Finding Hope
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momina
Oct 27, 2009, 11:21:45 PM10/27/09
to "Mama, I'm Waiting for You in Jannah"
May Allah reward brother Muhammad for starting this forum. When I lost
my twin boys at 23 weeks last year I thought my head would explode
with pain. Nothing in this world could hurt more. Just the year before
my mother was diagnosed with cancer which had shattered me but even
that pales in significance in comparision.
I had twin boys. They were alive at birth but because they were born
early, they could not survive beyond 24 hours. We had the unsavoury
task of switching off two ventilators as the poor babies struggled to
oxygenate their poorly developed lungs and were in pain.
The biggest challenge for me was dealing with predestiny and if Allah
had decreed this from the day I had been born or if I had done
something to bring it on. I frantically read everything I could find
in Islam that would help me. I started with Mufti Taqi Usmani lectures
and then Hamza Yusuf's lecture on 17 benefits of tribulation (on
youtube). I did a couple of almaghrib classes. Gradually I gained
control over my heart and head. I also attended a support group which
helped immensely. I am a physician and really want to run a support
group in my practice some day.
The first thing that happened was I became acutely aware of children
around me every where I went. There was no jealousy but a deep
yearning for a child. I saw people of other cultures and religions who
don't care about their chastity and are blessed with multiple children
even when they don't want them. I use to sob in my prayers to Allah.
Then one night I saw a dream in which I saw a beautiful baby with
chubby cheeks and a lot of hair. Good dreams are a part of wahi and
true. That gave me all the strength I needed. One year later I have a
beautiful baby girl with chubby cheeks and a lot of hair MashAllah and
we have named her Amina ( which means safe and protected).
A lot of people hurt me a lot during this time when they
unintentionally said something which pierced my soul. I actually wrote
an article that was published in a news paper in my country on this
topic. I will find the link if others find it to be useful. May Allah
grant peace and serenity to all sisters who have suffered a loss and
make us better Muslims in supporting one another when such calamities
strike. Ameen
my twin boys at 23 weeks last year I thought my head would explode
with pain. Nothing in this world could hurt more. Just the year before
my mother was diagnosed with cancer which had shattered me but even
that pales in significance in comparision.
I had twin boys. They were alive at birth but because they were born
early, they could not survive beyond 24 hours. We had the unsavoury
task of switching off two ventilators as the poor babies struggled to
oxygenate their poorly developed lungs and were in pain.
The biggest challenge for me was dealing with predestiny and if Allah
had decreed this from the day I had been born or if I had done
something to bring it on. I frantically read everything I could find
in Islam that would help me. I started with Mufti Taqi Usmani lectures
and then Hamza Yusuf's lecture on 17 benefits of tribulation (on
youtube). I did a couple of almaghrib classes. Gradually I gained
control over my heart and head. I also attended a support group which
helped immensely. I am a physician and really want to run a support
group in my practice some day.
The first thing that happened was I became acutely aware of children
around me every where I went. There was no jealousy but a deep
yearning for a child. I saw people of other cultures and religions who
don't care about their chastity and are blessed with multiple children
even when they don't want them. I use to sob in my prayers to Allah.
Then one night I saw a dream in which I saw a beautiful baby with
chubby cheeks and a lot of hair. Good dreams are a part of wahi and
true. That gave me all the strength I needed. One year later I have a
beautiful baby girl with chubby cheeks and a lot of hair MashAllah and
we have named her Amina ( which means safe and protected).
A lot of people hurt me a lot during this time when they
unintentionally said something which pierced my soul. I actually wrote
an article that was published in a news paper in my country on this
topic. I will find the link if others find it to be useful. May Allah
grant peace and serenity to all sisters who have suffered a loss and
make us better Muslims in supporting one another when such calamities
strike. Ameen
ummayoub
Oct 28, 2009, 12:11:39 AM10/28/09
to "Mama, I'm Waiting for You in Jannah"
Maa shaa Allaah what a lovely gift Allaah swt has given you, sister.
