Torah of Noah

[Noahide Videos Bible]

Torah of Noah

The 253 Official Rules of

The Kingdom of Noah

(aka The Kingdom of Noah Torah)


1. Thou Shalt Not Kill

2. Thou Shalt Do No Violence

3. Thou Shalt Not Eat Blood

4. Thou Shalt enjoy thy rock & roll, but thou shalt not let the party get out of hand

5. Thou Shalt enjoy thy wine, but thou again shalt not let the party get out of hand

6. Thy Rock & Roll parties on Saturday Night is generally the best way to go

7. Thou Shalt not have thy personal rock and roll up too loud, and make sure it gets lower and lower as the night goes on to allow people their proper rest

8. Thou shalt have thy teeth cleaned by water when you can

9. Thou shalt get a good diet which must include some fruits and vegetables for proper health

10. Thou shalt not eat too much meat – keep it to a minimum – too much is not good for the health

11. Thou shalt be concerned about thy health

12. Thou Shalt agree that you should not covet too much land to the detriment of thy neighbour’s right to also live on the land – you should not try and take it all, simply because you think you can just buy it, but you shall share your land and property with your neighbour to ensure peace, happiness, and enjoyment for all

13. Thou shalt share thy natural resources of thy nation fairly amongst the citizens

14. Thou shalt trade in equity, fairness and justice with all nations – do not attempt to prosper over them, but ensure they do not rip you off either – you shall have equitable, just and fair trade agreements

15. Thou shalt make thy spare national resources available to other nations in exchange for their own resources which you can utilize

16. Thou shalt trade fair resources for fair resources – neither party should profit unjustly over the other

17. Thou shalt have concern for thy neighbours welfare and ensure they have access to life, liberty, happiness and the pursuit of their dreams

18. Thou Shalt Wash Yourself after Sexual Relations to ensure no unpleasant substances affect you or others

19. Thou Shalt Wash yourself regularly and keep yourself clean

20. Thou Shalt Keep Tidy

21. Thou Shalt realize that men have penises and women have vaginas – and that there is a difference between men and women in the way that God designed them

22. Thou shalt realize that a feminine culture is a good idea for females and that a masculine culture is a good idea for males

23. Thou Shalt Wash Your Clothes

24. Thou Shalt Wear Clothes so as not to embarrass other people through thine nakedness

25. Thou Shalt Not Eat the Forbidden Fruit

26. Thou Shalt Not Steal

27. Thou Shalt Not Rape

28. Thou Shalt Wait until Puberty – Nature’s Signal – before practicing sexual relations

29. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, as fucking around if you have oathed to stay loyal to a partner is a sign of corruption and dishonour

30. Thou Shalt realize that a woman who has children to more than one man is not wise

31. Thou Shalt Honour Marriages as the foundation of a stable society

32. Thou Shalt Treat each other with kindness and respect to build a stable society of trust and respect

33. Thou Shalt realize that gay men can not fuck each other and have babies

34. Thou Shalt realize that the idea of gay marriages is pretty fucking stupid as they can’t make fucking babies

35. Thou Shalt realize that the Apostle Paul, in advocating that the Laws of God are redundant in Christ, is something of a dimwit as we need fucking rules to organize society, and thus Christian dogma is just pretty damn stupid

36. Thou Shalt have fair and true justice and judgements

37. Thou Shalt not kidnap people

38. Thou Shalt have a welfare system, thou shalt encourage education, and thou shalt attempt to contribute lawfulness and wisdom to the society to profit those dedicated to eternal life

39. Thou Shalt budget carefully to ensure your spending is upon the important needs to maintain your household

40. Thou Shalt exercise prudence and caution when it comes to the company and friendships that you keep – remember, not every supposed friend will act in your best interests or care for you properly

