Dumb Blonde Jokes
Lionel Kennaugh
BLONDE JOKES
1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown
around
too much.
12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
go
down on you.
24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packages.
29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.
32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
attractive?
A: Her ankles.
35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
41. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini
skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax
now in
effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
57. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilized.
58. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
59. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
60. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.
61. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
62. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A: Bucket seats.
64. Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A1: "Thanks, Guys!"
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
A3: Do you guys all play for the <team name>?
A4: Who were all those guys?
65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
66. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
67. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before
having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!
70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
what she did with her pencil.
75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress
(reading her
nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.
80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
82. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
83. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa
Claus,
the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the
Tooth
Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a
gum
wrapper.
90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits
the
ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
99. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
101. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have
three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball
102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
103. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
104. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
105. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
106. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
107. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke
of
York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
108. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
won't follow you around for a week.
109. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
113. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
114. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
115. Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
A: Sweet Fuck All...
116. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
117. Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
118. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
119. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
120. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
122. Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
123. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her
thoughts?
A: Change.
124. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
125. Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
126. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to
do.
127. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
130. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
jigsaw
puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
132. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
134. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
135. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
136. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around
and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a
television.
137. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
138. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
139. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
140. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked
up by "the fuzz"?
A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."
141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
144. Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and
a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of
Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
146. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
151. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
152. Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
153. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
156. Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
if they're going to work or coming home.
160. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blonde electrician.
161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
A3: So men can understand them.
162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
163. Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: A labrador.
A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
164. Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
165. Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.
166. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
167. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
168. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
169. Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
170. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for
bait?"
171. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
172. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
173. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip
cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
174. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
175. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
176. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
177. Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
178. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
179. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
180. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe
of sly
pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.
181. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama
Canal?
A: One's a busy ditch.
182. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
183. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
184. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket
trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
185. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
186. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
187. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling
beige."
188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
189. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
190. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a
blonde
drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!
191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
193. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
194. Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech,
varoom...screech,
varoom...screech.....?
A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a
flashing
red light.
195. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
196. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to
death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
197. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
198. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression
in her
forehead.
199. Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".
200. Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto
Rican?
A: Retardo.
201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
learning?
A: A visitor.
202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses'
faces.
204. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still
stuck.
207. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.
214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she
had cleaned 43 restrooms.
217. How about the suicide blonde,
she dyed by her own hand.
218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette
says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops,
looks up, and says, "Where?"
219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
people were leaving.
220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
"Driver's licence? What's that?..."
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
"May I have your car insurance?"
"What's that?..."
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
exclaims:
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
221. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then
we
could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could
do
without the gardener.
222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
223. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
we all fell and hurt ourselves.
224. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...
225. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a
redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the
mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,
"I'm
going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and
got
really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was
too
tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she
made
it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay
here
and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot
more
endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she
even
got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she
drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I
think
I'd better try to make it, too." So she sw
Lionel Kennaugh
225. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a
redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the
mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,
"I'm
going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and
got
really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was
too
tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she
made
it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay
here
and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot
more
endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she
even
got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she
drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I
think
miles,
15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in
sight,
but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
226. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when
the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull
you finger out, I'll sink?"
227. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks
and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No.
Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and one
half hour later they were both killed by a train.
228. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what
was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about
the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and
suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."
229. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
to rain and the top is down!
230. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird
flying
overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly
over
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that
would've
hit me right in the face!!!"
Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."
231. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly
Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into
Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it
easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me!
Andy tells me..."
232. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out
a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it
was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
233. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
234. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender:"What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender:"What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
235. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they
just don't remember who with.
236. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they
saw
a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver
blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like
that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied
"I
know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."
237. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the
slogan "Billions Served - just today"
238. Q: How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
A: She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her
pencil.
239. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
240. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
241. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
242. Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
243. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
244. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
245. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
246. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
247. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
248. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
249. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
250. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
251. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
252. Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
253. Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during
parades.
254. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
255. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
256. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
257. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
258. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a
skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
259. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and
a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
260. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
261. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
262. Q: Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.
263. Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and
eating Jell-o?
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
264. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't
stop until it gets blood.
265. Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.
266. Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
267. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
268. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
269. Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
270. Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
271. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
272. Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
A: Marry her.
273. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
274. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
275. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
276. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
277. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
278. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with
PMS?
A: Lipstick.
279. Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
280. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
281. Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
282. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
283. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
284. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
285. Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
286. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.
287. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
288. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
289. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
290. Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
291. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
292. Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
293. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.
294. Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde
standing on a
street corner?
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
295. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
296. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
297. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
298. Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks,
four bucks.
299. Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
300. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
301. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
302. Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President
Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
303. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
304. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
305. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
306. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said
"DON'T WALK".
307. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
308. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
309. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.
310. Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,
who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to
stop and ask for directions.
311. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
312. Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.
313. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
314. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
315. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
316. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the
typewriters.
317. Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
318. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
319. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
320. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
321. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
322. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
323. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
324. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back
seat.
325. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
occur around the home?
A: She moved.
326. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
327. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
328. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her
husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
329. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
330. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In
the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would
like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote
this
down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
sod across the street.
331. Did you hear about the blonde who:
1 had more on her body than on her mind?
2 was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the
bean?
3 took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
4 got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
5 was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
6 7 had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
8 thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
9 was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a
crazy cat?
10 after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get
taller girls?
11 went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
12 brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
332. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the
arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just
know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was
on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a
boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says,
"Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
333. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having
pre-natal
checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the
baby concieved ?"
"He was on top ", she replyed.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
334. Blondes...
They take a lickin', and keep on...
Lickin!
335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love
handles"
referred to her ears?
336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out
at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes
off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes
latter,
she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car
phone!"
338. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop.
His
boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and
"can
you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with
the
boss's positive comments he finally agrees.
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she
can
practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How
much for a box of rubbers?"
"They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the
tax."
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
339. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant
display
and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
340. Another blonde in the porno shop:
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one
before."
She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for
the
black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a
white
one before..."
She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How
much
are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've
never had a plaid one before...."
She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I
was
gone?"
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one
white
dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
341. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a
blonde
he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to
replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk
and
right before drinking it, herealizes his manhood is still pretty
hot,
so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde
walks
in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
342. Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
343. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
packet.
344. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow in her ear.
345. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
A2: To keep her neck warm
346. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what
she did with her cigarette.
347. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
348. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.
349. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
350. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
351. Q: Why does a blonds bra say T.G.I.F?
A: Tits go in first.
352. Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
353. Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a
motorcycle?
A: Rebel without a clue.
354. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?
A: Full.
355. Imitation of a blonde refuelling..
(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
356. Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES BREASTFEED THEIR BABIES?
A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
357. Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually
active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."
358. Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."
359. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL 10 BLONDES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL?
A: AIR POCKETs.
360. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
361. Q: What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute
and her four blonde friends?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
362. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain
surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
363. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals
team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.
364. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
365. Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
366. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refriderator cold.
367. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the
Toronto
Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
368. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
369. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
370. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
371. Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.
372. Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
373. Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.
374. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said
that
her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head
and
Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,
"How do you give shoulders?"
375. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
376. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
blow dryer!
377. Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
378 Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
379. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when
her
lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
380. Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections?
A: A wine and cheese party!
381. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
382. (Visual Joke)
Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the
first time?
