U.S. President George W. Bush declared unconditional war today,
usurping the power of the elected congress, of which he was never
a member. The declaration, peppered with vague descriptions of
"weapons of terror", "evil regime" and "merciless dictator" lead
some pundits to wonder who he was attacking. Fearing the worst,
that Bush was hinting at the evil regime occupying the United States,
liberal and moderate congressmen of both parties quickly drew up
and enacted a Declaration of Surrender. Passed by a hearty voice
vote, the bill/surrender will be on the President's desk in the morning.
"We're hoping that the President and his unholy allies will have mercy
on the nation, the middle class and on the tax payers. We just saved
$200 Billion for the much anticipated war on Iraq, and hope the Iraqis
will be humane enough to refund the cost of a war that never happened!
As it is, this would have cost every man, woman and child in the U.S.
(legally) over $570 apiece. For a family of four, the tax burden rises to
$2285. We could have afforded that a few years ago, before Bush
whacked the economy. But today, nuh-uh, it just won't fly. That's why
we decided to cut our losses, and call it a day." The congressman asked
to not be identified.
- Ann DiAmo, political correspondent
Please do not be so disrespectful to Dear Leader. You're warned.
Please forgive me. I forgot what intolerant, un-American assholes you
nazi bastards can be. <shiver>