41. Thou Shalt keep honest and true land boundary records

42. Thou Shalt honour the law

43. Thou Shalt not appoint a corrupt judge to office, and thou shalt dismiss a corrupt judge from office

44. Thou Shalt not consult demonic entities for witchcraft

45. Thou Shalt realize that Astrology is bullshit

46. Thou Shalt realize that Tarot is a joke

47. Thou Shalt realize that Magic is unethical manipulation of the rights of others through spellcraft

48. Thou Shalt know that many people are offended by faggotry

49. Thou Shalt know that transsexuals make some people vomit

50. Thou Shalt realize that tattoos really suck in looking at them

51. Thou Shalt know that coveting other peoples stuff leads to jealousy and envy and theft

52. Thou Shalt get thine own stuff instead of being envious of thy neighbours

53. Thou Shalt have concern for thine parents because they are raising you and feeding you in this world

54. Thou Shalt not honour thy parents wishes if they intend sin for thee

55. Thou Shalt not get drunk in public places – it inevitably leads to embarrassing behaviour and violence

56. Thou Shalt not smoke cigarettes – they lead to cancer and a shitload of horrible diseases

57. Thou Shalt avoid illicit drugs – they only kill you in the end

58. Thou Shalt observe the traffic rules – if you speed, you will inevitably kill others or yourself

59. Thou Shalt ignore rabbinic hypocrisy – they are corrupt and full of gentile hating sin

60. Thou Shalt not be proud of thine own efforts, for pride corrupts the heart into thinking itself greater than it actually is

61. Thou Shalt realize that God made everything and designed everything – why is thine boast in a vain idol, a vain statue, a vain human, who sins constantly???

62. Thou Shalt realize that your vain kings and queens are puffed up with pride, and attempting to usurp authority in place of God and his laws, which are true and just forever

63. Thou Shalt realize that all civil codes are corrupted by human logic, not that of the divine, and allow sin in great quantities to prosper unchecked

64. Thou Shalt realize that freedom of religion is freedom to sin, which is inevitable death, and regard all such societal rules which allow this as corrupt

65. Thou Shalt remember the suffering of Israel under the corruption of slavery in Egypt and not allow the barbarity of slavery to enter your heart or soul by trying to enforce another human to the service of your carnal and mundane pleasures – and you shall also realize the limitations of Israel’s Torah by the fact that Israel is a corrupt servant of God, thus suffering the defilement of the flesh through the act of circumcision, as they promote the corruption of slavery and many other puffed up and pride-filled ways, exalting themselves over mankind

66. Thou shalt not put too heavy loads of theological teaching on young minds as everyone needs to learn about the rules of life, and you can’t learn everything instantly or all at once – so thou shalt allow some people decent, fair and reasonable grace as they learn how to live

67. Thou Shalt not worship idols like Jesus, or Buddha, or Even Noah – Noah is just our patriarchal father – he is NOT meant to be worshipped, nor is any human being

68. Thou Shalt realize that false idolatrous religions like Hinduism are full of shit

69. Thou Shalt definitely enjoy fucking your partner when the marriage is consummated, and seeing all their bodily assets is what life is all about – so ignore the idiotic rabbis when they advocate turning off all the lights to not see your partner in the marriage beds – (rabbis are dumb)

70. Thou Shalt be careful when dealing with Abraham and his circumcised army. They are most cunning in their deceptions and legalisms to attempt to rule over you.

71. Thou Shalt realize that the author of these rules does not insist you agree with every single one of them – but thou should get the fucking point that much thought and wisdom has gone into them

72. Thou Shalt realize the swears are necessary for people to get the fucking point

73. Thou Shalt realize that Harry Potter and Star Wars books and movies are enjoyable just as that – books and movies

74. Thou shalt give Israel a break for all the crap they have had to deal with – but watch those wall-worshipping rabbis – they will screw you over if they can

75. Thou shalt be merciful

76. Thou shalt be just

77. Thou shalt be kind

78. Thou shalt be loving

79. Thou shalt be honest

80. Thou shalt be brutally honest when necessary

81. Thou shalt humble the proud

82. Thou shalt have honest weights and measures

83. Thou shalt not commit fraud

84. Thou shalt feel free to insult Jewish Talmud Scholars in true Karaite Spirit

85. Thou shalt do all thine mockeries in a spirit of sarcastic love and affection

86. Thou shalt rebuketh bullies

87. Thou shalt not tolerate bullies

88. Thou shalt verily mocketh bullies

89. Thou shalt not fuck animals

90. Thou shalt not engage in any forms of sexual bestiality

91. Thou shalt ensure your working standards are legal, ethical, and according to the correct procedures of the company or business you work for

92. Thou shalt not exploit anybody

93. Thou shalt not exploit employees

94. Thou shalt pay fair, reasonable and just wages, and provide bonuses when the situation fairly warrants – yet thou shalt also provide a decent, good and reasonable profit for yourself and any shareholders also

