Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
Back End of the Batmobile:
The state of your Brass Eye soon after you eat a really hot curry. "I
had a Ring Stinger in the Benghazi restaurant last night, and now I've
got a dose of Gandhi's Revenge. My arse feels like the back end of the
Beaver Leaver (or Vagina Decliner):
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze-up at
3 in the morning.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a
booze up, even though you're too pissed to remember where you
live, how you get there, and where you've come from.
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
Bone of Contention:
A hard-on that causes an argument. e.g. one that arises when a
man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.
Breaking the Seal:
Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet
will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
Blue-Veined Hooligan. The 1-eyed skinhead.
Beer Goggles for the young drinker.
The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently, wakes you up
in the morning to get to the toilet quick.
The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you get when abroad.
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
Going For a McShit:
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,
you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food
afterwards is a McShit With Lies.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
A vigorous masturbation session.
The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a week
in fast food restaurants.
The contents of a Wonderbra. i.e. extremely impressive when viewed
from the outside, but there's actually f*ck-all in there worth seeing.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you
wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10
Pinter in your bed instead.
No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the
pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's
got 4 buttocks.
Starfish Trooper (or Arsetronaut.) :
Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with. (1 to cover
their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off.)
A lady who goes down first time out.
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.
To join my 'Joke of the Week' mailing list for FREE, send a blank email to:
J a s e <Ja...@JasesJokes.com> wrote in message
"Eric" <for...@nomail.com> wrote in message
> > Beaver Leaver (or Vagina Decliner):
> > A homosexual.
> > Beer Coat:
> > The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze-up at
> > 3 in the morning.
<< Snipped lots of similar vintage waffle>>
jeez, you get sick of seeing these same old gags repeated time and time
again, especially when they were published by Viz about 3 years ago.
> jeez, you get sick of seeing these same old gags repeated time and time
> again, especially when they were published by Viz about 3 years ago.
Geez, you get sick of seeing the same old "that's not funny" complaints
repeated time and time again, especially by self-appointed netcops who
haven't realized that filtering well is the best revenge.
in fact, I find the best policy is to filter *everything* except my own
On the basis that you may find some intelligent posts?
David Simpson (Remove spam blocker to reply)
Old age and treachery will always overcome
youth and skill.
> >in fact, I find the best policy is to filter *everything* except
> > my own posts
> On the basis that you may find some intelligent posts?
Nah, not much chance of that, filter or no...
although my own posts always give me a guffaw or two
You are in the wrong newsgroup, no original jokes allowed here.
in that vein what is green and flys through the air
a jelly copter (you can tell I have children.)