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sick_...@my-deja.com

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Jul 12, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/12/00
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What was a nagging sadness became depression. What was depression
became chronic. What was chronic became a living hell. From this hell,
however, clarity has sprung from the fire. A phoenix screaming from the
ashes with a vengance against all the absolute meaninglessness that is
our captilist sty.

Work throughout childhood so that you can learn to become. Work
throughout adulthood so that you can afford to be. Finally once you
reach retirement realize that everything was a pointless lie. We were
told to accumulate money, it's just paper. We were told to earn
credentials, they're meaningless.

The depression is gone, now there is no feeling. A vacuous void stares
through my eyes at the bottle of pills, garunteed heart attack in a
bottle. It rests in my cabinet, mere feet away, but in my mind I've
taken them a thousand times. Some quick pops and it's all over.

Now now little boy, if you don't eat your vegatables you will not get
desert. I don't want desert, you can keep it. No work, no reward, no
problem.

No heartbeat, no reality, no problems anymore.


Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.

albert...@canada.com

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Jul 12, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/12/00
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Hi,

Thank you so much for being brave enough to share with us on usenet.
Many people have experienced what you're describing. I'm one of them.
When the pain disappears and you become numb, it can certainly seem
that there is no other way out. That can also be very frightening. I'd
really like to talk more with you. Please e-mail me.

Lucie


SantaSat*n

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
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> Hi,
>
> Thank you so much for being brave enough to share with us on usenet.
> Many people have experienced what you're describing. I'm one of them.
> When the pain disappears and you become numb, it can certainly seem
> that there is no other way out. That can also be very frightening. I'd
> really like to talk more with you. Please e-mail me.
>
> Lucie

Tell me Lucie... how much are WE spending on YOUR monthly government subsity
for lazi... I mean, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?

One hundred people recently died in a Phillipines shanty when a mountain of
garbage and feces toppled down a hill ontop of them. They died in a pile of
garbage and feces. Think about that.

Done thinking yet? Reread it and think some more. Now think about your own
plight. What could POSSIBLY be as frightening for you as what these people
experience every day? For you and your friend to compare your suffering in a
country like Canada to the dismal sewer billions of humans must accept, is
insulting and highly offensive.

Get a job.

What's worse, you ENCOURAGE self-pity by telling a suicidal self-confessor
how brave he is. Not surpisingly, you can't seem to stand men or women with
the perseverence to overcome adversity. No WONDER you dislike Stockwell Day.
He has it together and you don't.

Let's hear a bit more about Sickamore and see how willing HE is to pull
himself out of his depressing situation.

Santa.

Darrin Gallant

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
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sick_a_more, please excuse my IP-sharing brethren's reply to alberta_lady.
He has no compassion, and his reply I am sure is not meant for you.

Please email alberta_lady as she requested if you feel like talking to
someone, or call one of the suitable numbers at the URL here:

http://www.siec.ca/provinces/alberta.htm

I too have had simliar feelings, and trust me - there is a light at the end
of the tunnel!

If you can muster the courage, please talk to loved ones and your GP. You'd
be amazed at the modern treatments you can take advantage of.

DG


"SantaSat*n" <jollysa...@hell.com> wrote in message
news:0B8b5.158208$7o1.3...@news2.rdc1.on.home.com...

SantaSat*n

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
to
> What was a nagging sadness became depression. What was depression
> became chronic. What was chronic became a living hell. From this hell,
> however, clarity has sprung from the fire. A phoenix screaming from the
> ashes with a vengance against all the absolute meaninglessness that is
> our captilist sty.
>
> Work throughout childhood so that you can learn to become. Work
> throughout adulthood so that you can afford to be. Finally once you
> reach retirement realize that everything was a pointless lie. We were
> told to accumulate money, it's just paper. We were told to earn
> credentials, they're meaningless.
>
> The depression is gone, now there is no feeling. A vacuous void stares
> through my eyes at the bottle of pills, garunteed heart attack in a
> bottle. It rests in my cabinet, mere feet away, but in my mind I've
> taken them a thousand times. Some quick pops and it's all over.
>
> Now now little boy, if you don't eat your vegatables you will not get
> desert. I don't want desert, you can keep it. No work, no reward, no
> problem.
>
> No heartbeat, no reality, no problems anymore.