95. Thou shalt not be ashamed of being rich, nor shalt thou be ashamed of being poor

96. Thou shalt strive for wealth and success carefully to build up your estate, as God likes wealth and treasures

97. Thou shalt not strive for wealth to a great degree if thou doesn’t really mind that much, but thou should never be jealous thus of those who do work for and strive for greater wealth

98. Thou shalt respect land laws and rights and peoples ownership of the land

99. Thou shalt agree that God had the right to punish Canaanites and dispossess them from their land because their sins were just too great in the end

100. Thou shalt get along with Israelites, and accept their Torah for the Holy Land of Israel and all residents of the Holy land of Israel

101. Thou shalt realize that outside of the Holy Land of Israel, the Torah of Israel only applies from Genesis 1 to 11:9, plus those judgements aimed specifically at the Noahide nations mentioned throughout the Tanakh

102. Thou shalt realize that according to Exodus 19 it is only the Israelites that are called to be a Kingdom of Priests and a Holy Nation, and that while according to Isaiah we must accept the light of Israel to the nations in the form of teaching directed at us as already specified in the Tanakh in the form of prophetical utterances or judgements of the Rainbow Bible which is Genesis 1 to 11:9, we are not called as Noahide Nations to usurp Israel’s role or be a Kingdom of Priests or a Holy Nation

103. Thou shalt realize the standards of the Noahide Nations need to be decent enough for us to get along well enough with in the end for us to pursue our dreams in the spirit of eternal life

104. Thou shalt not racially discriminate

105. Thou shalt realize that according to Torah Israelites are supposed to live in Israel

106. Thou shalt realize that Israelites having holidays or brief sojourns in the Noahide Nations is quite acceptable

107. Thou shalt have no slavery in Noahide Nations

108. Thy Nation shalt not oppress any other nation

109. Thou shalt seek the ways of national and international peace

110. Thou shalt have an economic and political system which acts in the best interests of every citizen, whatever the particular economic or political system you favour

111. Thou shalt realize that both right wing, left wing and central body of any political system are all necessary for the proper functioning of a political system, and respect each components rights to exercise authority when they are in office

112. Thou shalt not exercise political opposition simply for the sake of it, but that shalt exercise political opposition when the case at hand definitely warrants it

113. Thou shalt realize that Daniel 7 was JUST A DREAM OF DANIEL’S

114. Thou shalt respond to all Israelite suggestions of rights to rule Noahide Nations by quoting Isaac’s blessing on Esau and saying ‘We Noahides Shall Break Free of Cruel Israelite Slavery and Bondage and tell the Israelites to Go Fuck Themselves’

115. Thou Shalt be aware of ‘Who Wrote the Bible’ by Richard Elliott Friedman

116. Thou Shalt be aware of ‘Gospel Truth’ by Russell Shorto

117. Thou Shalt be aware of ‘The Jew and the Christian Missionary’ by Gerald Sigal

118. Thou Shalt treat the three preceding books as Noahide Torah

119. Thou Shalt observe the facts of Creation Science

120. Thou Shalt raise thy children with Kindness, Justice, Fun and Love

121. Thou shalt realize that God loved Noah and we are Noah’s Children and that God loves us as well

122. Thou Shalt realize that God punishes Israel when they sin, so that if the Noahide Nations are more righteous at the time they fight any Israelites in any potential war, we have a right before God to expect to be victorious, as God punishes sinners regardless if they are Noahides, Abramides, Adamides or Israelites

123. God desires Noahide Nations to be Righteous

124. God does not command the Noahide Nations to convert to Judaism in the Tanakh

125. God expects Noahide Nations to be Righteous

126. God talks to Noahides and teaches Noahide peoples truths as well

127. God expects you to remember that the sign of Noah’s Covenant is the Rainbow

128. God expects you to remember that as Noahides you are partakers of God’s OLDEST and HOLIEST covenant

129. Thou shalt remember that the Nation of Israel is God’s Servant

130. Thou shalt remember that Noahide Nations are Free Men and Women

131. Thou shalt be happy in thine own Noahide achievements

132. Thou shalt be happy in thine own Noahide successes

133. Thou shalt be happy in thine own Noahide glories

134. Thou shalt pray for eternal life to Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh regularly

135. Thou shalt have just laws and just rules

136. Thou shalt create and promote your own rules and laws and teach them to others if you believe they are just, fair, kind and well-intentioned towards people

