All The Tears Ive Cried Bonkers 15 Download
Irmgard Verzi
I learned all kinds of effed up behavior (not this kind on top of everything else thankfully) from my parents and other adults. Fortunately once i got away from home and the neighborhood i figured out that it was totally effed up and even then it was hard to tease out the screwed up parts and reprogram my thinking and learn some healthy behavior. I think if i had stuck around Dysfunction Junction into my 20s or so it would have been even harder.
Wow, I was crier and very bad at expressing what made me cry. Even being yelled at would make me cry when I was young. I was so embarrassed by it and I could never figure out why my first reaction was to cry to many situations, it was practically involuntary. Reading this makes me think that I may have gotten my way when I was was really young and the behaviour stayed. It took me forever to get rid of it. I cried when I made a mistake , realised then told my manager at my first professional intership (thankfully I had an awesome manager). I cried when I got my first bad performance review (although there was a lot of of stuff going to make me look bad and get me to quit). Years since crying at work now stands at the proud total of six :)
I think instead of the OP presenting a list of healthy coping strategies, or recommending professional help, the OP could tell the employee that she needs to manage her emotions and what strategies might the employee suggest to do that? (The OP may very well have some set ideas in mind, e.g., employee excuses herself if she begins to feel she cannot contain her emotions, employee stops complaining to a general audience about being singled out when something goes wrong). The employee may herself suggest that she get some sort of assistance, at which point the OP could provide information about any kind of employee assistance program the company offers (if it does offer it).
Thank you for posting this. I used to work with someone who was bipolar and would go on insane manic episodes. We were given very clear lines that could not be crossed by HR. From what I learned from that situation, many of these suggestions to use EAP may get you in a heap of trouble.
My thinking is in practice you tell the employee what behavior us unacceptable in the workplace and what has to change and remind her the EAP is available as a resource for whatever she needs to pull it together at work and leave that portion at that. I agree the manager needs to manage the behavior but if in discussing it with the employee you get a sense that some generic reminder of available company benefits would be beneficial i think it can be mentioned in a generic way.
Either way, she should produce the same result. But if this IS the employee dealing with something, OP will feel much better if she took a more compassionate route. And if she approaches the situation with the sense that this person is trying to manipulate her, that might come across. Intentionally, or not.
Is it really though? I mean, we are hypothesizing that if the crier is manipulative, they are either misguided about effective ways to climb the corporate ladder, or per Sunny-Dee, looking for a comfy plateau.
Where I work, a manager can actually refer an employee to the Employee Assistance Program. As in, I can require they go talk to the EAP if I have serious concerns about their behavior or emotional state (this would usually be done as part of disciplinary steps). Is that an option you have available? On the chance that she is suffering from some serious psychological or emotional issue, it might be worth giving her the chance to address it.
Ugh! I had one of those. It drove me and my team crazy. She was incredibly disruptive to everyone and everyone walked on egg shells around her. When she would well up in front of me I would tell her to excuse herself. I managed her of out the company in 4 months. There were other issues other than the crying. Like I said in my previous post if you need to cry go outside! Yes that is a borrowed quote!
The first hundredty times you make yourself do management things the right + hard way, it gets easier the second hundrety times and by the third hundrety times doing things the right way is easier than the chicken way. Is my experience.
Oh, I totally defer to the better judgment of experienced managers. I am terrible at dealing with my own feelings, let alone those of other people, especially when they are expressing them in any way other than, you know, talking calmly. I tend to deer in the headlights whenever there is crying or shouting or yelling happening at me. This makes me look calm in a crisis but really is just a result of me never having a clue what to do.
Consistency of response is critical. She is acting like a child and you may feel like you are treating her like one but calling her out each time she does something keeps her from thinking she can do it sometimes. Do this quickly before any of your star performers leave because they feel bullied and management is not doing anything to stop it.
