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Book Information

What problem touches millions of people and causes distress so profound that it can last a lifetime? What if no reliable professional guidance exists for this problem, so most people who suffer from it are on their own in finding solutions?

This critically important issue - and hidden epidemic - is family estrangement. Few problems are so widespread and so damaging, sometimes for decades and across generations, and yet there has not been a definitive, popular and data-informed book about how families are broken and stay broken - until now.

Fault Lines is a fascinating, moving and above all practical treatment of this complex issue, aimed at adults of all ages. Based on 300 in-depth interviews with 1,800 individuals, this book captures the eloquence of ordinary people facing family challenges that threaten their identity, health and well-being, relying on sources never before available, including a unique combination of rich, in-depth interviews, data from large-scale surveys and conversations with leading family therapists.

This is the first book to reveal successful strategies from people who have found ways to repair rifts or live peacefully with the consequences when nothing can be done - and the first to offer hope to broken families which need it the most.

Book ID Asin: B07S8XNVJK
Book Title: Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
Book Author: Karl Pillemer
Book Format and Price:
Book Format Name: Kindle
Book Format Price: $12.69
Book Format Name: Audiobook
Book Format Price: $0.00
Book Format Name: Hardcover
Book Format Price: $17.29
Book Format Name: Paperback
Book Format Price: $16.01
Book Price: $4.20
Book Category: Books, Parenting & Relationships, Family Relationships and unknown
Book Rating: 447 ratings

Book Product Detail

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07S8XNVJK
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Yellow Kite (February 4, 2021)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ February 4, 2021
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 1185 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Print length ‏ : ‎ 290 pages
Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 0525539034
Lending ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled

Best Sellers Rank: #1,375,668 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #489 in Parenting Reference
- #2,411 in Dysfunctional Families (Books)
- #3,084 in Parenting & Family Reference

Customer Reviews:
4.5 out of 5 stars 447 ratings

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Book Review

Name: Robin Donnelly
Rating: 1.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Avoid if you are a trauma survivor!
Date: Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2021
Review: I do not recommend this book for those who’ve gone no contact for self-preservation from narcissistic abuse. It’s like being traumatized all over again for the empath, scapegoat, whipping post of the family. As if we aren’t hard enough on ourselves and have enough guilt for setting boundaries, now comes this book telling us our reasons for estrangement is silly. Some of his reasons for reconciliation were laughable: You may need their help someday. You may regret it if you don’t. Do it for grandchildren. News flash: Abusers don’t help anyone but themselves. The only thing you’ll regret is the toll staying connected to these people will have taken on your overall health. And allowing grandchildren to be around abusers for the sake of them being their “family” will allow them to work their alienation games later in your child’s adult life. Think your ex from a thousand years ago and their grandparents don’t work to alienate your young adult child against you? Think again! Don’t think it can’t happen to you.

Name: SO
Rating: 1.0 out of 5 stars
Title: No contact must be acknowledged as a sane and necessary choice.
Date: Reviewed in the United States on December 5, 2020
Review: I was sent this book by a toxic family member who stalks me even after years of me maintaining a clear boundary of no contact. This boundary is for my self protection, and was established in anguish after decades of gaslighting and crazymaking and endless manipulation.

If your book doesn’t begin with a clear acknowledgment that there are situations in which no-contact is a sane, reasonable, and necessary choice, then it has absolutely no place in my life. And it doesn’t deserve a place in the canon of literature about family estrangement.

Stop encouraging narcissistic abusers to continue harassing their victims.

EDIT: I’m curious how Amazon has put my review way down on the relevance list when many people have designated it as helpful. I’m not the only person who feels this way about the book (check out the comments section in the recent NYT article about it) and this perspective is important to include in any review section for this book.

Name: Kelly Jacobsen
Rating: 1.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Don't buy if you're family scapegoat.
Date: Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2021
Review: I absolutely hated this book. The idea that both people are responsible for estrangements as a rule is simply not true. Has this dude ever heard of family scapegoating? Parental and sibling alienation?

Name: toddler mom
Rating: 3.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Not the book for abuse survivors
Date: Reviewed in the United States on May 15, 2021
Review: I’ve read a lot of books about family reconciliation because I have been estranged from my father for the last 3 1/2 years due to his attempt at assaulting my husband in front of three grandchildren. The assault included his statement that he’s been wanting to “beat his ass” for the past 30 years. This is following a lifetime of physical, emotional, and borderline sexual abuse. The idea that reconciliation is possible in my situation is ludicrous. For abuse and trauma survivors this book is not helpful. The section on both parties bearing responsibility for the rift is the most egregious part. The fact that this author has no where in the book made this distinction is troubling.

Name: TLV
Rating: 1.0 out of 5 stars
Title: What someone dealing with Estrangement might actually say:
Date: Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2021
Review: Estrangement is rarely the product of a single incident and is often the very last option for a way out from a long and difficult history of abusive familial patterns of behavior.

What someone dealing with Estrangement might say to the talking points of this book:

Time really does help heal:
Victims of abuse stay in relationships for far too long with single hope things will get better. Letting go of the possibility of change is essential in moving on and finding happiness. People don’t change no matter how much you love them.

Look out for Nudges:
People in unhealthy relationships generally look for any sign to remain in that relationship. If they have broken free, encouraging them to go back to a toxic environment because of a “weak sign” is simply reckless.

Consider their side:
Victims of abuse spend a lifetime on the perpetrator's side. That’s how they survive. What they don’t do is validate their own side and recognize they have the right to be in healthy loving relationships.

Do you share the blame:
No..this one is partially right in the sense there is no “sharing of blame”. Victims of abuse learn to shoulder all of the blame, starting in early childhood.

Apologies can wait:
An apology, at minimum, is an acknowledgment that the perpetrator has hurt you. If the person can’t even “acknowledge” their behavior how would this possibly lead to any meaningful change?

Sending the message that apologies can wait is simply asking a victim to do what they have always done, which is to neglect their own boundaries and let the behavior continue.

Let of the past:
What victims of abuse struggle with the most is the shame and guilt of being in an unhealthy relationship. They will go to great lengths to bury their past and present patterns of abuse. Not discussing, acknowledging, or identifying ways in which someone has hurt you only allows this pattern to continue.

Telling someone not to “discuss whatever happened” sends the message you caused this and it is shameful and best kept secret.

Lower Expectations:
Victims of abuse don’t need to lower expectations that's how the abuse continued for as long as it did. Abusive environments are far from ideal but are allowed to continue for years because victims accept this pattern of behavior as the only option to stay in the relationship. The bare minimum is already the standard norm.

The book supports abusers and fails to recognize or validate the actual journey of estrangement from the victim's perspective. Estrangement is an incredibly difficult decision that often takes years for someone to accept as the only option for their physical and emotional wellbeing.

Instead of seeing estrangement as a problem that needs to be resolved perhaps it is healthier to see it as a necessary solution.

Name: Blossom
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: An excellent book
Date: Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2020
Review: One of the best books that I have read on the topic of estrangement between family members, Pillemer grounds his work in a national survey and extensive interviews. His scientific approach lends credibility to his text, which is balanced, readable and pragmatic. This book should be helpful to folks on both sides of estrangement. Hopefully, this book will lead to the healing of some of the gaping interpersonal wounds that seem to be epidemic in our culture.

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