Re: Heart Murmur

[Suehila Smith]

wa alaikumu salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,

Sister Ayesha I am so grateful that you shared your story. Subhanallaah I can relate to many things that happened with your baby Sa'ad.

I also had a normal delivery, and Ruqiya was very small, less than six pounds, which seemed small to me. Also her cry seemed weak. However, the first sad news which was delivered was that she had a heart murmur. Soon thereafter an ultrasound showed a congenital heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot.

Ruqiya did not eat well, and did not gain a lot of weight without a feeding tube. She had an 8 hour sugery when she was 8 months old and 8 pounds. Her heart failure progressed, over time.

She was born deaf, and introduced us to communication through sign.

She was a lovely human being and I cherish her every day, just as you cherish your Sa'ad.

My husband wanted ten children; my marriage to him was my second and I was 34 years old. Alhamdulillah, we almost made it, 8 children, alhamdulillah, 7 live births and one miscarried but Subhanallaah at less than three months gestation the child separated from the placenta and was born completely intact. When I was miscarrying I prayed that I would be able to distinguish the baby from the tissue, and he was complete, shining, beautiful, born completely separate from it, subhanallaah.

I also can hardly bear to say I only have six children; it's been about 6 years since Ruqiya's death; sometimes to this day when I say I have six children I have to add the word "living" otherwise I must say seven. Strangely, I feel sad when I say six, and I feel a knowing sense of happiness when I include her, because I could never ever forget Ruqiya.

And that is what I told her as she lay dying in my arms. I am so happy for you sister that you said the right words upon hearing the sad news of Sa'ad. I did not know how to say those words then but Alhamdulillah I do now... inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raaji'oon. But I remembered Allaah swt in my heart and I knew without a doubt she belonged to Him.

As she took her last breaths, she nodded her head as if to say "yes.." I knew that she was ready to leave this world.

Sister may I say I am touched by you, your husband, your faith and courage. And sis every once in awhile we cry upon talking about her and missing her...it's ok. I would hate for my tears to dry up. She will always be in my heart and I am so grateful, as you are, that I was blessed with such an amazing child.

Jazakumallahu khayran sister, and may Allaah swt reward you with the same as you have made for us, and more, ameen.

ummayoub

On Tue, Oct 27, 2009 at 4:36 PM, Ayesha <akhtar...@gmail.com> wrote:

Assalamu Alaikum Warahamatullahi Wabarakatuhu,

Alhamdulillah that Allah gave me the opportunity to read the stories
of all dear families who lost their most precious wealth.  After
listening to Brother Muhammad's lecture and after reading all this
heart breaking stories, I realize now that i was never alone in my
journey.  I can share my pain with others who have gone through
similar experiences.  Three years ago when we lost our baby,one of my
dear friend have asked me, why do i cry when Allah gave me the key to
jannah? At that moment i cried because i was missing my baby so much.
I was in so much pain i thought i would never ever be able to share my
pain with anyone.  I would always miss my child as long as i live, but
now i have hope and peace in my heart.

Alhamdulillah my whole pregnancy with this baby went very healthy
Alhamdulillah. I had no problem during labor or delivery or even when
i stayed in the hospital for two days after child birth, everything
was fine with the baby.  But on the fourth day, baby's pediatrician
told us for the first time that the baby has heart murmur.  We had no
idea what that was. She explained to us what it is and she told us not
to be so worried because with some babies it's  not that serious. She
also told us to find a infant cardiologist and make an appointment as
soon as we could just to make sure everything was alright with the
baby.  I was crying on our way home out of fear for my little newborn
child.  My husband was consoling  me by saying everything is going to
be alright.  After we got home we called the Children's hospital for
the earliest appointment. But because it was Saturday the hospital
told us we had to call back on Monday again.  But we still went ahead
and made the appointment online hoping that they would respond back
soon. I remember very clearly that day we spend almost the whole day
reading about this heart murmur.  Finally Alhamdulillah they gave us
the most early appointment as possible for Wednesday.  But it was not
early enough for our baby.  He passed away Tuesday, just the day
before his appointment.  Up until the day he passed away, he gained
weight Alhamdulillah, he was doing very good.  We did not realize how
ill he was.  Whatever the doctor told us to do, we did everything we
could.  But Allah's plan was different, by the time my husband took
him to the hospital it was too late.  I would just like to share with
you all what happened next.


