The great maithil festival
SUMAN TARAUNIVASI
Find herewith a very interesting topic initiated by some one.
Longbefore, I have copied it & today I am publishing the same in this
forum.
An interesting aspect of the festival celebration and almost all kinds
of rituals is that they may vary slightly/drastically from district to
district, village to village, or even from family to family. For
example on "Makar Sankranti", at some places there is a tradition
of eating dahi, mudhee/chura ke laddu ("lai" in local language)
etc. for lunch and Khichdee for dinner. At other places the composition
of dinner and lunch would be just the opposite. People like us choose
to do whatever suits our convenience
Similarly, Nagapanchami is normally celebrated in the Krishna Paksha
(moonless half-month) of the particular month (I am forgetting, which
month), but our family celebrates it on the Panchami of Shukla Paksha.
There is a story behind it, which goes something like this - Once upon
a time people of our "mool" (remember we had talked about
"mool" in the context of criterain of match-making - I will use the
word "clan" for mool; it seems the closest one.) were overcome by
pride and did not offer the milk to the Nag Devta on Nagapanchami. Then
there were some problem they faced because of curse by Nag Devta. It
seems the whole clan became the victim of snake-bite or something.
There was only one old lady left, who had offered the milk. She prayed
to Naga Devta on behalf of her clan. The curse was withdrawn on the
condition that the poeple will offer the milk on the panchami of the
coming Shukla Paksha. Since then, we have been celebrating Nagapanchami
in Shukla Paksha.
India is not called a country of festivals without reasons. Maithil
society also has a potential festival almost every day. Some other
names that come to my mind are "Devotthan Ekadashi" (the day when
God Vishnu wakes up from his sleep of 6 months), a festival after
almost ever crop (to get people to offer something from the first
produce to God) e.g. Navanna that comes after rice crop, then there is
a festival called "satua" in which you eat "sattu kee pooree"
(how do I translate it), another one in which you eat poori, and not
roti. Of course, the normal festivals like Durga Pooja, Diwali or Holi
need no mention. There is a "Chaiti Durga Pooja" in the month of
Chaitra, whose navami coincides with "Ramanavami". So on and so
forth.
Now, its the time to come back to the festivals related to marriage.
First let me list down all I can recall:
Madhu Shravani
Var-Savitri
Kojagra
I am sure there are more, but these are the ones I can recall. Madhu
Shravani is the festival for new bride in the first "sawan" after
her marriage. This festival is another one associated with several nice
songs. This goes on for 15 days in the month of Sawan. But dare say is
quite tough on the girl. Depending on the village and family tradition
the food that can be take can be quite restrictive. At some places a
particular type of salt called "sendha namak" (something that comes
from Sindh?) is allowed, but at many other places she needs to live
completely on salt-less diet for 15 days! There are some rituals for 15
days, some stories related to Goddess Parvati associated with it, songs
etc. One of the things most commonly associated with Madhu Shravani is
the act of collecting flowers in the morning. In villages, usually all
the girls married in that year, would go together to collect flowers. I
am reminded of a nice, simple song related to this, which depicts how
girls are collecting flowers in group:
"sakhi phool lodhe gailon phulwariya
sang mein saheliya na
koi beli phool lodhe
koi chameli phool lodhe
koi lodhe la champa ke kaliya.
sang mein saheliya na
koi Ram var mange
koi Shyam var manhe
koi mange la bhangiya bhikhariya.
sang mein saheliya na"
(Went to the garden to pluck flowers accompanied by friends. Somebody
plucks beli, somebody plucks chameli and some body plucks champa,
accompanied by friends. Somebody wants Ram as husband, somebody wants
Shyam as husband, somebody wants the "bhaang"-addicted begger.
Accompanied by friends.)
I do not remember English for the flowers mentioned; so I have left
them in Hindi. "Bhaang"-addicted begger refers to Lord Shiva.
"Bhaang" should not be unknown to any Indian
Another aspect of Madhu Shravani is a ritual called "chudi daagna".
It seems, one of the thighs of the bride is touched with some burning
substance (a rod or something). I have not attended any Madhu Shravani
function, except a few in childhood - so do not remember seeing it. It
seems it is more a formality and does not really do any harm. I do hope
that is the case! Am reminded of two lines of a song related to this
ritual:
"chalu, chalu bahina hakaar purai la
(name of the bride) dai ke baur ailen chudi dage la."
(Come sister, we must go on this invitation. (name of the bride)'s
husband has come for "chudi daagna")
Madhu Shravani worhship is normally done at the parent's place. Even
if "dwiragaman" has taken place, the bride usually comes back for
this festival. It is not a rule, but a tradition.
While Madhu-Shravani is mainly for the newly wed, Var-Savitri is for
all the married women. The tradition of Var-Savitri and story of
Satyavan and Savitri are well known across North India , I guess.
Var-Savitri in the first 5 yeas of marriage, however, is considered
special and the worship is done more eleborately.
I cannot recall any details of Kojagra, except that some presents (in
terms of sweets, other edibles, clothes etc.) goes from the
bride-groom's family to bride's family. Clothes are usually sent
for the whole family, including close relatives, especially those
staying with the family.
While I have been talking about "Dwiragaman" all through, I have
not mentioned much about it. Well, this is when the bride comes to
in-law's house for the first time. It is done in the first, third,
fifth or seventh year of marriage. In "uttar" there are elaborate
rituals for four days, while in "dakkhin" it is majorly one day
affair. Besides the normal serious ones, some pranks and games are
played with the new "Bhabhi" in the family. The code of behaviour
for the bride, I have already included in an earlier post in this
series. "Munh dikhai" keeps going on for quite a few days, till
anyone is left who hasn't seen the new bride. An interesting concept
in "dwiragaman" is that all the necessities of daily life are sent
with the bride. Idea, it seems, was that the bride should not have any
problem immediately after entering her new home, even if she has been
married in a penny-less family. Whatever good it will do! I am not sure
if it is a very good tradition. Even in its simplest form, it will be
quite a bit of monetory burden. Fortunately "all the necessities of
daily life" is not defined by today's standards; still it includes
all necessary cooking utensils, crockeries, food material (okay,
included only nominally these days), mattress, pillow etc. etc. A
Godrej, a dressing table and a bed are quite common accompaniments.
This is besides the clothes and things of personal use for the bride.
Anything extra promised in the dowry might also accompany the bride
here.
Except for munh-dikhai, the tradition of Reception has not been there.