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)
383. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
384. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
385. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
386. Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a
blonde
and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
387. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
388. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...
389. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
390. Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
391. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
392. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing
school?
A: She was doing great until she found out she would have to
perform the Hymenlick
Manuever.
393. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
394. Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Lionel Kennaugh
395. STATE OF OHIO
DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE
451 HIGH STREET
George Voinovich COLUMBUS, OH 43210 Ralph G. Pacheco
Governor Phone (614) 445-8627 Director
FAX (614) 445-3225
BULLETIN NO. 91-92
------------------
DATE: January 7, 1992
TO: All Ohio Insurance Agents
FROM: Ohio Department of Insurance
SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches
Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 97-12, all
motor
vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after February 15, 1992, will be
required
to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the floorboard. The
dimmer
switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing
the switch by the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from
the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion.
Included in the above act and beginning June 1, 1992, all other vehicles
with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a
floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the type described above. The
steering
column mounted dimmer switch must be disabled or removed from the
vehicle.
Vehicles which have not made this change will fail the forthcoming Ohio
Safety Inspection program which will begin on this date.
It is recognized that this will cause some hardship for the driving
public.
However, this change is being made in the interest of public safety.
Ohio
DMV Act 92-13 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent
dimmer
system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles. A recent
study entitled the "Inflation Sequence in Ohio Nightime Highway Traffic
Accidents" was conducted jointly by the Ohio Department of Motor
Vehicles
and the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicle Research. It has shown that
96% of all Ohio nightime highway accidents are caused by a blonde
getting
her foot caught in the steering wheel........
396. A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the
plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency
cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells
"Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
397. Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
A: She sneezes.
398. Q: What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was
composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ?
A: "Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!?"
399. Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
A: Nail polish!
400. Q: What's the fastest way to get a blonde pregnant?
A: Take her to the petting zoo.
401. Q: How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
A: Tell her that the drinks are on the house
402. Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen
headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
403. Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant posession.
404. Q: What did the blonde's dentist find?
A: Teeth in the cavity.
405. Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over
her
ears?
A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
406. Q: WHat does a car fatality and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either in a car and their fucked.
407. Q: What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: A padded dash.
408. Q: Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens?
A: They couldn't find their eraser.
409. Q: What is the most difficult thing to teach a blonde?
A: To count to twenty-eight. (Cycle of a period).
410. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
411. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: She wanted to see the geese because she heard honking!
412. Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
413. A blonde working in a office is constantly being kidded about
how dumb she is; so one evening she goes home and studies a
map of the United States.
The next day she goes into the office and announces that she
knows all 50 states and their capitols.
One of her office mates says, "OK, whats the capitol of Wyoming?"
and the blonde replies, "W."
414. Q: How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last
night
gave you a good blow-job?
A: The sheets are sucked up your ass.
415. Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2
hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
416. Q: How can you tell a blonde has been playing games on your
computer?
A: There's lipstick on the joystick.
417. Q: Why do most of blondes have blue eyes?
A: Because the back of their skull is painted blue.
418. Q: Why do some of blondes have green eyes?
A: Because there was not enough blue color to paint the back of
their skulls.
419. Q: What can a blond do if she falls from a boat, in order not to
drown?
A: Close her mouth and put her fingers in her ears. She will stay
floating
until the help arrives.
420. Q: Why do some of blondes drown even if they do close their
mouths and ears?
A: Because for some of them the volume of their heads is too
small to keep
them floating.
421. Q: How can You tell a blonde with a runny nose from a healthy
blonde,
without looking at their faces?
A: Knock on their heads - the one with the perfect hollow sound
is healthy.
422. Q: What did the disco band drummer do to their blonde singer when
they came
to give a show and he discovered that she forgot to put the
drum in the car?
A: He took her head off (The show was a big success).
tor...@austin.ibm.com
In article <N.112496....@anxp7.mh.centuryinter.net>, cen0...@centuryinter.net writes:
> I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
> the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
> send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
> the cuss words.
> Sincerly,
> Becky
>
Isn't dumb blonde redundant?
Robert Lewis
cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>
> I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
> the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
> send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
> the cuss words.
> Sincerly,
> Becky
Why do people make up blonde jokes?
So brunettes will have something to do on Saturday night.
Ian Hadley
tor...@austin.ibm.com wrote:
>
> In article <N.112496....@anxp7.mh.centuryinter.net>, cen0...@centuryinter.net writes:
> > the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
> > send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
> > the cuss words.
> > Sincerly,
> > Becky
> >
No, it's a tautology.
Terrell Haines
cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>
> I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
> the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
> send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
> the cuss words.
> Sincerly,
> Becky
Becky, go to any Net search engine and look for "dumb blonde jokes".
There are a plethora of sites with exactly what you're looking for.
Objoke: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
--
*************************************************
"Just when you think you've won the rat race...
along come faster rats!"
Terrell Haines blac...@ccom.net
*************************************************
Lionel Kennaugh
Ian Hadley wrote:
>
> tor...@austin.ibm.com wrote:
> >
> > In article <N.112496....@anxp7.mh.centuryinter.net>, cen0...@centuryinter.net writes:
> > > the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
> > > send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
> > > the cuss words.
> > > Sincerly,
> > > Becky
> > >
>
> No, it's a tautology.
Actually it's ambiguous; it's not the blondes that the dumb is referring
to, but the jokes themselves.
It should have read 'dumb jokes about blondes'
Rodd Snook
Or more simply 'dumb-blond jokes'
-------------------------------------------------
Rodd Snook is rsn...@mail.usyd.edu.au
or http://www.usyd.edu.au/~rsnook
known in cyberspace and elsewhere as 'snookums'
-------------------------------------------------
I will not say 'Do not weep.', for not all
tears are an evil.
-------------------------------------------------
Paul Dietrich
On 28 Nov 1996, Bongo Spleaf wrote:
> Date: 28 Nov 1996 19:27:18 GMT
> From: Bongo Spleaf <Bo...@EasyLiving.com>
> Newsgroups: alt.humor.puns, aus.jokes, bln.humor, chile.humor, eunet.jokes,
> fj.jokes, git.humor, han.rec.humor, rec.humor, relcom.humor,
> za.humour
> Subject: Re: Dumb Blonde Jokes
>
>
> > Isn't dumb blonde redundant?
> >
>
> Q: Why do blondes put TGIF on all of their shoes?
> A: Toes Go In First!
>
> :-)
> Courtesy of Allison Bear!
>
Here's one similar:
Q: Why to blonds put TGIF on their t-shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front!
Paul D. Schreiner
Paul Dietrich wrote:
> >
> > > Isn't dumb blonde redundant?
> > >
> >
> > Q: Why do blondes put TGIF on all of their shoes?
> > A: Toes Go In First!
> >
> > :-)
> > Courtesy of Allison Bear!
> >
> Here's one similar:
> Q: Why to blonds put TGIF on their t-shirts?
> A: Tits Go In Front!
of course, there's my personal favorite...what do you call a blonde
skeleton in the closet? last year's hide-and-seek champ...
Dunc J
I was recently sent this chain mail:
The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes
--------------------------------
1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a shower and shake her upside down.
17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
19. Q: How do you get a blonde's eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's tippex on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the tippex.
22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
go
down on you.
