AVENues Issue #16
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Carolyn Lamb
Aug 17, 2008, 1:36:31 PM8/17/08
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AVENues Issue #15 - Saturday, August 16, 2008 (text version posted to the AVENues Google group / RSS August 17, 2008)
The full PDF version of this newsletter can be found here: http://www.asexuality.org/avenues/2008_08_16.pdf
--
Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice, asexuality is a sexual orientation.
AVEN: The Asexual Visibility and Education Network, an online community and resource archive striving to create open and honest discussion about asexuality among asexual and sexual people alike.
AVENues: A bimonthly publication available online, created by members of the AVEN community in order to showcase our thoughts and promote discussion by and about asexuals.
For more information, visit http://www.asexuality.org.
--
Contents:
1. "AVEN Celebrates in Berlin"
2. News from the Summer
3. Letter from the Editor
4. "Pan's Labyrinth"
5. From the Forum
6. Food For Thought
7. Internet Spotlight
8. Asexuals All Over
9. "The Stickiness Factor"
10. "Untitled"
11. Featured AVENite: "Emmarainbow"
12. Meetup Listings
The PDF version of this newsletter also includes a comic, "Tolerance", that is not available in text-only form.
--
AVEN Celebrates in Berlin
by THE AVENDE TEAM
On the weekend of June 21st, Europe's largest gay and lesbian street festival, Christopher Street Day, took place in Berlin. And we participated! AVEN Germany organized an information booth on the topic of asexuality, including information on the worldwide AVEN network and on local communities.
Six AVENites staffed the booth in shifts and showed commitment as well as passion to give the visitors information on asexuality (and its diversity: straight asexuals, gay asexuals, bi-asexuals, aromantics – we've got everything). Our booth was very well decorated and looked fabulous.
While distributing flyers, we attracted visitors to our booth by inviting them to take part in our quiz. The quiz was a simple but challenging task: "Please tell us 5 possible ways to express love to someone you like - except for sex!" And the people liked the quiz! (Not to mention our prizes: bottle openers with funny AVEN slogans, ballpoint pens, and candies). The hit list of the 5 most mentioned answers is shown on our website.
An archive of articles on asexuality, a selection of books on the topic, brochures, flyers and AVEN business cards completed our information booth.
The street festival was very well attended (there were about 350,000 visitors). Standing between other booths on homosexuality, we were given a great opportunity to introduce asexuality to a larger public. We are sure we met people who think and feel like we do but who didn't know anything about us before. We hope that we gave these people some confidence and courage. At least we showed them that they are normal, and that there is a whole community out there of people like them.
The reactions we got were positive throughout. And, by the way, our AVEN booth was not only a great success, but we AVENites also had lots of fun! We truly enjoyed the event and are looking forward to celebrating Christopher Street Day with our AVEN booth next year.
--
Top 5 ways to show love without sex
From the AVENde website
1. Physical affection – a cuddle or a hug
2. Doing something together (dancing, cooking, traveling)
3. Kissing
4. Giving gifts or flowers
5. Doing something to help out your partner
--
News from the Summer
The campaign to get asexual-friendly scientists on the DSM-V team is underway! The DSM, or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, is the standard used by psychiatrists in the United States of America to diagnose mental disorders. With each new revision, the DSM committee brings in researchers and community advocates to help come to a consensus on what is and isn't a disorder. One of the disorders in the current edition of the DSM is Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, which (in its lifelong variant) could be used to pathologize asexuality. So we're looking for knowledgeable scientists and psychiatry students to talk to the committee about asexuality and to differentiate the asexual orientation from the condition of sexual people who have lost their sexual desire and want it back.
Asexuality's still all over the media! This summer we've been talking to and represented by all kinds of media outlets, including the Tyra Banks Show in the United States, the Trisha Goddard show in the UK, the student newspaper of Victoria University in Australia, the St. Catharine's Standard in Ontario, Canada, the "Annie's Mailbox" advice column (for the second time), a photo artist at Cambridge University, Woman's Day Magazine in Australia, FOX News in Chicago, Psychology Today magazine, the RTR FM radio station in Perth, Australia, the Sunday Star Times magazine in New Zealand, and Channels 4 and 5 in the UK. Meanwhile, the character Gerald on the popular New Zealand soap opera "Shortland Street" recently came out as asexual, in the process dealing with the reactions of his friends, family, and significant other in ways that will be familiar to any long-time reader of AVEN, thus bringing asexual visibility to the masses more dramatically than ever before.
Meanwhile, on the AVEN boards, Project Team re-elections are happening, and Apositive.org is also looking for a new administrator. New asexual websites are sprouting up everywhere, including Asexualitic for free asexual dating, Ace Linkup for casual chatting, a new board for asexual lesbians, a new asexual section of the Queer Youth Network, and a proposed new website for Australian asexuals.
--
Letter from the Editor
Once upon a time, AVEN was the only place for lonely and confused asexuals to go to learn about others like them. That time is over. By my last count, besides AVEN there are four other forums for asexuals, more than a dozen asexual blogs, a large number of asexual communities on LiveJournal, Facebook, and similar social networking sites, and six websites devoted to personals and dating that cater specifically to asexuals, as well as several other informative websites. That's just the count in the English language, mind you, and it is undoubtedly an underestimation, especially if you take into account the number of antisexuality and celibacy websites on which some (but not all) asexuals will feel at home. We've still got further to go in terms of asexual visibility, but we've come a long way, and it's time to celebrate that.