But like so many other things, this custom is being adopted now in
urban areas. A few days after dwiragaman, there would usually be a
reception. People usually invite the intimate friends and relatives for
munh-dikhai also and others only for the Reception in that case.
This post might mark the end of discussion of festivals, marriages etc.
for the time being. I would try to fill up a few gaps I might have left
in between.
While there is a strong tradition of folk-songs, there does not appear
to be much contribution made in the field of dance by Maithil
Community. I do not know what the reason is.
Another thing about the marriages is that traditionally there is no
highly hyped-up Varmala function in Maithil customs. (I am tired of
writing what I am going to write next) In recent time this custom has
also been adopted in some cases, not yet wide-spread though.
Writing about festivals and customs of any Indian community may surpass
the thickness of Mahabharata. So, I guess I will put them to an end
here.
No, this is not an end of the series though (Are my readers bored?)
Posted in Descriptive Articles, Imported from Old Blog | 1 Comment »
The Maithils - V
11th December 2004
Now, I will come to other festivals and celebrations. These would
include several festivals related to marriages as well. There is saying
in Mathili, "Babhanak byah se vidh bhaari" (For Brahmins, there is
not so much to be done in the marriage, as in the rituals after that!).
Now, if work of four days in marriage is not so much, try to imagine
what the following rituals would be like.
Unfortunately, now I am touching the area of which I have very limited
knowledge. I have realized lately that there are several festivals I
hardly remember now! But let's see anyway how I fare.
Before getting on to marriage related ones, let me digress a bit and
talk of some others. There has been too much of marriage talk for quite
sometime here and it might get boring. At least I am getting bored of
writing about marriages.
There are four festivals for brothers and sisters, that I have seen in
Maithil Families. These are "Raksha Bandhan",
"Bhai-Duj/Bhratri-Dwitiya/Bhardutiya", "Sama-Chakeva" and
"Karma-Dharma". Raksha Bandhan was not originally recognized as a
festival in Maithil Community. It was an adoption from other
communities, but has not become universally prevalent. Bhratri-Dwitiya
or Bhai-Duj or Bhardutiya is celebrated two days after Diwali. This is
a very important festival for brothers and sisters and this is the one
that originally held the kind importance Raksha Bandhan holds in other
communities. There are some simple rituals, which are called
"nyotna". Now, "nyotna" in general means, to invite (for food).
Brothers are indeed treated after the ritual, but whether "nyotna"
is used in that sense only, I am not sure. Basically, sister puts
"pithar" (paste made of unbroken rice grains), ghee, bettle leaf, a
coin and a supari (nut) on the palms of her brother, and then washes it
while the water flows in a brass pot kept below. This is done thrice.
Simultaneously she reads a verse that goes as follows:
"Jamuna nyontlen Jam Ke
Hum Nyotlon Apan (name of the brother) Bhay Ke
Jate Din Ganga Jamuna mein payan
Tate Din Hamar Bhay Ke Orda"
This is the Maithili translation of an original Sanskrit verse, which I
do not remember. It can be translated into English as follows:
"Jamuna has invited Jam. I have invited my (name of the brother)
brother. May my brother live as long as there is water in Ganges and
Jamuna."
I do not know who this brother "Jam" of River Jamuna is. Whether it
is a distorted form of "Yama" (and why should "Yama" be
Jamuna's brother?) or something else I do not know.
Most people say "Ganga nyotlen Jamuna Ke" ( Ganges has invited
Jamuna) as the first line of the verse. Probably it happened because
people failed to identify "Jam" and hence forgot the real verse. As
my maternal grandfather had pointed out, it just does not make sense
for Ganges to invite Jamuna on Bhratri-Dwitiya, since Jamuna can not be
a brother!
By the way, possibly the idea behind "invitation" was that married
sisters would invite their brothers to their homes on "Bhratri
Dwitiya".
"Sama Chakeva" is a festival that starts after Dussehra and
continues till Chhath ("Chhath" is a festival celebrated on the 6th
day of Diwali; I will come to it later). Throughout this period sisters
make various dolls of clay, which have got some use at the end. This
festival has several folk-songs associated with it. In those good old
days of large, joint families when people had enough leisure, all the
girls of the family and neighbourhood would sit together to make these
dolls and sing the songs. Now, unfortunately this festival is
considered unlucky in my paternal family; so I have never seen it and
can not give any other information. What do they do with all those
dolls I am not aware of, but the festival is celebrated for the
brothers.
The one left is 'Karma-Dharma'. It seems it is not really a Maithil
festival, but it is celebrated in my paternal village. I do not know
about other places. This is the one I have least information about and
I have never seen this one either.
Its a pity that the festivals like Bhai-Duj and Sama-Chakeva are
disappearing fast. For Bhai-Duj rituals are such that if the brother
and sister are not there at the same place, anything could hardly be
done. So, when we are living in an age, where, even before their
respective marriages, siblings find it difficult to be at home
together, Raksha Bandhan is the only one, that lends itself to
possibility of keeping the ties tied. You can always send a Rakhi by
post! Sama-Chakeva is celebrated over a long period of time. There was
a time when the schools used to remain closed from Dussehra till Chhath
in Bihar . Who has these luxuries now? Where is the time to sit through
the whole day and make dolls, at least in urban areas?
Fortunately, as of now, they have not completely disappeared.If people
happen to be together, they do celebrate these. In rural areas, people
still celebrate these with enthusiasm. In joint families, even if
siblings are not there, some cousin brother or sister would be there.
Last time when I went home, I realized that I had landed on the day of
"Anant Pooja". Believe me, I had almost forgotten than a festival
like this existed. This is what 11 years of hostel life and career
building does to you! "Anant Pooja" is celebrated as a tribute to
"Samudra Manthan". For the uninitiated, Indian mythology talks of
"Samudra Manthan", churning of the sea, that was carried out
jointly by Gods and Devils (since it was beyond the capability of any
one of those groups). This had produced 14 "Ratnas" (literally
meaning a "precious stone", figuratively meaning valuable things or
people). It included Nectar (Amrit), Poison (Vish), Ox Nandi (the
vehicle of Lord Shiva), Lakshami (yeah, the goddess), Menaka (the
Apsara), Sudarshana Chakra (Lord Vishnu's weapon) etc. (Can someone
list all 14?) The worhsip rituals of Anant Pooja symbolize Samudra
Manthan, where a large plate filled with milk is supposed to represent
the sea. The 14 Ratnas are represented by 14 knots in the threads
called "anant". After the worship is over, everyone ties one
"anant" on his/her arms. Impatient ones like me take it off the
same day, many people keep it on for 14 days and some devoted one wear
it round the year.