137. Thou shalt be happy being social or happy being independent if that is what thou desire

138. Thou shalt disregard others if they mock thee for thy looks or thy personal tastes in things, such as clothes or music or other things

139. Thou shalt find inner strength through being a child of God’s creation, a child of God’s love, and remember these rules are dedicated to all people, including yourself, and are for your best interests at heart

140. Thou shalt practice love, mercy, grace and kindness

141. Thou shalt try to see the inner beauty in people and see as God’s sees – the heart

142. Thou shalt acknowledge the truth

143. Thou shalt tell the truth

144. Thou shalt lie if you want to to a corrupt person who will use it against you

145. Thou shalt not bow to men

146. Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself

147. Thou shalt educate thyself and grow in knowledge when you have the time and the inclination

148. Thou shalt encourage education and growing in knowledge in others

149. Thou shalt not put a stumbling block in front of the blind

150. Thou shalt protect the rights of orphans and widows

151. Thou shalt care for the disaffected in your society

152. Thou shalt give people a break when they need one

153. Thou shalt not be too legalistic all the time, but thou shalt be legalistic when necessary

154. Thou shalt exercise balance, moderation and know there is a time for all things under heaven

155. Thou canst pray to God if thou wants to

156. Thou shalt not feel pressured into praising God if you think it is stupid or you don’t want to

157. Thou shalt remember that God is just a bloke as well, as we are made after his image, and he also knows how to relax and have a good time

158. Thou shalt expect mercy from God and thou shalt grant mercy to God

159. Thou shalt not judge God too harshly, but express your opinions freely to him on any issue you believe in

160. Thou shalt realize that God has dealt with a lot of crap in the last few thousand years

161. Thou shalt not racially discriminate but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself

162. Thou shalt keep prostitution to a minimum so that the land does not fall into depravity and become full of injustice

163. Thou shalt have designated suburbs in your cities for your brothels

164. Thou shalt not deliberately force your daughter to become a prostitute, but if she takes it up herself of her own volition thou shalt still respect, love and care for her and provide for her

165. Thou shalt not indulge too greatly in pornography, and thou shalt get rid of your old porno collections after a while to make sure you do not get involved with old and stale debauchery, fowl obsessions over porn stars who do not want the attention, or smelly odours and substances attached to such things – keep any porn in your collections reasonably recent if you must have such things

166. Thou shalt not offend straight people with your gay fantasies

167. Thou shalt not practice sexual harassment

168. Thou shalt be slutty or smutty with a person of the opposite sex in a flirtatious sense only if they appreciate such things and do not tell you to back off or say that they are not interested

169. Thou shalt not make assumptions that all men are bastards or that all women are bitches – there is a great diversity of people amongst the human race

170. If you are gay, better to find your own gay community, and live in designated gay suburbs or gay streets or gay housing complexes

171. God is less concerned about gayness if it is separate from the heterosexual community into enclaves and areas of the community which don’t affect the mainstream which God prefers

172. If you are Gay, still keep the rules of God, and do not provoke him or others who are offended by such lifestyles

173. Keep any profane lifestyles separate and away from mainstream society so as not to bother them

174. Thou shalt not fuck around with thy neighbours property

175. Thou shalt respect thy neighbours property

176. Thou shalt not pressure thy neighbour into doing things they don’t want to do

177. Thou shalt not try to control or manipulate people

178. Thou shalt be clear in charting thy work procedures for thy workforce, and not expect things of them that are not clearly designated or shown instructions for in the work procedures and protocols manuals

179. Thou shalt be very specific in the things required of your workers in thine work contracts, and not expect things of them which are not clearly specified

180. Thou shalt have the right to expect workers to comply with all reasonable requests according to procedures of the workplace if they have agreed to them contractually

181. Thou shalt have the right to make workers redundant if they are consistently working at a level lower than that required by their work agreements

182. Thou shalt give fair warnings to workers before attempting to make them redundant

183. Thou shalt not fuck dead people – thou shalt avoid necrophilia and respect the rights of the dead

184. Thou shalt not molest little children – wait until puberty before engaging in sexual practices with anyone

185. Thou shalt have concerns for thy little ones and raise them properly

186. Thou shalt allow adoptions when necessary, but thou shalt not attempt to usurp over the child the rights of the biological parents