This issue, we're expanding AVENues to include content from all over the Internet, not just AVEN itself. For a long time we've had a "From The Forum" section listing some of the best AVEN posts, but this issue we introduce "Asexuals All Over", which does the same thing for posts from blogs and other forums. And we'll be highlighting several of our favorite asexual websites in issues to come.
Here's to visibility, new stuff to read, and the opportunity to continually advance our asexual horizons!
- Hallucigenia, AVENues Editor-In-Chief
--
Pan's Labyrinth
a media review by BLUE ICE-TEA
El Laberinto del fauno (Pan's Labyrinth)
Starring: Ivana Baquero, Sergi López, Maribel Verdú
Written & Directed by: Guillermo del Toro
Mexico, Spain, U.S.A.; 2006; 119 min.
El Laberinto del fauno (Pan's Labyrinth, in English) has the kind of innocence one expects from a children's film. The Spanish movie features noble heroes, despicable villains, an alternate universe full of magic and wonder - and a lack of any content remotely sexual. The difference is that Pan's Labyrinth is not a children's film. It contains graphic scenes of violence, bloodshed, and murder. Yet despite its R-rating, it retains a childlike sensibility on matters of sex and romance. Why?
Set during the Spanish Civil War, Pan's Labyrinth tells the story of Ofelia, a little girl whose mother, Carmen, has just married an army captain named Vidal. Ofelia dislikes Captain Vidal, a ruthless officer who goes to brutal lengths to crush the rebellion.
There is only one vague allusion to sexuality in the movie: Ofelia criticises her mother for remarrying, and Car-men tries to explain that a woman gets "lonely". When Ofelia says, "You have me; you were never alone!", her mother only smiles and says she is too young to understand. That's as may be, but we are inclined to agree with Ofelia. In contrast to many films where romantic union resolves all problems, Carmen's marriage is the beginning of hers. Her relationship with Vidal is fraught with conflict, and leads to her painful and dangerous pregnancy. Ofelia runs treacherously afoul of her new stepfather, who begins by ignoring her but later threatens her life. Implicit in this is a sharp condemnation of patriarchy and the heteronormativity that supports it. "Lonely" or not, the females would be better off alone, we conclude, than with such a man as this.
Despite this apparent scepticism, the movie is far from cynical about relationships. Indeed, the heart of the story is in the different kinds of bonds between the characters. Played out against the brutality of war, these relationships are what save them from inhumanity. One example is the surprising friendship that forms between Ofelia and the serving woman Mercedes. Ofelia clings to Mercedes with the blind devotion of a lost child, and Mercedes reciprocates, proving that years of struggle and grief have not hardened her heart.
This humanity is shared by all the good guys. The rebels are not just comrades-in-arms, but friends who look after one another. Mercedes and her brother worry about each other. So do Ofelia and her mother. And, perhaps most touchingly, Ofelia even expresses concern for the unborn sibling whose gestation is causing her mother so much pain. In contrast, Vidal, the chief villain, is cold to Ofelia and seems to view Carmen as little more than a breeding machine.
Why would a movie that glorifies interpersonal relationships forgo a romantic storyline? It could be because the main character is a child. The adults who make up the film's target audience are invited to identify with a pre-adolescent heroine who knows nothing of sexual love. Many children's films like to include romantic storylines, providing children with a kind of idealised image of adulthood. Pan's Labyrinth, an adult movie without a romantic storyline, provides a kind of idealised image of childhood. Perhaps it is not exactly truthful: the world is not neatly divided between heroes and villains, and children are not as innocent as we like to imagine. But what it strives to do is to reconnect us with our childlike passions: affection - not for romantic partners - but for parents, siblings, and friends; an uncomplicated concept of right and wrong; true horror at the brutality of war.
It's refreshing to see that adult movies can still be idealistic. Likewise, it's refreshing to see a movie that spends so much time on relationships without any perfunctory romantic coupling. It's not that romantic coup-ling is bad, but it's been over-glorified, becoming an end in itself for too many movies. It's a nice change to see a film that can be shamelessly sentimental about friendship, family, political idealism - anything except sex.
--
From the Forum
A selection of posts from the discussion boards on the AVEN website
And there are some who had bad experiences that led them to resent sex, to be sure. The thing is, asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, how it got that way (be it hard-wiring, society, strict parents, bad experiences) is varied. I do agree though, in the everyday walk of life, it is a big word that means very little - unless you're talking about orientation, then it means everything. On other websites/message boards that I'm on, my asexuality doesn't mean anything and I don't bring it up but this is a forum for asexuality.
It's like, I have epilepsy and it's from multiple skull fractures. Would you say 'you're not epileptic, you just have seizures because your head has been split too many times, I'm a real epileptic, I was born with it'?
- cijay, Saturday June 28, "The definition of asexuality" in Hot Box
From your other posts, you seem to be looking for antisexual peers, but that's no reason to want to redefine asexuality as being more anti-sex. I'm heterosexual, but I'm not anti-asexual, or homophobic, and I don't think there's anything intrinsic to heterosexuality that would make me either of those things. Being a homophobe doesn't make you more straight, and being antisexual doesn't make you any more asexual. Both just show the holder of such views to be intolerant.
- Olivier, Monday August 4, "Do you agree with this website's definition of an as3xual?" in Asexual Q&A
From the Forum posts belong to their respective authors and do not necessarily represent the official viewpoint of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
--
Food For Thought
This summer, in Adams vs. Rice, the United States court of appeals for Washington D.C. declared a woman legally disabled because following her treatment for breast cancer she no longer felt able to enter into a sexual relationship. The court wrote:
As a basic physiological act practiced regularly by a vast portion of the population, a cornerstone of family and marital life, a conduit to emotional and spiritual fulfillment, and a crucial element in intimate relationships, sex easily qualifies as a "major" life activity.