"Chhath" is a festival associated no only with Maithils, but with
whole of Bihar, eastern U. P. ,some parts of West Bengal and even the
border areas of Nepal . It is celebrated on the 5th and 6th day after
Diwali. Some rituals dedicated to God Sun are carried out on the bank
of a river or a nearby pond in the evening of the fifth day and again
in the following morning. The river/ponds are normally cleaned before
the festival. So, in a sense they get their yearly cleaning on this
occasion. To summarize my opinion on the festival, I will put here a
small improptu speech I had given at IITK during a Chhath celebration:
"It is important to change with time and get rid of bad customs of
past. What the present day youth is generally accused of (and youths of
all ages have been accused of) is that they have started throwing away
good customs of the past as well. The problem, however, is not with
past or the youth. Problem is that youth seeks reasons behind the
things and Indian culture and tradition has for long not tried to
reason things out. We are always told that something is good, but never
as to why it is good. This creates the problem of youth not
appreciating the good parts. Not that the youth is faultless. If the
earlier generation has not tried to explain it, we have never tried to
see for ourselves either if a reason is there behind things. And hence,
we mindlessly throw things away, just because they are the legacy of
the past, without making the discrimination between good and bad.
"Let me try to see of there is a rationale behind this festival
Chhath. We know that the whole world appreciates what is successful,
what is rising. Everyone worships the rising sun. But only in India, do
we have an example, in the form of this festival called Chhath, where
we worship the setting sun as well, because we have the foresight to
see that the same sun will rise tomorrow and we will worship it then.
"This was a rather philosophical reason behind the festival. There is
another one too - a more tangible one. We clean our houses during
Diwali. And in the earlier days, and at most of the places even now,
where would all the dirt of the houses ultimately go? In the nearest
water source. What was to be done about that? Chhath of course. On the
sixth day of Diwali, we celebrate Chhath and clean the river/pond and
other water sources for that. Who said Indians have not cared for
cleanliness? Probably the leaders of our society had understood the
human psychology pretty well so as to organize things around festivals.
We forgot about cleanliness, when we forgot about rationale behind the
tradition and started blindly sticking to the rituals."
(There are more of these in line!)
Posted in Descriptive Articles, Imported from Old Blog | 1 Comment »
The Maithils - IV
10th December 2004
Though I had said in the last post that I would end the discussion of
those four days there, but a small piece of information was left out.
Marriage might be the time to eat and enjoy for others, but bride and
bride-groom have to sustain for those four days on only "anoona"
(food without salt - so it basically includes sweets, fruits, kheer
etc.) Even for the greatest sweet-lover, four days are not much of fun,
believe me
Before I move on to other things, an interesting point came to my mind.
Behaviour-wise what would make a "good" daughter-in-law? I dare
say, that in my generation, even the girls "raised for getting
married" (in want of a better description), are very often ignorant
of some of the nitti-gritties here. No moral stand being taken here (in
fact that can be added as a disclaimer to all the posts in this
series.). For fun't sake let me put it in the form of "tips for
would-be daughter-in-laws" (All the occurances of sister-in-law and
brother-in-law in the list below mean "nanad" and "devar"
respectively, unless otherwise specified)
· Make it a point to touch the feet of all elderly ladies of the
house at least once a day, as a routine. It could be either when you
see them for the first time in the morning (this might be more
effective); or when you come out after taking bath and doing your
pooja.
· This is applicable not just to daughter-in-laws, but to anyone. But
can be devastating for your career as a good daughter-in-law, if you
ignore it even once. Others can be excused once in a while, with a
warning. When you are touching the feet of a new elder person you are
meeting, you must touch the feet of all elders present there, no matter
how many times you have done it to them earlier. (Oh yes, girls do
touch the feet of elders in Maithil society; and I like it better than
the tradition of only boys being expected to touch the feet and not
girls, in some other communities.)
· If you are sitting with one or more of elderly ladies of the house,
make sure you are massaging the feet of one of them. Even if she asks
you not to, you must insist. After she would absolutely not allow you
to do it, move on to the next one. Also, must offer it to the
sister-in-laws, particularly those who are married (even if they are
younger), and have come to visit you. Further, before going to sleep
every night, try to offer the massage to all the ladies of the house.
· If this is your first time with your in-laws, that is you have come
for "dwiragman", do not speak to the elders who come to see you.
Even if they insist (in fact they will, to test you!). Your not
speaking won't be considered a disrespect; you speaking out would
mean that "you are too fast". Well, this is something not much
appreciated in urban areas these days, but if you have come to a
traditional family, or in a village, make it a point to observe this
rule.
· When elders enter the room, stand up. If they insist on your
sitting, sit on something lower than what they are sitting on. e.g. a
smaller stool etc.
· Speak in a low voice. Try to convey your requirement, as far as
possible, through your brother-in-laws or sister-in-laws.
· Do at least "gauri pooja" (worshipping Goddess Parvati), if not
other kinds of worships as well, regularly.
· If there is a function in the house or neighbourhood, offer your
good dresses/jewelleries to your sister-in-laws.
· If ladies of the house are eating together, and there are no
servants, make sure to pick up the plates after everyone has finished.
DO NOT let your sister-in-laws or anyone even marginally elder to you
in the family do it. Okay, this is not expected, if you are absolutely
new in the house and hence would not be expected to go to the place,
where the plates are to be kept. Also, once some other daughter-in-law,
younger to you, comes, you can relieve yourself of this function.
· All the above are intangibles. Of course, more household work you
take upon yourself, better you are. But if you observe all others,
probably you can manage a good reputation, even without doing too much
of work. But if you do all the work, but fare very bad on the above,
all your labour might go invain.
· Do not address even the youngest one of your sister or
brother-in-laws directly by name. Take the name, but add "Jee"
after it if they are not too young. If they are very young, still find
some suitable suffix. For example, on of my sister-in-laws (bhabhi)
calls me "Jaya Rani". When she was married I was hardly 10 years
old and she must have been in her late 20s! There were some other
cousins of mine younger even to me. She added "bua" (meaning
"child") after their names. "Babu" is another common suffix for
brother-in-laws.
Now, that's quite long a list. Especially when made by someone like
me. How much of training do you think I have?