24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Q: Why don't blondes eat jelly?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packages.
29. Q: What do you call four blondes with a pound coin on the top of
their head?
A: All you can eat, for under a quid.
30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They can't find the pull tab.
32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Q: Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
attractive?
A: Her ankles.
35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
41. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black
miniskirts?
A: Because their balls show!
A6: The batteries have run out.
71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
what she did with her pencil.
75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress
(reading her name-tag) ?
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a £10 note.
Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa
Claus,
the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the
Tooth
Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a
gum
wrapper.
90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits
the
ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
97. Q: What's the difference between Switzerland and a blonde?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10,000 men.
A2: Three....one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of [Nestle]
Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
A: She fell out of the tree.
159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
173.. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip
A: She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.
214. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
where the sun went ?
A: It finally dawned on her.
Lionel Kennaugh
Dunc J wrote:
>
> I was recently sent this chain mail:
>
> The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes
> --------------------------------
>
> 1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
> A: Gifted!
>
<proverbial chain-saw>
> 217. How about the suicide blonde,
> she dyed by her own hand.
It's not complete.
--
====================================================
lionel....@pixie.co.za
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Heights/6530/
====================================================
Bill Ryder
cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
>the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
>send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
>the cuss words.
>Sincerly,
>Becky
How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
because it said CONCENTRATE.
Thomas M. Logan Forsyth
Like she can read? Honestly
Me
What do you call three blondes standing in a circle?
A wind tunnel.
Prozac Jack
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumber.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ears.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: more head room.
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been on a 747.
Brandon Lacov
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Go home.
Q: How does a blonde turn on the light?
A: She opens the car door.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone booth?
A: You can't get the whole football team in a telephone booth.
Q: Three blondes are sitting on a parkbench eating ice cream cones. One is
sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?
A: The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!!!
Q: How many blondes does it take to change the lightbulb?
A: "You can change those things!?!"
Q: Why was the blondes boyfriend upset when his condom broke in the middle of
sex?
A: He wasn't wearing a condom.
--
Brandon James Lacov
Georgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332
uucp: ...!{decvax,hplabs,ncar,purdue,rutgers}!gatech!prism!gt3239a
Internet: gt3...@prism.gatech.edu
Gaven Miller
Someone Pretending To Be Me (my.ad...@my.net) wrote:
> What do you call three blondes standing in a circle?
> A wind tunnel.
And how do you stop the wind tunnel from whistling?
Get the blondes to turn their heads to the side.
(Coughing is optional)
--
Quote For The Month:
"Come back here with my fish, you horse thief"
Gavan Schneider
Prozac Jack <toil...@mindspring.com> wrote:
> Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
> A: Not everyone has been on a 747.
A2: Not much, the've both got black box flight recorders.
Robert Lewis
Prozac Jack wrote:
>
> Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
> A: Not everyone has been on a 747.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
Q: What did the blonde say to King Kong?
A: Is it in yet?
Scopelitis LR
On Thu, 12 Dec 1996, Robert Lewis wrote:
> Date: Thu, 12 Dec 1996 19:56:00 -0800
> From: Robert Lewis <rle...@brazosport.cc.tx.us>
> Newsgroups: alt.humor.puns, aus.jokes, bln.humor, chile.humor, eunet.jokes,
> fj.jokes, git.humor, han.rec.humor, rec.humor, relcom.humor,
> za.humour
> Subject: Re: Dumb Blonde Jokes
>
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a Spaceship?
A: The spaceship hasn't gone far enough.
Chris Carkner
On Mon, 9 Dec 1996, Bill Ryder wrote:
> cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>
> >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
> >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
> >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
> >the cuss words.
> >Sincerly,
> >Becky
>
> How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
> because it said CONCENTRATE.
>
>
>
What do you all 12 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
Artificial Intelligence.
What do you call blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes
Why did the blonde write TGIF on her shoes?
To remind her: Toes Go In First.
Three women heard of a local legend that there was this bridge that if
you jumped off of it and made a wish, it came true. So the 3 women, a
blonde, a brunette,and a redhead, went to the bridge. The brunette jumps
off and cries, "I wish I was a bird!" She turns into a bird and flies
away. The redhead jumps off and cries, "I wish I was a fish!" She turns
into a fish and swims away. The blonde jumps off and cries, "I wish I
was a...crap! I forgot!" She turns into a crap and floats away.
How does a blonde turn on the light in the morning?
She opens the car door.
-Chris Carkner
*Freedom of speech is not just for the media! It's for the public as well!*
E-mail :
car...@sage.edu
almo...@chaos.taylored.com
almo...@geocities.com
almo...@hotmail.com
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Another X-Phile in Protest of FOX.
The Truth is Out There, FOX just won't let us show it to you!
PROTECT FREEDOM OF SPEECH! PROTECT X-PHILE WEBSITES!
Sometimes simplicity is more.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Doug Arendt
>
>
>On Mon, 9 Dec 1996, Bill Ryder wrote:
>
>> cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>>
>> >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
>> >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
>> >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
>> >the cuss words.
>> >Sincerly,
>> >Becky
>>
>> How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
>> because it said CONCENTRATE.
>>
>>
>Like she can read? Honestly
Q: What goes "Vroom, Screech! Vroom, Screech! Vroom, Screech!
Vroom, Screech!
A: A Blonde at a flashing red stoplight.
Andrew Blair
Me <my.ad...@my.net> wrote in article <32AF01...@my.net>...
> Bill Ryder wrote:
> >
> > cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
> >
> > >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has
told me
> > >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate.
Please
> > >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase
leave out
> > >the cuss words.
> > >Sincerly,
> > >Becky
> >
> > How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
> > because it said CONCENTRATE.
>
> What do you call three blondes standing in a circle?
> A wind tunnel.
>
I always enjoyed the following blond joke:
Why did the blond jump for joy and cheer and shout when she completed the
jigsaw puzzle after 6 months?
Because on the box it said 3 to 5 years.
Andrew Blair
abl...@iaccess.com.au
Hironobu Suzuki
In article <Pine.GSO.3.95.961213160254.1196C-100000@radley> Scopelitis LR <ep...@city.ac.uk> writes:
% On Thu, 12 Dec 1996, Robert Lewis wrote:
% > Subject: Re: Dumb Blonde Jokes
% >
% > Prozac Jack wrote:
% > >
% > > Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
% > > A: Not everyone has been on a 747.
% >
% >
% > Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
% > A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
% >
% > Q: What did the blonde say to King Kong?
% > A: Is it in yet?
% >
% >
%
% Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a Spaceship?
% A: The spaceship hasn't gone far enough.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a Godzilla?
A: I don't think so.
--hironobu
Ilya Buchelnikov
Dear Friends!
Please remove our nesgroup relcom.humor from your field "to:"
Thank You
--
_____________________BUSH_____________________
\______На всякий дивайс есть антидивайс______/
\_____...@enpolis.kiev.ua_______/
\_____ (044) 244-0236 _____/
(044) 244-0594
battiv
Doug - here's the best one I've heard....to me it means that
blonde is a state of being...
A professional blonde female got sick of hearing all of the dumb
blonde remarks from her coworkers. So, she cut her hair and
dyed it brown. Soon after, she was driving her convertible
along a country road, when she was stopped by a herd of sheep
crossing the road. She looked at the farmer & said, "If I can
guess how many sheep you have in your herd, will you give me one
of my choice?" The farmer agreed, so she thought about it and
said, "You have 352 sheep."
