FW: For fun!

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Joel Schnitzer

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May 2, 1996, 3:00:00 AM5/2/96
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Subject: FW: For fun!
Author: Richard Arnesen <r...@mailbag.com> at INTERNET-MAIL
Date: 4/30/96 9:43 AM

The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court
records nationwide...
------------------------------------------------------------


1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know
anything about it until the next morning?

3) Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can
identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?

4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6) Were you alone or by yourself?

7) How long have you been a French Canadian?

8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

9) Q: I showed you exhibit 3 and asked you if you recognized
that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

10) Were you present in court this morning when you were
sworn in?

11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8th.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8th? A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14) So you were gone until you returned?

15) Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?

16) You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it
looked like, but can you describe it?

17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your
Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time you examined the
body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 PM. Q: And
Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you stupid ________, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy!


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From: Richard Arnesen <r...@mailbag.com>
To: "'Doug Schulz'" <dsc...@dfmp.fammed.wisc.edu>, "'Lynn D.
Fournier'"
<four...@kcc.com>, "'Ken K. Zimmerman'" <kzim...@promega.com>,
"'Andy Fisher'" <mad...@usaor.net>, "'Tom Driscoll'"
<tdrisco
l...@mdyn.com>, "'Thomas A. Landgraf'" <t...@mailbag.com>
Subject: FW: For fun!
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 1996 09:44:07 -0700
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Martha Gifford

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May 2, 1996, 3:00:00 AM5/2/96
to

Joel--are you suggesting that these are unanswerable questions?
I'll tackle them.

On Thu, 2 May 1996, Joel Schnitzer wrote:
> ------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> 1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

No, sir. The nose I broke as a child belonged to Billy, the mean kid
next door.

> 2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know
> anything about it until the next morning?

When a person dies while asleep, he has a vision of light and a friendly
figure beckoning him to come. I know this from the stories told by my
dead patients.

> 3) Q: What happened then?
> A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can
> identify me."
> Q: Did he kill you?

Yes, twice.

> 4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

It must have been my brother, I was born after the war and didn't
know I had a brother.

> 5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Forty-two.

> 6) Were you alone or by yourself?

I was alone with six other people.

> 7) How long have you been a French Canadian?

Since I was 12 years old and found out that my German father was not
really my father but was a Canadian.

> 8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

No, but i have two daughters.

> 9) Q: I showed you exhibit 3 and asked you if you recognized
> that picture.
> A: That's me.
> Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

I don't know, when was the picture taken?

> 10) Were you present in court this morning when you were
> sworn in?

I never swear! I don't even know any damned swear words.

> 11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
> terminated?
> A: By death.
> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

The death of my next door neighbor, when I found her with my husband.

> 12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
> A: I'll be three months on November 8th.
> Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8th? A: Yes.
> Q: What were you doing at that time?

Visiting my next door neighbor's husband.

> 13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
> A: I used to be.
> Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Only once, when father died for the second time.


>
> 14) So you were gone until you returned?

No, I got back shortly after that. About an hour, I think.


>
> 15) Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there girls?

Yes, some of them were girls.


>
> 16) You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it
> looked like, but can you describe it?

It was a round square box, bigger than a breadbox but smaller than
an ash tray.


>
> 17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Yes, but not on Sundays.


> 18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
> A: Not yet.

Q: When did you leave?

> 19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
> unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your
> Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

The judge, of course, ruled against him.

>
> 20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time you examined the
> body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
> A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 PM. Q: And
> Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
> A: No, you stupid ________, he was sitting on the table wondering
> why I was doing an autopsy!
>

Q: Did you stop the proceedure at that time?
------------------------------

Answers submitted by Martha in Ventura

Federgreen, Laurie (AFCN)

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May 3, 1996, 3:00:00 AM5/3/96
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On May 02, 1996 Martha Gifford wrote:

>Joel--are you suggesting that these are unanswerable questions?
>I'll tackle them.
>
>On Thu, 2 May 1996, Joel Schnitzer wrote:
>> ------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>
>> 1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
> No, sir. The nose I broke as a child belonged to Billy, the mean kid
>next door.

(snip)

LOL, Martha! These were great!!

Laurie in Rome

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