There was something else I wanted to add in this list, but that takes
to the nuances of Maithili language again. So, I thought I shall put it
up separately.
To set a background, I would start with the reason of my not speaking
Maithili. I have mentioned in an earlier post that my mother is from
"uttar" and father from "dakkhin". Language differences were
obvious. Now, the word used by husband and wife to address each other
in the language of "dakkhin" is "tohen". This is equivalent to
"tu" in Hindi. "tohen" as such is not used in pure Maithili
(i.e. that of uttar). The words for "You" in Maithili are "tu",
"ahan" and "i" ("i" as in "Kissan"). "tu" is
equivalent to "tu" of Hindi. "Ahan", many people say is
equivalent to "aap", but I doubt that. I think it is more
equivalent to "tum". The real translation for "aap" is "i".
Now the nuances. The use of "i" is exclusively for the elders
amongst the in-laws. For all other purposes, "ahan" is the word
used. "ahan" is formal and/or respectful for almost everyone else.
Husband and wife address each other as "ahan". Now, my mother
didn't like my father calling her "tohen" and my father in those
days could hardly speak proper Maithili (even now, he is not very
fluent, but better!). So, they decided to switch to Hindi in the very
beginning and hence the tradition of Hindi in my family. My brother was
brought up in Katihar, where majority of my maternal family stays, in
his initial years. He also spent some time in my native village. Hence,
he is adept at both the languages. I was born away from any such
continuous contact, in Banka and spent first seven years there. So,
never got into the habit of speaking Maithili or Angika (the variant of
Maithili spoken in Bhagalpur - my native place). Later, when I had
better contacts with the relatives, I was too shy and nervous to try to
switch. More on my Maithili learnings later. Right now, back to all the
translations of "you". I have already said that "i" is to be
used for elders amongst in-laws. "ahan" can be safely used at
almost any other place. "tu" is (though need not necessarily) used
with intimate friends, youngers in your own family and with mother or
elder sisters. Amongst in-laws, "tu" should be used only for those
youngers, whose parents are also younger to you (confusing, eh?). As
in, the children of the elder brother of your husband should addressed
as "ahan". Children of younger brother can be addressed as
"tu". You might want to maintain uniformity (all being called as
"ahan"), it wouldn't matter. By similar logic, your younger
brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws should be addressed as "ahan".
In fact, in the use of "tu", "ahan" and "i", there seems to
more similarity with "tui", "tumi" and "aapni" of Bengali,
than the respective words of Hindi. "tumi" is Bengali is used
almost as universally as "ahan" in Maithili. "aapni" in Bengali
in restricted to very specific situations; at least, it is not used as
often as "aap" in Hindi. The use of "i" in Maithili is also
very restricted. The use of "tu" and "tui" are similar, though
I do not think that there are nuances about addressing the children of
your elders amongst in-laws in Bengali
Okay some other language specifications. In Maithili, for father's
sister, the word used is "didi" and not "bua" or "phua".
Again this is not being followed by many children now. My nephew used
to call me "phua". My brother said that since he did not see me
very often, "phua" is a better word so that he does not confuse my
identity with all the "Didi"s around him. But my father did not
like the idea of non-use of "didi". So, now my nephew calles me
"phua didi"!
Does that not create a confusion about addressing sisters and
"bua"s? Actually earlier, the sisters did not used to be addressed
as "didi", but as "bahin". My generation largely seems to have
switched over to "didi". So, our generations had a confusing time
(presumably - not that it was anything noticeable)! Now, if the next
generation switches to "bua" or "phua", probably the confusion
will not be there any longer. But nuances of the community and language
are being lost for sure!
Also, there is no concept "bade papa/badee ma" or "tau/tai".
Earlier elder as well younger brothers of father were addressed as
"kaka" and their wives as "kaki" (again the Bengali effect!).
Our generation largely switched to the uniform use of "chacha" and
"chachi". Myself and my brother call our uncle (as in my father's
sibling) and his wife as "kaka" and "kaki". But for all the
cousins of my father, we also use "chacha" and for their wives
"chachi".
When, I talk of my generaion or next generation adopting a particular
usage, I am mostly talking of what I see around myself. It does cover
quite a few families, but then differences might always be there. After
all, all this is not a well-researched description.
Now, my knowledge of Maithili. Though I never used to speak Maithili,
ever since we shifted to Purnea in 1990, I was in constant touch with
my relatives and had started to get a hang of Maithili. In Banka , the
language local people used was Angika; so I did used to hear it. By
now, I think I know better Maithili than many of my generation. Many
people do not know the there are specific words in Maithili for things
like pillow, comb and dog! ("gerua", "kakwa", and "kukur"
respectively) Or at least they do not recall these words so easily. But
I do not yet have the fluency. Its difficult to start talking Maithili
with those relatives with whom I have been talking in Hindi till now.
But if I meet some new people now, I try to converse in Maithili. I am
becoming better.
That reminds me of something. A cousin of my father, who is younger to
him by many years, was once going around (along with some other more
experienced family members, of course!) doing match-making for a girl
in the family. After he came back from a few places, he informed my
mother that he has learned two things during this process. The first
one was that when you go to a prospective bride-groom's house, you do
not indicate your intention of match-making by saying so. You say,
"Dwarastha bhel chhee" (In Hindi, "Dwarastha hua hoon". In
English, "Have come to your door." The particular phrase conveys
your purpose, though it does not explicitly say so!). My mother replied
laughing that it was good he learned so, and what was the other
learning? The other one was that a boy who is employed is called
"servicia ladka" ("servicia" is a localized derivative of the
word "service" - literally meaning "having a service". It
conveying, general, "having an employment"). Well, my mother was
not sure, if this was a good learning too )
(Its growing faster than expected! - If you still have patience, you
can expect to see more.)
Posted in Descriptive Articles, Imported from Old Blog | 3 Comments »
The Maithils - III
10th December 2004
In the previous post, I just touched upon the point of dowry
considerations replacing the elaborate match-making procedure within
one generation. Well, I know that dowry has been a rather wide-spread
disease in various parts of the country, still some specifics from what
I have seen in Maithil society. If a family has several daughters, the
planning starts pretty early, except in case of parents who would be
considered "reckless". When daughters start approaching age,
parents and relatives start talking about the "rates". 3 lakhs and
a motorcycle for a bank clerk, 5 lakh and one car for a bank officer,
can go upto 10 lakhs+ for engineers/doctors/IAS officers etc. etc. (I
take no legal responsibility for these rates, there might be the
effects of inflation, excess/short supply, low/high demand, information
distortion or almost anything else in the presently prevailing rate!).
