Bain Waves #50: Breaking the News (November 11, 2009)

[Dan Bain]

I have a new website! This one comes with all sorts of widgets and a foolproof design tool, which means two things:

1) Even I can't mess it up too much, and

2) It's a better way to communicate with subscribers than Google Groups.

This means the 50^th issue of Bain Waves will also be the last one -- at least, in this format. I can now blog on my site, as well as send out email blasts to update interested subscribers. I hope that group still includes you, even though I know the Waves have been less frequent lately than they were when you first signed up. But if you're still interested, please sign up. If you don't have a chance to do it now, no big deal -- I'll also send sign-up invitations/reminders over the next week or so.

Thanks for having stuck with me over the past two years; I've enjoyed writing Bain Waves and receiving your kind feedback. It's been fun, and it's even been productive -- some of the Waves have turned up in other places, and I appreciate the opportunity to have debuted them with you! Speaking of which, the new blog already has some big news, so be sure to check it out soon!

In the meantime, I'll end this run with another installment of the inanity I like to call, “Breaking the News.” The headlines below are from actual news stories. The comments aren't:

Pope Breaks Wrist in Fall

[Yet they didn't write about it 'til summer.]

Fla. Man Stole Ferret by Shoving it in Pants

[The crime probably carries its own punishment.]

Fox Shot After Biting Mass. Woman on the Buttocks

[We all knew their reality shows would get them in trouble one day.]

Man Called a Zombie, Punched Twice After Ordering Food

[I bet he regrets having ordered brains.]

Ga. Woman Arrested with $13,000 in Meth in Her Bra

[Local sheriff proud of bust.]

Man Appears Alive at Own Funeral in Brazil

[Yet nobody punched him twice and called him a zombie?]

Man Took Pay from NJ Company He Never Worked For

[He must have been in management.]

Ohio Woman Hopes Missing Diamond Ring Will Turn Up In Trick-or-Treater's Bag

[Gives new meaning to the phrase, “All I got was a rock.”]

"Father of Hang Gliding" Dead at 97

[Police have ruled out patricide.]

Inmate Recaptured After Escape in Bagel Truck

[Warden vows to replace the lox.]

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