It couldn't be *completely* featureless, unless it had a trap door in
the ceiling for people to get in and out. Otherwise, there would have
to be a door in at least one wall. After what happened last time, I am
*not* going to mess around with transporters anymore.
Well, I guess it's worth a try, then. People keep telling me that snoring
can be stopped by turning the snorer so that xe is not sleeping on xyr
back, but Steve has demonstrated the impressive talent of being able to
snore in any horizontal position. (Maybe it's one of those islands of
excellence.) I'll try turning him on his head if he snores in Arlington
I recall some recognizably intact bookshelves whose contents were still
in place when I left. *And* the train was still on the coffee table,
and hadn't even derailed.
>>>So you don't think the dust and fur thrown into the air by vacuuming
>>>won't aggravate my allergies?
>>The theory of vacuuming is that the dust and fur ends up inside the vacuum
>>cleaner. Just how often do you change your dust bag?
>Um... There's a *bag*, you say? And it needs to be changed? I had no
>idea. Any idea how many years between changes are recommended by the
Nice try, but assertions of incompetence won't work in this case. I can
be persuaded to handle the laundry and cooking rather than leaving them
to you, because I have a personal interest in having my clothes come out
of the wash the same color they were when they went in, and in not being
stabbed as a result of your idiosyncrasies regarding kitchen utensils.
But when it comes to vacuuming, I think my tolerance of fur is probably
greater than yours. If you can't figure out how to change the bag, I'll
just go sit behind the couch and watch you sneeze.
>>If you wish, I'll be happy to let you test this hypothesis--on *your*
>>clothes, not mine--with my *old* green jeans, which have been washed
>>quite a few times in the year or so that I've owned them. If you want to
>>throw them in with a bunch of your stuff and wash them in warm water,
>>that's fine. The green and yellow tie-dyed look might suit you after all.
>*What* do you do to your clothes? Nobody else's clothes that I know
>still bleed after years of wear.
I *wear* my clothes (I'm wearing my green jeans now, as a matter of fact),
and then I wash them--in cold water if they're bright colors. I don't know
why my single pair of green jeans still bleeds when none of the purple ones
(which were purchased at the same time and from the same store) do. Maybe
these pants are just caught inside a time loop, so every time I wash them
is the first time.
>>And just what is it that you *use* the tableware on without having to
>>walk to the kitchen??? Since this is Halloween, it might be an especially
>I use knives for the usual things: Cutting apples, cutting cheese and
>occasionally as a screwdiver or coffee stirrer.
I didn't see any apples or cheese being stored under furniture cushions.
If you have to go to the kitchen to get the things you use the knife on,
then it seems to me you could keep the knife in the kitchen too. The thought
of you using a screwdriver is more than a little bit scary, though.
>>good time to tell the rest of the list about my first evening as a guest
>>in your home: I had been driving all day. It had just gotten dark when I
>And managed to turn an 8-hour drive into a 14 hour journey.
Why would you even find that worth commenting on? You were with me in
Toronto when we turned a five-mile drive into an hour-and-a-half journey.
>>things into your apartment. Once inside, we fed the dogs and got them
>>settled. You invited me to take off my coat and beard, sit down, relax,
>>and unwind from this long trip. There I was, in this apartment I'd never
>This whole walking, unburdening, and unpacking process must have dragged
>on for almost an hour.
Could be. So?
>>sat down on the couch you guided me to. I slowly started to feel a little
>>bit settled in this place. Then I became aware of something poking me from
>>behind the cushion. I reached back to find out what it was, and my hand
>>closed around a knife! Yes, it was very comforting to find it there. Very
>>nice indeed to know the person I was staying with--the only person I knew
>>in the whole city--keeps a knife close at hand when entertaining guests.
>Hey, it's also there when I'm alone. And if I'd had any malicious
>intent, don't you think I'd have put *myself* on the side of the
>couch in which the knife was buried?
No, I don't think that at all. I'm familiar with your orientation to
>>You know, when I was an undergrad I came into my dorm room one night and
>>found my roommate intently studying a collection of knives, razor blades,
>>and similar sharp instruments which he had spread out on his desk. That
>>time I decided to go home for a few days. In this case, if "home" is going
>>to be with a person who keeps knives in the furniture, I want a good strong
>>lock on my bedroom door!
>You're not the only one. *I* will have a roommate who has been known to
>stare at blank spots on the wall, while saying "I love you and I'm going
>to kill you.".
Yes--to *walls*. Not to people. Not even when people are present. You
wouldn't be aware of that occurrence if I hadn't told you about it. Besides,
if I had any malicious intent, do you really think I'd be foolish enough
to announce my intentions out lo--um--never mind. Forget I said anything.
>>I'll put that down under Fun Things To Do In Spring. For winter, I'm
>>looking forward to getting you out in the snow and rolling you around to
>>see how big a snowball I can make out of you.
>We'll see who it is that winds up as a snowball. Actually, given the
>combined grace and agility with which we are both blessed, the end result
>will probably be a *very* big snowball with the two of us at the center.
>Not sure I like the idea of having to depend on Emmy or Isosceles to dig
Don't worry, Emmy is a very enthusiastic digger. Isosceles probably would
be too, if you yodeled to him.
>>upright and swinging in it. We couldn't get Isosceles into the hammock
>>with me, though. More evidence that he's smarter than you give him credit
>Now, that's not fair. I haven't cast any aspersions on Isosceles'
>intellect in quite some time. I'm smarter than *you* give me credit for.
Isosceles did something I thought was quite intelligent last night. He had
to go out, and Emmy didn't, so I took Isosceles out by himself. We got out
to the place where I usually walk them, and I let go of his leash to let
him go do what he needed to do. He trotted off toward the bushes, and his
leash (a short one about a foot long) flicked around his feet. He stopped,
looking startled, looked down and sniffed to find the source of the unusual
sensation, then picked up the free end of the leash in his mouth and carried
it so it wouldn't hit him anymore.
>You won't catch me anywhere near a hammock with you in it.
You're probably a lot safer near a hammock with *me* in it than with me near
a hammock with *you* in it. But if the latter arrangement is the one you
prefer, I will be more than happy to oblige you!
So- *given* that there is a trap door, how could we play with the
variables to determine the important triggers for your orientation
If it's above the ground floor, I'm sure it will have windows that can't
be opened. By the way, did you know that you posted a batch of messages
this morning in which you misspelled your own name?