And to comfort you with such a dream is a treasure. I pray that Allaah
swt protects your little baby and that she becomes a righteous
Muslimah and comforts your heart. May Allaah swt bless you for
striving for good in spite of your loss, Ameen.
And to comfort you with such a dream is a treasure. I pray that Allaah
swt protects your little baby and that she becomes a righteous
Muslimah and comforts your heart. May Allaah swt bless you for
striving for good in spite of your loss, Ameen.
Ayesha
Oct 28, 2009, 8:39:56 AM10/28/09
to "Mama, I'm Waiting for You in Jannah"
Congratulations! Sister Momina on the birth of your beautiful daughter
Amina. May Allah always protect her from all harm and may she grow up
to be righteous human being and may she always be the comfort and
healing for you.....Ameen!
May Allah reward you greatly for sharing with us your unique story. I
have learned a lot from it Alhamdulillah.
May Allah reward you and your family with the best of rewards in this
world and in the hereafter for being so patient on facing the most
hard trial of loosing your beautiful baby boys. May He reunite you
all together in Jannatul Firdaus...Ameen.
Give my love and kisses to your little Amina:-)
With lots of love and dua,
Ayesha.
Amina. May Allah always protect her from all harm and may she grow up
to be righteous human being and may she always be the comfort and
healing for you.....Ameen!
May Allah reward you greatly for sharing with us your unique story. I
have learned a lot from it Alhamdulillah.
May Allah reward you and your family with the best of rewards in this
world and in the hereafter for being so patient on facing the most
hard trial of loosing your beautiful baby boys. May He reunite you
all together in Jannatul Firdaus...Ameen.
Give my love and kisses to your little Amina:-)
With lots of love and dua,
Ayesha.
momina
Oct 29, 2009, 10:19:05 AM10/29/09
to "Mama, I'm Waiting for You in Jannah"
As salamalikum,
I am enclosing the link for the article that I wrote for a newspaper
on how people hurt me with their inappropriate comments. Some people
were offended that I did not think they needed to come condole with
me. I had said please pray for us, the babies are pure and they don't
need fatiha and condolence per sae.
Most people were more interested in the ritual and the fact that we
were completely lost and consumed by our grief did not occur to most.
One friend also mentioned the hadrat khidr and moosa alayhesalam
story, consoling me that maybe the children were not meant to turn out
pious which is why Allah took them away. Every time someone said these
well intentioned things, I felt like someone plunged a knife directly
in my heart. The more I have read about this subject, the closer I
have become to my deen and the more peace I have attained.
Please give me feedback as well on your feelings and if my article
depicts some of the emotions we all went through. I had written a lot
about religious influences on my healing process but the newspaper
edited those in printing the article. May Allah swt grant peace to all
parents who have suffered losses.
jazakAllah khairun
http://www.dawn.com/weekly/dmag/archive/081228/dmag10.htm
I am enclosing the link for the article that I wrote for a newspaper
on how people hurt me with their inappropriate comments. Some people
were offended that I did not think they needed to come condole with
me. I had said please pray for us, the babies are pure and they don't
need fatiha and condolence per sae.
Most people were more interested in the ritual and the fact that we
were completely lost and consumed by our grief did not occur to most.
One friend also mentioned the hadrat khidr and moosa alayhesalam
story, consoling me that maybe the children were not meant to turn out
pious which is why Allah took them away. Every time someone said these
well intentioned things, I felt like someone plunged a knife directly
in my heart. The more I have read about this subject, the closer I
have become to my deen and the more peace I have attained.
Please give me feedback as well on your feelings and if my article
depicts some of the emotions we all went through. I had written a lot
about religious influences on my healing process but the newspaper
edited those in printing the article. May Allah swt grant peace to all
parents who have suffered losses.
jazakAllah khairun
http://www.dawn.com/weekly/dmag/archive/081228/dmag10.htm
Umm Yusra
Oct 29, 2009, 4:35:09 PM10/29/09
to "Mama, I'm Waiting for You in Jannah"
Assalaamualaikum Sister,
SubhanAllah - what a trial for you and your husband! May All SWT
reward you (and all parents who have endured losses with patience) for
everything that they have been through.
