The Anger Iceberg Model, Anger Workshop & 1to1Coaching

[Helen Kirlew Smith]

Good afternoon
Liz and I hope you are keeping warm and dry. Wellington has really
lived up to its reputation these last few weeks hasn’t it?

This month Liz and I would like to share with you a useful model you
can use when you are thinking about your own anger.

The Anger Iceberg
Imagine Anger as an iceberg. The tip represents your anger and is seen
above the water. Your feelings are represented below the water line -
the unseen.

The Anger Iceberg Model ask you to consider and acknowledge the unseen
feelings and suggests that it is these that give rise to the anger,
rather than the usual trigger event and/or your explosive behaviour.

For example you explode at your child for throwing the neatly folded
washing all over the floor. We see the anger. But let us think about
some of the feelings underneath contributing to this outburst:
- Tiredness, the baby was awake a lot the night before
- Hurt, your partner didn't get home in time last night for you to go
to you yoga class.
- Disappointment, with yourself (you just ate a cake after promising
yourself you wouldn't).

What are some of the feelings that contribute to your anger? (e.g.
frustration, sadness, anxiety, tiredness, unmet needs, disappointment
with self and others, fear, confusion).

In order for this model to be useful you need to look at how to apply
it into the world. To do this you need to raise your awareness.

After an angry episode, ask yourself what were the feelings going on
under the anger. The answer might be frustrated. Then ask yourself
what am I frustrated about? Lastly ask yourself what can I do about
it? Sometimes by just acknowledging the feelings, they lose their
power and subsequent anger. Other times we need to take action to deal
with our feelings.

The key is to get to the point where you can stop yourself before you
'lose it'. Then ask yourself “What am I feeling underneath my anger?”
and finally 'what do I need to do about it?

This model and others are explored further in our Anger workshops -
next workshop 22nd June - see below for more details.

Let us know if this is helpful.

Breathing Space Services

One-to-One Parent Coaching Session
30/60 minute discussions - face to face or via telephone ($60/$120)

We are delighted that so many of you accepted our free 30 minutes
coaching session. Liz was very busy last month and is delighted to be
working with some of you now and in the future.

One to One Coaching is still available and Liz would really like to
hear from you if you have anything you wish to work through and/or
need some help in achieving.

Email l...@breathingspacenz.com

Understanding Your Anger Workshop
$50 for 1 or $75 for 2 people attending *New Price*

Miramar Playcentre, Crawford Green, Miramar
Date: 22nd June 2010
Time: 6.45-10pm

Upon registering you will receive two exercises that will ask you to
reflect on your anger, consider what the triggers might be and how
anger manifests itself for you. The workshop then introduces ways of
further understanding anger and it will provide strategies for you to
take more control of it.

Email he...@breathingspacenz.com

For more information visit www.breathingspacenz.com

kind regards
Helen and Liz