Re: The How Of Happiness - A Scientific Approach To Getting The Life You Want
Benedicte Mansukhani
[O]nly about 10 percent of the variance in our happiness levels is explained by differences in life circumstances or situations--that is, whether we are rich or poor, healthy or unhealthy, beautiful or plain, married or divorced, etc. If with a magic wand we could put [a group of people] into the same set of circumstances (same house, same spouse, same place of birth, same face, same aches and pains), the differences in their happiness levels would be reduced by a measly 10 percent.
The How of Happiness - A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want
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One of the great ironies of our quest to become happier is that so many of us focus on changing the circumstances of our lives in the misguided hope that those changes will deliver happiness... An impressive body of research now shows that trying to be happy by changing our life situations ultimately will not work.
The implication is that almost all efforts to increase and maintain happiness through changes in life circumstances are doomed to fail. Even the most positive changes will eventually be taken for granted as we adapt to them, and their long-term impact on our happiness will be minimal.
The remaining 40% of our happiness is determined by our behavior--intentional activities that we might call "happiness strategies." This is the core of Lyubomirsky's thesis: We can't alter our genetic set points, and changes in life circumstances don't have a lasting impact on our happiness, but we can increase and sustain our happiness through intentional activities:
The bulk of "The How of Happiness" is devoted to exploring a dozen (well, actually 14*) activities described by Lyubomirsky as "evidence-based happiness-increasing strategies whose practice is supported by scientific research." These include:
And Lyubomirsky believes it's essential to choose happiness strategies that best address the sources of our unhappiness, that take greatest advantage of our strengths, talents and goals, and that can be adapted most readily to our needs and lifestyle. She offers a Person-Activity Fit Diagnostic and encourages readers to focus on the four strategies with the highest "fit scores."
Over the past year I've felt increasingly happy, and at the moment I believe I'm happier than I've ever been. Some of this has to do with my life circumstances--I've been blessed with a rich and rewarding marriage, I love my work, and I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. But according to Lyubomirsky, all this has far less of an impact on my happiness than my daily behavior, the intentional activities that I pursue on a regular basis.
In December I became involved with a team that was working on a new class at Stanford, and each member of the team had to read several books as part of our background research. As I reviewed the list of possible texts, I was immediately drawn to "The How of Happiness," and while reading it I was struck by the parallels between the conclusions she had drawn from her academic research and my own experiences. And although I've always had an intuitive sense about the value of intentional activity, now I'm trying to apply Lyubomirsky's findings on "happiness strategies" to my own life even more deliberately.
The experience of flow leads us to be involved in life (rather than be alienated from it), to enjoy activities (rather than to find them dreary), to have a sense of control (rather than helplessness), and to feel a strong sense of self (rather than unworthiness). All these factors imbue life with meaning and lend it a richness and intensity. And happiness.
OK, now that I understand the concept and its likely positive impact on my happiness, how do I actually experience flow? Lyubomirsky offers several suggestions: Control your attention in order to be "fully engaged and involved" in a given activity, adopt values of openness to new experiences and lifelong learning, heighten awareness of flow experiences and strive to repeat them, and seek out challenges in your recreation and your work.
I started climbing last summer, but found it too physically taxing to go regularly. So I spent the rest of the year getting into better shape--more on that below--and just began climbing again recently. I still can't do it too often--my muscles can take the strain, but my joints still ache afterwards--but that's fine. I'm not interested in becoming an expert climber--I just want to be able to stop by once or twice a week, boulder around the wall, and lose myself for 30 or 45 minutes.
Lyubomirsky cites extensive research showing a causal link between expressions of gratitude and a sense of well-being, and she notes 8 specific ways in which gratitude increases happiness: Gratitude "promotes the savoring of positive life experiences," "bolsters self-worth and self-esteem," helps us cope with stress more effectively, fosters attitudes of helpfulness and appreciation, "build[s] social bonds," minimizes social comparison, diminishes negative emotions, and, most importantly, "helps us thwart hedonic adaptation" [which allows us to extract greater and longer-lasting feelings of well-being from the positive aspects of our life circumstances].
