Dear Employee

[Dj]

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas,
we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early
retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who
represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older
personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will
be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for
jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records
before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program
is called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees
who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper
management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,
SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems
appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to
get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or
CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has
received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the
company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board
that the company will continue its policy of training employees
through our:

Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of
SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than
any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive
enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the
SHIT you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

[JoeP]

hehehehahahehehahahhehahahehaheahahaehaehaaaaa

[Kohinoor Shanmugam]

Dj machhiii!!!

 

damn gud one da... ;)))