Being the only son, having considerable family wealth and having few or
no sisters to be married can increase the rates. It is talked about so
naturally that it has become a joke amongst the employed young men that
they have found out how high their "rate" is after the marriage of
a colleague employed on a similar post. Also those parents are often
cursed who increase the "rate" by giving more than what is normally
expected for the groom of a particular stature. "They have enough
money; what will happen to others!" Negotiations are often carried
out around the specified rate. For a not-so-beautiful girl, or for a
girl too tall to get a husband whose height she would suit, readiness
of the parents to pay a higher rate than normal may be the only way out
for getting married.
So, next time you try to do a match-making, make sure you have taken
into account the match between intended and expected rates!
This is the situation despite the fact that some other communities in
the same or nearby areas have not been afflicted by a similar disease.
Bengalis and Lalas, for example.
And what is the result of relations founded on such bases. Any
wide-spread family-problems are yet to be seen, but yes, decreasing
respect for family ties, antagonistic relations even between husband
and wife, ego-problems etc. are surfacing here and there. I recently
heard the story of a girl married in a family, which was highly
respected in the village. She refused to follow any norms of the
family; not because she found them restrictive or anything, but because
"they have got me married for my father's money not for me. Why
should I care?". Poor husband is a silent spectator, because at his
heart he concedes with her resentment and the parents are of course
wondering about what to do with their "respect" gained over
generations!
Bleak the situation is, but fortunately, it is not devoid of all hopes!
There are better cases around, though presently few in numbers. Let me
see if this generation, which has seen the greed take over the society,
does something better when it reaches the state of parenthood.
Going into the history of dowry, as would be known to anyone, who has
prepared a speech in the school-days on dowry system, that it has been
there for long. But not as a forced obligation, rather in the form of
"stree-dhan" (wealth of the woman), which people have often
defended as a compensation for no inheritance for girl-child in the
family wealth in the patriarchal system. The arrangement does not seem
bad, so long as it is according to the wishes of the bride's family
and not a negotiation parameter in the marriage. Accordingly even in
the earlier generations there used to be some money given to groom's
family, but mostly it would be spent by them on the jewellery for the
bride. So, eventually it stayed with the girl in that form - as a
security in bad times. And of course, as I mentioned, it was not a
forced or obligatory amount!
I am tempted to go to the situation of women from here, but I would
resist it for the time being. It will come later on and deserves being
dealt with separately.
I will come back to other aspects of marriage ceremony. I shall not be
the right person to report the finer nuances of various rituals of
marriage since the last time I attended a marriage ceremony, I was
rather young and could not afford to stay awake the whole night. Also
found sitting through other day-time riutals little boring. But still,
what ever my limited knowledge permits, I shall try to put here.
"Kohbar Ghar" is an important part of the marriage. This is the
room where the bride and the bride-groom stay. Several rituals are also
carried out in this room. Though this is not necessary, in each home, a
particular room seems to become a permanent "kohbar"! As in it
functions as a "Kohbar Ghar" for all the daughters of the family.
Decoration of "kohbar" invariably leads to the mention of Madhubani
Painting. Madhubani Painting is characterized by filling up the spaces
with closely spaced parallel lines. Various patterns are made using
these lines with contrasting colours. There might be other aspects,
which I do not know of. However its a pity that this art is getting
lost, not just in the urban areas, but in several rural areas as well.
Newer "art aesthetics" are replacing the old heritage. Many modern
methods of decorating the room are being employed these days.
Other interesting aspects is some of the tests that the bride-groom has
to go through at various point of time during the ceremony. There are
not serious customs, but rituals for the sake of entertainment. For
example, once he has to list the names of his ancestors for last 7
generations! (Marriage is the only time, probably, when the
"vanshdhar" tries to find out the name of anyone beyond his
grandfather.) If he can not do it, he gives people reason to tease him.
Similarly, he has to recognize "besan" and "maida" (what are
these two called in English?) by simply looking at them. This is during
the night with the help of whatever light is available - supposedly a
test of his vision In another ritual, the bride and a
sister/friend/cousin-sister of the bride are made to sit side-by-side,
both of them wearing "chunari" and their backs facing the groom; so
that their faces are not visible. Bride groom has to identify the
bride. As it happens, there is a fixed side (don't remember right or
left) on which the bride sits; still for fun's sake, bride-grooms
usually fail to identify the right bride and then it could be a reason
for jokes for the life-time beetween Jeeja and Saali. Then there is
"dehar chhekai" (blocking of the entrance)- the sisters/friends of
the bride would not let the groom enter till they are given or promised
something they want. Similar to the ritual of hiding shoes in some
other parts of the country.
Amongst other things, there isn't a tradition of "sagai" or
engagement. Instead there is "phal-daan" (offering of fruits), in
which the elderly male members of bride's family come to the would-be
bride groom's house and offer fruits and other stuff related to
worship to the Gods (I am not sure if it is very particularly
"kul-devi/kul-devta" - it could be). "Phal-daan" marks
finalization of marriage. These days some people are going for
engagements adopting the fashion from other communities.
There is also a tradition of "kanya-nirikshan" ("Inspecting the
girl" is probably the literal translation. But it isn't supposed to
be as brute as 'inspection' implies). I am not sure of exact
purpose of this ritual. It seems till previous generation, it used to
be more of a formality - not a deciding factor. I do not know if it was
carried out at all. Seeing the girl before deciding the marriage was
certainly not a fashion, but this has become extremely common these
days and I dare say the way people sometimes behave in it is pathetic.
It does literally become inspection! While we stayed in Purnea, there
were a couple of instances, when our house was chosen for this purpose
for some of my cousin sisters living in nearby villages. And though in
all those cases people from bride-groom's side behaved pretty well
(and thank God no rejections came -though those sisters of mine were
not at all "good-looking"!); still to see the pressure it creates
on the girl makes you feel really bad. And I have heard weird stories
of the kind of demands placed on the girl, when people come to "see
her". They would see her in all different possible clothings (at
lease saree and salwar-kameez), make her wash her face to see if she
has put up make-up to "hide" something, ask her to walk - God knows
what! It's disgusting.