Surprised, the farmer said, "You're correct! I'll keep my end
of the bargain, go ahead and pick your sheep." The woman
thought about it and finally chose a small lamb which seemed
more playful than the others.
The farmer smiled and asked the woman, "If I can guess your true
hair color, can I have my dog back?"
==========Doug Arendt, 12/13/96==========
On Mon, 9 Dec 1996 16:22:48 -0600, "Thomas M. Logan Forsyth"
<tfor...@odin.cbu.edu> wrote:
>
>
>On Mon, 9 Dec 1996, Bill Ryder wrote:
>
>> cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>>
>> >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My
father has told me
>> >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting
desperate. Please
>> >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do,
pleaaaase leave out
>> >the cuss words.
>> >Sincerly,
>> >Becky
>>
>> How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
>> because it said CONCENTRATE.
>>
>>
Duke Hayes
Chris Carkner wrote:
>
> On Mon, 9 Dec 1996, Bill Ryder wrote:
>
> > cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
> >
> > >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
> > >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
> > >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
> > >the cuss words.
> > >Sincerly,
> > >Becky
While driving down a country road one day Mary, a blonde of very strong
character, saw something strange in the field next to the road. She
stopped to investigate. She found another blonde in a row boat furiously
rowing in the grass and getting nowhere. Mary was beside herself. She
jumped up on the fence railing and yelled at the girl, "Stop it this
instant. It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. And if I
could swim I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind..."
Joe Blake
Chris Carkner <car...@sage.edu> wrote:
>On Mon, 9 Dec 1996, Bill Ryder wrote:
>> cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>>
>> >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
>> >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
>> >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
>> >the cuss words.
>> >Sincerly,
>> >Becky
>>
>> How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
>> because it said CONCENTRATE.
>>
>>
>>
>-Chris Carkner
Dumb blondes are not necessarily only female. There is the blonde guy
who gave his girlfriend a Swiss Army Knife thinking it was an Edward
Scissorhand Doll.
Jimmie McEver
Are dumb blondes responsible for including an entire thread of quotes in
what should be a three-line post?
:-)
--
___________________________________________________________________
Jimmie G. McEver, III | Chairman, Student Advisory Council
638 Wood Ridge Court | Internet: gt8...@prism.gatech.edu
Atlanta, GA 30339 | Pager: (404) 833 - 1077
Eva Williams
>While driving down a country road one day Mary, a blonde of very strong
>character, saw something strange in the field next to the road. She
>stopped to investigate. She found another blonde in a row boat furiously
>rowing in the grass and getting nowhere. Mary was beside herself. She
>jumped up on the fence railing and yelled at the girl, "Stop it this
>instant. It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. And if I
>could swim I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind..."
Hee hee.Nice???
Jade
Eva Williams
>> > Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
>> > A: Not everyone has been on a 747.
>>
>>
>> Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
>> A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
>>
>> Q: What did the blonde say to King Kong?
>> A: Is it in yet?
>>
>>
>
>Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a Spaceship?
>A: The spaceship hasn't gone far enough.
>
Jade
Eva Williams
>> How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
>> because it said CONCENTRATE.
>>
>>
>>
>What do you all 12 blondes in a circle?
> A dope ring.
>
>What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
> Artificial Intelligence.
>
>What do you call blondes in a freezer?
> Frosted Flakes
>
>Why did the blonde write TGIF on her shoes?
> To remind her: Toes Go In First.
>
>Three women heard of a local legend that there was this bridge that if
>you jumped off of it and made a wish, it came true. So the 3 women, a
>blonde, a brunette,and a redhead, went to the bridge. The brunette jumps
>off and cries, "I wish I was a bird!" She turns into a bird and flies
>away. The redhead jumps off and cries, "I wish I was a fish!" She turns
>into a fish and swims away. The blonde jumps off and cries, "I wish I
>was a...crap! I forgot!" She turns into a crap and floats away.
>
>How does a blonde turn on the light in the morning?
> She opens the car door.
Jade
Eva Williams
callie
"Thomas M. Logan Forsyth" <tfor...@odin.cbu.edu> wrote:
>
>
>On Mon, 9 Dec 1996, Bill Ryder wrote:
>
>> cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>>
>> >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
>> >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
>> >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
>> >the cuss words.
>> >Sincerly,
>> >Becky
>>
>> because it said CONCENTRATE.
>>
>>
>>What is the difference between a blonde and a film?...
>>a film you can develop!
callie
<<Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a film?
<<A: A film can be developed.
callie
Robert Lewis
callie wrote:
>
> <<Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a film?
> <<A: A film can be developed.
or: A: A film has only limited exposure.
Zdislav V. Kovarik
In article <59e570$s...@hawk.pix.za>, callie <cj...@pixie.co.za> wrote:
><<Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a film?
><<A: A film can be developed.
Q: How did the blond guy figure out that his girlfriend had 61 lovers
before him?
A: She called him her 62nd lover.
bill
bill
bill
Eva Williams wrote:
>
> >> How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
> >> because it said CONCENTRATE.
> >>
> >>
> >>
bill
bill
Bob Cardenas
On 20 Dec 1996, Zdislav V. Kovarik wrote:
> In article <59e570$s...@hawk.pix.za>, callie <cj...@pixie.co.za> wrote:
> ><<Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a film?
> ><<A: A film can be developed.
>
> Q: How did the blond guy figure out that his girlfriend had 61 lovers
> before him?
> A: She called him her 62nd lover.
> Well figure out what you want to do. Either lover or liver.
Donna DeLeon
Lionel Kennaugh <Lionel....@pixie.co.za> wrote:
>BLONDE JOKES
>1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
> A: Gifted!
>
>2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
> A: Alone.
>
>3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
> A: Pregnant.
>
>4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
> A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
>
>5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
> A: Artificial intelligence.
>
>6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
> A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
> A2: By doing the splits.
>
>7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
> A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
>
>8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
> A: Nothing. They've never met.
>
>9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
> A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
>
>10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
> A: After a dye job.
>
>11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
> A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
> A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown
>around
> too much.
>
>12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
> A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
>
>13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
> A: You can park in the handicap zone.
>
>14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
> A: An IN-body experience!
>
>15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
> A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
>
>16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
> recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
> A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
>
>17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
> A: Humpme Dumpme.
>
>18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
> A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
>
>19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
> A: Shine a torch in her ears.
>
>20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
> A: It takes too long to retrain them.
>
>21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
> A: There's white-out on the screen.
> Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
> A: There's writing on the white-out.
>
>22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
> A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
>
>23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
> A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
>go
> down on you.
>
>24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
> A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
>
>25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
> A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
>
>26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
> A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
>
>27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
> A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
>
>28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
> A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
> little packages.
>
>29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
>head?
> A: All you can eat, under a buck.
>
>30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
> A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
>
>31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
> A1: They can't find the zipper.
> A2: They cant find the pull tab.
>
>32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
> A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
>
>33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
> A: To put their feet through.
>
>34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
>attractive?
> A: Her ankles.
>
>35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
> A: Because red means stop.
>
>36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
> A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
>
>37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
> A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
>
>38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
> A: They chip their teeth.