Ok, Sickamore, a few observations from what I know about you thus far:

1. You are a skilled writer, able to convey emotion concisely and
poetically. This is a marketable skill and should give you a sense of self
worth. At least society would think so.

2. You seem to be genuinely depressed, although the impetus is still
unknown.

3. How did you come to this situation? Can you elaborate? Do you need a job,
or need a change of pace at your job? Is your family aware of your feelings?
Reveal what you feel comfortable with, and perhaps we can help you in a
practical way.

Santa.

sick_...@my-deja.com

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
to

I don't know how much of this post was aimed at me, but since I started
the thread, I feel I should respond.

In article <0B8b5.158208$7o1.3...@news2.rdc1.on.home.com>,


"SantaSat*n" <jollysa...@hell.com> wrote:
> Tell me Lucie... how much are WE spending on YOUR monthly government
subsity
> for lazi... I mean, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?
>
> One hundred people recently died in a Phillipines shanty when a
mountain of
> garbage and feces toppled down a hill ontop of them. They died in a
pile of
> garbage and feces. Think about that.

That's a very unfortunate situation that should never have been allowed
to happen.

> Done thinking yet? Reread it and think some more. Now think about
your own
> plight. What could POSSIBLY be as frightening for you as what these
people
> experience every day? For you and your friend to compare your
suffering in a
> country like Canada to the dismal sewer billions of humans must
accept, is
> insulting and highly offensive.

With all due respect, I never compared my "suffering" to any of which
you refer to, or anything else.

> Get a job.

I have a very good job.

> Let's hear a bit more about Sickamore and see how willing HE is to
pull
> himself out of his depressing situation.

Why do I feel like you're trying to lead me into a trap with this? What
would you like me to say, "Woa is me"?

My original post was never intended as an attempt to invoke pity, or as
a "Woa is me" post. For you to assume that I believe my life to be
worse than that of the people who live in deplorable conditions
overseas, or that I believe myself to be in a "depressing situation",
is something I happen to find pretty offensive.

If you would like to have a genuine conversation, feel free to talk
with me, but regardless, please stop making assumptions when talking
about me.

albert...@canada.com

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
to
On Thu, 13 Jul 2000 02:12:06 GMT, "SantaSat*n"
<jollysa...@hell.com> wrote:

>Ok, Sickamore, a few observations from what I know about you thus far:
>
>1. You are a skilled writer, able to convey emotion concisely and
>poetically. This is a marketable skill and should give you a sense of self
>worth. At least society would think so.
>
>2. You seem to be genuinely depressed, although the impetus is still
>unknown.
>
>3. How did you come to this situation? Can you elaborate? Do you need a job,
>or need a change of pace at your job? Is your family aware of your feelings?
>Reveal what you feel comfortable with, and perhaps we can help you in a
>practical way.

I'm glad you decided to respond in a compassionate way.

L.

albert...@canada.com

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
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On Thu, 13 Jul 2000 01:05:00 GMT, "SantaSat*n"
<jollysa...@hell.com> wrote:

>Tell me Lucie... how much are WE spending on YOUR monthly government subsity
>for lazi... I mean, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?

If you'd like to be more informed about my medical status, I'd be
willing to meet with you in person. Once again I do not have Chronic
Fatigue "Syndrome". I have fibromyalgia and on top of that I was just
involved in a car accident 2 weeks ago (which was not my fault) in
which my car was totalled and I was injured.

>One hundred people recently died in a Phillipines shanty when a mountain of
>garbage and feces toppled down a hill ontop of them. They died in a pile of
>garbage and feces. Think about that.

I do and I care deeply about people who are suffering, regardless of
their circumstances.

>Done thinking yet? Reread it and think some more. Now think about your own
>plight. What could POSSIBLY be as frightening for you as what these people
>experience every day?

Once again, if you'd like to meet in person, I'll share some of my
story with you. The details are not for usenet distribution.

>For you and your friend to compare your suffering in a
>country like Canada to the dismal sewer billions of humans must accept, is
>insulting and highly offensive.

