Adult Nursery Rhymes
TheCrypt1
This Little Piggy
This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy went wee, wee, wee bought some Depends disposable
undergarments to solve that problem.
============
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall ,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
And his winter wasn't bad either.
============
Mary
Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
So she is suing the test tube lab.
========
Fuzzy
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bare,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
Fuzzy Wuzzy was arrested for indecent exposure and is now serving time in the
state pen.
===========
Garden
Mary, Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow,
Spraying pesticides and herbicides all down the row?
===========
Bridge
London Bridge is in Arizona, Arizona, Arizona.,
London Bridge is in Arizona, as a tourist trap.
=========
Peter
Peter, Peter wife beater,
Had a wife and used to beat her,
'Till she shot him with a shot gun shell,
And sent that bastard straight to hell.
Then she sold the movie rights.
It's now a mini series on Tuesday nights.
=========
Jack
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack jumped over the candle stick,
And burned his dick.
Robert
Andy
Jonathan
<an...@phyoocha.softnet.co.uk> wrote:
> they were crap
[long quotation of mediocre variations on nursery rhymes deleted]
So are you. Take your postings off usenet if you're going to add one line
to a post and quote it in its entirity. Strewth!
ObJoke:
=======
A man walks into a doctor's surgery. The doc asks him what appears to be
the problem. He replies that he might be homosexual but isn't sure. The
doctor asks him to drop his pants and he thinks it a bit odd but complies.
This being done, the doctor grabs his penis and says, "Say 'sixty'."
The man says, "Sixty."
"OK," says the doc and grabs the guy's testicles, "Say 'sixty'."
"Sixty"
The doctor now rolls up his sleeve and puts on an elbow length rubber
glove. He then sticks his fist up the patients arse.
"OK, say 'sixty'"
"One...Two...Three..."
Jonathan.
"I am Dyslexic of Borg, Your Ass will be Laminated"
Michael Walker
>
>Jack be nimble,
>Jack be quick,
Or...
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Silly Jill forgot the pill
And now they've got a daughter.
AJ
>>Jack be nimble,
>>Jack be quick,
>Jill prefers the candle stick.
>
>To fetch a pail of water
>Silly Jill forgot the pill
>And now they've got a daughter.
Mary had a little lamb
It was giving her the shits
She got her daddy's shotgun
And blew the lamb to bits
Grant O'Neil
>
> Mary had a little lamb
> It was giving her the shits
> She got her daddy's shotgun
> And blew the lamb to bits
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between two slices of bread.
Georgie porgy pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too - he's funny that way...
=======================================================================
_ .
Grant O'Neil _r| Ll\
Constable 10337 WAPS | |_|__\
one...@iinet.net.au => \ |_|_ /
~~ `_'
http://www.iinet.net.au/~oneilg/ v
I was miserable.
Then someone told me "Smile and be happy - things could get worse"
So I smiled and was happy - and things got worse...
ran...@telusplanet.net
I've often seen her little lamb,
But I've never seen her bare.
Lee Walker
It would not stop its Gruntin'
She tied it to the garden fence,
And kicked its little C*$nt In..
Boom Boom
ran...@telusplanet.net wrote in article <365E3C...@telusplanet.net>...
Lee Walker
She put them on the fire place
To see if they would ........ (Make Good ornamants)
Julian Peck
recent limerick contest.
The rules were simple: you had to use the names
Lewinsky and Kaczynsky
in the limerick.
Contestants' Entries:
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >
Entry # 1
There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
on this flute made of beef
that stole the front page from Kaczynski.
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >
Entry # 2
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >
Entry # 3
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
what Kaczynski must surely have known:
that an intern is better
than a bomb in a letter
given the choice to be blown.
>>>>> > >
>>>>> > >
Entry # 4
There was a young girl called Lewinsky,
Who caused as much stir as Kaczynski
When on Kenneth Starr's lap
she confided, when trapped,
"Bill Clinton is hung like Nijinsky." *
*Nijinsky is a thoroughbred racehorse; not to be
confused with
the ballet dancer.)
> -----Original Message-----
> From: AJ
> Posted At: Thursday, November 26, 1998 2:25 PM
> Posted To: jokes
> Conversation: Adult Nursery Rhymes
> Subject: Re: Adult Nursery Rhymes
>
>
> >>Jack be nimble,
> >>Jack be quick,
> >Jill prefers the candle stick.
> >
> >Jack and Jill went up the hill
> >To fetch a pail of water
> >Silly Jill forgot the pill
> >And now they've got a daughter.
>
>
> Mary had a little lamb
lara...@gmail.com
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high and clutched her thigh and said you know you wanna, Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun, Silly Jill forgot her pills and now they have a son.
midnigh...@gmail.com
> >Jack
> >Jack be nimble,
> >Jack be quick,
> Jill prefers the candle stick.
>
> Jack and Jill went up the hill
> Silly Jill forgot the pill
> And now they've got a daughter.
Jill said yes, took off her dress and then they had some fun.
But silly Jill for got the pill and now they have a son.
missmart...@gmail.com
Where’s ur fucking brain?
It washed away in the rain
One for the bastard
One for the bitch
One for the fucking boy who shits in the ditch