>
>39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
> A: They make good ankle warmers.
>
>40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
> A: Remove their underwear.
>
>41. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini
>skirts?
> A: Cause their balls show!
>
>42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
> A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
>
>43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
> A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
>
>44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
> A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
>
>45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
> A: Has that blonde gone yet?
> A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
> A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
>
>46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
> A: Because they can spell it.
>
>47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax
>now in
> effect in Canada)
> A: Because they can spell it.
>
>48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
> A: 69 plus G.S.T.
>
>49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
> A: Toes Go In First.
>
>50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
> A: Tits Go In Front.
>
>51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
> A: An interpreter.
>
>52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
> A: A mental block.
>
>53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
> A1: Blow in her ear.
> A2: Buy her another beer.
>
>54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
> A: "Have another beer."
>
>55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
> A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
>
>56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
> A1: Introduces themself.
> A2: Walks home.
>
>57. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
> A: Fertilized.
>
>58. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
> A: Unfertilized.
>
>59. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
> A: Opens the car door.
>
>60. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
> A: Kick open the car door.
>
>61. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
> A: More head room.
>
>62. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
> A: More leg room.
>
>63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
> A: Bucket seats.
>
>64. Q: What do blondes say after sex?
> A1: "Thanks, Guys!"
> A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
> A3: Do you guys all play for the <team name>?
> A4: Who were all those guys?
>
>65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
> A: Because everybody gets a turn.
>
>66. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
> A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
>
>67. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before
>having sex?
> A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
>
>68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
> A: *Who cares?*
>
>69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
> A: So they know when to stop having sex!
>
>70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
> A1: She drops her nail-file!
> A2: Who cares?
> A3: She says, "Next".
> A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
> A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
> A6: I mean, who really cares?
> A7: The batteries have run out.
>
>71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
> A: "Thanks for the refill!"
>
>72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
> A: Data transfer.
>
>73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
> A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
>
>74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
> A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
> what she did with her pencil.
>
>75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress
>(reading her
> nametag) ?
> A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
>
>76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
> A1: Because they don't know any better.
> A2: They are easier to keep amused.
>
>77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
> A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
> A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
> A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
>
>78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
> A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
>
>79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
> A: A wine cellar.
>
>80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
> A: Peroxide.
>
>81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
> A: They're doing research on black holes.
>
>82. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
> A1: They both have a black box.
> A2: Both have a cockpit.
>
>83. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
> A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
>
>84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
> A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
>
>85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
> A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
>
>86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
>
>87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
> A: A wind tunnel.
>
>88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
> A: A dope ring.
>
>89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
> blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
> Who picks it up?
> A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa
>Claus,
> the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
> A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the
>Tooth
> Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a
>gum
> wrapper.
>
>90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
> A: To see what was on the other side.
>
>91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
> A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
>
>92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
> A: So they know what day of the week it is.
>
>93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
> A: Because it kept falling out.
>
>94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
> A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
>
>95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits
>the
> ground first?
> A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
>
>96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
> A: Her IQ goes up!
>
>97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
> A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
>
>98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
> A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
>
>99. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
> A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
>
>100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
> A: Butter is difficult to spread.
>
>101. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
> A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
> A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
> A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have
> three holes to poke.
> A4: You don't eat your bowling ball
>
>102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
> A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
>
>103. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
> A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
>
>104. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
> A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
>
>105. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
> A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
>
>106. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
> A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
>
>107. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke
>of
> York?
> A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
>
>108. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
> A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
> won't follow you around for a week.
>
>109. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
> A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
>
>110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
> A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
>
>111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
> A: They're both empty from the neck up.
>
>112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
> A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
>
>113. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
> A: So she could lip read.
>
>114. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
> A: They both have black roots.
>
>115. Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
> A: Sweet Fuck All...
>
>116. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
> A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
> A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
> A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
>
>117. Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool?
> A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
>
>118. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
> A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
>
>119. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
> A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
> A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
> A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
>
>120. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
> A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
>
>121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
> A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
>
>122. Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
> A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
> I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
>
>123. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her
>thoughts?
> A: Change.
>
>124. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
> A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
>
>125. Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry?
> A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
>
>126. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
> A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to
>do.
>
>127. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
> A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
>
>128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
> A: She threw it off a cliff.
>
>129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
> A: She drowns it.
>
>130. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
>jigsaw
> puzzle in only 6 months?
> A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
>
>131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
> A: "Nice tits!"
>
>132. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
> A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
>
>133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
> A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
>
>134. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
> A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
>
>135. Q: Why do blondes have legs?
> A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
> A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
> A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
>
>136. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around
> and come home?
> A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a
> television.
>
>137. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
> A1: The blonde!
> A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
>
>138. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
> A: Flattered.
>
>139. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
> A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
>
>140. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked
> up by "the fuzz"?
> A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."
>
>141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
> A: Frosted Flakes.
>
>142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
> A: Frosted Flakes.
>
>143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
> A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
>
>144. Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and
> a terrorist?
> A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
>
>145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of
>Cheerios?
> A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
>
>146. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
> A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
> A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
>
>147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?
> A: Because they always burn their nipples.
>
>148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
> A: She kept having affairs with men!
>
>149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
> A: To cover up the valve stem.
>
>150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
> A: Spot.
>
>151. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
> A: A Space Invader.
>
>152. Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
> A: Air Supply.
>
>153. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
> A: The back of her head.
>
>154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
> A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
>
>155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
> A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
>
>156. Q: Why did God create blondes?
> A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
> Q: Why did God create brunettes?
> A: Neither could the blondes.
>
>157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
> A: Branch Manager.
>
>158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
> A: She fell out of the tree.
>
>159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
> A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
> A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
> if they're going to work or coming home.
>
>160. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
> A: A blonde electrician.
>
>161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
> A1: So brunettes can remember them.
> A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
> A3: So men can understand them.
>
>162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
> A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
>
>163. Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
> A1: A golden retriever.
> A2: A labrador.
> A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
>
>164. Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
> A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
>
>165. Q: Why do blondes have periods?
> A: They deserve them.
>
>166. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
> A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
>
>167. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
> A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
>
>168. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
> A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
>
>169. Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
> A: She liked to be filled with cream.
>
>170. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
> A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for
>bait?"
>
>171. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
> A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
>
>172. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
> A: By the ears.
>
>173. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip
>cookies?
> A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
>
>174. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
> A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
>
>175. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
> A: Proofreading.
>
>176. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
> A: For throwing out the W's.
>
>177. Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
> A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
>
>178. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
> A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
>
>179. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
> A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
>
>180. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe
>of sly
> pygmies?
> A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.
>
>181. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama
>Canal?
> A: One's a busy ditch.
>
>182. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
> A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
>
>183. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
> A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
> blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
>
>184. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket
>trolley?
> A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
>
>185. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
> A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
>
>186. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
> A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
>
>187. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
> and a blonde?
> A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
> The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
> The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling
>beige."
>
>188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
> A: Tell her she's pregnant.
> Q: What will she ask you?
> A: "Is it mine?"
>
>189. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
> A: An air bag.
>
>190. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a
>blonde
> drives a car?
> A: Cause she blows the horn!
>
>191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
> A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
>
>192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
> A: To turn the blinker off.
