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dry wit

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Joel Schnitzer

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Mar 14, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/14/96
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I thought this was a pretty funny, and hereto unknown to me, piece of work.
Enjoy!

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Subject: dry wit
Author: Diane Sullivan at Wyatt_San_Diego
Date: 3/13/96 11:54 AM

I THINK YOU BOTH MAY HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE, BUT JUST IN CASE....

-O' WACKY ONE


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Subject: dry wit
Author: Amy Bogan at Wyatt_Jacksonville
Date: 3/1/96 3:36 PM


It's Friday! Laugh!

One more to add: I spilled spot remover on my dog. He disappearred!


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Subject: dry wit
Author: Mark Lawson at Wyatt_Jacksonville
Date: 3/1/96 3:01 PM

>From the mind of STEPHEN WRIGHT
===============================

My school colors were clear.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night.
They sent me a wake-up letter.

I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having
trouble breathing.

My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how
and when you were going to die, would you want to know?"
I said, "No."
She said, "Okay, forget it."

I went for a walk last night.
My girlfriend she asked me "How long are you going to be gone?"
I said, "The whole time."

My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies.
They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails
on the wrong sides.
He's in a minimum security prison now;
he's on a whiffle-ball and chain.

I like this new idea of voodoo acupuncture.
You don't have to go anywhere.
You just walk down the street, and all of a sudden, "Ah!"

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

There's a fine line between fishing
and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

The other day I saw a rabbit in the forest in front of a candle
making pictures of humans on a tree.

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?

The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked
"Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."

What a nice night for an evening.

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad.
He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15."
I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"

Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?

I just got skylights put in my place.
The people who live above me are furious.

I live on a one-way dead-end street.

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers...

I remember when the candle shop burned down.
Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".

I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards.
Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.

I got stopped by a cop the other day.
He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?"
I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is,
it's always room temperature.

Yesterday, I was just walking along,
and my eyeglass prescription ran out.

I was hitchhiking the other day, and a hearse stopped.
I said, "No thanks -- I'm not going that far."

I was driving around recently and saw a sign that said
"Rest stop: 25 miles".
I thought, "Wow, that's pretty big. Those people must be tired."

I played a blank tape on full volume.
The mime who lived next door complained.
So I shot him with a gun with a silencer.

I'm a peripheral visionary.

I make my own water -- two glasses of H, one glass of O.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'm going to use it.

Ballerinas are always on their toes.
Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?

One night when I was a fetus, I sneaked-out...

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