I have had 3 stillbirths - 2 girls, and a boy. And after that, I had
one healthy girl, Alhamdulillah.
Your article is so true. I too often got so many ridiculous comments
from people - and while I imagine they all meant well, their words
were stabbing at the time. For me, people kept saying that I
shouldn't cry - and instead - I should have sabr. What they didn't
realize was that I did accept the will of Allah - but that crying was
still okay. How could I not cry? My children died.
And I too got all the 'Oh you can always have more kids' and 'it was
probably for the best - maybe something was wrong with the baby.' One
of the worst comments that I got from a number of people was 'At least
you didn't know the baby.' After I went on to have 3 losses, I found
that people didn't know what to say to me anymore, and people
generally avoided me and the topic.
I really wish that I had had more support from the community and the
people around me.
I do hope that Sh. M. Al-Shareef does a follow-up session on how our
community can best support people who have gone through this, as it
seems common that people often say the wrong thing.
May Allah SWT grant us all peace...
wasalaam
SubhanAllah - what a trial for you and your husband! May All SWT
reward you (and all parents who have endured losses with patience) for
everything that they have been through.
I have had 3 stillbirths - 2 girls, and a boy. And after that, I had
one healthy girl, Alhamdulillah.
Your article is so true. I too often got so many ridiculous comments
from people - and while I imagine they all meant well, their words
were stabbing at the time. For me, people kept saying that I
shouldn't cry - and instead - I should have sabr. What they didn't
realize was that I did accept the will of Allah - but that crying was
still okay. How could I not cry? My children died.
And I too got all the 'Oh you can always have more kids' and 'it was
probably for the best - maybe something was wrong with the baby.' One
of the worst comments that I got from a number of people was 'At least
you didn't know the baby.' After I went on to have 3 losses, I found
that people didn't know what to say to me anymore, and people
generally avoided me and the topic.
I really wish that I had had more support from the community and the
people around me.
I do hope that Sh. M. Al-Shareef does a follow-up session on how our
community can best support people who have gone through this, as it
seems common that people often say the wrong thing.
May Allah SWT grant us all peace...
wasalaam
saima khalid
Oct 29, 2009, 5:56:53 PM10/29/09
to bridget...@googlegroups.com
walikum as salam sister umm yusra,
i can not even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through this pain thrice. every day of the 9 months is so precious. the mother glows as the baby grows. after this period of bonding when the baby is no more, there is an immense void. the only consolation is that your children accomplished the purpose of life even before being born, ie ensuring that their final destination is jannah. may Allah grant you and your family their company in the hereafter.
i will make a list of some more hurtful things people said. for first time mothers it also feels like our bodies are failing us. we feel defective and like we were not able to nurture the babies well enough. of course these thoughts go away when we derive peace from our faith but nevertheless they are present.so if people make comments about how to deal with lactation etc, these comments are also unwelcome.
for people from india and pakistan, unfortunately there is so much ritual surrounding religion, that it makes it even more difficult in such situations. for instance a relative wanted to take incense sticks to the graves and flowers. these things are bidah and not necessary especially for a pure baby. even things as insignificant as this made me cry. i just did not want people to dramatise this loss. it was between us and Allah and as far as I am concerned, an oppurtunity for us to weep, pray and beg Allah for forgiveness and grant us his mercy and fill us with optimism about our future....all of which Allah did.
jazakAllah khairun
i can not even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through this pain thrice. every day of the 9 months is so precious. the mother glows as the baby grows. after this period of bonding when the baby is no more, there is an immense void. the only consolation is that your children accomplished the purpose of life even before being born, ie ensuring that their final destination is jannah. may Allah grant you and your family their company in the hereafter.
i will make a list of some more hurtful things people said. for first time mothers it also feels like our bodies are failing us. we feel defective and like we were not able to nurture the babies well enough. of course these thoughts go away when we derive peace from our faith but nevertheless they are present.so if people make comments about how to deal with lactation etc, these comments are also unwelcome.
