Lesson of tonight

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Tonight i hit up a target rich location with a few of my friends. It's
was a girl's birthday and she rented out an entire bar.

Needless to say my friend called me out to drink the strongest drinks
on the menu. And a glass of whiskey.

Tonight, i was opening sets with two openers i came up with on the
spot:

"Hey guys, i have a quick question. Have you heard of the
Jabbawockies? The thing is a friend and I are debating whether we
should sponsor an event to bring them here to San Francisco..he says
they're not popular enough to draw a sell-out crowd but I think
otherwise. How would you feel about that?" Or some rendition of that,
i didn't say the exact same thing everytime. For the record, this IS
true, my friend and I are planning to sponsor an event to bring them
to SF and I was calling him out on the fact that EVERYONE knew who
they were.

Then there was:

"Hey did you guys see the fight downstairs? A woman spilled a beer..."
There really was a fight at the bar, and i really did want to know if
people saw it, of course they didn't and asked me what happened and i
continued with the story.

Situational openers are great. Especially if they are true, genuine
arguments with your friends about something and you really do want to
know what other people think. Nothing beats (and attracts women) than
a genuine conversation about something.

But anyway the sets were open but I couldn't read IOIs, their body
language or whatever. I told the story, maybe did a neg or two and
that's it. Now that I'm a bit sober i'm entirely convinced that i
TOTALLY had great, opportune moments to turn things up a notch
(according to my friends.)

But the alcohol got the best of my judgment.

There was a point when I was talking intimately to the birthday girl
(HB 8.5 or 9) while holding her hand, a feat many of the AFCs would've
sacrificed tooth and nail for. BUT I WAS TOO BUZZED TO MAKE ANYTHING
OF IT.

So in my opinion, if you go to a bar, don't order the hard liquor
cocktails. That is, if you go into the bar with the intent of meeting
people. Cocktails fuck you up faster than anything. Being drunk/buzzed
DECREASES your chance of successfully conversing with people.

If you really want to drink, get a beer.

[Tracer]

[bradtastic]

I've always said, again and again, "stay away from the booze."
Quality women don't work as hard as they do to settle down with a
boozer... and that's what drunkards look like.

[UnintendedConsequences]

As a woman, I just want to echo that with a huge THANK you. :)

[Kai Chang]

Beer is nasty, IMO. :)

While there's def. things I disagree with in Paul Janka's Guide (pls
see attached:
http://bradtastics.googlegroups.com/web/Paul%20Janka%20-%20Getting%20Laid%20in%20NYC.pdf?gda=SWpeLlUAAACIGcMYhOtrAFzZ854uX5zQy8yHh9Jhz3DYluxkw_HRj2G1qiJ7UbTIup-M2XPURDSy8XzV36OZ8cQ701k7MRCk-Hybb9yUTVhya1t_uicrHz9CE9l1gev_3rLhfB3EquU&gsc=u28BxgsAAAAyZFVuvk8ex9lVRyaPcIjf
) on the matter of staying sharp and keeping your wits, the advice is
spot-on:

Booze your tits off with your buddies on Saturday night, not
here. Banging this chick is
going to take your A-game and you don't want to be dull.

Tell the bartender how it is - she works for you for the 2 hours
or so you'll be
there. I tell them I don't drink but that I am meeting a lady,
and that I don't want her to
feel uncomfortable so could they please bring me seltzer waters,
in a high-ball glass, with
a lime. And call it a Tom Collins. Or a Gin and Tonic if you
prefer. Never leave your
drink, and don't let the girl sip it – she will freak out, I
guarantee you. If you go to the
bathroom, take it with you. When done, take both her glass and
yours to the bar and give
them to the bartender. Also, I find that drinking 2 or 3 seltzers
on top of the meal I ate an
hour before (solo or with a buddy) can be a challenge; I usually
tell the bartender to make
mine almost entirely ice; hers, little ice and stiff.


On a tangential point - he emphasizes the advantages of Day Game vs
Evening approaches:

Pick-up girls midweek in the middle of the day while they are
walking around.
Do not attempt to hustle girls on a weekend night when you are
competing with
every other Dick.

Trying to get a girls number (or worse, trying to bang her) on a
Saturday night at
a crowded bar is a loser's gamble.

You're competing against every other guy, first off. The girl's
ego is ballooning, because
if she's halfway decent looking, and the guys are beer-goggling,
then she's been hit on by
a platoon of fools and you know how much women like attention
(turns out they'd rather
have attention than sex) and if you're in a city like New York,
you have the added
competition of the city itself. By that I mean the myriad things
she'd rather do then go to
your place and suck your cock. No matter how suave, clever, funny
or good-looking you
are, I'm here to tell you that you'll look rather dull next to New
York Fucking City going
off on a Saturday night.

