forwarded for jonathan fisher
linda -i didn't think this through
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Subj: ShopTalk for Wednesday March 22, 1995
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Date: Wed, 22 Mar 1995 09:24:38 -0800
From: jfi...@atmsys.com (Jonathan Fisher)
Message-Id: <950322172...@wizard.atmsys.com>
To: ger...@atmsys.com, poli...@ucf1vm.cc.ucf.edu
Subject: ShopTalk for Wednesday March 22, 1995
X-Sun-Charset: US-ASCII
fyi
Jonathan
----- Begin Included Message -----
DON FITZPATRICK ASSOCIATES' "ShopTalk"
WEDNESDAY MARCH 22, 1995
The Pipeline To Television News Jobs
"A survey asking men who they would want
to be stranded with on a desert island
has Pamela Anderson tied with Sharon
Stone. Of course that's the No.1 choice:
Pamela Anderson tied TO Sharon Stone."
Conan O'Brien
&&&&&&&&&&
[...]
==========================================================================
Le Cirque d'O.J.
"There's a new cocktail out there called THE ALIBI. It's made with
Bailey's and OJ, and those who have tasted it say it's remarkably weak."
(Bob Lacey)
"Had another bomb scare at the Criminal Courts building. The defense
lawyers thought another witness might blow up in their faces." (Jay Leno).
"With big hype, but little delivery, the `Contract with America' is
sounding a lot like O.J.'s defense witnesses." (Tony Peyser)
"Shapiro said he didn't want to use the race card. And, that if it wasn't
for O.J., he would have discarded the other jokers long ago." (Brad
Halpern)
Monday was Earth Day; the day targeted by the Dream Team that O.J. would be
officially declared `dirt poor.'" (Jerry Perisho)
o o o
In The News: Comic Argus Hamilton, on Sen. Bob Dole telling the NRA that
he'll sponsor a bill to legalize automatic weapons: "It's a shrewd
political move. He doesn't want to concede the nut vote to Pat Buchanan
just yet."
Comic jenny Church, on candidate Buchanan saying he'll line the southern
U.S. border with troops: "That's just to keep most Americans from leaving."
"Pat Buchanan will run for president. He's what you call a fringe
politician. He doesn't see the glass as half empty. He sees the glass as a
plot by the liberal media to control what we drink." (Alan Ray)
Comedy writer Alan Ray, on some conservatives pressing Dan Quayle to get
into the race: "There's probably no way. They could draft him at the
convention, but he'd just call Dad."
==========================================================================
[...]
**** ***** ****
IN THE BEGINNING...THERE WAS A COMPUTER AND GOD SAID...
Humor From The Internet
Subject: In the Beginning....
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
:Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
:God
#Enter password.
:Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
:Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
:Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
:Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
:Create light
#Done
:Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
:Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
:Create firmament
#Done.
:Run firmament
#And God made the earth. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
#Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
:Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the
dry land appear and
#Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
:Create dry_land
#Done.
:Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
#Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
:Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
#Unspecified type. Try again.
:Create sun_moon_stars
#Done
:Run sun_moon_stars
#And God saw the day and the night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
#Approx. funds remaining: $54.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
:Create fish
#Done
:Create fowl
#Done
:Run fish, fowl
#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl
after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
#Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.
:Create cattle
#Done
:Create creepy_things
#Done
:Now let us make man in our image
#Unspecified type. Try again.
:Create man
#Done
:Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over
every living thing that creepeth upon the earth
#Too many command operands. Try again.
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
:Insert breath
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
:Move man to Garden of Eden
#File Garden of Eden does not exist.
:Create Garden.edn
#Done
:Move man to Garden.edn
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
:Copy woman from man
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
:Insert woman into man
#Illegal parameters. Try again.
:Insert man into woman
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
:Create desire
#Done
:Run multiplication
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create freewill
#Done
:Run freewill
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Undo desire
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
:Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Help
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Create tree_of_knowledge
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create good, evil
#Done
:Activate evil
#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1
errors.
:Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
#Search failed.
:Delete shame
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
:Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Stop
#Unrecognizable command. Try again
:Break
:Break
:Break
#ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.
:Create new world
#You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files
before new ones can be created.
:Destroy earth
#Destroy earth: Please confirm.
:Destroy earth confirmed
#COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH
6 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
#And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
#Approx. funds remaining: $0.00.
[...]
##################################################################
HOW TO `TALK' TO SHOP TALK
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