Sa'ad, nine days old, went into cardiac arrest while in the emergency
room.  A team of 10 or 12 of the hospital's best doctors were
diligently trying to resuscitate him.  My Husband was standing
silently at the edge of the room watching the frantic pace.  Helpless
tears streaming down his cheeks.  At one point one of the nurses told
him to go to the nearby waiting room and...asked him to pray!  In the
waiting room he fell in sujood begging Allah for our son's life.
Finally the news came that Allah took him back.  he said, "Innalillahe
wa inna ilaihe rajioon."

I was not with him. I had to watch my other children at home.  But I
was at home eagerly awaiting his phone call about Sa'ad's treatment.
My husband did not call me but instead he decided to drive home and
deliver this grim news in person.  But in the middle of his drive, I
called his cell.  I asked him how Sa'ad was doing.  He could not lie
to me.  He told me that, "Allah took Sa'ad back to him".
Alhamdulillah at that moment Allah gave me the strength to say the
words "Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioon" . Then i broke down
crying.

I wanted to see Sa'ad's body at the hospital.  So my husband brought
me to the hospital right away.  I remember how much i cried by
cradling Sa'ad's tender lifeless body in my arms, I realized at that
moment  how much mercy Allah has placed in the hearts of mothers.

The following days:
1. The tawfiq to utter,"Innalillahe wa inna ilaihe rajioon" right at
the moment the calamity hits, is a mercy from Allah.  But like
everything else, preparation is key.  If one does not school oneself
properly in the subjects of death and the afterlife, from an Islamic
perspective, it is easy to go wrong in hard situations and utter words
displeasing to Allah.  Alhamdulillah we are fortunate to be part of a
Muslim Community that often promotes such remembrance of Allah through
lectures, seminars, classes etc.  We attended these sessions whenever
we got the chance.

 My husband and I both participated in washing and preparing Sa'ad for
burial.  This was very important for me and my husband.  Just a few
days before my husband was mentioning to a brother that he would like
the opportunity to wash a dead body.  SubhanAllah, Allah planned that
he would prepare our own son.  My husband laid him down in the grave
himself.  My whole family visit Sa'ad's grave often to salaam.

 Visits from friends and community members were soothing but nothing
compared to receiving comforting words from one's own parents.  My
husband and I got much closer to our parents since Sa'ad departed.

 In the months after, we continue to seek refuge in Salah, dua and
mostly in each other.  As a couple we got closer.  We also got closer
to our remaining children.  Every child is a gift that we can never
take for granted.  We all talk about Sa'ad often.  Sure, it brings
tears to our eyes but sometimes a good cry is the best medicine there
is.

 Talking  to other mothers with similar experience was big source of
refuge and healing for me. And now more and more heart breaking
stories i read after joining this discussion group, the more i realize
i am not alone in this journey.

A day does not go by that i don't think about Sa'ad. I would answer
the numerous innocent questions about Sa'ad from his siblings.  The
little clothes, the empty crib, the empty car-seat and all similar
reminders were constant trials long after the incident.

Alhamdulillah Allah gave us these nine beautiful days with our fourth
child Sa'ad.  I always wanted to have at least five children before i
turn 30. I don't know why i had that wish.  Alhamdulillah Including
Sa'ad, now i have five beautiful children, four sons and one
daughter.  Allah granted my wish and gave me more, by already taking
one of child to Jannah. But i do tell everyone i have five children
when someone asks me how many children i have.  I feel my family is
incomplete without mentioning Sa'ad's name.

My dear sisters, my heart felt light as i have shared my story with
you all.  My dua goes out for all of you.  May Allah reward you all
with the best reward in this life and in the hereafter...Ameen!

Ayesha.

