undead bennett demands govt revoke wife's virginity order

[Daniel A. Foss]

Wellington, New Zealand

Daniel,

The utter chaos and pandemonium in this refreshingly well-bred country
is not at all obvious unless you look for it, unless you count people driving
dead drunk in morning rush hours, which is not a problem as we have at our
disposal Generalissimo Chong's famous Black Helicopter. Though the real world
news has not been at all good for the Wellness of Samantha, as she is legally
known here, Sima, who now is quite certain that had she not expatriated from
the year 391 she would have patched up her relationship with my dangerous
brother, then gone on to become Legitimate Empress of China upon the founding
of military despotism in 399 and the Liu Song dynasty in 420. She'd have more
shoes, you see, than a thousand years of Imelda Marcos once Liu Yu got even
for his boyhood as a poor cobbler. Daniel, that woman corrupted a gray slug
from a species which does capitalism for vacation thrills! I've just about
had it! But Chong said, no, all of us from the Dark Ages would be major war
criminals under the Nurenberg Rules. But I did have Sam start writing up
what I'd love to do to her as a Cult Murder Mystery, Headless In Wellington,
to make money for the Messianic Movement. Think of June, all six-one of her,
not even wearing the orange bikini, waking Sam up, "Time to freshen up a bit
for your beheading....Think of me as the Bodhisattva Guanyin, gee, I feel
real sorry for you, but if there was any good reason for you to go on living,
I'd have fought for you....As an abandoned South African Naked Mall Rat, I
lacked the usual Christian upbringing of blonde whitegirls; my first reading
matter was the Yoga Journal; I'm more into Karmic Retribution; not that anyone
*deserves to die*, you understand; it's just that some people should be made
to put their money where their mouth is....So don't you dare Experience this
as murder, cuz we've got this all planned to work on your imagination....Just
rest in my arms, feel helpless, let your neck libido get flowing, and I'll
work on your residual Buddhist superstitions so you can be properly Confucianly
dead....

When Diane comes back from Harvard, where she's doing research on "The
enduring functionality of the Greco-Turkish Alliance," she won't want to be
living next to this woman when that one comes out. I hear she's concluded
that the basic Greco-Turkish Alliance has persisted with very slight
interruptions ever since the vestigial Byzantines first became vassals
of the Ottoman sultans not later than 1350. Well, I think it's high time
someone realized it. Even you, back in the 1960s, when you were making fake
patriotic speeches on streetcorners, used to stick your finger in the air
and intone, "Upon the firm foundation of the Greco-Turkish Alliance is
erected the entire edifice of Free World Security!" Well, no joke! As
an authority on The Greek Peasant when the species is practically extinct,
leaving only the Zorba The Greek movie where Anthony Quinn gives lessons
on Greek sex practices to Anthony Hopkins, and an accidentally Greek first
name, all lithe young Greek schoolboys memorize her latest name, which is
on the test, by shouting it out in each other's arms.

Diane's relationship with the Shriko cultist Jefferson is now imperilled
by the return, undead, of Iain McTeague Bennett, who was not killed by the
Australian poison dart in Papua-New Guinea after all; merely rendered deeply
catatonic. But the War of the Bougainville Secession is now over! With, of
course, a decisive Australian victory and a correspondingly humiliating New
Zealand defeat (covered up by face-saving rhetoric, to be sure). The Papua-
New Guinea Prime Minister, Sir Julius Chan, who if you will pardon the
expression, Daniel, does not look the least bit Chineseish from his pictures,
has resigned in disgrace, to be replaced by a more reliable Australian toady,
and the White Mercenaries, or Security Services Consultants, have been
disbanded by resort to a legal flaw in their contract. The Bougainville
nationalist guerrillas have been emerging, weary but exhausted, from their
holes where the strip mines once stood.

Now New Zealand's once-revered, now officially never-existed, master spy
has announced that Diane should get back her married name of BENNETT, which
the High Court of Administrative Oddities and Anomalies ordered her divested
of last year, ordering abolished at the same time all official recognition
of her sexual activity over the 27 years of married life in question. The
Bolger Government continues to deny the existence of Bennett, who had been
believed buried in an unmarked grave in an undisclosed location under the
Official Secrets Act. When asked, "Just who is buried in that unmarked grave,
then," Bennett replied, "It can hardly be me, can it?" Officially, under
the Official Secrets Act, however, it does appear that it can, but may
make for duplication of records and other complexities. The pro-Bennett
New Zealand First Party, in coalition with the Nationalists, is in disgrace
at this time for pro-war activity.

building closingú

Louise

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Daniel A. Foss