Helpdesk slogans
Francis Mitchell
I had some requests to share the suggested slogans I received with the list, so
here goes:
>
>"If we can't fix it, it isn't broken."
>
>I think I've seen this somewhere, but I'm not sure.
>
>Mike
>_________________________________
><Epimetheus was an afterthought.>
>Mike Weber miw...@davidson.edu
>
> Francis,
>
> You're probably interested in more constructive responses, but I
> thought I'd send this one along to you anyhow. My Help Desk
> group, known as IS-Support, and I were entertaining ideas on how
> to more effectively promote ourselves a couple of weeks ago. One
> of the team came up with the following idea; T-shirts which read
>
> "IS-Support At Your Service - Dial 101"
> on the front (our extension for internal support being 101) and a
> bull's eye on the back.
>
> Funny idea, but it was considered a bit risky; some folks, likely
> most, would be amused, while others would construe this to be an
> expression of antagonism towards our customers. Therefore, into
> the trash it went.
>
> Thank you,
>
> Wayne Hetherington
>
> SilverPlatter Information
> 100 River Ridge Road
> Norwood, MA
> {Way...@silverplatter.com}
>
>
>I redid (in a bitmap editor yet!) a "four-framer" (daily cartoon) of
>Hey, B.C. "The Answer Man" Thor leaning on a labeled boulder, the
>'pretty girl' comes along, asks, "How you doing?", he replies,
>"Fine."... Last frame he thinking to himself, 'Is this job easy, or
>what?" So I change the two middle frames to: Her, "Del *.*?", and
>he replies, "Sounds fine to me!" (Is this job easy or what...).
>Labeled the whole thing Technology Services (our group name). The
>students loved it!
> The latest is "Del *.* = 100% compression."
> Reminds me of an old line from Jordan Marsh EDP group,
>"When the going gets tough, the wierd turn professional."
> Let me know what you choose, try not to be tooo-o safe in your
>choice... ;-)
>
>
>
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
>D. Brewer Eddy College of William and Mary
>bre...@infotech.ts.wm.edu Technology Services, Swem G5
> Williamsburg, VA 23187-8794
>Brought to you by RTM Associates, who encourage you to Read The Manual
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
>
>
>How about
> The guru is [IN]
>
> First, if you have a "Top Ten list of dumb user questions," post
>it here--hey, a readymade appreciative audience shouldn't be wasted.
> Secondly, we have two mottoes for our Help Desk. The one we give
>the public is "Call God for help!" (Our help number is extension 463.)
>This is memorable, if not very witty, and seems to be working. Our
>internal motto, which may wind up on a T-shirt before it gets real hot,
>is "Think, people!"
> Cordially,
>
>_______________________________________
>David W. Sisk, User Services Specialist
>Knox College, Ferris Computer Center
>Internet: ds...@knox.edu
>Voice: (309)-343-0112 x.538
>
>
>The following idea was used for our departmental computer consultants who
>serve as the 1st level of support for their departments at an annual
>recognition event we have for them, to show our appreciation for their
>efforts.
>
>Remember the cartoon of the duck with a sledge hammer to the computer and
>the message "Hit any key to continue!"? We had someone develop a similar
>graphic which was then imprinted with the same message on T-shirts. At
>this same event, we had an old, dead computer which was donated by one of
>the departments to become a computer "pinata". We filled it with candy and
>everyone took turns with their choice of sledge hammer or baseball bat to
>this system tied to a tree branch. Hardhat and safety goggles were
>provided. It was a great stress-reliever and a lot of fun! However, don't
>use hard candy, as it deteriorates to powder after the beating the computer
>takes! :-)
>
>Denise
>
>*********************************************
>Denise Moser
>Coordinator, Information Resource Center
>Univ. of Notre Dame Office of University Computing
>111 Computing Center/Math Bldg.
>Notre Dame, IN 46556 Phone: (219) 631-7978
>Denise.L...@nd.edu FAX: (219) 631-8201
>*********************************************
> It is as hard for the good to suspect evil as it is for the bad to
>suspect good.
>
>
>I thought this would be cute for a slogan
>
>At Helpdesk we don't have any HANGUPS
>so call us at #
>
>
>Good Luck with your Help Desk
>kelly
>
>Show an example and try laughing at yourself instead, that will surely work
>better with your Director and users. How about this:
>Top Ten Answers " Not to Give at a Helpdesk "
>1) Don't call us, we'll call you.
>2) Sorry we only fix problems with your desk, otherwise call 911.
>3) Sorry, I'm having my lunch right now.
>4) Please call in about half an hour, my mom is on the line right now.
>5) Click....
>6) Please hangup....Please hangup and try again...
>
>I'm sure you can come up with a few of your own. Have fun!
>
>
>Hi Francis,
>
>Only have a minute to shoot this off to you, but we use the motto, "We don't be
lieve
>in miracles ---- We DEPEND on them". Another one we use is "CARPE PHONUM"
>- seize the phone and call us ;-)
>
>Good luck,
>
>- Bill Beaulieu -
> beaulieu...@mayo.edu
Francis Mitchell
frmit...@davidson.edu
Julie Maxwell
Anyway, I hope they add a little humor to everyone's day.
* 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
* Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
* Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
* ...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
* A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
* For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
* I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
* The beatings will continue until morale improves.
* I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
* Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
* Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
* Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
* There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
* I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
* I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
* Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
* If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
* Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a
rock.
* Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
* If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
* If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
* If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
* Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
* It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
* Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
* Look out for #1. Don't step in #2.
* Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
* Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
* Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
* Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
* Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
* Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
* What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
* Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
* COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
(I'd like to know where the key labeled "Any" is.)
* Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
* Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
* Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
* My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
* C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
* C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
* <-------- The information went data way -------->
* Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
* The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
* BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
* The name is Baud......, James Baud.
* BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
* Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
* C:\ > Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
* Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
* Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
* Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
* Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
* E Pluribus Modem
* ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
* Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
* A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
* An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
* CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
* Does fuzzy logic tickle?
* A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
* 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
* 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
* Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
* SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
* Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
* Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
* RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
* Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
* All computers wait at the same speed.
* DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
* Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
* ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
* E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
* Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
* All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
* Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
* "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
* Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
* Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
* Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
* Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.