Cheers

On Apr 26, 1:49 am, Tracer <t.vancou...@yahoo.com> wrote:

[bradtastic]

I let this post because I wanted to state very firmly that I DISAGREE
with almost all of that "advice."
For starters, Paul doesn't respect women.

He's a dirty, manipulative liar.

Why should we want her to think that we're drinking Gin? Why lie to
her?
I've NEVER had a problem explaining to a woman, especially a quality
woman, why I'm not getting drunk and not going to drink much. I also
have the "I take copious amounts of narcotics" excuse, but even
without it (I don't always share that), there's never a problem.

Why isn't it a problem? Simple. HER FANTASY-MAN ISN'T A BOOZER.
She personally knows a mean drunk. She actually doesn't like to get
drunk; she doesn't like reeking of liquor and puke, she doesn't want
the migraine in the morning and she doesn't want you to want her like
that. She wants you to want her sober, she doesn't want to know that
you think you need to get her drunk in order to sleep with her.

And she'll respect you MORE if she knows that you want her to make
GOOD DECISIONS, and you'll know that she likes you more if she wants
to be with you WITHOUT the alcohol in her.


For anyone here (or anywhere) just looking to get laid, "good luck" (I
guess) but I'm not going to help you, at all. And if we cross paths in-
field, I'll AMOG you and you'll go home alone. Do quality women want
liars? Paul's "technique" (dirty trickery) makes a man A LIAR FROM THE
START.



FINAL NOTE: I don't like the term "target rich." In fact, fuck it.
It's all about target feasibility; a much-more narrow term, one that
makes the "total number" of (attractive/high-value) women (presently
available) irrelevant. Someone skilled will have higher Tgt.F in a
nigh-empty room; one with a few men (3-5) and few women (5-9), because
most men will shy away from an attempt in a quiet room. Getting blown
out ONCE can ruin their chances there FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT, and to save
"face" and self-esteem, most men would rather not even try,
rationalizing the situation as "I coulda had that" while leaving (me)
my pick—to entertain ALL of them.

It's MUCH easier to be the center of attention when there are fewer
people present... frame control is much easier too. Most of the time,
frame control is lost because of adds; they walk in, add
conversational threads, and divert attention away (from us) because
they're "new, shiny objects," at least in the eyes of the rest of the
group.

(My advanced material breaks-down the mechanics of frame control and
lays out everything, including what to say, where to stand, how to act
and what to do next. LMK if you're interested.)

On Apr 27, 10:39 am, Kai Chang <pjam...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Beer is nasty, IMO. :)
>
> While there's def. things I disagree with in Paul Janka's Guide (pls

> see attached:http://bradtastics.googlegroups.com/web/Paul%20Janka%20-%20Getting%20...

[Tracer]

Bars in my opinion are a risky place to bring a woman, at least one
that you're interested in. There were instances when I left the
bathroom and some scum would hit on the woman/women i'm with then when
i came back try to "play it cool" even though the fucker didn't want
to move from my seat. Then there's the whole thing brad talked about.
In fact, if your game is tight enough, I firmly believe it's possible
to accomplish just as much over a glass of water in McDonalds. (I'm
not at that point, but that's where i ultimately want to be)

I also believe you should be able to accomplish everything with a
woman with the least amount of reliance on outside influences - no
cocktails, fancy meals, expensive broadway shows, wearing peacocky
clothing, bragging about your 6-figure job or even about what you/her
think about wherever the hell you're hanging out. Not that it's
necessarily "bad" but it's putting the fate of impressing the woman on
someone else's back - the bartender, chef, entertainer, whatever
instead of on yourself. Guys who aren't interesting rely on other
exciting situations rather than make one of their own.

Ultimately I'd want to eliminate as many middle-men as possible to
create a straightforward connection with just the two of us. Just her
and I and nobody else in the world would matter. Examples would be
like cooking a home made meal together vs. going to a 5 star
restaurant or inviting her to jam and play music with me (talent
allowing) vs. going to a big-name concert. Women dream day and night
about intimacy, so i don't think its really necessary to "invest" in
all that stuff to impress her.

It would be hard to believe but listening to Bon Jovi a lot made me
realize what "love and intimacy" ought to be.

[Tracer]

I googled paul janka and well, read the article that came up:

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2007/12/paul-janka-drinks-seltzer-while-you-get-drunk.php

[bradtastic]

I disagree with a lot of this, but it's going to take some time to
break down. I'll put the basics here.

Bars aren't a good first date place to BRING your tgt to, unless it's
a bounce from another bar. That's ok.

The part about the bathroom: just don't get AMOGd. Don't "play it
cool." Get your seat back. There's many ways to do this without
starting a fight, or, my preferred, just bounce the girl away. If
she's ACTUALLY with you, she should WANT to be with you more than she
wants to talk to him, so ditch the add. If he is truly "scum," she'll
appreciate it... you've "protected her."