Who made that comparison? And *why* have you turned this serious
situation into one where your educated response is just to flame me?

>Get a job.

Yes, jobs fix everything, don't they? Even medical conditions I
hear...

>What's worse, you ENCOURAGE self-pity by telling a suicidal self-confessor
>how brave he is.

Because anyone who can share those deepest feelings with even one
other human being *is* brave. It's extremely difficult to talk about
these issues, especially when there are people like you who can't wait
to make a mockery of someone's serious life situation.

>Not surpisingly, you can't seem to stand men or women with
>the perseverence to overcome adversity.

Where did you garner that impression?

>No WONDER you dislike Stockwell Day.
>He has it together and you don't.

Wow...talk about stretching things. Incredible.

>Let's hear a bit more about Sickamore and see how willing HE is to pull
>himself out of his depressing situation.

I'm definitely waiting for him to share more so he can be helped by
people who care and ignore those who'd rather start an argument at any
price - even at the price of a person's dignity.

L.


SantaSat*n

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
to

> If you would like to have a genuine conversation, feel free to talk
> with me, but regardless, please stop making assumptions when talking
> about me.

Sickamore, my post was a reply to Alberta Lady, addressed to Alberta Lady. I
found nothing wrong with YOUR post. I went after Lady (harshly, in
hindsight) as I felt YOUR post demonstrated neither bravery nor a lack of
bravery. I saw YOUR post as a constructive request for help, which (in the
interest of expediating that help) should be neither loathed nor lauded with
comments about bravery. I did not intend to make assumptions about you in a
post addressed specifically to Lady.

In fact, I posted a reply to you shortly after my reply to her. Did you miss
it?

Santa.

albert...@canada.com

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
to
On Thu, 13 Jul 2000 04:25:44 GMT, "SantaSat*n"
<jollysa...@hell.com> wrote:

>Sickamore, my post was a reply to Alberta Lady, addressed to Alberta Lady. I
>found nothing wrong with YOUR post. I went after Lady (harshly, in
>hindsight) as I felt YOUR post demonstrated neither bravery nor a lack of
>bravery. I saw YOUR post as a constructive request for help, which (in the
>interest of expediating that help) should be neither loathed nor lauded with
>comments about bravery. I did not intend to make assumptions about you in a
>post addressed specifically to Lady.

It's unfortunate that you don't have a legit e-mail address to respond
to. You might be interested in what I have to say.

L.


sick_...@my-deja.com

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
to
In article <cxbb5.158660$7o1.3...@news2.rdc1.on.home.com>,
"SantaSat*n" <jollysa...@hell.com> wrote:

> In fact, I posted a reply to you shortly after my reply to her. Did
you miss
> it?

Your second post showed did not show up on deja untill well after I had
already responed here. Clearly I misunderstood the posting having not
followed the newsgroup for a while.

For the sake of thread continuity, I'll go respond to the post that was
actually intended for me.

sick_...@my-deja.com

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
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In article <Wz9b5.158345$7o1.3...@news2.rdc1.on.home.com>,

"SantaSat*n" <jollysa...@hell.com> wrote:
> Ok, Sickamore, a few observations from what I know about you thus far:
>
> 1. You are a skilled writer, able to convey emotion concisely and
> poetically. This is a marketable skill and should give you a sense of
self
> worth. At least society would think so.

First off, Thank you. That's kind of you to say.

> 2. You seem to be genuinely depressed, although the impetus is still
> unknown.
>
> 3. How did you come to this situation? Can you elaborate? Do you need
a job,
> or need a change of pace at your job? Is your family aware of your
feelings?
> Reveal what you feel comfortable with, and perhaps we can help you in
a
> practical way.

For all of my life I was told that success was the goal. So I took my
vitamins, I learned my ABCs, and I had my sights set square on the
bottom line. Right now I can get a tan just thinking about my future.
But now that I'm starting to nibble on the dangling carrot, it tastes
like ashes.

The dream I've been chasing has faded, and the reality is simple
futility. Work yesterday, work today, work tommorow. For what? So that
you can afford to live. But why? So that you can go to work next week.
Where's it all lead? Forty years from now, if you properly plan, you
can retire.

