Any microbiology jokes?

[Carol Thomas]

This will sound like a nutty request, but do any of you folks
know any decent microbiology/lab technologist jokes?

My father (an A.R.T.) has to give a talk to a bunch of
non-scientists in a month or so, explaining the "basics
of microbiology." He mentioned that a joke or two on
the subject would certainly help as a starter, so I searched
the Web -- and came up with almost nothing, unless you
count, "Why did the bacterium cross the microscope?"
-- "To get to the other slide," which isn't even accurately
phrased.

Any jokes/riddles would be most gratefully accepted;
thanks in advance.

Regards,

Carol Thomas (lemm...@interlog.com)

[Dave Carbone]

Ah, microbiology jokes; yes, scientists can have humour.

Actually, Gary Larson (Far Side creator) has done many microbiology
related jokes, try checking out some of his books in a book store.
(Can overheads be used?)

Some that come to mind are:
the scientists eating their lunch in the laboratory, one is drinking
something yellow out of a glass, and another one says, "What the,
This is lemonade! Where's my culture of amoebic dysentery?"

the scientist looking through his microscope, and being squirted in the
eye, with the caption "Paramecium humor"

two bacteria sitting in chairs, with the caption "he told you that?
Well, he's pulling your flagellum, Nancy"

And remember, Microbiologist get looped, and go streaking!!!

[TimRamsey]

I'd look into the Gary Larson archives. I do, however, remember noting a
distinct lack of jokes about gram- organisms in the Far Side cartoons. I
think Gary is a Gramist.

[Max...@aol.com]

For cartoons and jokes, there is a book by Joachim Czichos called What's so
Funny about Microbiology?. Publishers Science Tech publishing in Madison,
WI.

Great book.

[Gunnsteinn Aegir Haraldsson]

In <96011310442...@emout04.mail.aol.com> Max...@aol.com writes:

>Great book.

Does anyone know how to get hold of this book. My local bookstore tells me
that the publisher is gone bankrupt, and they are unable to order it.

Gunnsteinn Haraldsson
Biologist
University of Iceland
g...@rhi.hi.is

[Steve Slater]

A minister, a lawyer and a biologist were discussing whether it was a
good idea to have a mistress.

The minister said "No, it goes against my beliefs"

The lawyer said "No, too many legal complications"

The biologist said "Having a mistress is a _great_ idea. I can tell my
wife that I am going to see my mistress, I can tell my mistress that I
am going to see my wife, and then I can go TO THE LAB!"

[David Ip]

A professor whose name I've forgotten, (I believe he is/was in Madison, WI) produced whole sheets of mycology jokes and anecdotes that he used in teaching. The only one that I remember off-hand was an exam question that he used. "If you could come back in another life as a fungus, which one would you choose?" About 1/3 of the students selected Candida albicans.

--
David Ip
Canadian Forest Service
5320 - 122nd St., Edmonton AB T6H 3S5
Ph: 403-435-7337 Fax: 403-435-7356 Email: dav...@nofc.forestry.ca

"With a little patience, the Cure always works. It has never failed ...
nor has it ever prevented the next outbreak." C. Elton, 1924

[Kelly]

You forgot the funniest Far Side cartoon WRT microbiology...remember,
it's the one of a guy cramming for his microbiology final exam and
he's reading this tiny textbook....anyway, if you haven't seen it,
it's actually funnier than it sounds :)

Kelly

[Shawn Wilson]

In article <4d6fs7$v...@noc.tor.hookup.net>, Dave Carbone <dcar...@hookup.net> says:
>
>Ah, microbiology jokes; yes, scientists can have humour.
>
>Actually, Gary Larson (Far Side creator) has done many microbiology
>related jokes, try checking out some of his books in a book store.
>(Can overheads be used?)
>
>Some that come to mind are:
>the scientists eating their lunch in the laboratory, one is drinking
>something yellow out of a glass, and another one says, "What the,
>This is lemonade! Where's my culture of amoebic dysentery?"
>
>the scientist looking through his microscope, and being squirted in the
>eye, with the caption "Paramecium humor"
>
>two bacteria sitting in chairs, with the caption "he told you that?
>Well, he's pulling your flagellum, Nancy"
>
>
>And remember, Microbiologist get looped, and go streaking!!!
>

There's another one with a male single-celled organism and his wife. She
is nagging him. "Stimulus response, stimulus response, don't you ever
think?"

There's also another good one showing the Center for Pathogenic Organisms
or something similar. There's a scientist looking out of the third storey
window at a broken beaker on the sidewalk below. The caption simply reads
"Oops"....

Shawn

[Noel Fong]

There was once a student so poor that all he could afford was to rent
someone's outhouse. When asked a few weeks later how he was doing, he
said, "Great, I sub-letted my basement to a microbiologist!"