In previous cases, courts had declared asymptomatic HIV a disability because it also limited opportunities to engage in sexual activity.
What do you think – how should asexuals interpret such judgments? Is asexuality a disability? Is sex really a major life activity? Is it a major life activity for sexuals, but not for asexuals? Or is something else going on?
Send your answers to newsl...@asexuality.org. We'll put our favourite answers, plus a new question, in our next issue.
--
Internet Spotlight
http://www.apositive.org/
Designed as a place for asexuals (and their allies) to bring their discourse beyond "Asexuality 101", Apositive combines their forum with a blog and Knowledge Base listing many other asexual resources. Included in the Knowledge Base are links to research on sexuality and asexuality, media articles on asexuality, and information about other parts of the asexual community. The name of the site expresses a desire on the part of the site's founders to be positive – both positive about their own asexuality, and sex-positive (or at least sex-double-negative) at the same time.
http://community.livejournal.com/asexuality/
"Asexuality" is the largest community for asexual people and their allies on LiveJournal, with more than 1300 members. It also welcomes gray-asexuals and people with low or no libido, and links users to AVEN for more information.
http://www.asexuality.org.nz/
Asexuality Aotearoa New Zealand is an asexual website specifically for New Zealand. Although it does not have its own forums, it distributes its own pamphlets and posters and does its own visibility and media projects specific to New Zealand. It also organizes meetups in New Zealand, both for media appearances and for socializing.
http://asexystuff.blogspot.com/
One of many emerging blogs from an asexual point of view, "Musings on an Asexy Theme" documents the thoughts and experiences of Pretzelboy, an asexual graduate student in linguistics. As well as general asexual theory and Pretzelboy's own experiences as an asexual, the blog deals with linguistic issues relating to orientation.
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Asexuals All Over
A selection of posts from all over the Internet
I remember in my early days on The Student Room, talking about asexuality and someone said:
I'd've thought that 'coming out' as asexual is roughly as useful as 'coming out' as a person who doesn't eat yellow fruit pastilles. I mean, someone might come out as gay so that other people who are gay know who he/she is and might approach them. If you're not interested in having sex then just don't have any (just as if you don't like yellow fruit pastilles you don't eat them).
I replied:
It is like that, except people talk about them all the time, offer them round and expect you to be as enthusiastic. Wouldn't you say you didn't like them too?
Thing is, I don't see it like that anymore - sex and the direct desire to make us want to have it is not just offered, talked and enthused about.
If yellow fruit pastilles were a presumed adulthood rite, that to not want to eat them seen as unhealthy to the point of a doctor's visit, or to see a psychologist, that they are seen as a very important part of a relationship with a loved one, are discussed as a precious commodity that should not just be shared with strangers, described as a beautiful part of human experience, people who prefer the green ones are a huge political issue and make religious people angry, yellow fruit pastilles are used to sell everything you can think of, some people see society's treatment of yellow fruit pastilles as shocking lax or uptight and ridiculously restrictive, some people like writing whole books on the joys of eating them, some people say that you're betraying your body to not be eating them, many people believe that without eating them you are dooming your relationships and will be alone, that not liking fruit pastilles is due to not finding the 'right' yellow one (or maybe green?), that society expects and encourages the eating of yellow fruit pastilles, that not wanting to eat them is seen as 'unnatural', that not eating them denies your masculinity or femininity, that it was inconceivable for many health care professionals and everyday people that some people might just not be interested in them.
It's not just a disinterest. It's a huge social structure that just doesn't apply to us, and that means a lot.
- emmarainbow, Thursday July 16, on the blog "Musings from outside normal boundaries"
I know it's a big thing in the asexual community to make lists of "possibly asexual people" - I saw several threads about it when I was still visiting the AVEN boards. I must confess that this makes me really uncomfortable. One of the things I loved about the asexual community back when I was trying to figure out my orientation was the repeated claim that "we can't tell you if you are, only you know how you really feel so only you can tell if you are asexual or not". This is the thing that made me really comfortable with being asexual - it wasn't a label that people imposed on me, it was a label I could choose to wear if I felt comfortable with it.
This type of list is totally the opposite of that principle that I've always found so comforting. Now we are putting labels on people. What on Earth gives us the right to do that?
- Rainbow Amoeba, Sunday July 20, commenting on the blog "Asexy Beast"
Statements featured in "Asexuals All Over" belong to their respective authors and do not necessarily express the official viewpoints of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
--
The Stickiness Factor
by ILY
I've been on the lookout lately for cheap, easy visibility projects that anyone can do. I've also noticed that in my city, many graffiti artists have taken to writing their tags on stickers, and then placing these stickers on various surfaces. I've even seen these stickering tactics recommended as a creative project in art books. I see these stickers everywhere, and I don't understand the meaning behind most of them. So why not use stickering to spread the word about asexuality?
All you need are blank labels and a per-manent marker, both of which are avai-lable at any office or stationery store.
So I took some regular mailing labels and a silver Sharpie, and wrote "asexu-al", "asexy", and "asexual revolution" on them. Then, I covertly stuck them to newspaper racks, park benches, and bar bathrooms—anywhere where graffiti is commonly found, and where people will tend to stand or sit for a moment.
While stickering may not immediately result in our ultimate goal—getting people to look up what asexuality is—it might very well plant a small seed of recognition. And that's a respectable first step. (Also, I'm sure I'm not the only ase or ally who would be delighted to come across someone else's sticker!) Marketers call ideas that stay in people's heads 'sticky', and our goal is to make asexuality a sticky idea as well. Going forth and spreading the word shouldn't be a monumental task. So, if you have any visibility ideas, please write in and let us know!