for people from india and pakistan, unfortunately there is so much ritual surrounding religion, that it makes it even more difficult in such situations. for instance a relative wanted to take incense sticks to the graves and flowers. these things are bidah and not necessary especially for a pure baby. even things as insignificant as this made me cry. i just did not want people to dramatise this loss. it was between us and Allah and as far as I am concerned, an oppurtunity for us to weep, pray and beg Allah for forgiveness and grant us his mercy and fill us with optimism about our future....all of which Allah did.
jazakAllah khairun
Aaminah
Oct 30, 2009, 6:58:45 AM10/30/09
to "Mama, I'm Waiting for You in Jannah"
>
> - Show quoted text -
Salam alaykum my dear sisters,
May allah reward brother Muhammad Alshareef for this forum and for the
beautiful touching lecture he gave.
I am really glad to read all your stories and i can imagine the pain
that you all have been through.
As i have exprienced the same thing. But alhumdulilaah that I have
been tested with this, because it made me more closer to allah.
I have lost 3 pregnancies, first 1 was a miscairage at 6 weeks, and
the other two i gave birth at 23 weeks of pregnancy. Before the
pregnancies i was not close to Allah i used to pray on and off. But
after i went through this allah guided me to the straight path praise
be to him. When i lost my babies it was the hardest thing i went
through i cried day and night. I kept trying to come up with reasons
or things that i shouldnt have done that could have helped. I turned
to allah and started to learn more about my religion and after finding
out alot of things i was pleased and angry at myself for not studying
my religion before. But one thing i was always glad about was that i
never said anything displeasing to allah after that had happend.
Losing a child is not easy and alhamduliaah i am happy to know that
our childeren will be welcoming us to jannah insha'allah i look
forward to that meeting. I am about 2 months pregnant now and there
isn't a day that goes by without making dua to allah. I hope that
allah excepts all our dua's and guids us to staight path...aamin.
Jazaka'allahu khair to you all. wasalaam alaykum.
farhat...@gmail.com
Oct 30, 2009, 3:34:07 PM10/30/09
to bridget...@googlegroups.com
Salaams, Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since I lost my beautiful youngest 17 years old son in a motorcycle accident. He just stepped out to get doughnuts and told me he will be back in 10 minutes. That was the last I saw of him. He was stopped at a traffic light and a driver under the influence of alcohol came and crashed onto him and he passed away on his way to the hospital.
You can call him the perfect son. He was religious and I can't remember a time that he ever argued with me. We both spent so much of time together and I have such beautiful memories.
All his friends, their parents and his teachers came to see me and they had such beautiful things to tell me about him.
I know his time had come and he has gone to a better place but how do I deal with the sadness and the loneliness that I feel. I miss his beautiful smile and the jokes he played on me.
How do I help my husband, my 2 sons , my daughter in law and my daughter to deal with their loss. We all pray and ask Allah swt forgiveness and to give us sabr but the heart is so heavy and the tears don't stop.
Salaams,
Farhat
You can call him the perfect son. He was religious and I can't remember a time that he ever argued with me. We both spent so much of time together and I have such beautiful memories.
All his friends, their parents and his teachers came to see me and they had such beautiful things to tell me about him.
I know his time had come and he has gone to a better place but how do I deal with the sadness and the loneliness that I feel. I miss his beautiful smile and the jokes he played on me.
How do I help my husband, my 2 sons , my daughter in law and my daughter to deal with their loss. We all pray and ask Allah swt forgiveness and to give us sabr but the heart is so heavy and the tears don't stop.
Salaams,
Farhat
Empower your Business with BlackBerry® and Mobile Solutions from Etisalat
From: saima khalid <khali...@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:56:53 -0400
Subject: Re: Finding Hope
Suehila Smith
Oct 30, 2009, 3:56:17 PM10/30/09
to bridget...@googlegroups.com
asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu--
I pray that Allaah showers you with His mercy and He gives you everything you need to make it through this difficult time.
I pray that Allaah swt will make it easy for you.
I cannot even imagine what it must be like for you to lose your beloved son. Sister the one who is most aware of your pain and loss is Allaah swt. Ask him for whatever you require.