187. Thou shalt honour doctors and be careful about medical rules and procedures

188. Thou shalt treat the mentally unwell with care and concern, and hospitalize them if and when necessary

189. Thou shalt exercise caution with psychotic people, but thou shalt remember that they do not necessarily intend any form of lawlessness

190. Thou shalt take the hint if the girl tells you to fuck off

191. Thou shalt take the hint if the guy says you are not the one

192. Thou shalt have the right to refuse everyone from telling you to do anything at all to simply serve their vain wishes, regardless of your age

193. Children are supposed to comply with their parents wishes if the parents are attempting to raise their children properly

194. It is quite ok to rebuke rebellious children to ensure compliance with the laws

195. Thou shalt realize you are not alone in this life and this world, and it does not revolve all around you, and that you can not have all the say or everything your own way – you have to share this world with everyone else you dimwit

196. Don’t piss people off just for the sake of it – have some respect

197. Piss people off if they have a go at you for no reason

198. Don’t exercise grudges against people

199. Exercise grudges against people if they deserve it

200. Everyone thinks its funny until someone loses an eye

201. Keep your humour in check when necessary

202. Don’t vandalize

203. Don’t harm other people’s property

204. Do the right thing

205. Don’t be rebellious simply because you are up your arse

206. Be Natural

207. Walk in harmony with nature

208. Care for the environment

209. Keep genealogies for a relevant number of current generations

210. Repent of lawlessness when God convicts your conscience of guilt

211. Enjoy your youth

212. Settle down when you need to

213. Get along with society

214. Be pleasant

215. Try to like people and understand them

216. Communicate honestly and openly

217. Don’t try to get one up on people simply to be a cocky prick

218. Afford the good things in life when and were you can

219. Be luxurious when you can

220. Be thrifty when you need to be

221. Learn about life by living it

222. Choose life

223. Study the Tanakh of Israel to understand Israelite culture

224. Take your school education seriously

225. Look to contribute to society in some way or other that you are capable of

226. If you are shy by nature it is ok not to participate in things if you don’t want to

227. Find your favourite things in life and learn to enjoy them

228. Be in the Hearts of Men

229. King David is not as stupid as he looks

230. Be Ethical

231. Be Decent

232. Be Proper

233. Fucking up occasionally is human nature

234. Everyone needs a break

235. Even rabbis can be human at times – give them a break when they are not acting like dickheads

236. Noah offered sacrifices to God of clean animals – you can do this as well if you want to as Noahides – you aren’t commanded to though

237. It is best to put first degree or deliberate murderers to death

238. God should kill murderers before they intending murdering – that is the right thing for God to do as far as we are concerned

239. Thou shalt not torture

240. Thou shalt not maim

241. Limited degrees of torture in any ongoing cold war or hot war hostilities can be justified if it is in your nations best interests and will ultimately save lives or other necessary national assets of significant enough value

242. Limited degrees of acceptable torture should not permanently damage a human body – that is the important thing – for example, scaring the fuck out of them is ok, as they will eventually heal from any psychological scarring, yet their bodies will remain whole, which is the most important thing

243. It is very important to make sure you have the right person in the above situations if you are going to use limited degrees of torture – you wouldn’t like a child of yours tortured if they were innocent would you?

244. Keep your anger in check

245. Try to avoid being angry with people

246. Fuck off to the pub and talk shit with your mates to get your anger and other issues of your chest

247. If you really have to, make sure you only smoke a few cigarettes a year – this might almost be considered moderation on such coffin nails and cancer sticks

248. Aids will kill you

249. Don’t infect others with Aids – that is essentially murder

250. If you have Aids, the only way out of this hellhole is to repent your guts out to God’s personal satisfaction, and then ask him for a cure – he might give you one

251. The 3rd Final Rule is: Study a lot of Stuff

252. The 2nd Final Rule is: Children of the Kingdom of Noah – Keep the Faith, Walk with God, study these laws and the Literature of the 7 Divine Noahide Fellowships and Live Forever, Prosper, Don’t Worry & Be Happy

253. The 1st Final Rule is: Be Good