The "outside influences" you've mentioned is part of what I strongly
disagree with. Cocktails shouldn't be used to get the girl drunk, but
a fun, sweet drink can be something worthwhile. Some women like wine
or champagne... knowing a little something about it can't hurt.

However, the meals, the shows, clothing, and six-figure incomes are
all part of a lifestyle. Those things, in part, make a person. I want
a woman to want those things; I want her to want good food (instead of
fast food), I want her to want me in nice clothes (and I want her to
wear nice clothes), I want to take her out in a decent car, and a
person's job takes up enough time during the day where it's a part of
life... a big one. High-paying or cool jobs ARE something to be proud
of... unless you plan on moving into the rainforest or up in the
mountains, away from civilization.

A good job is an accomplishment, just like training to run a five-
minute mile. She should want you to have a good job, and she should
want you to LIKE YOUR JOB. She wants you to be happy... why should you
want to separate from things that should make you happy?

In many cases, mine in particular, it IS NECESSARY to invest in those
things to "impress her." Without those things, I'm not me, I'm falling
short of myself, I won't be as happy or as valuable. High-value women
want a high-value lifestyle, and there's MUCH, MUCH MORE to that than
mere conversation.

Having a nice life and a career IS INTERESTING, itself. Having ONLY
one of those things (listed) and/or focusing on one area (often times,
"the career" takes precedence) isn't good, and she probably won't like
that.


The idea that "just her and I and nobody else in the world would
matter" is wrong, silly, and a fantasy. It just isn't true. Sorry. A
high-value woman should have other things, other friends, family and
people. She'll have other guy friends, and they'll be cool. Maybe, at
least in some ways, cooler than you. She'll have a job, she'll have a
life outside of what she does with you, and YOU WANT THAT. If you want
her to just "be yours" and focus on nothing and nobody else, she'll
suffocate you.

I hope Gayle backs me up with some psychology (if she reads this);
those relationships are destructive, people should be self-sufficient
first, not symbiotic. Relying on someone else in order to "be happy"
is a dangerous pathology; normally leading to troubled relationships
at the very least, this condition can have a long-lasting impact and
effect. There's usually a lot of jealously, anger and pain involved.

If you need more elaboration, let me know. I'll write up something
more detailed or more specific to you. Otherwise, I'm going to clean
this up and post it in a more poignant form at bradtastics.com


B

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I still have a lot to learn man

[UnintendedConsequences]

As a psychologist, I will completely back Brad up on the notion that a healthy woman wants someone who is happy. David Deida in his work on tantric sex actually talks about this in some really interesting ways, which I'd be happy to talk about sometime.  

 

I'm a consultant. I travel talking to c-level executives, and I love my work helping people develop as leaders. It's one of the odd costs of being incredibly competent that there are fewer people I trust that I can surrender to, because I feel like I generally outpace them. And yet what I yearn for, and long for, is someone I trust enough to surrender to them.

 

I need to trust someone else's strength, and that strength of character and will usually plays out in the world in a sense of efficacy and agency. Being effective and knowing that your will is part of shaping the world you live in.

 

I'm on the fence of the high-value lifestyle, because while there is absolutely no doubt that I love pretty things (witness my shoe rack), I also want a man who is confident enough to know that if everything falls apart, he hasn't lost what's critical - himself.  A man who thinks that the possessions are enough is totally missing the boat for ME. However, it depends on the security needs of people. I know, and have no judgment of, women who are driven by security and financial wealth supports that. Being someone who can generally support myself quite well, I'm less interested in that. (Actually, I'm more interested in someone who makes my income bracket or greater so I don't have to deal with the insecurity that arises when I make more money. And there is age-old genetic programming - I do want someone who can provide for a family. I wore the pants in the family, and while I will never be particularly subservient, wearing the pants in the family really didn't do it for me.)

 

I also can't claim to speak for all women though. I think it very much depends on the work that individual women do on ourselves. My personal journey has been one of having had the whole lifestyle. I married a man who had everything I thought I wanted, only to realize later that I didn't want what I thought I wanted. I suppose what I'm saying that internal strength of character and the ability to be confident enough to be intimiate (to choose to be vulnerable in relationship is an act of strength).

 

I'm rambling a bit, from sheer exhaustion. (Work - I had my first meal since yesterday noon, and I went through a full day of giving presentations on 2 hours of sleep...whee...)

 

Hope you are all well.

Warm regards,

Gayle

[bradtastic]

Not a problem at all, that's what all of this is here for. The
discussion boards and multiple forms of contact that I've setup can be
used to ask questions and get answers... and I'll continue to do my
best, posting honest, good answers that I hope both men and women will
appreciate.