Payne Stewart: The Definitive List of Death Jokes
Gerard
If a birdie is 1 under and an eagle 2 under...Is a LearJet worth 5 under?
What was the furthest hole-in-one in pro golf history?
Payne Stewart: 1,479 nautical miles (from Orlando, Florida to Mina, South
Dakota
Teed off in Florida, hole's in Texas, landed in South Dakota...Does South
Dakota count as the rough?
How does Payne Stewart's jet depressurize?
When it gets a hole in one.
How did he know his plane was in trouble??
It started going putt.. putt.. putt... putt... putt... putt
Obviously Payne Stewart won the golf tournament... He finished 6 under.
Biggest divot he ever left!
Unlike his Golf Balls, Payne did not stay in the air very long!
Where can you find Payne Stewart's new line of clothing?
All over South Dakota.
The plane with Payne crashes mainly in the plains.
Stewart's last words?
Hey, what does this latch do?
What does Big Bird and Payne Stewart have in common?
Both are goofy looking and neither one can fly.
What is Payne Stewarts' handicap?
His flight crew.
Uh oh, Payne Stewart's driver has gone cold...He's as good as dead.
What does Monica Lewinsky and Payne Stewart have in common?
They both wore ugly hats and went down.
Why didn't Payne Stewart win more championships?
Prefers to work under pressure!
Payne Stewart is obviously a better driver than his pilot!
Plane troubles??? Mechanic said "I guess that the plane wasn't up to par"
What's the difference between Jimmy Stewart and Payne Stewart?
Jimmy Stewart knew how to fly a plane.
It's a shame about Payne Stewart, going from the most recognizable figure in
professional golf to the most unrecognizable in so short a time.
Payne's last words..."I should have used my driver!"
Jim Boseman
YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAYBE IN NEAR FUTURE WE CAN START JOKING ABOUT YOUR
DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAYBE YOU WILL BE LUCKY AND HAVE A 6 UNDER WITH A LEAR JET STUFFED UP YOUR
ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ARE A DISGRACE IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SMILE SOME WILL PRAY FOR YOU TO WAKE UP FROM
IGNORANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gerard <ger...@melbpc.org.au> wrote in message
news:94WR3.5548$we....@newsfeeds.bigpond.com...
Fraser
>GERALD,
>
>YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>MAYBE IN NEAR FUTURE WE CAN START JOKING ABOUT YOUR
>DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>MAYBE YOU WILL BE LUCKY AND HAVE A 6 UNDER WITH A LEAR JET STUFFED UP YOUR
>ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim, honey, I know it's been hard for you, but you have to put down
your framed Payne Stewart photo, glistening with tears as it is, and
move on. There'll be other golfers -- golfers who dress better, who
don't rant on about God, and who have names that aren't homonyms for
how I feel about them.
You just have to be strong.
Oh, by the way, you're posting from the UK to an Australian newsgroup.
The word you're looking for is 'arse', you fucking moron.
love,
Fraser.
Jim Yang
Jim
Thanks for enlightening our pommy friends
--
"I'd rather be an ex-smoker with an occasional desire to smoke, than a
smoker with a constant desire to
stop doing it."
Fraser <blanc...@blancolioni.org> wrote in message
news:7vadj7$ic5$1...@kimba.whitelion.org...
susannah
don't seem to remember getting any messages of this ilk when the John Jnr jokes
were flying (sorry) around?
susannah
Jim Boseman wrote:
> GERALD,
>
> YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> MAYBE IN NEAR FUTURE WE CAN START JOKING ABOUT YOUR
> DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> MAYBE YOU WILL BE LUCKY AND HAVE A 6 UNDER WITH A LEAR JET STUFFED UP YOUR
> ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
KWill51241
A MENTAL WARD
maw...@melbpc.org.au
KWill51241
dE-gENER8
in a lear Jet when it took off in Orlando, FL and "landed" (read that
CRASHED) in South Dakota.
He is now dead I guess.
--
IMPORTANT:
~~~~~~~~~~
To reply to me, remove the ".despam" from the email address.
Jim Yang <Jim....@d22mail.alcatel.com.au> wrote in message
news:38193245...@d22mail.alcatel.com.au...
> dd
dE-gENER8
--
IMPORTANT:
~~~~~~~~~~
To reply to me, remove the ".despam" from the email address.
KWill51241 <kwill...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19991029223849...@ng-cn1.aol.com...
Gerard
from your reply, than my jokes. I think I just remembered why I post jokes
on here. The replies are priceless.
Cheers
Gerard
Fraser wrote in message <7vadj7$ic5$1...@kimba.whitelion.org>...
>paene lacrimavi postquam "Jim Boseman" <jeb...@contactbox.co.uk> scripsit:
>>GERALD,
>>
>>YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>MAYBE IN NEAR FUTURE WE CAN START JOKING ABOUT YOUR
>>DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>MAYBE YOU WILL BE LUCKY AND HAVE A 6 UNDER WITH A LEAR JET STUFFED UP YOUR
>>ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
Mat Overton
> >paene lacrimavi postquam "Jim Boseman" <jeb...@contactbox.co.uk>
scripsit:
> >>GERALD,
> >>
> >>YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> >>MAYBE IN NEAR FUTURE WE CAN START JOKING ABOUT YOUR
> >>DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> >>MAYBE YOU WILL BE LUCKY AND HAVE A 6 UNDER WITH A LEAR JET STUFFED UP
YOUR
> >>ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> >
> >Jim, honey, I know it's been hard for you, but you have to put down
> >your framed Payne Stewart photo, glistening with tears as it is, and
> >move on. There'll be other golfers -- golfers who dress better, who
> >don't rant on about God, and who have names that aren't homonyms for
> >how I feel about them.
> >
> >You just have to be strong.
> >
> >Oh, by the way, you're posting from the UK to an Australian newsgroup.
> >The word you're looking for is 'arse', you fucking moron.
> >
having said that I have one
too, but someone has got a really good wit, and they WERE funny!
;-) Mat O
Moni
Anyone know if he landed a hole in one when he crashed??? mmm... that was
sick.