Earlier, and even now in villages, there wasn't a tradition of feast
for villagers or people on bride's side, except the meals that would
be cooked in the home for all staying there. "Daughter's
marriage" was supposed to be a place, where help is extended; how
could one eat! This, I don't think, is particular to Maithil
Community though. Guess in some for or the other, this concept
prevailed in most parts of North India .
Entertaining "Baratis" also means lots of waste, even now, of food.
The feast for baratis can go on for hours and hours. They will eat,
talk, laugh, get angry (there aren't many occasions, when somebody or
the other does not angry over something or the other!), get pacified
etc. etc.
The marriage does not take place under a roof. It has to be under open
sky (and that's a pain during winters or rainy seasons, but
whatever). Even the mandap can not have a roof. The decoration has to
be adjusted accordingly. Of course, it is another one of the rules, not
being followed very strictly. If the marriage is taking place in
summers, or in rainy season so that you have gotten wet during the
wedding, well its a pain for you. You can not take a bath or change
clothes untill the morning of fourth day. You meaning - bride and
bride-groom, of course. (Whosoever thought of this idea!) Okay, but
don't take it to be a trial of four days; since in the evening of the
marriage you would normally take a bath. Then it is next two days. The
day after you will take bath in the morning. So, it isn't as bad as
it appears at first:-)
Take the marriage of any community in India , and you can possibly go
on and on. So, I will possibly stop here. But wait, this is the story
of only till the fourth day of marriage. Next one year is laden with
other celebrations and festivities.
-
Update/Correction
I have changed it in the original post. But for those of you who have
already read it, I was wrong in saying that "Maithili" has the
effect of Hindi! Maithili is an older language that Hindi (as are
Bhojpuri, Awadhi, Braj etc.). In fact, along with Bhojpuri and other
dialects of Bihar , Maithili has affected what the Hindi grammar books
classify as "Bihari Hindi". If you want to get a taste of "Bihari
Hindi", do not go by the mimickeries of Mr. Yadav. You can, of
course, hear him directly. Else, check out some book by Phaneeshwar
Nath Renu. Or listen to Manoj Bajpai in the "movie" shool - this
was the best example of Bihari Hindi, I have seen in Hindi Movies.
(Now that it has reached upto third article; more can be expected!)
Posted in Descriptive Articles, Imported from Old Blog | 1 Comment »
The Maithils - II
8th December 2004
Marriage ceremonies form an integral part of rituals and customs of any
cultural community. Like any other,Maithil culture has its pecularities
too. I can talk about only the customs of "Maithil Brahmins". First
peculiarity is that the marriage is not a "marriage on day-1 and
vidai on day-2, period" kind of occasion. It is a four day affair.
Yes, and without "chaturthi" (the fourth day of marriage), the
marriage is not valid. There have been cases where the bride-groom
managed to run away before "chaturthi" (must be marrying under some
compulsion) and marriage was broken (or never took place rather!). So,
while it is a long affair at bride's place, after the "barat"
leaves, at bridegroom's place, there isn't much charm in marriage.
Traditionally, girls/women do not go in barat. Therefore, women
relatives not attending a "son's marriage" is not considered too
bad, if she has reasonable excuses that is. Not that it is a custom
though. There are enough rituals even without the bride coming in to
engage the women of the house. Traditionally, bride does not go to her
in-law's house even after chaturthi. That happens only in
"dwiragaman", which taken place in some odd year of marriage
(first, third, fifth or seventh year of marriage, say). This practice
was more prevalent in the times when marriages used to take place at a
rather early age. So, it was ensured that the girl leaves her parents
only after she is little mature. Since that is not the case any more,
increasingly the practice is to get "dwiragaman" done soon after
"chaturthi", usually within 15 days, since within 15 days one need
not look for a particular "muhurta" - any day is fine.
In very few cases even the tradition of four day's of ceremony is
changing. Mostly, it has been the case where the bride-groom (in rare
cases bride) can not afford to stay for a long time for marriage
because of his(her) job or some other commitment. In cases where the
bride-groom stays away from his native place (and in many a cases
in-laws themselves stay away from the native place), even without
"dwiragaman", the bride usually joins him (them) whereever he
(they) stays/stay. For such a situation, "dwiragaman" is becoming
more a formality, in which the bride goes to the native village (many a
times never to go again!). Girls going to "barat" is also becoming
more acceptable.
But these deviations are mainly for urban families. In rural areas,
most of these norms are still devotedly observed.
"Badagachhi", now maddeningly prevalent dowry system, gotra-system,
checking of family tree etc. form some other interesting (?) aspects of
the marriage.
Badagachhi (Near Banyan Tree): Since don't know when, there used to
be a fair at some village, which is now in Madhubani district. This was
a fair of bride-grooms held in the marriage seasons. All the
"eligible" grooms would come to this fair, male members of eligible
brides would also reach, marriages would be fixed in this fair, and
almost immediately carried out. I have heard some stories of what the
scene would be like. Some 5-6 people from groom's family would reach
the bride's village with those relatives of bride who had gone to the
fair, may be around mid-night. Other family members would be woken up.
There would be some chaos for a while, where you could hear people
shouting, "Dulha aayeb gail!" (Bride-groom has come!). The
neighbourhood would come in, things would be arranged and marriage
ceremony of four days would start. Barat of those 4-5 people would be
entertained too!
Who said that India did not have efficient markets?
Even now the fair is there, but it seems to have become a "poor
people's fair", where only poor bride-grooms come and the members
of very poor brides go!
For a marriage to take place, the first thing to be looked at is
"Gotra". This system should be familiar to the people of many other
Indian communities too. Each "gotra" is named after some great
"rishi"(monk?). People belonging to a particular "gotra" are
supposedly descendents of the "rishi" after whom the "gotra" is
named. Hence, people from the same "gotra" are considered brothers
and sisters and can not be married to each other. There almost can not
be a greater sin than marrying to a "sam-gotri" (person from the
same Gotra), it seems.
But that's not enough. There are things like mool, paanti (Remember
"Jaati-Paanti" - yeah, that "paanti" is a real word!) etc.
which determine how high your "kul" (lineage) is. One would
normally not like to marry in a lower "kul". But slight differences
are okay. Also, the fame of some ancestors, a very learned and
respected person in the family etc. would offset the effect of lower
"kul". No, we are not done. Now consider this. If it were just the
"gotra", your maternal cousins would be of a different "gotra"
(that's how your mother and father could marry, after all). But that
does not mean that cousins can marry. For how many generations would
you not do that (soon you may run out of families in which you can
marry)? Answer is "seven generations". So, after gotra is sorted
out, family tree of past seven generations is matched to see that the
intended bride and bride-groom are not there in a relation, where
marriage should be prohibtied! This process is called Siddhanta. No
family maintains its family tree. It is done by some people who are
into this profession of maintaining family trees. They are called
"panjiyaar".
