new to group

[stevieu]

Hi Guys
I am very happy to have found this group.
I am probably one of the senior sufferers of this nightmare problem. I
am a 57 year old and I have had this since I was 22.
I'll give a brief history of how my problem developed. I come from a
family that has
a lot of anxiety in our genes. I seemed to be very normal as a child
and up into my teenage years. When I was 17 I was put into a situation
that forced me to lie to my father on a regular basis. I had to keep
the fact that my mother was carrying on an affair a secret to him. A
few other triggers happened and then I started having the eye contact
issue with several coworkers and some strangers. At this point there
wasn't the looking at sexual parts problem, It was that it became very
uncomfortable to look at peoples eyes and I would look away. It was ok
with my family but not with others. I started drinking alot and when I
was drinking it relieved my pain and the problem was very tolerable.
About 5 years later, I was now 2 years into a marriage and very much
in love with my wife when a new component was added to this problem. A
coworker had
made a joke about his sexual prowess and pointed to his private area.
I glanced down at his private area and thus from that moment on the
real nightmare started. At first it was trying to avoid looking at
mens private parts
and then it escalated to womens several months later. It seemed the
harder I would try to fight it the worse it got. It was happening with
everybody. I think it was always a little better around close friends
and family, but they too were victims of my looking.
I have developed some little tricks to try and hide my problem at
times. Like when sitting at a table positioning myself so that
privates are not viewable from where I was sitting, always were dark
sunglasses outdoors, etc.
I still have some good friends and i have always wanted to try to just
explain this to them but I never be able to start that conversation. I
always wonder do the males think I am gay, do the females think I am
some sexual pervert. Do people just think I am weird. I find the only
time I am relaxed is when I am alone, when i know i dont have to worry
about my problem. I have tried therapy, psychotherapy, self help,
meditation, tai chi, you name it.........no help
I have made my peace with the fact that this is going to be with me
for the rest of my life and I try to make the most out of it. I still
have family and friends how do really love me ( I think they dont
understand my behavior but they know that I am incapable of anything
bad or innapropriate). I was wondering how you guys have handled that
part of the problem? Has anyone shared this problem in detail with
people close to them and if so, what was it like.....I hope whatever I
have said here is helpful in some way. Maybe if we can get some type
of exposure about this condition it would
help us all..........god bless everyone here

[Girlygirl]

Dear StevieU,

I read your story and I am currently in the same situation. I have
been suffering with this staring problem off and on since I was 11
years old but on a consistent basis since I was 14 years old, so it
has been about 17 years of living in this nightmare situation. I have
severe anxiety and I stare at people especially when I am anxious. I
even get tense when I hear loud voices and such. I am at work and I am
in an open environment and I feel like I am exposed and I stare at
everyone. I feel like my co-workers are talking about me and I feel
very sad and depressed that I stare at them.

The reason why I have this condition is because I know that during my
childhood I have suffered with sexual inappropriateness/molestation
which still has an effect on me to this day. I wish I can get rid of
this staring and I am afraid of losing friends.

StevieU, I just try to take it one day at a time. I am seeing a
therapist this week and is currently seeing a psychiatrist for
medication to deal with this condition. Hopefully, we can get better
with this condition.

God bless you.

[stevieu]

On Dec 11, 9:16 pm,
Hi Girly girl
I am happy to hear from you. It is just nice to know we are not alone
with this problem(i like to call it a nightmare because of what it
does to our lives). It never lets up! I have been dealing with it for
so long and the best I can do is try to cope in any way I can. I am
glad you started therapy and I hope it helps. I do also have anxiet,
and medication (zoloft), has definitely helped me with my panic
attacks. This problem however, I hate to say but I think it never
goes away. I have tried it all and no relief. I think the only relief
you can hope to find is from inside. Just try and let it go. Go ahead
and look for a split second and then look them in the eye after that.
We are normal but we cant stop this stuff!!!
Find your little techniques and always remember you are a good person.
Your life is much more than this affliction!!! we always forget that.
Great hearing from someone, take care. Hopefully we cab get afew more
people to talk here on a regular basis
god bless, happy holidays
steve;-)

[desire2bnorm38.5]

stevieu,

      Your problem started almost exactly the way mine did. It was and unfortunate incident that we made into a big deal. I was looking at someones necklace leaning over an island in my kitchen. She was exposed and I just froze when I took notice, and because of the nature of who it was, (whom I dare not say) it freaked me out. And has been this big deal ever since then. The meds help me alot! But unfortunately word of it has spread ALL OVER, which made the problem even worse and I just didn't have any control over it. Had others not of turned it into something sick and then tell EVERYONE and intentionally put me in situations to get me to look. (and these things really did happen, it wasn't my paranoia) I don't know that I would still have the problem. Cause my thoughts when it happened, certainly weren't bad in anyway, it just paralyzed me. I wish you the very best. Zoloft and Zanex are the meds I'm taking. Zanex helps soooo much with the anxiety which is most of the problem there. Zoloft will help with the ocd part of it. Cause that's what it is. We just obsess over things that most don't think twice about. Cause everybody looks. No doubt about it. 'We' just can't let it go and turn into something bigger.