--
Untitled
By ZANNERAT
yeah, you know what i mean about those days. these days.
every day it seems like.
you know.
when you have to hide the tears welling up every 20 mins.
they say that as long as you're among the poor, the poor don't feel poor.
but as soon as the rich arrive....
i'm so glad you're here.
cause you know what i mean, right?
it's like we're the first ones.
it's like every fairy tale lesson about the ugly duckling and
cinderella and being good on the inside.
just like a fairy tale.
including the make-believe.
but that's not what they want to hear.
they don't want to know how much of us is attached to this.
man, i don't want to know, right?
but i do.
because you and me, right - we're not whole. right?
it's not just me i don't think...what are the chances?
--
Featured AVENite: "Emmarainbow"
Name: Emmarainbow
Age: 19
Location: UK
Preferred Label(s): Queer, pan-inclined asexual.
Bio: I've posted here on and off for nearly four years, first as a scared newbie, then as an advice-giving oldie, and now as a queer activist pushing the boundaries of what sexuality and asexuality mean, and where they might cross over. AVEN has helped me understand myself and make me open to all kinds of relationship ideas, whereas if I had never found it and discovered my identity I would probably still be hiding in my shell somewhere. Since then I've come out, got involved in LGBT issues (let's try and get an A and a Q in there shall we?), started discussing it all over the internet, kept up a blog on (a)sexuality issues, got some leaflets for my university pride group and am asexual coordinator for the Queer Youth Network.
How she found AVEN: I was 15 and idly flicking through my mum's newspaper when I came across an article describing 'the rise of the a-sexual', discussing the possibility that various celebrities might be one. At the end of it there was a little link to AVEN - a couple of days later I built up the courage to join.
The most important thing about AVEN: Making ase people understand and accept themselves, so they can live and love happily! In the long run making heteronormative society do the same, accepting everyone's differences.
Advice for newbies: You're not alone! Don't be bound by any label or expectation, do what feels right for you. Have some cake, let's have a good chat.
Other thoughts: I'm really grateful for the way that AVEN opened my eyes to the world. I've embraced my asexual identity, and I feel really privileged to be able to look at society, sexuality and relationships from the outside. It's fun to approach from a different angle, and make other people do so too.
--
Meetup Listings
More and more asexual people from across the world are meeting each other through AVEN – not only online, but in real life, too. Here's a look at some of the most recent meetups and some upcoming meetups. To see more meetups, or to organize your own meetup, hop on over to the Meetup Mart section of the AVEN forums.
Saturday, June 28 - Lunch meetup in Scottsdale, Arizona
Saturday, July 12 - "Unofficial" London, England meet at Dr. Who exhibition in Earls Court
Saturday, July 12 - Lunch meetup at the Queen Victoria Building in Sydney, Australia
Saturday, July 12 - Free beer and frisbee in Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, California
Saturday, July 19 - Mini-meetup at London Film and Comic Con in London, England
Saturday, July 26 - Meetup at Powell's City of Books in Portland, Oregon
Saturday, July 26 - Picnic in Stanley Park in Vancouver, British Columbia
Sunday, July 27 – Meetup at the Town Hall and Newtown in Sydney, Australia
Saturday, August 2 - Picnic at St. James' Park in London, England
Sunday, August 3 - Meetup at the Vancouver Pride Parade in British Columbia
Monday, August 4 - Meetup at the Detroit Zoo in Michigan
Friday, August 8 - Meetup at Elliott Bay Bookstore in Seattle, Washington
Saturday, August 16 - Afternoon meetup at the 3 Dollar Bil Cafe in San Francisco, California
Saturday, August 16 - National UK meetup in Birmingham
Friday, September 6 - regular in San Francisco, California meetup TBA
Saturday, September 14 - dinner in Vancouver, British Columbia
Saturday, October 4 - regular London, England meet TBA
Saturday, October 4 – regular San Francisco, California meetup TBA
There are also "Office Hours" every Tuesday at 6:00 PM at the Granville Island Starbucks in Vancouver, British Columbia.
Note: If you do meet people from the Internet, please remember to be safe and meet in a public place. Tell some friends where you are going and when you expect to be back, and make sure you have taxi fare in case of an emergency.
--
Here's the deal:
AVENues is not written by high-faluting AVEN officials in a secret office somewhere. AVENues is written by you – by real live asexuals, demi-sexuals, not-sure-yet-sexuals, and their allies. That means that keeping things moving in here is up to you.
In every issue, we're going to need a ton of writing, and we're making it easy now by giving you a list of exactly what we want. Here is a list of what AVENues is made of:
News: If you were at (or know of) an event that had something to do with asexuality, we'd like to hear about it!
Opinion and theory: about asexuality. 300-1500 words is the best length.
Media: Have you spotted something asexual in a movie, book, song, or TV show? How are we being represented?
Poems and short stories with asexual themes.
The best of AVEN and beyond: If you're hanging out online and see a quote that deserves publishing or a hardworking asexy warrior who deserves recognition – no matter where from - then tell us about it!
Reader responses: We love getting letters, whether it's agreement with something, disagreement with something, questions, general comments, praise, curses, suggestions, or anything else you can throw at us! And it only takes a minute to answer the latest Food For Thought question.
Art and photography: Anything visual with an asexual or AVEN theme is well worth including, especially photos from AVEN meetups!