When, I explained all this to Eakta once, she rightly quipped,
"That's why they say there is only one person made for you!" Not
many people can possibly pass all these tests.
Now, let me give you some relief, many of these things are ignored in
marriages now a days.I do not regret that. Gotra remains as important
though. But unfortunately what they have been replaced with is not some
reformative idea, but dowry! So, the change hasn't been a result of
any progress, but increasing greed. If you look at the above
description, the money never came into picture, neither on bride's
side nor on groom's. But now, after gotra (or probably even before
that), the first thing that needs to be fixed is the demand of dowry
(on groom's side) vs. the capability of giving dowry (on bride's
side)! And it could well be a subject of sociological research as to
how the transformation has taken place within one generation. Most of
the parents demanding or giving dowry would not have seen it to such
monstrous extent in their days. How fast does evil spread!
(More later.)
Posted in Descriptive Articles, Imported from Old Blog | 1 Comment »
The Maithils - I
7th December 2004
I am a "Maithil Brahmin" by caste. Now, how much should I care
about my caste - that too at a place like this blog, which I would like
to call my "intellectual" (whatever that is) outlet!
No, I have no intention of going into caste business. I rather intend
to take up Maithil as a culture.
How good an authority I am to write about Maithil culture? I dare say,
hardly any good. Even now, I can not speak Maithili very fluently. But
it is not so much to make the world aware about Maithils that I pick up
this topic (hopefully series), but rather to make it a motivation for
finding out things for myself.
Mithila has been mythologically associated with King Janaka, whose
daughter Janaki (Seeta) was married to (the then) Prince Rama of
Ayodhya (yes! Ramayana). Students of Hindi Literature (who do not
contribute to my readership I am afraid) would know the Maithili poet
Vidyapati. People interested in Art might also have heard of
"Madhubani Painting". More than that about the history of Maithils
and Mithila, I shall be able to tell you only after I have found
something out myself (hopefully some of my relatives and family members
would be of help here).
For now I will concentrate on the aspects of Maithil culture, which I
have observed, having been born and brought up(?) as a Maithil.
The origin of the word "Maithil" must be in "Mithila", the name
of the area covering a big part of North Eastern Bihar. This was the
kingdom of Janaka , as mentioned earlier. So, the residents of
"Mithila" should be called "Maithil". And their language
"Maithili".
Thanks to Mr. L. P. Yadav's fame, Bihar and "Bihari" Language is
often associated with Bhojpuri. Also because of several audio cassattes
of Bhojpuri songs available in various parts of (North) India ,
Bhojpuri is a more easily recognized language. To clear some of those
misconceptions - "Bihari" is no language at all. In various parts
of Bihar several languages are spoken. Bhojpuri has no special status
as the language of Bihar (No, this does not mean an antagonism towards
Bhojpuri Just to put things in perspective. In fact many people in my
family speak Bhojpuri fantastically.). All of these languages can be
called the dialects of Hindi, but several of them have their own rich
treasure of literature, poetry, songs etc. These include Bhojpuri,
Maithili, Magahi and several variations of them. There is very common
saying there about variations of languages, "Kos-kos par paani badle,
teen kos par bani" ("Water changes at every Kos, language at every
three Kos ." - Kos is a measure of length). So several variations of
the languages are there. Almost every district, sometimes different
villages in a particular district too, can be identified with a
particular variation of the language. I can testify this in the case of
variations of Maithili. My father often figures out the district (or
village) a person comes from by his/her language! Similar variations
are also observed in rituals, traditions etc.
In Maithil society at a broad scale the culture and language is divided
by the regions "uttar" (North) and "dakkhin" or "dkashin"
(Souht). Now, I often feel confused about the division of the regions
in "uttar" and "dakkhin". But districts like Darbangha and
Madhubani (and possibly Saharsa, Supaul) typify "uttar", while
districts like Banka, Bhagalpur (and possibly Purnea, Katihar) typify
"dakkhin". Actually, its pretty much a continuous scale. As you
descend from Darbhanga, the amount of "dakhhinapa" (southernness!)
starts increasing. Interestingly districts like Araria are also
considered "dakkhin" (south), while if you look at the map, they
are pretty much on the northern border of Bihar and India . I should
like to think that a division of east and west would have been more
proper! If you are confused by the above description, you can have a
look at the map of Bihar at Maps of India.
Now, I already said the scale is pretty continuous. My maternal family
comes from Darbangha, while the paternal family comes from Bhagalpur .
So, when I go to my maternal uncle's home, I often hear "dakkhin"
being talked of it in terms of Bhagalpur , whereas while I visit my
paternal village, they also talk of some other places as "dakkhin".
So, its also relative to where you are presently. People in my village
talk of several villages in Banka as "dakkhin".
Well, and the "uttar" is generally considered to be better than
"dakkhin". As in, the language and behaviour of "uttar" is
supposed to be more refined. There is no antagonism here really. It is
universally acknowledged by people from "uttar" as well as
"dakkhin". People from "dakkhin" aspire to get their children
married in "uttar" or to speak proper Maithili, while interacting
with someone from "uttar". There are several jokes about people
from "dakkhin" trying to speak "proper Maithili"; several of
them in my own paternal family. But its not possible to enjoy them
unless you know the nuances of the language; so I will omit them here.
Language of "uttar" is softer and sweeter than that of
"dakkhin". There are some fingers on "uttar" too.
"Darbhangiya ke boli mein ras, maati mein ras nai" ("For people
from Darbhanga, there is sweetness in language, but not in the soil"
- soil symbolizing "true nature/heart") - an old lady had teased by
mother (as I mentioned my maternal family is from Darbhanga). And my
mother is quite good at giving quick replies. She said, "Hamar boli
ta Darbhanga se bhental chhai, lekin mait ta dakkhine ke chain. Hamar
dono cheez mein ras". ("I have got my language from Darbangha, but
my soil is of South. So, with me, both of them are sweet!" - since
she is married in south, her soil is of south. I will keep feminism out
for a while from this discussion )
Just for mentioning it, Darbhanga is pretty much considered to be the
seat of Maithil culture. Earlier the district also included Madhubani,
which for quite some time now is a separate district. "Madhubani
Painting", as is not difficult to see, derives its name from
Madhubani.
