Christmas newsletter - Thanks, Links and an exercise on how to become more aware of your feelings
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Helen Kirlew Smith
Dec 8, 2010, 7:38:15 PM12/8/10
to Breathing Space (NZ)
Kia ora
Liz and I would firstly like to take this opportunity to thank you for
agreeing to receive our newsletters. Whether this is the first you’ll
read or you have been looking at them since our launch last year with
Diane Levy, we really hope they have been and continue to be of
interest to you.
In this newsletter Liz will explore how we can become more in touch
with our feelings. We’ll update you on our plans for 2011 and we would
also like to share with you a few links to some of the organisations
we have been meeting over the last few months and share with you all
the great services they offer parents around New Zealand.
Enjoy
THE ANGER ICE BURG
In our workshops we explore the theory that our anger is made up of a
whole lot of feelings we carry and add to throughout our day, week,
year and possibly a lifetime.
We like using the anger ice burg because it’s a really clear model.
It simply tells us that if we are unaware of our feelings they become
pent up and released through angry outbursts. The model suggests if
we become aware of our feelings and deal with them effectively (at the
time) then we can prevent most explosions. In theory, simple. In
reality, trickier.
Many people I work with say to me ‘yeh but I have no idea what I’m
feeling most of the time’. This is really common and can be for a
number of reasons. Often it is because we don’t want to acknowledge
the feelings. We may, subconsciously, consider them to be wrong or
bad.
For example, a few years ago – when I was working 30 hours a week, my
partner worked away a lot, I was juggling my two children’s pre-school
and social calendars and not really giving myself any ‘me’ time - my
inner voice kept telling me that I was bored, frustrated and sad. For
a long time I fought with those feelings saying to myself ‘I’m a
parent for goodness sake, I’m not supposed to be feeling like this. I
should be grateful and happy with what I have. I’m lucky!’
The Iceberg model says that we can’t continue to push our feelings
down, it is only a matter of time before they come exploding out.
Sometimes totally inappropriately!! For me, I began to listen and
made changes that made me feel happier, not so frustrated and I
created myself some ‘me’ time.
Below is a simple exercise for those of us who might not check in with
their feelings very often or who don’t give themselves time, space or
permission to acknowledge them.
The exercise is drawn form a great book by Barbara Sher “Live the Life
You Love and Stop Just Getting By’
Below is a list of feelings (feel free to add to and/or take some
away).
Happy, content, at peace
Scared, hurt, calm, watchful
Bored, overwhelmed, turned off
Comfortable, easy, playful
Interested, hopeful
Worried, dread
Guilty, relieved, hurried
Irritable, nervous, restless
Embarrassed, disappointed, sad
1. Get a notebook and write a list of feelings from above or the ones
you suspect you have.
2. For three days, each time you are aware of what you are feeling,
put a tick next to the word (or write the new feeling down).
3. After those three days, look at your list and see if you have any
patterns. For example, are their lots of ticks for hurried and not
many for playful? Ask yourself if you want to continue feeling like
this? If not, how could you change?
If still unsure, continue to step 4
4. For the next three days, each time you are aware of what you are
feeling, put a tick next to the word. Then ask yourself, ‘why am I
feeling this?’ ‘Is this feeling trying to tell me something?’ ‘Do I
need to do anything to take care of this feeling or to take care of
myself?’
By doing this exercise you will become more aware of your feelings and
hopefully prevent those explosions from happening, more of the time.
If you would like to talk more about this model or the exercise, I’d
be really happy to arrange a time to do this. Email
l...@breathingspacenz.com
BREATHING SPACE UPDATE:
Understanding Our Anger Workshop
We have been running these workshops throughout the year and have been
delighted with the feedback we’ve received. Within the 3 hour session,
we do a lot of work exploring our feelings (through the anger ice burg
and another model) and then work together to think about and develop
tools and strategies to be able to take control of our anger, more of
the time. We recognise that this is a life long process.
In 2011 we would like to offer people the opportunity to HOST our
workshops. We require a minimum of 8 and maximum of 14 attenders. All
we need is a space big enough for a group of people and access to tea/
coffee making facilities.
We would be delighted to work with you and your community, whether it
be with parents from your children’s schools, early childhood centres,
church or other networks. We have found that the material that is
covered and the stories you share live on beyond the workshop itself,
because you will see each other regularly afterwards.
Contact me, he...@breathingspacenz.com if you would like to find out
more about hosting a workshop for your community.
Two Woman Show
Liz and I are currently very excited about our new project. We are
developing a 2 Woman Show Presentation based on the themes we explore
in our Anger workshop. It will be light hearted but informative and
will be ready and available to tour around New Zealand from April
2011.
Please contact me, he...@breathingspacenz.com if you would like to
hear more or know where we could present it.
One-to-One Parent Coaching is still available.
Please contact Liz, l...@breathingspacenz.com for further information
NETWORK OF SERVICES FOR PARENTS
Over the last couple of months Liz and I have enjoyed meeting a number
of people who work at key organisations who provide support and
services to parents around New Zealand. From these discussions, we
were encouraged that, in the main, we all share the same vision of
wanting to be the best parent we can be. I’m sure you will be all
familiar with the links below, but have you spent any time reading the
content? I hadn’t until recently and found it immensly helpful.
Below are just a few of the organisations that provide brilliant
information for parents. We will add to this list as and when we can.
Positive parenting, pre-schooler information, resources and training
for parents
http://www.parentscentre.org.nz/
http://www.skip.org.nz/index.html
http://www.plunket.org.nz/
Information and support related to children from the age 0-21years
(including ages and stages).
http://www.kiwifamilies.co.nz/
http://www.parenthelp.org.nz/
Finally, on behalf of Liz and I, we wish you all a very happy and
contented Christmas holiday and may 2011 be your best year yet.