Fun: Comics, puzzles, recipes – give our inner child something to do!
Send it all to newsl...@asexuality.org, and remember, we'll write back to you within three business days.
The full PDF version of this newsletter can be found here: http://www.asexuality.org/avenues/2008_08_16.pdf
--
Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice, asexuality is a sexual orientation.
AVEN: The Asexual Visibility and Education Network, an online community and resource archive striving to create open and honest discussion about asexuality among asexual and sexual people alike.
AVENues: A bimonthly publication available online, created by members of the AVEN community in order to showcase our thoughts and promote discussion by and about asexuals.
For more information, visit http://www.asexuality.org.
--
Contents:
1. "AVEN Celebrates in Berlin"
2. News from the Summer
3. Letter from the Editor
4. "Pan's Labyrinth"
5. From the Forum
6. Food For Thought
7. Internet Spotlight
8. Asexuals All Over
9. "The Stickiness Factor"
10. "Untitled"
11. Featured AVENite: "Emmarainbow"
12. Meetup Listings
The PDF version of this newsletter also includes a comic, "Tolerance", that is not available in text-only form.
--
AVEN Celebrates in Berlin
by THE AVENDE TEAM
On the weekend of June 21st, Europe's largest gay and lesbian street festival, Christopher Street Day, took place in Berlin. And we participated! AVEN Germany organized an information booth on the topic of asexuality, including information on the worldwide AVEN network and on local communities.
Six AVENites staffed the booth in shifts and showed commitment as well as passion to give the visitors information on asexuality (and its diversity: straight asexuals, gay asexuals, bi-asexuals, aromantics – we've got everything). Our booth was very well decorated and looked fabulous.
While distributing flyers, we attracted visitors to our booth by inviting them to take part in our quiz. The quiz was a simple but challenging task: "Please tell us 5 possible ways to express love to someone you like - except for sex!" And the people liked the quiz! (Not to mention our prizes: bottle openers with funny AVEN slogans, ballpoint pens, and candies). The hit list of the 5 most mentioned answers is shown on our website.
An archive of articles on asexuality, a selection of books on the topic, brochures, flyers and AVEN business cards completed our information booth.
The street festival was very well attended (there were about 350,000 visitors). Standing between other booths on homosexuality, we were given a great opportunity to introduce asexuality to a larger public. We are sure we met people who think and feel like we do but who didn't know anything about us before. We hope that we gave these people some confidence and courage. At least we showed them that they are normal, and that there is a whole community out there of people like them.
The reactions we got were positive throughout. And, by the way, our AVEN booth was not only a great success, but we AVENites also had lots of fun! We truly enjoyed the event and are looking forward to celebrating Christopher Street Day with our AVEN booth next year.
--
Top 5 ways to show love without sex
From the AVENde website
1. Physical affection – a cuddle or a hug
2. Doing something together (dancing, cooking, traveling)
3. Kissing
4. Giving gifts or flowers
5. Doing something to help out your partner
--
News from the Summer
The campaign to get asexual-friendly scientists on the DSM-V team is underway! The DSM, or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, is the standard used by psychiatrists in the United States of America to diagnose mental disorders. With each new revision, the DSM committee brings in researchers and community advocates to help come to a consensus on what is and isn't a disorder. One of the disorders in the current edition of the DSM is Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, which (in its lifelong variant) could be used to pathologize asexuality. So we're looking for knowledgeable scientists and psychiatry students to talk to the committee about asexuality and to differentiate the asexual orientation from the condition of sexual people who have lost their sexual desire and want it back.
Asexuality's still all over the media! This summer we've been talking to and represented by all kinds of media outlets, including the Tyra Banks Show in the United States, the Trisha Goddard show in the UK, the student newspaper of Victoria University in Australia, the St. Catharine's Standard in Ontario, Canada, the "Annie's Mailbox" advice column (for the second time), a photo artist at Cambridge University, Woman's Day Magazine in Australia, FOX News in Chicago, Psychology Today magazine, the RTR FM radio station in Perth, Australia, the Sunday Star Times magazine in New Zealand, and Channels 4 and 5 in the UK. Meanwhile, the character Gerald on the popular New Zealand soap opera "Shortland Street" recently came out as asexual, in the process dealing with the reactions of his friends, family, and significant other in ways that will be familiar to any long-time reader of AVEN, thus bringing asexual visibility to the masses more dramatically than ever before.
Meanwhile, on the AVEN boards, Project Team re-elections are happening, and Apositive.org is also looking for a new administrator. New asexual websites are sprouting up everywhere, including Asexualitic for free asexual dating, Ace Linkup for casual chatting, a new board for asexual lesbians, a new asexual section of the Queer Youth Network, and a proposed new website for Australian asexuals.
--
Letter from the Editor
Once upon a time, AVEN was the only place for lonely and confused asexuals to go to learn about others like them. That time is over. By my last count, besides AVEN there are four other forums for asexuals, more than a dozen asexual blogs, a large number of asexual communities on LiveJournal, Facebook, and similar social networking sites, and six websites devoted to personals and dating that cater specifically to asexuals, as well as several other informative websites. That's just the count in the English language, mind you, and it is undoubtedly an underestimation, especially if you take into account the number of antisexuality and celibacy websites on which some (but not all) asexuals will feel at home. We've still got further to go in terms of asexual visibility, but we've come a long way, and it's time to celebrate that.
This issue, we're expanding AVENues to include content from all over the Internet, not just AVEN itself. For a long time we've had a "From The Forum" section listing some of the best AVEN posts, but this issue we introduce "Asexuals All Over", which does the same thing for posts from blogs and other forums. And we'll be highlighting several of our favorite asexual websites in issues to come.
