Re: As Long As You Love Me
Jemima Torguson
In my first post, I suggested that prayer affords us the ability to be more intentional in how we spend our time each day. Here I submit that true prayer allows us to contemplate our lives in a way that keeps us from becoming totally self-absorbed or discouraged by what we find. Allow me to explain.
But contemplation in prayer looks a little different. For the one praying, contemplation involves a long, loving look at the real. This means looking at the reality of ourselves with patient love: love of our strengths and weaknesses, love of relationships, our desires, and of our hopes and fears. But how do we love what we find unlovable?
I can recall every movie I saw as a child. Most of them were facilitated by my maternal grandmother, Maggie, who seemed to enjoy the films as much as I did. Because she worked each weekday, I spent almost every weekend with her and my grandfather. Those were the times that forever memories were made.
We would ride the bus from her house on Saturdays, go to a downtown movie, enjoy popcorn and soft drinks, and then catch the bus back home to eat supper, which was prepared by my grandfather, Pop. Maggie was never much of a cook, so in self-defense, meals were prepared by my mother from the time she could reach the stove until she got married. Pop then assumed the role of chief cook, which seemed to work out well for all concerned. His corn cakes and pot roast could outshine any gourmet chef and his country fried steak was outstanding.
After seeing the movie, I was determined to get my very own pair of ruby slippers, which I did many times during the course of my growing up. Mama took me to the Red Goose shoe store where I could stand on the X-ray machine and actually see the bones inside my feet. This invention is probably the cause of many foot maladies as we age, but we thought it was pretty amazing when it was the norm.
I fell in love with the red sequin bedazzled shoes we bought and was broken hearted when I outgrew them much too soon. I could not convince my parents that some red patent leather shoes would look wonderful with my First Communion dress, so I reluctantly had to conform and wear white ones. They were replaced by my prized red cowgirl boots which I wore with my matching fringed vest, skirt, and western hat. Because I was the only female in my neighborhood, there was never any debate about who got to be Dale Evans when we played cowboys. The coveted role of Roy Rogers, however, was always a source of conflict.
My very first pair of high heels were bright red with three-inch heels. It took some practice and more agility than I possessed to walk on those shoes, but I was not to be deterred in my efforts. I conditioned myself to ignore the popping sounds my ankles emitted and convinced myself that I looked stunning. Along with some nylon hose, I got my grown-up garter belt. The main problem with that device was that whenever I sat down, the taunt elastic supports went slack so the stockings would sag. Not a good look, I can assure you, but beauty and fashion came with a price, I was to learn.
Lying there among the trees, despite a learned wariness towards anthropomorphism, I find it hard not to imagine these arboreal relations in terms of tenderness, generosity and even love: the respectful distance of their shy crowns, the kissing branches that have pleached with one another, the unseen connections forged by root and hyphae between seemingly distant trees.
Now that I am retired, when I am not playing pickleball, I have a lot of time to think about the big questions in life. Consequently, I also pay much more attention to what my wife says. One of the things I have been thinking about is what it has been like for her to be married to an actuary.
I have realized that living with an actuary is not all wine and roses (imagine that?). There is the good and the bad, along with the uniquely funny things that only happen when one of the partners is an actuary. With this in mind, I contacted colleagues from my 40-year actuarial career to gain their insight and anecdotes.
In general, actuaries are known for being detail-oriented. This can be a useful trait in a marriage, but sometimes it can cause problems. For instance, if you ask an actuary to paint a room, every square inch likely will be covered uniformly, and the edging will be to a micron from the corner. The downside is that it might take three times as long compared to when a nonactuary does the same job!
In another example, one partner routinely needed help to balance their checkbook. At one point, they gave up completely. Then, they married an actuary. Now, it balances to the penny and would stand up to a Fed review.
Many actuaries excel at travel planning. Some partners reported that all they needed to do was provide a destination. Their resident actuary and travel agent would do all the research and plan the itinerary to the minute.