>193. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
> A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
>
>194. Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech,
>varoom...screech,
> varoom...screech.....?
> A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a
>flashing
> red light.
>
>195. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
> A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
>
>196. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to
>death
> in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
> A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
>
>197. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
> A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
>
>198. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
> A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression
>in her
> forehead.
>
>199. Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
> A: She can't say "No".
>
>200. Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto
>Rican?
> A: Retardo.
>201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
>learning?
> A: A visitor.
>
>202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
> A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
>
>203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
> A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses'
>faces.
>
>204. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
> A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
>
>205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
> A: Perri-air.
>
>206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
> A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still
>stuck.
>
>207. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
> A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
>
>208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
> A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
>
>209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
> A: The Air Pump!
>
>210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
> A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
>
>211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
> A: Because she got an F in sex.
>
>212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
> A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
>
>213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
> A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
> A2: I don't know.
> R: Neither did she.
>
>214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
> A: She missed.
>
>215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
> where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
>
>216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
> a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
> she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
>
> On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
> "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she
> had cleaned 43 restrooms.
>
>217. How about the suicide blonde,
> she dyed by her own hand.
>
>218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette
> says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops,
> looks up, and says, "Where?"
>
>219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
> wrong way on a one-way street.
> Cop: Do you know where you were going?
> Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
> people were leaving.
>
>220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
> "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
> "Driver's licence? What's that?..."
> "It's a little card with your picture on it."
> "Oh, duh! Here it is..."
> "May I have your car insurance?"
> "What's that?..."
> "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
> "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
> The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
> exclaims:
> "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
>
>221. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then
>we
> could do without the ironing lady.
> Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could
>do
> without the gardener.
>
>222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
> Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
> Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
> Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
> Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
>
>223. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
> them decides to call 911:
>
> Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
> Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
> Blonde: Yes.
> Operator: The power in the house in on?
> Blonde: Of course.
> Operator: And the switch is on?
> Blonde: Yes, yes.
> Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
> Blonde: No, it's working fine.
> Operator: Then what's the problem?
> Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
> we all fell and hurt ourselves.
>224. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
> He wanted to know who the other man was...
>
>225. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a
> redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the
> mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,
>"I'm
> going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and
>got
> really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was
>too
> tired to go on, so she drowned.
> The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she
>made
> it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay
>here
> and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot
>more
> endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she
>even
> got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she
>drowned.
> So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I
>think
> I'd better try to make it, too." So she sw
What does latex paint and a blonde have in common?
Neither are too bright and they both spread real easy.
shadow
Robert Lewis wrote:
>
> callie wrote:
> >
> > <<Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a film?
> > <<A: A film can be developed.
>
Q: whats the difference between an australian and a bucket of yogurt??
A: the yogurt has culture.
Payam Minoofar
Eva Williams (igu...@po.pacific.net.sg) wrote:
: >> > Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
: >> > A: Not everyone has been on a 747.
What do a bleach blond and a 747 have in common?
They both have black boxes.
: >>
: >>
: >> Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
: >> A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
: >>
: >> Q: What did the blonde say to King Kong?
: >> A: Is it in yet?
: >>
: >>
: >
: >Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a Spaceship?
Bob Cardenas
On Sun, 22 Dec 1996, shadow wrote:
> Robert Lewis wrote:
> >
> > callie wrote:
> > > MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTION
QUESTION: What is the difference between a blonde and a film?
ANSWER:<A: A film can be developed.
> > or<<B: A film has only limited exposure.
> or<<C: A film heroine only gets it in the end.
>
>
> Q: whats the difference between an australian and a bucket of yogurt??
> A: the yogurt has culture.
>
That pun has soured me on jokes forever!
Stuart A. Bronstein
Do you mean that women will necessarily drive us to drink?
Stu
Bob Cardenas
> (from the Grateful Dead) *"What a loooong strange trip it's been".*
>
Todd Gibbings
q. What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?
a. A brunette with bad breath
Lou or Annette Hinshaw
ryd...@ebtech.net (Bill Ryder) wrote:
>cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>>I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
>>the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
>>send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
>>the cuss words.
>>Sincerly,
>>Becky
>How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
>because it said CONCENTRATE.
what's black and red and lays around and whines?
A brunette that told one blonde joke too many.
Cascade Connection
Duke Hayes (dha...@vcd.hp.com) wrote:
: Chris Carkner wrote:
: >
: >
: > > cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
: > >
: > > >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
: > > >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
: > > >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
: > > >the cuss words.
: > > >Sincerly,
: > > >Becky
: While driving down a country road one day Mary, a blonde of very strong
::Why do Blondes paint TGIF on their shoes?
To remind them...toes go in first!
--
Irene e-mail: cas...@freenet.npiec.on.ca
Morphesius
Seen on a T-shirt:
"I'm a natural blonde.
Please speak slowly, and distinctly."
Morphesius
Zdislav V. Kovarik
In article <32cd3efe...@news.earthlink.net>,
Morphesius <Morph...@usa.net> wrote:
: Seen on a T-shirt:
:
: "I'm a natural blonde.
: Please speak slowly, and distinctly."
:
: Morphesius
"Thanks to today's advances in chemistry, the number of natural blondes
has increased considerably". Who said this?
(Not me, Slavek(ZVK))
Mazen
Bill Ryder wrote:
>
> cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>
> >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
> >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
> >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
> >the cuss words.
> >Sincerly,
> >Becky
>
> because it said CONCENTRATE.
emm, if you are gay only I can tell you alot of blonde jokes.
Chris Baker
Blode Jokes (696)
1. How do you measure a blonde's IQ?
With a tire guage!
2. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
3. Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they saw a sign that read,
"Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.
4. Why do blondes wear ponytails?
So people won't see the valve on their head.
5. Two blondes were walking around when they saw some tracks. One blonde say=
s,
"They're moose tracks."
The other blonde says,"No, they're deer tracks."
"No, they're moose tracks!"
"Deer tracks!"
They kept arguing until the train ran them over.
6. A smart blonde, a dumb blonde, Santa Claus, and the Easter bunny were
walking along when they saw $100. Who got the money?
The dumb blonde because the other three don't exist.
(See joke 168 for a slightly different punch line)
7. How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.
8. How can you tell blondes are so bias?
They keep going, "Buy us this," "Buy us that."
9. What's the difference between the following two sounds: A punctured
balloon and a blonde with a hole in her head?
None.
10. What sound does a blonde going through a flashing red light make?
Screech. Vrrmmm. Screech. Vrmmm.
11. Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
Instant intelligence!
12. Why don't blondes like the S.A.T.?
It's too difficult to spell.
13. Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes?
So they remember 'Toe Goes in First'
14. Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
They can't get all that water in the little package.
15. Why did the blonde stare at the carton of Orange Juice?
It said 'concentrate'
16. What's the first things blondes do in the morninng?
They go home!
17. What's a blonde's favorite saying?
'I don't know'
18. Why do blonde's wear shoulder pads?
To protect their head when saying 'I don't know' (This joke requires that
special visual element)
19. What do you call a brunette and two blondes standing on a corner?
Regular price, four bucks, four bucks
20. What do a blonde reading a book and people in a silent movie have in com=
mon?
Their lips are moving but no sound is coming out!
21. Did you hear about the blonde who went hot air ballooning?
She stepped to close to the campfire! (C'mon, think about it=8A)
22. What do blondes and McDonald's have in common?
Over five billion served!
23. Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
24. Did you hear about the blonde who was blind for ten years?
It was really sad. One morning she just forgot to open her eyes.
25. What do a blonde and a burnt out light bulb have in common?
One's just as bright as the other!
26. Why'd the blonde bury her driver's license?
Because it had expired!
27. How do you make a blonde laugh on Sunday?
You tell her a joke on Thursday!
28. What do you get when you cross a blonde with a brunette?
Artificial Intelligence!!!
29. How do you tell the difference between a smart blonde and a dumb blonde?
Wait a minute: I forgot. (This note only works if a blonde tells it)
30. How does a horny guy spell relief?
B-L-O-N-D-E!!!
31. Do you hear about the blonde who woke up next to a guy in a baseball cap=
?
She looked around bewildered and asked, "Where's the rest of the team?"
32. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
33. What does a blonde wear around her neck to attract men?
Her ankles.
34. Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her boyfriend's car?
She burned her mouth.
35. Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
More head-room.
36. How can you tell if a blonde has just been using a computer?
There's white-out on the screen!
37. What's the first thing a blonde/sorority girl does in the morning?
Introduce herself and walk home!
38. How do you get a blonde to be quiet?
Just say to her: "A penny for your thoughts."
39. Why'd the blonde faint?
She forgot to breathe.
40. Did you hear about the blonde who thought she discovered that she had a
twin sister?
She didn't realize she was looking in a mirror.
41. Why don't blondes like audio-books?
There aren't any pictures.
42. Why don't blondes like to be wined and dined?
They don't like to listen to other people's problems.
43. What do members of a good basketball team playing a bad basketball team
have in common with a roomful of men and a blonde?
Everybody scores!!!
44. Why didn't the blonde go in the building?
She heard it was four stories and she didn't like to read.
45. What's a blonde's mating call?
'I'm so drunk.'
46. How many blondes does it take to make a smart blonde?
It can't be done!
47. How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
Blow in her ear, if she's a real blonde she starts to float!
48. How do you keep a blonde entertained indefinitely?
Give her a 'Where's Waldo' book...
49. What's the first thing a blonde does when you pick her up for a date?
She heads for the backseat of your car!
50. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!!!
51. Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
They heard under seventeen weren't admitted!!!
52. A gorgeous young blonde woman gets sick and tired of men trying to pick
her up in bars because she's beautiful, blonde, and so men thought she was
easy. One she decides to show everyone. She goes home and decides to
smarten herself up. She decides to learn the capitals of all the fifty
states. Week after week she practices until she knows them all. Finally,
she is once again ready to go back to the bar. She sits down and after a
few seconds a guy comes up to her and starts hitting on her. It is soon
evident that he just wants to take her home and have sex with her.
The lovely blonde says emphatically, "But I'm not just beautiful! I'm
smart too!!"
"Yeah, yeah. I believe you," says the young stud. "Now let's go."
Again she protests. "No, really I am smart. I know the capitals of all the
states."
The guy starts walking away, getting sick of her.
She follows him. "Really, go ahead ask me a state. I'll give you its
capitol and show you how smart I am."
Just to get rid of her, the guy says, "Fine. What's the capital of New Mexi=
co?"
The breathtaking blonde looks at him proudly and says. "New Mexico has two
capitals: 'N' and 'M'."
53. Why didn't the blonde go to the movies on buck night?
Because she couldn't fit the deer into her car!
54. What's a brunette that smells bad?
A blonde upside down.
55. How do you make a blonde confused?
Hand her a bag of M&Ms and ask her to alphabetize them.
56. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde (all pregnant) are sitting around
trying to figure out what sex their babies will be.
The redhead says, "I always have sex on the bottom and I heard if you do
that you'll have a girl."
The brunette said, "I always have sex on top so I must be going to have a b=
oy."
The blonde pondered this a minute then began sobbing. "Oh no! I'm going to
have puppies!"
57. Three pregnant women, again a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, are
sitting in a room trying to figure out who's the father of their babies.
The brunette says "My baby's either Steve's or Jim's."
The redhead says "Mine's either John's or Bob's."
The blonde thought for a moment then said in a puzzled voice "I wonder if
it's mine."
58. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were sitting around trying to
compare their boyfriends to brands of pop.
The redhead said, "My boyfriend's like 7-Up. He's seven inches long and
he's always up."
The brunette said, "My boyfriend's like Mountain Dew. He loves to do it in
the mountains all the time."
The blonde said, "My boyfriend's like Jack Daniels."
The brunette cut in, "You can't use Jack Daniels. That's a hard liquor."
A smile crossed the blonde's face. "I know."
59. What do you call a blonde that just won the lottery?
Easy money!!!
60. What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!
61. What's the difference between a blonde and a limo?
Not everyone's been in a limo!
62. What's a blonde's mating call?
I'm drunk! Someone take me home!
63. What's the difference between a turtle on its back and a blonde on her's=
?
Nothing. They're both screwed.
64. Why are all blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can understand them!!!
65. How do blondes spell 'farm?'
E-I-E-I-O!!!!
66. How do you drown a blonde?
Either put a mirror or a scratch and sniff on the bottom of a swimming pool=
!
67. Do you know the brunette's mating call?
Has the damned blonde left yet???
68. How many brunettes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but they have to be really, really small to fit in a light bulb.
69. A blonde and a brunette jump off of the Empire State building. Who
lands first?
The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
70. Why do blondes like Christmas?
It's the only time they can get gifts without having to lay on their backs!
71. Why did the blonde become a Muslim?
She thought: "What the hell? I'm on my knees all the time anyway."
72. Did you hear about the blonde whose navel was surrounded by ugly bruises=
?
Her boyfriend was blonde, too.
73. How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
74. How does a blonde part their hair?
Open her legs or
75. By doing the splits
76. What do Darren Millane (Collingwood football player killed in a recent
car crash) and a blonde have in common?
Put either of 'em in a car and they're screwed.
77. What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
All you can eat under a buck!
78. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
They have to have some place to rest their ankles!
or
79. To put their feet through.
80. Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
Because red means, 'Stop! Wrong hole.'
81. How can yo tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
By the lipstick on your cucumbers!
82. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.
83. Why do blondes wear underwear?
They make good anklewarmers!
84. What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.
or
85. Remove their pantyhose
86. Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini-skirts?
Because their testicles show!
87. Why do blondes use tampons with extra long strings?
So the crabs can go bungee jumping.
88. How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with
her pencil.
89. Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
They're doing research on black holes.
90. What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
They both have a black box.
or
91. Both have a cockpit.
92. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
or
93. If a computer goes down on you it's a bad thing.
94. How does a psychic refer to a blonde?
Light reading.
95. How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone.
96. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
97. Why aren't blondes good cattle-herders/cowboys?
They can't even keep their own two calves together!
98. What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met.
99. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash your vegetables!
100. When does a brunette have half a brain?
After a dye job.
101. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just dyed her hair.
or
102. She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too
much.
103. Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.
104. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.
105. What was the blonde psychic's gretest achievement?
An IN-body experience!
106. What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme!
107. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear!
108. How do you get a blonde's eyes to twinkle?
Shine a torch in her ears!
109. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes to long too retrain them!