Here's to visibility, new stuff to read, and the opportunity to continually advance our asexual horizons!
- Hallucigenia, AVENues Editor-In-Chief
--
Pan's Labyrinth
a media review by BLUE ICE-TEA
El Laberinto del fauno (Pan's Labyrinth)
Starring: Ivana Baquero, Sergi López, Maribel Verdú
Written & Directed by: Guillermo del Toro
Mexico, Spain, U.S.A.; 2006; 119 min.
El Laberinto del fauno (Pan's Labyrinth, in English) has the kind of innocence one expects from a children's film. The Spanish movie features noble heroes, despicable villains, an alternate universe full of magic and wonder - and a lack of any content remotely sexual. The difference is that Pan's Labyrinth is not a children's film. It contains graphic scenes of violence, bloodshed, and murder. Yet despite its R-rating, it retains a childlike sensibility on matters of sex and romance. Why?
Set during the Spanish Civil War, Pan's Labyrinth tells the story of Ofelia, a little girl whose mother, Carmen, has just married an army captain named Vidal. Ofelia dislikes Captain Vidal, a ruthless officer who goes to brutal lengths to crush the rebellion.
There is only one vague allusion to sexuality in the movie: Ofelia criticises her mother for remarrying, and Car-men tries to explain that a woman gets "lonely". When Ofelia says, "You have me; you were never alone!", her mother only smiles and says she is too young to understand. That's as may be, but we are inclined to agree with Ofelia. In contrast to many films where romantic union resolves all problems, Carmen's marriage is the beginning of hers. Her relationship with Vidal is fraught with conflict, and leads to her painful and dangerous pregnancy. Ofelia runs treacherously afoul of her new stepfather, who begins by ignoring her but later threatens her life. Implicit in this is a sharp condemnation of patriarchy and the heteronormativity that supports it. "Lonely" or not, the females would be better off alone, we conclude, than with such a man as this.
Despite this apparent scepticism, the movie is far from cynical about relationships. Indeed, the heart of the story is in the different kinds of bonds between the characters. Played out against the brutality of war, these relationships are what save them from inhumanity. One example is the surprising friendship that forms between Ofelia and the serving woman Mercedes. Ofelia clings to Mercedes with the blind devotion of a lost child, and Mercedes reciprocates, proving that years of struggle and grief have not hardened her heart.
This humanity is shared by all the good guys. The rebels are not just comrades-in-arms, but friends who look after one another. Mercedes and her brother worry about each other. So do Ofelia and her mother. And, perhaps most touchingly, Ofelia even expresses concern for the unborn sibling whose gestation is causing her mother so much pain. In contrast, Vidal, the chief villain, is cold to Ofelia and seems to view Carmen as little more than a breeding machine.
Why would a movie that glorifies interpersonal relationships forgo a romantic storyline? It could be because the main character is a child. The adults who make up the film's target audience are invited to identify with a pre-adolescent heroine who knows nothing of sexual love. Many children's films like to include romantic storylines, providing children with a kind of idealised image of adulthood. Pan's Labyrinth, an adult movie without a romantic storyline, provides a kind of idealised image of childhood. Perhaps it is not exactly truthful: the world is not neatly divided between heroes and villains, and children are not as innocent as we like to imagine. But what it strives to do is to reconnect us with our childlike passions: affection - not for romantic partners - but for parents, siblings, and friends; an uncomplicated concept of right and wrong; true horror at the brutality of war.
It's refreshing to see that adult movies can still be idealistic. Likewise, it's refreshing to see a movie that spends so much time on relationships without any perfunctory romantic coupling. It's not that romantic coup-ling is bad, but it's been over-glorified, becoming an end in itself for too many movies. It's a nice change to see a film that can be shamelessly sentimental about friendship, family, political idealism - anything except sex.
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From the Forum
A selection of posts from the discussion boards on the AVEN website
And there are some who had bad experiences that led them to resent sex, to be sure. The thing is, asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, how it got that way (be it hard-wiring, society, strict parents, bad experiences) is varied. I do agree though, in the everyday walk of life, it is a big word that means very little - unless you're talking about orientation, then it means everything. On other websites/message boards that I'm on, my asexuality doesn't mean anything and I don't bring it up but this is a forum for asexuality.
It's like, I have epilepsy and it's from multiple skull fractures. Would you say 'you're not epileptic, you just have seizures because your head has been split too many times, I'm a real epileptic, I was born with it'?
- cijay, Saturday June 28, "The definition of asexuality" in Hot Box
From your other posts, you seem to be looking for antisexual peers, but that's no reason to want to redefine asexuality as being more anti-sex. I'm heterosexual, but I'm not anti-asexual, or homophobic, and I don't think there's anything intrinsic to heterosexuality that would make me either of those things. Being a homophobe doesn't make you more straight, and being antisexual doesn't make you any more asexual. Both just show the holder of such views to be intolerant.
- Olivier, Monday August 4, "Do you agree with this website's definition of an as3xual?" in Asexual Q&A
From the Forum posts belong to their respective authors and do not necessarily represent the official viewpoint of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
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Food For Thought
This summer, in Adams vs. Rice, the United States court of appeals for Washington D.C. declared a woman legally disabled because following her treatment for breast cancer she no longer felt able to enter into a sexual relationship. The court wrote:
As a basic physiological act practiced regularly by a vast portion of the population, a cornerstone of family and marital life, a conduit to emotional and spiritual fulfillment, and a crucial element in intimate relationships, sex easily qualifies as a "major" life activity.