[rehana bhatti]

assalam-o-allaikum,    i have my eyes full of tears while reading your story.  your every word is true.we all are travellers of same path.you will never forget your child for even asingle moment. this thing is more consoling that you are not alone on this path MAY Allah (SWT) give us reward in jannah.

[Thurayya Said]

Asalam Wa Alaykum Wr Wb,

I wanted you to read this. So Sad:(

Love,
Sirat

--
Everyone shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing). (3:185)

[Thurayya Said]

Salaams,

Oops! I was totally not trying to email that to the google groups. I'm still learning how to use it. Forgive me dear Brothers and Sisters.

JazakAllahu Khairan

[Suehila Smith]

no worries sister. nothing to forgive :)

[Ayesha]

My Dear Sister Suehila,

You are a brave woman Masha-Allah!!! you went through such trials and
difficulty, yet you remained so patient and steadfast just like all
other sisters in this discussion group. May Allah reunite you with
your beautiful children and the rest of your family in Jannat ul
Firdaus....Ameen. I am deeply moved by your story. I really admire
your courage Masha-Allah.

Alhamdulillah May Allah reward brother Muhammad and his family with
greatest reward in this life and in the hereafter....Ameen, for
starting this group. Without it i would never have met such wonderful
people like you and i would never have heard such unique stories.

With lots of love and dua,
Ayesha

[aster1sk]

Walaikum Assalaam,

Wow, you are blessed to have such an outlook on things. I appreciate
you sharing this, so much. May Allah Ta’ala reward you for your
patience and help you every second of your life. He must really love
you dearly.

Your sister,
Saadia

[aster1sk]

Walaikum Assalaam,

Wow, you are blessed to have such an outlook on things. I appreciate
you sharing this, so much. May Allah Ta’ala reward you for your
patience and help you every second of your life. He must really love
you dearly.

Your sister,
Saadia


On Oct 28, 7:47 am, Ayesha <akhtar.aye...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Suehila Smith]

jazakumallahu khayran Ayesha

...for your beautiful and kind words. Another thing we have in common: the burial process - we also washed Ruqiya and shrouded her. My aunt washes the dead in her community and flew across the country to help us. We were all crying as we washed her, and she instructed us. We braided her pretty hair and shrouded her body. We didn't know then that we didn't have to wash her body; nonetheless it was unforgettable, so sad.

Subhanallaah, we had moved to a new city just before Ruqiya died in the hospital. Alhamdulillah though I don't know how it happened and I am so grateful to Allaah swt for it, they let us take her body directly home. She never left her family. She was placed in a grave the next morning which was dug quickly over the weekend for her. My husband also carefully laid her body properly in the grave, just as you described.

We have moved across the country since Ruqiya died, and the only thing that saddened me was that she was buried in a place where we were no longer residing. But in the end, I felt Allaah swt expected me to use my reason and to learn what he taught us about life; her soul is not her body, and she would be easily remembered no matter where we lived. But I still remember her grave marked with a rock, buried next to the little baby I miscarried. No matter where I am, I will always remember what a cute, spunky, sometimes very stubborn, smart little cutie-pie she was. What an amazing child, that little Ruqiya. :)

[Eva Kabir]

wa alaikumussalam wr.wb. sister
your story made me cry..it is so touching..alhamdulillah, it also made me realize never to forget even for a second to thank Allah (SWT) for all the blessings He has given me (and all of us). i have 3 beautifiul girls (alhamdulillah - the key to Jannah!) and although, i have not been tested with a loss of a child, i can completely relate to your story, i pray to Allah (SWT) that if we (my husband and me) are ever tested, we will have the ability to bear and face it the way you and your husband did, inshaallah.

May Allah accept your patience, duas, etc, and reward you, inshaallah... and inshaallah may He unite all of you soon in Jannah

wassalam
radia

with the best reward in this life and in the hereafter...Ameen!

Ayesha.

