once a week. The best thing I ever did! No I do not have any meds Yet! But that will come with time. I have so many things to share that are helping me so much. First off some in-site, I had only one person I was talking to about this, that was my best-est friend I've somehow managed to hold onto for 16yrs. And I JUST started talking to her about it, she's the one that really pushed me to see a therapist.She has struggled with alcohol and drug addiction for as long as I've known her. (We both did at one point.) So she's one of the best people to go to when my paranoia aka 'My Problem' kicks in. It's very similar to an addiction. It's something you have to fight within yourself. My paranoia is what triggers 'the problem.' So she's like my sponsor, when I feel weak she reminds me I'm not. Any who, because I've been sharing this with her and seeing a therapist, I've managed to muster up the nerve to really share this with my husband. Which I've dropped hints before to him, I just didn't think he really got it. Surprisingly he actually did get what I was telling him but because I wasn't direct about it, neither was he, so it wasn't to the point where I could go to him when I needed to. Now I can!!! Half the weight is gone!! Therefor I'm stronger. We all know that sharing this with your spouse is hard. We all do not want to disappoint them or have them see us in negative way, especially when it comes to something of this nature. But it's worth it!! The people closest to you know your heart better than ANYONE, they truly deserve more credit than we give them. Keep that in mind.

 

Having said that my therapist made some really great points. First he asked me: How did you feel the first time this happened? My Answer: I felt like a pervert. I'm sure most of us can remember back to the first time this happened. Traumatic for you wasn't it?? Traumatic seems like a strong word but in your mind your thinking 'how could I do such a thing?? ' This is traumatic for you. Well because it was so traumatic, in our mind instead of thinking,..I felt like a pervert. Our mind converts it to...You are a pervert. Simply put our mind took a TRUTH: We FELT like a pervert. and made it into a FALSE: We ARE a pervert. Therefor traumatizing us. And well, people just don't forget traumatic things that happen to them. We just don't it's human nature. So, now you have the color red in your head, and it just won't leave, cause seeing that color red was just so traumatic for you. Then, you got other's who saw you looking at the color red...Devistating. Now they tell so and so that you were looking at the color red ect...ect...ect... Now Everyone is saying your looking at the color red, and now you just can't stop noticing the color red. EVERYWHERE!! Here's the thing..YOU ARE JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT!!!! Sounds terrible but your not. People have much better things to do with their time than just talk about you looking at the color red. What happens is our mind is choosing to filter in what ever supports our paranoia. We're not filtering in ALL the information.They may not be saying anything what so ever that has anything to do with us seeing the color red. But our mind is saying they are. And if they don't have anything better to do with their time then to talk about you looking at the color red, well then it's NONE OF 'YOUR' BUSINESS what they think. Their opinion of you is NONE OF 'YOUR' BUSINESS. Just like your opinion of them is none of 'their' business.

 

So if I say to you: Your hair is blue. Your gonna look at me like I'm a nut case and say: No, my hair color is brown/blond etc. Right?? Exactly!!! So are you a pervert just cause you FELT like one. NO!!!! YOU ARE NOT!!!!!!! Your hair color is brown/blonde.....

 

ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD FOR ALL OF YOU...hope this helps...  ;)

Will be back with more when I get more.

[desire2bnorm38.5]

[desire2bnorm38.5]

What I was getting at, when your in the situation that makes you feel like you want to look at the color red. Tell yourself...My Hair Is Brown/Blond etc. NOT BLUE. You are not a pervert. Your hair is not BLUE!! Take comfort in this, because it is true!!!!  

 

When you think others are talking about you, tell yourself...You are just not that important and it's none of your business anyways. Also remember, THEY, ARE JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT!!! There are other people in YOUR life more important than them, YOU, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR KIDS, YOUR TRUE FRIENDS, they are the ONLY ones that matter.

 

And open up to someone, get yourself a sponsor. It WILL help!! They can bring you back to reality, because we truly have lost touch with reality. That is what our problem is.

 

Good luck, pls let me know if some of these things work for you.....

[HiPeople]

Hi Desira2,

I think what you are talking about with the red color is sometimes called "emotional reasoning."  For example, suppose a person has an intense fear of flying on a passenger plane but is quite comfortable driving their car.  Then because of the fear that they feel, they may think that flying is extremely dangerous, even though rational statistics would say it is safer than driving a car.  This is a difficult kind of thing to overcome I think but maybe just writing it down and looking at from two viewpoints, and then trying to determine what they really believe to be true might help.

You might right down your feelings, such as embarrassment, your thought such as that you think you are a pervert, and then write down your counter argument.  You know in your heart you are just normal.  Try to decide which statement you really believe to be true.  

And if you think that other people think that, and this is something I do all the time, then perhaps the thinking error is what I have read is called "mind reading".  We can't obviously read other people's minds, yet sometimes we assume that we can.  We assume they are thinking negatively.  In reality, if I actually look, most people are not really particularly concerned about my problems and my guess is they probably are not concerned that much about your problems.

Gosh, it takes so much mental work to deal with problems.

Bye!

[OCDynamo]

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear that these people ostracised you for this. You should seek out therapy for this. It was a really insensitive and cruel thing to do. People struggle to be compassionate when they can't understand or it makes them feel uncomfortable. Don't stop looking for people who can help you heal. They are everywhere, you just have to ask. Metta