Who could ever blame you for your tears when it comes to such a tremendous loss. We are with you sister, and our du'as are with you.
What do you think would help you deal with your loss? What do you think you and your family need? Please share with us, let us know.
Would it help you to listen again to brother Muhammad's words on the subject? If so, the link to the recorded session is available on this site.
I know you miss him very much. Sister, know that our thoughts and du'a are with you and your family, and certainly, your son.
I pray that Allaah swt protects you and the rest of your family, and gives you strength.
wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu
saima khalid
Oct 30, 2009, 4:08:51 PM10/30/09
to bridget...@googlegroups.com
sister farhat, i am crying as i read your story. your pain must be so raw at 2 weeks. may Allah grant you peace and grant your son jannah. i don't even have words to console you except that Allah will make you stronger with time InshAllah and enable to you to look back at this with some peace.
i wish we could loggin based on location on this forum. who knows we may be in close proximity to someone who needs help and support now.
i wish we could loggin based on location on this forum. who knows we may be in close proximity to someone who needs help and support now.
farhat...@gmail.com
Oct 30, 2009, 10:22:26 PM10/30/09
to bridget...@googlegroups.com
Salaams Sisters, I would like to know how the other sisters with a similar loss are handling. Will the pain become any less as time goes on?
I push myself to go out meet people but my heart is grieving. Everything I do I'm reminded of dear Muhammad. I had met some mums (before I lost Muhammad) who had a loss like mine were completely drowned in their grief. I don't want to be like them I have other lovely caring children and a supportive and a caring husband to take care. I have to be a good mother and a good wife how do I go about doing that??
Salaams,
Farhat
I push myself to go out meet people but my heart is grieving. Everything I do I'm reminded of dear Muhammad. I had met some mums (before I lost Muhammad) who had a loss like mine were completely drowned in their grief. I don't want to be like them I have other lovely caring children and a supportive and a caring husband to take care. I have to be a good mother and a good wife how do I go about doing that??
Salaams,
Farhat
Empower your Business with BlackBerry® and Mobile Solutions from Etisalat
From: saima khalid <khali...@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:08:51 -0400
Khoula Khan
Oct 30, 2009, 10:44:33 PM10/30/09
to bridget...@googlegroups.com
salaam sister,
MAy Allah give u and ur family sabrun jameelun(the best of sabr). i know sometimes it helps if u talk about ur son, the good times u all shared. That helped me when i lost my son of one year.
May Allah give us all sabr and reunite us w/ our children in Jannat-ul-firdous, ameen.
umm-Hadi
Baby Nyla's mommy
Oct 31, 2009, 3:39:12 PM10/31/09
to "Mama, I'm Waiting for You in Jannah"
Assalam walaikim sister Farhat,
I lost my baby Nyla on Oct 5th '09, almost 3 weeks ago. My heart feels
the pain of your loss as well. The pain does become less with time. I
cried a lot for the first week and on and off for the second but it
felt better to cry than to keep the tears in. I find that talking to
other people really helps and to see that you are not alone in your
pain. My heart still grieves for my baby and I do not think you ever
stop feeling that loss in your heart but the terrible grief does
fade. I am also seeing a counsellor to help learn ways to cope. It
may also be helpful for you and your family. May Allah swt help ease
your pain and give you all the strength to make it through
inshallah.
On Oct 30, 10:22 pm, farhat.kas...@gmail.com wrote:
> Salaams Sisters, I would like to know how the other sisters with a similar loss are handling. Will the pain become any less as time goes on?
>
> I push myself to go out meet people but my heart is grieving. Everything I do I'm reminded of dear Muhammad. I had met some mums (before I lost Muhammad) who had a loss like mine were completely drowned in their grief. I don't want to be like them I have other lovely caring children and a supportive and a caring husband to take care. I have to be a good mother and a good wife how do I go about doing that??