Some actuaries are seen, at times, as more focused on the analytical than the emotional, potentially affecting their romance game. Part of this could be because some actuaries are very literal and not necessarily trained to read the subtext.
One actuary always had their spouse open the envelope containing exam results. This was a very stressful moment for them both. On that anxiety-producing day, it was snowing hard when the actuary arrived home. Their spouse was standing in the kitchen holding the envelope. The actuary started shaking and crying because they were positive the grade was less than a 6. Thankfully, it was an 8! When the actuary heard that, they ran outside in their bare feet and jumped around in the snow, screaming. You can only imagine what the neighbors thought had gotten into the normally reserved actuary next door.
In my view, actuaries are undoubtedly unique individuals with habits that make them stand out. While the characteristics of the actuaries sometimes may have baffled their partners, they also add depth and character to their relationships. The precision, calculation and data-driven nature of actuarial work not only defines their professional lives but also may shape their personal experiences. Let those of us who recognize these habits in ourselves take a moment to give our nonactuarial partners a great big hug for being so understanding!
Swimming has been a part of my life as far back as I can remember. Fortunately as a swim Coach, I possess very distinct memories of the fears I had and what worked for me as a young child learning how to swim. My history of swimming dates back to around age 3 and progressed through the years as I took my love of swimming to higher levels from early childhood lessons, to swim team, to triathlons, to swimming miles, effortlessly, in the chilly waters of the San Francisco Bay. In addition, through years of experience working with children and discovering what works and what does not work, my goal is to help them understand the importance of their interaction with the water.
LinkedIn and 3rd parties use essential and non-essential cookies to provide, secure, analyze and improve our Services, and to show you relevant ads (including professional and job ads) on and off LinkedIn. Learn more in our Cookie Policy.
Working in long-term care or skilled nursing homes is a calling. It is the hardest job you will ever love. With so many leaving the industry due to burnout, lack of work/life balance, and many other reasons, I feel it is time to get back to our roots.
When I began working in a skilled nursing facility, I will admit it was for the amazing salary I was offered. But, in that first experience, a lifelong love affair blossomed and grew with each passing day. In a direct care role, it was the residents, their love, successes, and failures that kindled a flame within my soul that has yet to be extinguished.
When I moved into a leadership role (DOR), I was blessed to work with amazing teams that shared their knowledge freely. Every meeting I attended was patient-centered and patient-focused. It was about providing the residents with the best life possible. In my early years, it was a growth stage. I was learning and acquiring as much knowledge as possible to further my care for the residents. The collaborative environment of one management team regardless of employer fostered mutual trust and respect. In this collaborative environment, my clinical skills grew by leaps and bounds. It is amazing how freely people share and educate when you are truly interested in the why. When you humble yourself to say teach me, the return on those two words, is a thousandfold. As I honed and refined my skills it was about sharing and teaching others and in doing so, I hope that I kindled within them the same flame that still burns within me. The never-ending desire to make lives better for those we serve.
If you have read this far I am sure you are thinking she doesn't know. I assure you, I do know. I remember the 14-hour days due to staffing. I remember the regional director calling me after a string of those days asking for more. I do remember going to work the day after a hurricane with a tree sitting on my house to ensure those residents who were scheduled for therapy were seen so that my staff did not have to travel. I recall working 68 days in a row to ensure weekends were covered. I remember going in early when my children had a school event so I could get my administrative tasks and my patient care responsibilities completed. I know the struggle is real.
Today is our 37th wedding anniversary. I (Gem) have occasionally shared about our earliest days of dating and getting married at a relatively young age. Alan and I have grown up together in every way. I met him when I was a teenager, and we married at the tender ages of 21 and 24.
A few years ago, a young woman who had been recently engaged asked me the secret to a long-lasting marriage. I could have just laughed it off and said there is no secret. Instead, I took a sincere stab at it, and here is what came to mind:
59fb9ae87f