Australians Perfect The Art Of Losing - Bluey Crackersport
Bluey Crackersport
By Bluey Crackersport
Australian Correspondent.
crAAP
In a stunning display or averageness the Australian Cricket Team
continued it's slide to the bottom of the sh!theap by winning today's
VB Series decider against South Africa.
Already humiliated in the series by losing repeatedly to the lowly
ranked Kiwis the Australian Cricket team today displayed how to lose,
even when you win.
Because of the Australian inspired Bonus Point system, Australia
needed to win by over 60 points in order to not get the arse from the
tournament.
A gutsy effort by previous Australian team bludgers saw the Proteas
with a tough challenge but they proved more than capable of seeing the
Australians out of the tournament.
While Australia wins the game, they don't win by enough points to go
on to the business end of the competition so it's a big thanks for
coming going there way tonight.
The Kiwis will now go on to the best of three finals series where they
will get dicked by the South African team.
New Zealand fans were ecstatic about Australia loss.
'It's very sporting of them to fall on the pineapple like this and let
us have a shot at the Proteas' said a random Kiwi fan, 'and bloody
funny too.' he guffawed.
The Australian Prime Minister today announced that his government
would be starting a 'War On Losers' battle to hopefully prevent the
slide that Australian sporting teams were suffering as they played
like crap on the world stage.
'This relentless losing must stop' said Howard. 'It will not be
tolerated by this administration", he con-tinued.
Howard was believed to be'gutted' by the latest humiliation of an
Australian team when the current NRL Premiers got their arses well and
truly kicked by the third rate British ESL premiers Bradford Northern.
'I watched the game on TV' Howard sobbed, 'and I just cried and cried'
he bubbled.
'Cripes, we went to all that trouble to get their drug cheats back in
the game and look at how we get repaid?' he whined.
"I have been in touch with Tony and Dubya and we are all committed to
a War On Losers. There are 10's of thousands of losers out there
capable of embarrassing you and me' said a source close to George W
Bush.
'We will not be intimidated', he gloated.
Phycologist at Queensland Central Mental Hospital Oswald P Wrong said
the Prime Minister was wise to act now.
'Many Aussies are depressed with the current relentless losing streak
and starting to feel inadequate' Wrong advised.
'And who can blame them?' he continued.
It's true that it has not been a great time to be an Aussie sports
fan. First the almighty Kangaroo league team got dicked by the Poms in
the first test last year, then even the World Champion Wallaby Rugby
Team revealed that it too had caught the loser bug when they also went
down in a screaming sh!theap to the Poms.
Next Australia was humiliated when they lost the Davis Cup (on grass
and at home) to, of all people, the French, only to see Belgium (ed-
where?) dash their hopes as the sheilas got trounced in the
tennis as well.
Nothing could prepare the Aussies for the worst which was watching
their world champion cricket team crap out completely and lose to all
comers in the One Day Series even being beaten by the bottom of the
table Black Caps.
Toowoombaaa MacDonalds employee and part time fence painter Phil A
O'Fish said that the current losing streak by the current world
champion side was particularly con-fusing.
'The Black Craps can't play for sh!t as we all know' he frothed, 'and
yet, here they are with an historical 4 wins in a row over our boys.
It doesn't look good' he con-fessed.
Meanwhile Kiwi fans say it's time for Australia to stop whinging and
enjoy the finals series.
'Shove it up your @rses' said Jimbob Upandown, a Kiwi fathead from
Canterbury.
'You came, you saw, you conked out. Get over it', he slurred.
ACB sources today promised to do everything they could to cover up the
losses.
Meanwhile there has been a respite for Australia after their 7's rugby
team had rare win. 7's rugby is modeled on the sort of p!ssing about
families do at the beach while drinking and having a barbie thus
suiting the Australian team almost perfectly.
They recorded a shock win over New Zealand the score being 28 - 0 to
the Aussies.
'The New Zealand team were easy to beat' said Aussie forward and 7's
captain Paul Myleftone. 'In fact they never even turned up, I think
they were watching the cricket'. he said.
Fred
You need the services of a good sub-editor, I counted at least ten
spelling and grammatical errors in your report (plus two factual
errors)!!
Ignoring for the moment your poor grasp of the nuances of the english
language, you made the following errors:
1. 60 points? Huh? Australia had to win by 57 runs. Hit the ball good in
tennis and you score "points". Hit the ball good in cricket and you score
"runs". Are you catching on yet?
2. NZ win 4 in a row? Not in my lifetime mate! They played each other 4
times in this competition and NZ won 3 and Australia won 1.
Anyway, despite these minor errors, your standing as the southern
hemispheres premier sports correspondant remains unblemished!
NOTE: Any spelling or factual errors in the above post would normally
have been corrected by my sub-editor, but he was too busy having it off
with his fist!
Nippo
"Bluey Zarsoff <bl...@spamawayexposures.co.nz> wrote in message
news:3c5f1bd2....@news.akl.ihug.co.nz...
Sap Sucker
> "I have been in touch with Tony and Dubya and we are all committed to
> a War On Losers.
War on Losers? There goes the All Blacks, All Whites, NZ Davis Cup (do
they even exist?), all the NZ Super 12s, Black Ferns, Kiwi RL, Warriors,
Kingz. More pathetic Schadenfreude because you don't have successful
teams of your own. Good thing youse all love your cricket so much, eh?
aye tere ahau
losers on this report!!!
Kiaora
Nippo <srnip...@optushome.com.au> wrote in message
news:3c5de1cc$0$24419$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
TomV
wrote:
Ohh man you are hurting so bad aren't you. Warms the heart it does
...tom
aye tere ahau
Sap Sucker <sebs...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:3C5E14C2...@hotmail.com...
hehehe see told ya!!
Ya fuggen sore loser
>
>
>
>
aye tere ahau
Col
>TMML
??????
--
Col
Pakeha made © (and proud of it )
Ian Stewart
Col wrote:
>
> On Mon, 4 Feb 2002 19:03:47 +1300, "aye tere ahau" <nei...@ihug.co.nz> wrote:
>
> >TMML
That Made Me Laugh.
Ian
> Col
Zac
Vikram Kewalramani
maybe u havent heard of the Indian team ..
they are so sad.. that they wont be able to BEAT an egg if they tried..
"Sap Sucker" <sebs...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:3C5E14C2...@hotmail.com...
>
Sap Sucker
>
Losing I can handle. The dumb glee that Kiwis have when they beat us is
annoying but bareable, but when it goes on and on and on - get a life.
Oswald P Wrong
<sebs...@hotmail.com>, Tue, 05 Feb 2002 19:36:03 +1000, guffawed,
dribbled and spat:
>> Ya fuggen sore loser
>>
>
>Losing I can handle. The dumb glee that Kiwis have when they beat us is
>annoying but bareable, but when it goes on and on and on - get a life.
ROLF
I thought you blokes would appreciate us being right up ourselves over
dicking you relentlessly.
Cripes Shag, you are starting to sound like a sore loser Kiwi.
- - -
You have been watching asr-hell
- - -
aye tere ahau
> > Ya fuggen sore loser
> >
>
> Losing I can handle. The dumb glee that Kiwis have when they beat us is
> annoying but bareable, but when it goes on and on and on - get a life.
LOL maybe if ya didnt lose and lose and lose we wouldnt go on and on and on
HAY did you call me dumb???
Stephen Fleming.
PS :
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAAHa
>