In previous cases, courts had declared asymptomatic HIV a disability because it also limited opportunities to engage in sexual activity.
What do you think – how should asexuals interpret such judgments? Is asexuality a disability? Is sex really a major life activity? Is it a major life activity for sexuals, but not for asexuals? Or is something else going on?
Send your answers to newsl...@asexuality.org. We'll put our favourite answers, plus a new question, in our next issue.
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Internet Spotlight
http://www.apositive.org/
Designed as a place for asexuals (and their allies) to bring their discourse beyond "Asexuality 101", Apositive combines their forum with a blog and Knowledge Base listing many other asexual resources. Included in the Knowledge Base are links to research on sexuality and asexuality, media articles on asexuality, and information about other parts of the asexual community. The name of the site expresses a desire on the part of the site's founders to be positive – both positive about their own asexuality, and sex-positive (or at least sex-double-negative) at the same time.
http://community.livejournal.com/asexuality/
"Asexuality" is the largest community for asexual people and their allies on LiveJournal, with more than 1300 members. It also welcomes gray-asexuals and people with low or no libido, and links users to AVEN for more information.
http://www.asexuality.org.nz/
Asexuality Aotearoa New Zealand is an asexual website specifically for New Zealand. Although it does not have its own forums, it distributes its own pamphlets and posters and does its own visibility and media projects specific to New Zealand. It also organizes meetups in New Zealand, both for media appearances and for socializing.
http://asexystuff.blogspot.com/
One of many emerging blogs from an asexual point of view, "Musings on an Asexy Theme" documents the thoughts and experiences of Pretzelboy, an asexual graduate student in linguistics. As well as general asexual theory and Pretzelboy's own experiences as an asexual, the blog deals with linguistic issues relating to orientation.
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Asexuals All Over
A selection of posts from all over the Internet
I remember in my early days on The Student Room, talking about asexuality and someone said:
I'd've thought that 'coming out' as asexual is roughly as useful as 'coming out' as a person who doesn't eat yellow fruit pastilles. I mean, someone might come out as gay so that other people who are gay know who he/she is and might approach them. If you're not interested in having sex then just don't have any (just as if you don't like yellow fruit pastilles you don't eat them).
I replied:
It is like that, except people talk about them all the time, offer them round and expect you to be as enthusiastic. Wouldn't you say you didn't like them too?
Thing is, I don't see it like that anymore - sex and the direct desire to make us want to have it is not just offered, talked and enthused about.
If yellow fruit pastilles were a presumed adulthood rite, that to not want to eat them seen as unhealthy to the point of a doctor's visit, or to see a psychologist, that they are seen as a very important part of a relationship with a loved one, are discussed as a precious commodity that should not just be shared with strangers, described as a beautiful part of human experience, people who prefer the green ones are a huge political issue and make religious people angry, yellow fruit pastilles are used to sell everything you can think of, some people see society's treatment of yellow fruit pastilles as shocking lax or uptight and ridiculously restrictive, some people like writing whole books on the joys of eating them, some people say that you're betraying your body to not be eating them, many people believe that without eating them you are dooming your relationships and will be alone, that not liking fruit pastilles is due to not finding the 'right' yellow one (or maybe green?), that society expects and encourages the eating of yellow fruit pastilles, that not wanting to eat them is seen as 'unnatural', that not eating them denies your masculinity or femininity, that it was inconceivable for many health care professionals and everyday people that some people might just not be interested in them.
It's not just a disinterest. It's a huge social structure that just doesn't apply to us, and that means a lot.
- emmarainbow, Thursday July 16, on the blog "Musings from outside normal boundaries"
I know it's a big thing in the asexual community to make lists of "possibly asexual people" - I saw several threads about it when I was still visiting the AVEN boards. I must confess that this makes me really uncomfortable. One of the things I loved about the asexual community back when I was trying to figure out my orientation was the repeated claim that "we can't tell you if you are, only you know how you really feel so only you can tell if you are asexual or not". This is the thing that made me really comfortable with being asexual - it wasn't a label that people imposed on me, it was a label I could choose to wear if I felt comfortable with it.
This type of list is totally the opposite of that principle that I've always found so comforting. Now we are putting labels on people. What on Earth gives us the right to do that?
- Rainbow Amoeba, Sunday July 20, commenting on the blog "Asexy Beast"
Statements featured in "Asexuals All Over" belong to their respective authors and do not necessarily express the official viewpoints of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
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The Stickiness Factor
by ILY
I've been on the lookout lately for cheap, easy visibility projects that anyone can do. I've also noticed that in my city, many graffiti artists have taken to writing their tags on stickers, and then placing these stickers on various surfaces. I've even seen these stickering tactics recommended as a creative project in art books. I see these stickers everywhere, and I don't understand the meaning behind most of them. So why not use stickering to spread the word about asexuality?
All you need are blank labels and a per-manent marker, both of which are avai-lable at any office or stationery store.
So I took some regular mailing labels and a silver Sharpie, and wrote "asexu-al", "asexy", and "asexual revolution" on them. Then, I covertly stuck them to newspaper racks, park benches, and bar bathrooms—anywhere where graffiti is commonly found, and where people will tend to stand or sit for a moment.
While stickering may not immediately result in our ultimate goal—getting people to look up what asexuality is—it might very well plant a small seed of recognition. And that's a respectable first step. (Also, I'm sure I'm not the only ase or ally who would be delighted to come across someone else's sticker!) Marketers call ideas that stay in people's heads 'sticky', and our goal is to make asexuality a sticky idea as well. Going forth and spreading the word shouldn't be a monumental task. So, if you have any visibility ideas, please write in and let us know!