Now, something about Maithili and its variations. Maithili has
influence of Sanskrit, some of the following "apabhransha" (the
languages that came fromm Sanskrit, but distorted it and became common
people's languages. Pali and Prakrit are the best known ones.) and
Bengali languages. Sanskrit influence should need no explanation. The
script used for writing Maithili is Devnagri. Though popularly the
script used for writing Hindi is used for writing Maithili too, but the
actual script associated with Maithili is very close to the one used
for Bengali. My maternal grandfather, who was a Sanskrit teacher and
knew Maithili well, was very adept at reading Bengali for this reason.
It is said that "Darbangha" was originally "Dwar Bang" ("gate
to Bengal "). Maithili, in it pure form, is a very sweet and soft
language. DD (Prof. D. D. Sarma, SSCU, IISc Bangalore) had once quipped
that Maithili was made to take the richness of Bengali without the
harshness of the language! (No offences intended for my Bengali
friends. I like Bangali very much. But. yes, myself find it little
harsh/loud too! And this statement came from a rather proud Bengali,
anyway So, I consider myself as discharged of any blame.) Another
effect of Bengali can also be seen on the pronounciation of several
words, where the "a" with consonants is emphasized at times, but
not always (unlike, say Oriya or Sanskrit, where consonant is almost
always pronounced with emphasis on "a" and unlike Hindi, where it
is almost never emphasized.). If you do not understand the above
description, forget it. It does not come from any linguistic research,
but is my naive observation. And might very well be exaggerated.
I will end this post here. More in a later one (hopefully!).
Posted in Descriptive Articles, Imported from Old Blog | 3 Comments »
Escalating Hopes
5th December 2004
Consider the exams/competitions/selections or anything similar, where
the final success/failure is decided in steps/stages. So, you clear the
first stage, then go to the second and so on. Now, the peculiar thing
is that every time you clear a stage, your hope (and more than that
others' hope for you) to be able to finally win starts getting
stronger. Why should that happen? After all it is not at all difficult
to see that competition becomes tougher in each stage. You stand lesser
and lesser chance of getting to the next stage with each passing stage.
Why still these escalating hopes? Am I missing something? Or is it just
another one of the irrationalities of human minds?
Posted in Thoughts, Imported from Old Blog | 1 Comment »
Where do I belong?
4th December 2004
"But I don't belong here, not any more. May be I never did really,
or I wouldn't have been so ready to go off to..... I don't know
where I belong, Rhett. I don't even feel at home any more when I go
to Tara ."
(Scarlett, Alexandra Riplye, A sequel to "Gone with the Wind")
Posted in Excerpts, Imported from Old Blog | 1 Comment »
Some Favourite Songs
3rd December 2004
Humne Dekhi Hai Un Aankhon Kee Mahakti Khushboo
Chhod De Saaree Duniya Kissie Ke Liye, Ye Munasib Nahin Aadmi Ke Liye
Kahan Tak Ye Man Ki Andhere Chhalenge
Kabhie Palkon Pe Aansoo Hain, Kabhie Lab Pe Shikayat Hai
Main Har Ek Pal Ka Shayar Hoon
Main Pal Do Pal Ka Shayar Hoon
Chitthee Aayee Hai
Mujhse Naaraaz Ho To Ho Jao
Ye Safar Bahut Hai Kathin Magar
Aye Mere Pyaare Watan
Hai Preet Jahan Kee Reet Sada
Jeena Yahan, Marna Yahan
O Jaane Waale Ho Sake To Laut Ke Aana
Babul Kee Duyen Leti Jaa
Babul Ka Ye Ghar Behna
Kaun Disha Mein Le Ke
Aa Chal Ke Tujhe Main Le Ke Chaloon
Tum Mujhe Yun Bhula Na Paoge
-
Update - I
Chalo Ek Baar Phir Se Ajnabi Ban Jayen Hum Dono
Ye Kya Jagah Hai Donton, Ye Kaun Sa Sayar Hai
Of course, there are many others which I like to listen to - but these
are the few whose lyrics I really like a lot!
Posted in Movies, Imported from Old Blog | 1 Comment »
Me too
3rd December 2004
The original article seems to have started a chain reaction and it is
only fair that I acknowledge the chain - so here it goes (in the
reverse order - that is in the order I traced them!):
Ek se bhale do!!
One Step Closer.
Why she's here
Okay, for the lazy ones - its about adopting a child. The particular
case being one where the couple had a boy and they adopted a girl child
(Go to the last link in the list above). Hats off to the bearers of
change! More need not be said - many people have praised the idea and I
do not have any better words to express the same.
I do not know how this article will go. I might actually appear to be
playing a "devil's advocate", but the idea is not to advocate
against this practice. Just that like any other social change - the
bearers have to be strong people.
Motivation behind any such radical steps are almost always romantic (I
am not using the word "romantic" in derogatory sense). They have to
be - pragmatism often do not take you far in dreams. And yet the
loftiest of the dreams require most pragmatic approach for making them
a reality.
In the Hindi Movies, the adopted child is invariably more mature, more
intelligent, more principled, more capable, more of everything
positive. If a situation like this occurs, of course, there are the
problems of "would you not tend to be partial towards your own
child"? Sometimes, you might wonder if you did not give enough
resource/attention to your own child or the child's psychology might
be difficult to deal with or there might be a few words from the
society about not rearing your own child well for someone else's.
Still conscience would not give you much of pain. Considering the
romantic idealism behind the decision, somehow, I feel it would not be
all that tough a situation.
But what if the adopted child does not do well in life? And by the time
he/she grows up, you do not know what to do about him/her? The societal
attack would be worse for you and for the child, possibly- "you
don't even know the lineage of the child", "the ungrateful child
- wants to remain a burden for life" blah, blah. You have to get
yourself through it. You have to be able to say that ups and downs in
life have nothing to do with adopting a child, lineage known or unknown
- anyone can have them. It is at that time that you have to be able to
take his/her failures and you would take it for your own kid!
A smile is a pleasure to accept, a tear is a satisfaction to accept, a
frustration/an irritation is tough to!
Point is to be able to stand up to the idea when romantic dreams
betray!
Till it becomes a mass practice - those who are planning to do so,
please ensure that you are strong enough and so are those who share the
burden of decision with you. Otherwise you might abuse a noble
principle and mar it in its infancy!