[Shais Anees (shais@hotmail.dk / www.OCDstarring.com)]

Hi,

I also suffer from OCD staring where I can't stop stare at all people
around me from outside the eye corners / peripheral. I have stopped
school and work due to this problem which is now even destroying my
family life. But I am getting help and awaiting help now.

Please let us write together as penpals and share experience, adwice
and all so we can help each other.

My mail is: sh...@hotmail.dk

You can add me at Facebook if you like: just search by my mail:
sh...@hotmail.dk

You are also welcome to visit my very new website: www.ocdstarring.com
where I have found some useful articles from some doctors about this
OCD starring issue.

And please join our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/OCDstarring/
- we are eight members right now and it's growing...

Hoping to hear from you and getting in contact with you as I suffer
from the same and understand you 100%

[J&J]

Hi. I'm also new to the group, same problem, same nightmare. It's just
so crazy, and I feel for you all. I read some other posts, I think I
found 1 or 2 that had some sort of sexual stuff that occurred before
the problem started. Did any of you NOT have any sexual stuff happen
BEFORE it began? And then I read some of you have a spouse and
children! That's shocking to me because I don't feel anyone would ever
accept me like this. Did you find your partner BEFORE or AFTER it
started????? It makes me wonder if I was one of the "normals" and
never had this problem, how would I be around someone with this
problem? It took me about 10 years before I could tell a single sole.
These days I'll tell just about anyone on an needed basis only of
course. Anyway, I'm glad I have this place here and am very interested
in talking to others about this. Stay strong.

[desire2bnorm38.5]

J&J,

    Yes I did have my spouse before all this. I've explained it to him the best I could but still not sure he really gets it. Yes, I've had problems as a child but I don't believe that's the sole reason. But yes, it did contribute to the low self esteem, anxiety and the inability to let the small things go. I always dwell on little nonsense things and replay things in my mind over and over. Situations that had happened to me. Worrying about offending other people and dwell on that for weeks. When really it was probably not even offending to them. Silly stuff. I count the stairs when I go down them. Things in order, clothes hanging the same way in the closet and categorized on top of that etc. I could go on and on. This how ever is worse than all that. Because of it's sensitive nature. And you will find somebody. There are people out there that will see past that, people that can see your heart. I know they're out there, I have a few in my life. And I work extraordinarily hard to be one of them myself. Gonna check out that website Shais mentioned. Hope to see you there. The more people I find with this same problem the less alone I feel. Good Luck, stay strong and remember you are a good person and your not alone..

desire2bnorm38.5

[J&J]

desire2bnorm,
So your spouse is cool with it, I never knew anybody would be. Any
stuff in common between the looking complusion or the other things you
mention? Shais does has a cool site. I dig this one too. Happy to chat
here or there. From everything I found online, it has the most people
chatting. Maybe oldest history too? I read the entire site before
joining and it was a big help, hopes it does for others lurking
online.
J&J

[Nyah Molineaux]

I  visited the website as well and it was very informative.

--
Sincerely,
Nyah Molineaux, MPH
202-494-4022
levonem...@gmail.com

[desire2bnorm38.5]

J&J,

 Well I wldn't say he was completely cool with it. He really didn't understand till the other day when I actually blatantly said exactly what I do. The way I explained it before I thought was pretty clear but it wasn't. But I could tell he was taken back, but he knows  me and he knows I'm not a bad person with bad thoughts so, he's supportive. He has a much better idea of what I deal with at wk now, so that's a relief a big relief. But he still loves me just the same. It's amazing what your loved ones will understand if you give them the chance. He even said himself that EVERYONE does that, unfortunately WE just build it into something bigger than what it really is and then dwell on it. That's our only problem when it comes down to it.

Much Luck,

D.

[KLN222222]

Hi J&J,

I have had this problem for 40 years. Incredible embarrassment!

However, a lot of people could care less. I met my wife after it
started. She is extremely outgoing and embarrassed about very
little. A lot of girls do not care. They have other problems and
needs and this problem to them is so minor it is a nothing thing.

I have had three kids since then. I have a successful law practice
now.

I have told my wife who does not mind & is not concerned about it.
She has probably forgotten now.

I told a psychologist and she said it is normal to check people out.
Everyone does it. The problem is not so much the looking but the
extreme embarrassment.

But it is bearable. I can still have fun and enjoy myself and life.
I guess there are worse problems but it can seem very daunting at
times.

Very best to you.

[Shais Anees]

Please join our Facebook group:

 

OCD starring eye contact difficulty obsessive staring stare disorder anxiet

LINK: https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/OCDstarring/

 

We are 26 members right now suffering from the same sharing experience and advice every day. Please join us :)