Arohanui
Helen and Liz
Liz and I would firstly like to take this opportunity to thank you for
agreeing to receive our newsletters. Whether this is the first you’ll
read or you have been looking at them since our launch last year with
Diane Levy, we really hope they have been and continue to be of
interest to you.
In this newsletter Liz will explore how we can become more in touch
with our feelings. We’ll update you on our plans for 2011 and we would
also like to share with you a few links to some of the organisations
we have been meeting over the last few months and share with you all
the great services they offer parents around New Zealand.
Enjoy
THE ANGER ICE BURG
In our workshops we explore the theory that our anger is made up of a
whole lot of feelings we carry and add to throughout our day, week,
year and possibly a lifetime.
We like using the anger ice burg because it’s a really clear model.
It simply tells us that if we are unaware of our feelings they become
pent up and released through angry outbursts. The model suggests if
we become aware of our feelings and deal with them effectively (at the
time) then we can prevent most explosions. In theory, simple. In
reality, trickier.
Many people I work with say to me ‘yeh but I have no idea what I’m
feeling most of the time’. This is really common and can be for a
number of reasons. Often it is because we don’t want to acknowledge
the feelings. We may, subconsciously, consider them to be wrong or
bad.
For example, a few years ago – when I was working 30 hours a week, my
partner worked away a lot, I was juggling my two children’s pre-school
and social calendars and not really giving myself any ‘me’ time - my
inner voice kept telling me that I was bored, frustrated and sad. For
a long time I fought with those feelings saying to myself ‘I’m a
parent for goodness sake, I’m not supposed to be feeling like this. I
should be grateful and happy with what I have. I’m lucky!’
The Iceberg model says that we can’t continue to push our feelings
down, it is only a matter of time before they come exploding out.
Sometimes totally inappropriately!! For me, I began to listen and
made changes that made me feel happier, not so frustrated and I
created myself some ‘me’ time.
Below is a simple exercise for those of us who might not check in with
their feelings very often or who don’t give themselves time, space or
permission to acknowledge them.
The exercise is drawn form a great book by Barbara Sher “Live the Life
You Love and Stop Just Getting By’
Below is a list of feelings (feel free to add to and/or take some
away).
Happy, content, at peace
Scared, hurt, calm, watchful
Bored, overwhelmed, turned off
Comfortable, easy, playful
Interested, hopeful
Worried, dread
Guilty, relieved, hurried
Irritable, nervous, restless
Embarrassed, disappointed, sad
1. Get a notebook and write a list of feelings from above or the ones
you suspect you have.
2. For three days, each time you are aware of what you are feeling,
put a tick next to the word (or write the new feeling down).
3. After those three days, look at your list and see if you have any
patterns. For example, are their lots of ticks for hurried and not
many for playful? Ask yourself if you want to continue feeling like
this? If not, how could you change?
If still unsure, continue to step 4
4. For the next three days, each time you are aware of what you are
feeling, put a tick next to the word. Then ask yourself, ‘why am I
feeling this?’ ‘Is this feeling trying to tell me something?’ ‘Do I
need to do anything to take care of this feeling or to take care of
myself?’
By doing this exercise you will become more aware of your feelings and
hopefully prevent those explosions from happening, more of the time.
If you would like to talk more about this model or the exercise, I’d
be really happy to arrange a time to do this. Email
l...@breathingspacenz.com
BREATHING SPACE UPDATE:
Understanding Our Anger Workshop
We have been running these workshops throughout the year and have been
delighted with the feedback we’ve received. Within the 3 hour session,
we do a lot of work exploring our feelings (through the anger ice burg
and another model) and then work together to think about and develop
tools and strategies to be able to take control of our anger, more of
the time. We recognise that this is a life long process.
In 2011 we would like to offer people the opportunity to HOST our
workshops. We require a minimum of 8 and maximum of 14 attenders. All
we need is a space big enough for a group of people and access to tea/
coffee making facilities.
We would be delighted to work with you and your community, whether it
be with parents from your children’s schools, early childhood centres,
church or other networks. We have found that the material that is
covered and the stories you share live on beyond the workshop itself,
because you will see each other regularly afterwards.
Contact me, he...@breathingspacenz.com if you would like to find out
more about hosting a workshop for your community.
Two Woman Show
Liz and I are currently very excited about our new project. We are
developing a 2 Woman Show Presentation based on the themes we explore
in our Anger workshop. It will be light hearted but informative and
will be ready and available to tour around New Zealand from April
2011.
Please contact me, he...@breathingspacenz.com if you would like to
hear more or know where we could present it.
One-to-One Parent Coaching is still available.
Please contact Liz, l...@breathingspacenz.com for further information
NETWORK OF SERVICES FOR PARENTS
Over the last couple of months Liz and I have enjoyed meeting a number
of people who work at key organisations who provide support and
services to parents around New Zealand. From these discussions, we
were encouraged that, in the main, we all share the same vision of
wanting to be the best parent we can be. I’m sure you will be all
familiar with the links below, but have you spent any time reading the
content? I hadn’t until recently and found it immensly helpful.
Below are just a few of the organisations that provide brilliant
information for parents. We will add to this list as and when we can.
Positive parenting, pre-schooler information, resources and training
for parents
http://www.parentscentre.org.nz/
http://www.skip.org.nz/index.html
http://www.plunket.org.nz/
Information and support related to children from the age 0-21years
(including ages and stages).
http://www.kiwifamilies.co.nz/
http://www.parenthelp.org.nz/
Finally, on behalf of Liz and I, we wish you all a very happy and
contented Christmas holiday and may 2011 be your best year yet.
Arohanui
Helen and Liz
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