>
> Salaams,
> Farhat
> Empower your Business with BlackBerry® and Mobile Solutions from Etisalat
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: saima khalid <khalidsa...@gmail.com>
> Date: Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:08:51
> To: <bridget...@googlegroups.com>
> Subject: Re: Finding Hope
>
> sister farhat, i am crying as i read your story. your pain must be so raw at
> 2 weeks. may Allah grant you peace and grant your son jannah. i don't even
> have words to console you except that Allah will make you stronger with time
> InshAllah and enable to you to look back at this with some peace.
> i wish we could loggin based on location on this forum. who knows we may be
> in close proximity to someone who needs help and support now.
>
> > *From: * saima khalid <khalidsa...@gmail.com>
> > *Date: *Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:56:53 -0400
> > *To: *<bridget...@googlegroups.com>
> > *Subject: *Re: Finding Hope
> ...
>
> read more »- Hide quoted text -
I lost my baby Nyla on Oct 5th '09, almost 3 weeks ago. My heart feels
the pain of your loss as well. The pain does become less with time. I
cried a lot for the first week and on and off for the second but it
felt better to cry than to keep the tears in. I find that talking to
other people really helps and to see that you are not alone in your
pain. My heart still grieves for my baby and I do not think you ever
stop feeling that loss in your heart but the terrible grief does
fade. I am also seeing a counsellor to help learn ways to cope. It
may also be helpful for you and your family. May Allah swt help ease
your pain and give you all the strength to make it through
inshallah.
On Oct 30, 10:22 pm, farhat.kas...@gmail.com wrote:
> Salaams Sisters, I would like to know how the other sisters with a similar loss are handling. Will the pain become any less as time goes on?
>
> I push myself to go out meet people but my heart is grieving. Everything I do I'm reminded of dear Muhammad. I had met some mums (before I lost Muhammad) who had a loss like mine were completely drowned in their grief. I don't want to be like them I have other lovely caring children and a supportive and a caring husband to take care. I have to be a good mother and a good wife how do I go about doing that??
>
> Salaams,
> Farhat
> Empower your Business with BlackBerry® and Mobile Solutions from Etisalat
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: saima khalid <khalidsa...@gmail.com>
> Date: Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:08:51
> To: <bridget...@googlegroups.com>
> Subject: Re: Finding Hope
>
> sister farhat, i am crying as i read your story. your pain must be so raw at
> 2 weeks. may Allah grant you peace and grant your son jannah. i don't even
> have words to console you except that Allah will make you stronger with time
> InshAllah and enable to you to look back at this with some peace.
> i wish we could loggin based on location on this forum. who knows we may be
> in close proximity to someone who needs help and support now.
>
> On Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 3:34 PM, <farhat.kas...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Salaams, Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since I lost my beautiful youngest 17
> > years old son in a motorcycle accident. He just stepped out to get doughnuts
> > and told me he will be back in 10 minutes. That was the last I saw of him.
> > He was stopped at a traffic light and a driver under the influence of
> > alcohol came and crashed onto him and he passed away on his way to the
> > hospital.
>
> > You can call him the perfect son. He was religious and I can't remember a
> > time that he ever argued with me. We both spent so much of time together and
> > I have such beautiful memories.
>
> > All his friends, their parents and his teachers came to see me and they had
> > such beautiful things to tell me about him.
>
> > I know his time had come and he has gone to a better place but how do I
> > deal with the sadness and the loneliness that I feel. I miss his beautiful
> > smile and the jokes he played on me.
>
> > How do I help my husband, my 2 sons , my daughter in law and my daughter to
> > deal with their loss. We all pray and ask Allah swt forgiveness and to give
> > us sabr but the heart is so heavy and the tears don't stop.
>
> > Salaams,
> > Farhat
>
> > Empower your Business with BlackBerry® and Mobile Solutions from Etisalat
> > ------------------------------
>
> > Salaams, Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since I lost my beautiful youngest 17
> > years old son in a motorcycle accident. He just stepped out to get doughnuts
> > and told me he will be back in 10 minutes. That was the last I saw of him.
> > He was stopped at a traffic light and a driver under the influence of
> > alcohol came and crashed onto him and he passed away on his way to the
> > hospital.
>
> > You can call him the perfect son. He was religious and I can't remember a
> > time that he ever argued with me. We both spent so much of time together and
> > I have such beautiful memories.