Intentional Activity is where you can exert the most control if you want to increase your own happiness. There are skills and strategies you can learn to increase happiness and life satisfaction. Happy people experience hardship like we all do, but their response to it is to bounce back, to be resilient.
The author, Sonja Lyubormirsky, in her book published in 2007 gives the reader a road map for attaining happiness in life. She not only helps you understand how to achieve happiness, but gives you practical steps and activities that have been demonstrated to be effective through research studies by the author and others. Many of the activities are not new to you, but have been espoused by many experts and writers over the years. However, these activities have been chosen by the author because they have research data to support their effectiveness.
Winfrey's interest in the subject of happiness began during her long-running talk show, where she would ask her audience what they truly wanted in life. Time and again, people responded with a simple desire: to be happy. Yet, when pressed further, many struggled to define what happiness meant for them.
"If you take your time, your money, your resources, your life and you give the love that other people need, especially in their times of need, that is the secret to happiness. And happiness is love," Brooks said.
Strengthening your relationships is also important for your happiness. In one 80-year long study of 268 Harvard undergraduate males, researchers looked at every aspect of life from lifestyle to political views.
Taking the time to engage in positive journaling is another happiness booster. Writing about the happy events in your life, or writing about a good day with friends can help you get into the habit of focusing on the positive.
Unlocking Happiness at Work (Moss, 2016) is based on two decades of scientific research, real-time data, interviews, and case studies. The book seeks to debunk the myth that happiness at work is wasteful.
According to Lyubomirsky, happiness is the Holy Grail of science. In her research, she not only presents the scientific literature but also has a self-help component where she gives advice and recommendations on what to do based on research results.
The heart of the book lies in Part 2, where Lyubomirsky spends six chapters presenting 12 distinct activities that can increase happiness. Each chapter in this section is dedicated to one or more of these activities, providing practical guidance on how to implement them in daily life. These activities are based on scientific research and cater to different personalities and circumstances and represent her dedication to offering Evidence-Based Strategies for Well-Being.
For example, in Chapter 4, the first chapter in Part 2, Lyubomirsky explores the benefits of expressing gratitude regularly and offers tips on how to cultivate this practice. She also talks about the power of optimism and provides strategies for fostering a more positive outlook on life. Moreover, Lyubomirsky addresses common pitfalls that can hinder happiness, such as overthinking and constantly comparing oneself to others. She offers strategies to overcome these obstacles.
In Chapter 8, the author focuses on the theme of staying committed to your goals. She elaborates on six significant benefits of actively pursuing your goals and offers valuable recommendations for effective goal pursuit. This chapter serves as a guide for readers on how to harness the power of goal-setting to enhance their overall happiness and life satisfaction, highlighting the importance of Personal Agency in Happiness.
In Chapter 9, Lyubomirsky explores two essential happiness activities. First, she delves into the practice of religion and spirituality as a means of boosting happiness. She discusses how these aspects of life can contribute to a sense of well-being by referring to scientific evidence. Second, the chapter highlights the significance of physical and mental self-care through meditation, physical activity, and adopting the behaviors of a happy person. This chapter provides readers with actionable insights into nurturing their physical and spiritual well-being, which may ultimately contribute to a happier and more fulfilling life.
On the contrary, we can manage our emotions by thinking about them, understanding them, getting space between what we feel and what we decide to do. And we we walk through the suite of techniques that you can actually use once you have the understanding. Ideas like looking at your emotions as if they were happening to someone else. And then reacting in an appropriate way that actually will get the reaction from others that you want.
Brooks: So, happiness is not a destination. It's a direction. You don't want to be happy, perfectly happy, this side of heaven. No. No, you'd be dead. You need negative experiences to teach you the things that you need to become a better person, a more prosperous person, a person that makes progress in life.
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