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Untitled
By ZANNERAT
yeah, you know what i mean about those days. these days.
every day it seems like.
you know.
when you have to hide the tears welling up every 20 mins.
they say that as long as you're among the poor, the poor don't feel poor.
but as soon as the rich arrive....
i'm so glad you're here.
cause you know what i mean, right?
it's like we're the first ones.
it's like every fairy tale lesson about the ugly duckling and
cinderella and being good on the inside.
just like a fairy tale.
including the make-believe.
but that's not what they want to hear.
they don't want to know how much of us is attached to this.
man, i don't want to know, right?
but i do.
because you and me, right - we're not whole. right?
it's not just me i don't think...what are the chances?
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Featured AVENite: "Emmarainbow"
Name: Emmarainbow
Age: 19
Location: UK
Preferred Label(s): Queer, pan-inclined asexual.
Bio: I've posted here on and off for nearly four years, first as a scared newbie, then as an advice-giving oldie, and now as a queer activist pushing the boundaries of what sexuality and asexuality mean, and where they might cross over. AVEN has helped me understand myself and make me open to all kinds of relationship ideas, whereas if I had never found it and discovered my identity I would probably still be hiding in my shell somewhere. Since then I've come out, got involved in LGBT issues (let's try and get an A and a Q in there shall we?), started discussing it all over the internet, kept up a blog on (a)sexuality issues, got some leaflets for my university pride group and am asexual coordinator for the Queer Youth Network.
How she found AVEN: I was 15 and idly flicking through my mum's newspaper when I came across an article describing 'the rise of the a-sexual', discussing the possibility that various celebrities might be one. At the end of it there was a little link to AVEN - a couple of days later I built up the courage to join.
The most important thing about AVEN: Making ase people understand and accept themselves, so they can live and love happily! In the long run making heteronormative society do the same, accepting everyone's differences.
Advice for newbies: You're not alone! Don't be bound by any label or expectation, do what feels right for you. Have some cake, let's have a good chat.
Other thoughts: I'm really grateful for the way that AVEN opened my eyes to the world. I've embraced my asexual identity, and I feel really privileged to be able to look at society, sexuality and relationships from the outside. It's fun to approach from a different angle, and make other people do so too.
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Meetup Listings
More and more asexual people from across the world are meeting each other through AVEN – not only online, but in real life, too. Here's a look at some of the most recent meetups and some upcoming meetups. To see more meetups, or to organize your own meetup, hop on over to the Meetup Mart section of the AVEN forums.
Saturday, June 28 - Lunch meetup in Scottsdale, Arizona
Saturday, July 12 - "Unofficial" London, England meet at Dr. Who exhibition in Earls Court
Saturday, July 12 - Lunch meetup at the Queen Victoria Building in Sydney, Australia
Saturday, July 12 - Free beer and frisbee in Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, California
Saturday, July 19 - Mini-meetup at London Film and Comic Con in London, England
Saturday, July 26 - Meetup at Powell's City of Books in Portland, Oregon
Saturday, July 26 - Picnic in Stanley Park in Vancouver, British Columbia
Sunday, July 27 – Meetup at the Town Hall and Newtown in Sydney, Australia
Saturday, August 2 - Picnic at St. James' Park in London, England
Sunday, August 3 - Meetup at the Vancouver Pride Parade in British Columbia
Monday, August 4 - Meetup at the Detroit Zoo in Michigan
Friday, August 8 - Meetup at Elliott Bay Bookstore in Seattle, Washington
Saturday, August 16 - Afternoon meetup at the 3 Dollar Bil Cafe in San Francisco, California
Saturday, August 16 - National UK meetup in Birmingham
Friday, September 6 - regular in San Francisco, California meetup TBA
Saturday, September 14 - dinner in Vancouver, British Columbia
Saturday, October 4 - regular London, England meet TBA
Saturday, October 4 – regular San Francisco, California meetup TBA
There are also "Office Hours" every Tuesday at 6:00 PM at the Granville Island Starbucks in Vancouver, British Columbia.
Note: If you do meet people from the Internet, please remember to be safe and meet in a public place. Tell some friends where you are going and when you expect to be back, and make sure you have taxi fare in case of an emergency.
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Here's the deal:
AVENues is not written by high-faluting AVEN officials in a secret office somewhere. AVENues is written by you – by real live asexuals, demi-sexuals, not-sure-yet-sexuals, and their allies. That means that keeping things moving in here is up to you.
In every issue, we're going to need a ton of writing, and we're making it easy now by giving you a list of exactly what we want. Here is a list of what AVENues is made of:
News: If you were at (or know of) an event that had something to do with asexuality, we'd like to hear about it!
Opinion and theory: about asexuality. 300-1500 words is the best length.
Media: Have you spotted something asexual in a movie, book, song, or TV show? How are we being represented?
Poems and short stories with asexual themes.
The best of AVEN and beyond: If you're hanging out online and see a quote that deserves publishing or a hardworking asexy warrior who deserves recognition – no matter where from - then tell us about it!
Reader responses: We love getting letters, whether it's agreement with something, disagreement with something, questions, general comments, praise, curses, suggestions, or anything else you can throw at us! And it only takes a minute to answer the latest Food For Thought question.
Art and photography: Anything visual with an asexual or AVEN theme is well worth including, especially photos from AVEN meetups!
Fun: Comics, puzzles, recipes – give our inner child something to do!
Send it all to newsl...@asexuality.org, and remember, we'll write back to you within three business days.
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