[Dan Beacom]

Three comics I remember (Far Side, Caldwell and ????)

1. (my favorite) The one cell organism (ameoba?) family is sitting around
looking at family snapshots using a slide projector. The caption reads:
"Crimony, that's not uncle Floyd, that's an air bubble.

2. A scientist is looking into the microscope holding a small tool under the
objective. His says something like- "rats, sliced another one into the cocci".
The caption reads: "Micro-minuature golf"

3. Four planaria and a basketball are floating near a basketball hoop. The
caption reads: "Looks like someone is going to have to cut themselves in half"

Quotes are from memory-probably not verbatim.

[Ptah]

Ptah <iat...@info.curtin.edu.au> wrote:
>what do you give some one who's got everything?
>
>PENICILLIN!!!!!
>
>
I know, not a very good joke considering the mess we are in at the
moment in respect to in-discriminate use of antibiotics....alas its
still a joke?

[Ptah]

[Sandy Silverman]

That would be "awsome power..." to you. :>)
--
Sanford Silverman >Opinions expressed here are my own<
American Cyanamid
silve...@pt.cyanamid.com "Yeast is Best"

[Michael Kolotila x3887]

******************************************************************************
Michael P. Kolotila, Ph.D. * e-mail: mkol...@neccadm1.necc.mass.edu
*
Biotechnology Program Coordinator *
Department of Natural Science * voice : 508-374-3887
Northern Essex Community College *
100 Elliott Way * fax : 508-374-3723
Haverhill, MA 01830-2399 *
******************************************************************************

On 23 Jan 1996, Ptah wrote:

> Ptah <iat...@info.curtin.edu.au> wrote:
> >what do you give some one who's got everything?
> >
> >PENICILLIN!!!!!
> >
> >

> I know, not a very good joke considering the mess we are in at the
> moment in respect to in-discriminate use of antibiotics....alas its
> still a joke?
>
>
>
>

Yes, a bad one.

[David Atlas]

Don't blame me for that "joke" above, it wasn't mine, although someone
thought it "fuuny" to use my e-mail address as a return.

--
_________________________________________________________________________

David Atlas

School of Biomedical Sciences
Curtin University of Technology
Molecular Genetics Research Unit:- Microbiology Research - RPH.
_________________________________________________________________________

[DSHR67]

Hey, ok hows this.

Ques.:
How many nannomoles are in any given liter of 4% solution?

Ans:
Moles only need one nanny for each litter they have.

Yeah, pretty cheesy I know. But hey, I made it up. It helps if you say
nannomoles like "nannymoles". I used to work in a lab where people used to
say nannymoles when they meant nannomoles, kinda cute huh?

"If you can't explain something to a six-year-old, you really don't
understand
it yourself."

-Albert Einstein

[Maria]

Well, It's not exactly micro, but I thought it said it better than the
original from a scientist's perspective.

"If you are not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate"

[Robert Randolph]

STREAKING PERMITTED !!!

MICROBIOLOGIST DO IT WITH A LOOP !!!

I appologize ....RR

--
Robert Randolph Randolph Biomedical
21 McElroy Street West Warwick, RI 02893
401-826-1407 ran...@ids.net
http://www2.ids.net/~rand777/home.htm

[Frank Eldredge]

In <4kntkq$e...@mack.rt66.com> spi...@Rt66.com (Maria) writes:
>
>Well, It's not exactly micro, but I thought it said it better than the

>original from a scientist's perspective.
>
>"If you are not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate"
>
>

What do you think folks?? Is this person

trying to "bug" us??

[Bunny Lover]

It's not exactly a joke, but I found a list in our lab here of:
Top Ten Reasons for becoming a Microbiologist. THIS IS NOT MY ORIGINAL
WORK and credit should go to whoever's it is:

10. Couldn't get in to medical school, but wanted to wear a white coat.
(we like to change this line to "Didn't want to get in to ....)

9. Always wanted to split their genes in public

8. Good Job prospoects at Jurassic Park

7. Exciting social life with exciting single celled micro-organisms

6. Work with radioactive materials renders night light unnecessary

5. Wanted to hang out with wild-types

4. Like to follow recipes with agar and other essential nutrients

3. Thought DNA stood for Do Nothing at All

2. Thought electrophoresis would clear up their complexion

and the Number One reason:

1. Easy Access to 200 proof ethanol!!!!!

enjoy!!!!

--
** Scott D. McCulloch(Bunny Lover) | If we knew what we were doing,
** smc...@jurassic.fisher.calpoly.edu | it would not be called
** BioChemical Effects Research | research, now would it?
** http://www.calpoly.edu/~smccullo/ |

[haj...@gmail.com]

I envy microbiologists. Their problems are very small.

that pun is bad and i should feel bad.

[sabb...@gmail.com]

What does Staphylococcus aureus and David attenborough have in common ?

They both produce Biofilms