>
> > All his friends, their parents and his teachers came to see me and they had
> > such beautiful things to tell me about him.
>
> > I know his time had come and he has gone to a better place but how do I
> > deal with the sadness and the loneliness that I feel. I miss his beautiful
> > smile and the jokes he played on me.
>
> > How do I help my husband, my 2 sons , my daughter in law and my daughter to
> > deal with their loss. We all pray and ask Allah swt forgiveness and to give
> > us sabr but the heart is so heavy and the tears don't stop.
>
> > Salaams,
> > Farhat
>
> > Empower your Business with BlackBerry® and Mobile Solutions from Etisalat
> > *From: * saima khalid <khalidsa...@gmail.com>
> > *Date: *Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:56:53 -0400
> > *To: *<bridget...@googlegroups.com>
> > *Subject: *Re: Finding Hope
>
> > walikum as salam sister umm yusra,
> > i can not even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through this
> > pain thrice. every day of the 9 months is so precious. the mother glows as
> > the baby grows. after this period of bonding when the baby is no more, there
> > is an immense void. the only consolation is that your children accomplished
> > the purpose of life even before being born, ie ensuring that their final
> > destination is jannah. may Allah grant you and your family their company in
> > the hereafter.
> > i will make a list of some more hurtful things people said. for first time
> > mothers it also feels like our bodies are failing us. we feel defective and
> > like we were not able to nurture the babies well enough. of course these
> > thoughts go away when we derive peace from our faith but nevertheless they
> > are present.so if people make comments about how to deal with lactation etc,
> > these comments are also unwelcome.
> > for people from india and pakistan, unfortunately there is so much ritual
> > surrounding religion, that it makes it even more difficult in such
> > situations. for instance a relative wanted to take incense sticks to the
> > graves and flowers. these things are bidah and not necessary especially for
> > a pure baby. even things as insignificant as this made me cry. i just did
> > not want people to dramatise this loss. it was between us and Allah and as
> > far as I am concerned, an oppurtunity for us to weep, pray and beg Allah for
> > forgiveness and grant us his mercy and fill us with optimism about our
> > future....all of which Allah did.
> > jazakAllah khairun
>
> > walikum as salam sister umm yusra,
> > i can not even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through this
> > pain thrice. every day of the 9 months is so precious. the mother glows as
> > the baby grows. after this period of bonding when the baby is no more, there
> > is an immense void. the only consolation is that your children accomplished
> > the purpose of life even before being born, ie ensuring that their final
> > destination is jannah. may Allah grant you and your family their company in
> > the hereafter.
> > i will make a list of some more hurtful things people said. for first time
> > mothers it also feels like our bodies are failing us. we feel defective and
> > like we were not able to nurture the babies well enough. of course these
> > thoughts go away when we derive peace from our faith but nevertheless they
> > are present.so if people make comments about how to deal with lactation etc,
> > these comments are also unwelcome.
> > for people from india and pakistan, unfortunately there is so much ritual
> > surrounding religion, that it makes it even more difficult in such
> > situations. for instance a relative wanted to take incense sticks to the
> > graves and flowers. these things are bidah and not necessary especially for
> > a pure baby. even things as insignificant as this made me cry. i just did
> > not want people to dramatise this loss. it was between us and Allah and as
> > far as I am concerned, an oppurtunity for us to weep, pray and beg Allah for
> > forgiveness and grant us his mercy and fill us with optimism about our
> > future....all of which Allah did.
> > jazakAllah khairun
>
>
> read more »- Hide quoted text -
farhat...@gmail.com
Oct 31, 2009, 10:24:54 PM10/31/09
to bridget...@googlegroups.com
Salaams Baby Nyla's mum,
I can feel your pain. Insha Allah, Allah swt will make things easy for you and your husband. I'm making dua for both of you.
Jazzak Allah for sharing what you went through.
I can feel your pain. Insha Allah, Allah swt will make things easy for you and your husband. I'm making dua for both of you.
Jazzak Allah for sharing what you went through.
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