For me, it's as simple as that. I don't want to be able to retire, I
don't want to work. There's nothing in the world that I'd prefer to do,
and every second thought of mine is slamming my receipt on the table
and returning this precious gift.

I've tried talking to friends, talking to family, but nobody really
understands what I mean, and nobody wants to understand. Everyone justs
pretends to listen, then suggests I go seek professional counselling.
Professional counsellors, they'll turn me around, turn on the lights,
make me marvel at the mere mention of more Mondays. They can make me
appreciate how valuable life really is, and if not, some mind altering
drugs should do the trick. Clearly the prisoner needs to be re-educated.

So what's the problem? A perscription later and the gray smog becomes
purple haze, and the rose colored glasses are glued on tight. The
problem is, I don't think I'm wrong.

Every step I take echoes futility, and every thought I have is hand
delivered by Eeyore on muscle-relaxants. It's all so meaningless that
the thought of another day causes my stomach to cramp, and the thought
of fifty more years sends the bile racing through my tear ducts.

I don't understand how other people can't see it. I don't understand
why other people are so far from seeing it that they can't even
acknowledge that I hold a valid viewpoint. I've never had anyone
acknowledge that I could be right, everyone just suggests that I seek
counselling. Obviously the prisoner is wrong, there can be no doubt
about it.

..... The futility must stop....

Dan Cohen

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
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sick_...@my-deja.com wrote (elegantly)

> ...... The futility must stop....

There's another forum that might understand your condition and position:

alt.society.mental-health

Try those guys.


Your mental-health survivor,
Dan Cohen in Calgary

The Unexploded Scotsman

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Jul 13, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/13/00
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>
> The dream I've been chasing has faded, and the reality is simple
> futility. Work yesterday, work today, work tommorow. For what? So that
> you can afford to live. But why? So that you can go to work next week.
> Where's it all lead? Forty years from now, if you properly plan, you
> can retire.
>
I think most of us feel this way at one point or another. It's likely
dangerous only if you let it go on too long. Then you can
run the risk of ending up with with an actual physical condition (chemical
depression) that appears to be very tough to dislodge on your own.

More then a few people I have known have ended up on some form of
anti-depressant or another. Some of them recovered, some of them are
recovering, some of them aren't around anymore.

Weirdly enough I think much of this can be blamed on too much leisure time,
media exposure, and our society's values in general. A culture based on who
has the most consumer goods, best looking trophy wife, most money, biggest
house.

It would appear that even when you do get there--most people find that it's
all meanless. That carrot on the end of the stick is actually made of tofu
(yuck).

Still, I wouldn't mind a few years of lounging around on the yacht, banging
the trophy wife and her sister in some kind of coke fueled frenzy--before
coming to this conclusion. :)

Chuck Palahniuk's book "Fight Club" summed it up rather well.

I'd suggest seeking medical help. Failing that you could try:
-exercise
-a career change
-nutrition (what you eat can apparently effect how you feel to some extent)
-find something in life that you find interesting. devote lots of time to
it.

I'm typing this remotely via PCanywhere so I apologize for the lack of
detail, style, and correct spelling. At these anemic speeds this is the best
your gonna get.

Good luck.


SantaSat*n

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Jul 14, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/14/00
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> I'm typing this remotely via PCanywhere so I apologize for the lack of
> detail, style, and correct spelling. At these anemic speeds this is the
best
> your gonna get.

Scotsman, it's a hell of a lot better than the post I got from you a year
ago when I confessed my geekiness and was looking for a job. :)

Santa.


albert...@canada.com

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Jul 14, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/14/00
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sick_a_more? Are you still talking to us? I'd like to hear from you.

L.

The Unexploded Scotsman

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Jul 15, 2000, 3:00:00 AM7/15/00
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>
> Scotsman, it's a hell of a lot better than the post I got from you a year
> ago when I confessed my geekiness and was looking for a job. :)
>
> Santa.
>

If you want to go digging though the archives you'll find that I was
initially quite nice to you.
Even going so far as to asking a few people if they were currently looking
for somebody.

It wasn't until I saw evidence of some serious social problems that I
figured you might be a liability and stopped being so helpful.


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