[momina]

Asalamalikum sister Ayesha,
your story brought tears to my eyes. it brought alive the memories of
the neonatal icu where my babies were. even though i am a physician,
the ambu bags, monitors and everything else are a blurr now because
all i could focus on was my babies. may Allah reward you and your
family for your patience and fortitude and award the highest levels of
piety to your children. I wish we had this support group even before
we had our respective tragedies. i could write a book on the
inappropriate things people said and hence broke my heart. i became
socially isolated. it is just that when we experience excruciating
pain we are reminded that this world is temporary and inshAllah this
fitna will be a source of maghfirah and immense barakah for us in the
akhira.

[Selma Smajlovic]

Assalamu alaikum dear sisters!

I hope you don't mind if I join this group. I haven't suffered any personal losses, but I'm a midwife and have worked with such situations before. I also run a parenting support group for muslim mothers of young children and we have two sisters in our group that have had stillbirths.

I wanted to comment on what the sister below wrote, that there were so many inappropriate things people said. Could you share some details on this? I want to be supportive and not say the wrong things so please advise. What are some of the helpful things people can say/do when such a loss occurs? Practical things like bring food? Help with taking care of older children?

You are all in my du'as,

Ummu 'Abdillaah
Jeddah, KSA

[Ayesha]

Assalamu Alaikum Warahamatullahi Wabarakatuhu,
To All My Dear Sisters,

Sister Rehana, Sister Suehila, Sister Saadia, Sister Radia and Sister
Momina,
May Allah reward you and grant you all Jannat ul Firdaus and grant you
and your family beautiful blessings, and all that is good in this life
and in the hereafter...Ameen. All of you took your precious time to
reply back after reading my story. It meant a lot to me. Your kind
words, your beautiful dua and all your supports were so comforting for
me Alhamdulillah. May Allah also include you all in all those duas
that you have asked for me. We might all be oceans apart, but our
pain, our journey is the same. I pray for all of you including
myself, whatever test and trials we face in this world, May Allah
give us the opportunity to pass those test with flying colors Insha-
Allah.....Ameen.

Please always remember me and my family in your prayer,
Your sister,
Ayesha.

[Thurayya Said]

Asalam Wa Alaykum Wr Wb,

InshAllah all is well!

SubhanAllah, I have read many of your beautiful, and sad stories. My life has truly changed. I'm not even married let alone have kids, but I have learned so much in so little time. I ask Allah SWT to give you all Jannah tul Firdous Il 'Ala for all that you have endured. Inshallah I will be able to meet you all, if not in this life then in the next.

JazakAllahu Khairan
Thurayya

[Rupina]

Wa alaikum wassalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh my dear ukhtis

May Allah(swt) help grant you all peace,happiness,love and joy. When i
read your story dear Ukhti,Ayesha and Suehila, i secretly thanked Allah
(swt) for blessing me with two beautiful daughters. Please forgive
me,I don't mean to sound negative,both your stories touched my heart
and you and your family have my constant duah,insha Allah. When my
eldest was born back in july 2004,the doctors told me at that time
when she was only 3 days old that she had a heart murmur, my head spun
and my heart sunk. I said at that moment Subhan Allah,please Allah
(swt) help my little girl, your happiness is my happiness and You are
the best of planners. I told my husband and the family,everyone cried
and prayed. Especially her uncle. Both started looking for names,her
uncle found Afiyah,which means to stay in good health,hence we named
her Afiyah.....i stayed in hospital for another 2weeks,praying and
crying. 2days before i came home, the baby doctor came and had the
biggest smile on his face. Naturally i looked confused. Then he turned
around,picked Afiyah up and said, she is prefectly fine, her heart is
beating great and the murmur has gone, we could go home. Again, i
cried and thanked Allah(swt) for hearing my prayers and tears and
granting me the joy of being a mother. Marsha Allah since then to
now,she is 5 years old, apart from the odd cold and chicken pox,she is
a healthy child and a great sister to her younger sister
alhamdulillah.

So you see sisters, please in time of calamity and joy remember Allah
(swt),put your trust in Him and He will answer. Allah(swt) loves a
child(ren) more than a mother does. He is merciful and gracious.

On Oct 27, 9:36 pm, Ayesha <akhtar.aye...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Assalamu Alaikum Warahamatullahi Wabarakatuhu,
>

> with the best reward in this life and in the hereafter...Ameen!
>
> Ayesha.