In my case, both, but more the former. The Board of Directors decreed a massive restructuring that was totally idiotic and resulted in a lot of really good, really key people being abruptly terminated and replaced by unctuous asshats with no prior industry experience. I am disappointed to say that our perception on the ground of the situation was accurate, and that former employer went bust about two years ago. I will never understand as long as I live what the BoD was thinking.
I actually worked in an office where we were trying to accomplish a gigantic implementation on an impossibly short deadline. There were a handful of us who were working around the clock, 10-12 hours a day 7 days a week for months on end. Even when it was obvious that the implementation would be a failure, the higher-ups refused to change the deadline. We were all exhausted; one night, I literally fell off my chair from exhaustion was I was working.
I left that job about 2 months after go-live. A competitor threw me a lifeline and I took it. I have gotten tearful maybe once at work since then. I am inclined to forgive a few tears when people are under extreme, unrelenting pressure for months on end.
I had a couple of crier/complainers on my team (team lead not a manager) a few years ago. I made it a requirement that the crier leave the room and not rejoin the meeting until regaining composure. Secondly, she was not allowed to complain during the meeting unless she could:
I worked with a woman like this long ago. She would quit dramatically, walk out and come back the next day like nothing had changed. That ended when a new, tough supervisor told her on the way out to bring in her resignation letter the next day and they would cut her a check.
I hear you on private ladies room meltdowns due to abusive/crappy work situations/managers. Been there. The anxiety and pain that stems from situations like that is hard to describe sometimes, but is intensely felt. Sorry you had to experience that and thank God that jerk of a manager you had was demoted. How long did you have to suffer working for him?
The OP is saying this person cries frequently (weekly!) over small things, and all criticisms. And places blame back on others. (These are two different issues, as pointed out and should be addressed separately.)
Several years ago, when my OCD was in full swing, I decided to prune my mophead hydrangea because I wanted to form it into a perfect shape. The branches sticking out in disharmony was driving me nuts. It was late winter, early spring, with no blooms and the incorrect time of year to prune a hydrangea. I knew it was wrong, but my perfectionism was so over powering and seeing all the misshapen branches daily was driving me bonkers. What could it hurt if I trim this shrub now I said to myself.
After I trimmed off the branches, I sat down to rest and admire my newly shaped shrub. I was stunned. Water was leaking out of the tops of the cuts. My hydrangea was crying! And not just crying, but sobbing, as great big tears flowed down the stems.
I was so horrified. I felt like my plant was bleeding out as I watched the never ending flow of water falling down. My thoughts were wild as I tried to fix it, to no avail. There was nothing to do but watch the life flow out of the shrub. I grabbed a pitcher and watered the bush, profusely apologizing and promising to never prune her again at the wrong time, if she would only live.
My hydrangea is 18 years old and beautiful but taking over my terrace. My gardener has pruned it back and tidied it and now its weeping. I am heartbroken and worried it will die? Any suggestions please
DD doing the same at 5. I found the more attention/bribery I threw at it the worse it got. I just say calmly once, "I understand you are disappointed but you have to accept it, if you can't then you need to spend time thinking about it in your room" it is certainly less frequent since then even though I feel mean!
yes I would be more relaxed - how about letting him cry and trying to let him know you understand his feelings by saying something like "You're really disappointed they don't have your magazine, aren't you?" Just be calm and don't pay it much attention, but let him know you understand what has bothered him. Give him a way of expressing it with words instead of crying.
I think bribing him or shouting at him are likely to make it worse.
My 3.11 yo DD has episodes of this as well: inconsolable tears for 'not being First to.. fill in blank here', at the moment.. and also.. sometimes I catch her looking at me through the tears in a "What effect am I having" Hamming it up kindof way - she's a natural for the stage!
I can usually get her to smile if I pull a funny face or stand on my head.. not very practical in the supermarket.. but needs must when the devil drives!
I'm not very bothered by the tears, but do feel slightly embarrassed - if that's the right word - when she lets rip in public. But heigh ho.