110. How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out!
111. What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
112. How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads!
113. How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads!
114. Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packag=
es!
115. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar!
116. Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper!
or
117. They can't find the pull tab!
118. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop!
119. What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
(Screaming) I said: I'm drunk!
120. How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was run over by the zamboni machine.
121. What's a brunette's mating call?
When is that blonde bitch going to leave?
or
122. All the blondes have gone home!
123. Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
124. Why do blondes like the GST (Goods and Services Tax now in effect in
Canada)?
Because they can spell it.
125. What is 74 to a blonde?
69 plus GST!
126. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
127. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter!
128. What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block!
129. How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.
or
130. Buy her another beer.
131. What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
"Have another beer."
132. What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
Pack their lunch and send them to work!
133. What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduces herself!
134. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
Fertilized!
135. How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilized!
136. Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
More leg room!
137. What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
Bucket seats!
138. What do blondes say after sex?
"Thanks, guys!"
or
139. "Are you boys all in the same band?"
or
140. "Do you guys all play for the [insert team name here]?"
or
141. "Who were all those guys?"
142. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Everybody gets a turn!
143. Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country!
144. What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
145. Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
Who cares?
146. Why do blondes have orgasms?
So then know when to stop having sex.
147. How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
She drops her nail-file!
or
148. Who cares?
or
149. She says, "Next!"
or
150. The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
or
151. He's had his clothes for about two minutes.
or
152. I mean, who really cares?
or
153. The batteries have run out.
154. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
Thanks for the refill.
155. What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Data transfer.
156. What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress when reading
her nametag?
"Debbie=8Athat's cute. What did you name the other one?"
157. Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.
or
158. They are easier to keep amused.
or
159. Because they are easier to find in the dark.
160. What's a blonde's favorite wine?
"Daddy! I want to go to Miami!"
161. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A whine cellar.
162. Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.
163. What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.
164. What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
"Gee, are you sure it's mine?"
165. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
166. What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
167. What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.
168. Santa Claus, the Easter=20Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a
dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground.
Who gets it?
Nobody. The first four don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a
gum wrapper.
(See Joke 6 for a slightly different punchline)
169. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
170. Why do blondes take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.
171. Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
172. What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
Her IQ goes up!
173. What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
174. What's the difference between a Porsche and a blonde?
You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
175. What's the difference between a toothbrush and a blonde?
You don't let your best friend use your toothbrush.
176. What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
Butter is difficult to spread.
177. A state trooper pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding.
While he is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license
is. ("You know, that little card in your wallet that has that picture of
you on it?") he has come to the decision that she is a pretty hot babe.
=46inally, after she gives him her driver's license, he asks for
registration. Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains,
"It's that little piece of paper with you get with your car and you keep it
in the glove compartment." Excited "Ah," she says as she bends over to get
it. While she is tearing throught the glove compartment, the officer unzips
his pants and pulls his 'member' out. Excited that she had found her
registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her
face and she says, "Oh, no!!! Not another breathalizer test!"
178. What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball!
or
179. There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke=
!
or
180. You don't eat your bowling ball!
181. What do a blonde and a bowling ball have in common?
Chances are they'll both end up in up in the gutter!
182. What is the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many men went down on the Titanic!
183. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted!
184. What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
It costs $.30 to use a telephone!
185. What's the difference between a blonde and and a guy?
The blonde guy has a higher sperm count!
186. What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
187. Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow
you around for a week!
188. What do blondes and cow-patties have in common?
They both get easier to pick-up with age!
189. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
The more you bang it, the loser it gets!
190. What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck out!
191. What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
They both wriggle when you eat them!
192. Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
So she could lip read!
193. What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
They both have black roots!
194. What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
Sweet Fuck All...
195. How do you drown a blonde?
Don't tell her to swallow.
196. Boyfriend: "Why do you never scream my name when you come?" Blonde:
"Because you're never there when it happens."
197. Why do blondes have square breasts?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
198. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
Ten. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
or
199. Three. One to make batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
or
200. Two. One to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
201.=09How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
202. What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
203. What's the blonde's cheer?
"I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N=8A, ah, oh, well=8A I'm blonde, I'm
blonde, yea, yea, yea=8A"
204. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
205. How does a blonde moonwalk?
She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor.
206. Why do blondes find it difficult to get married?
Because men don't have to marry them for sex.
207. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
208. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once every month?
Because it says on the package "Good for up to 20lbs."
209. How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
By throwing it off of a cliff.
210. How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
By drowning it.
211. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle
in only six months?
Because on the box it said 'From 2-4 Years.'
212. What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
Nice tits!
213. How does a blonde high-five?
She smacks herself in the forehead!
214. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
215. Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
216. Why do blondes have legs?
So they don't get stuck to the ground.
or
217. To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
or
218. So they don't leave trails, like snails.
219. Why did the blonde go halfway to Norway and then turn around and come h=
ome?
It took her that long to discover that a 14" Viking was a television.
220. What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
The blonde.
or
221. The other guys waiting for their turn.
222. How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
223. Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They always forget what comes after the 9 in 911.
224. What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by
'the fuzz?'
"No, but I've been swung around by the tits."
225. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
Frosted flakes. (I don't get this one either)
226. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
Frosted flakes.
227. How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A 69 interrupted by a period.
228. What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terroris=
t?
You can negotiate with a terrorist!
229. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh, look!" "Donut seeds!"
230. Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
or
231. So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
232. Why don't blondes breast feed?
Because they always burn their nipples.
233. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men.
234. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.
235. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A space invader.
236. What's a blonde's favorite rock group?
Air Supply
237. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.
238. Why do blonde's drive VWs?
Because they can't spell Porsche
239. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
Tell them a joke on Friday night.
240. Why did God create blondes?
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
241. Why did God create brunettes?
Neither could the blondes.
242. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A branch manager.
243. How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
244. Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
or
245. So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to
work or coming home.
246. What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A blonde=20electrician.
247. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them.
or
248. Because blondes are so shallow a long joke wouldn't fit.
or
249. So men can understand them.
250. Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children.
251. What do call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
or
252. A labrador.
or
253. An indicator of a really bad hangover.
254. Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
255. Why do blondes have periods?
They deserve them.
256. Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
257. Why did the blonde smile when she walked down the marriage aisle?
She realized she gave her last blow-job.
258. What did the blonde do when she got her first period?
Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.
259. Why did they call the blonde 'twinkie?'
She like to be filled with cream.
260. What did the blonde say to the physicist?
"Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
261. Why are blondes like corn flakes?
Because they're simple, easy, and they taste good.
262. How does a blonde hold her liquor?
By the ears.
263. How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
264. What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
265. Do you know why the blonde tried to steal a police car?
She saw '911' and thought that it was a Porsche.
266. What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide-and-seek champ.
267. How do you get a blonde pregnant?
Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
268. What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly
pygmies?
One's a bunch of cunning runts and the other's=8Anot.
269. What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez and Panama Canals?
One's a busy ditch.
270. What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
271. What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
In the morning a rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-dooo," while a blonde says,
"Any cock'll doooo."
272. What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket cart?
The supermarket cart has a mind of its own.
273. What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
Your job still sucks after six months.
274. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blond=
e?
The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nymphomaniac says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige=8AI think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
275. How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her that she's pregnant.
276. What will she ask you when you tell her that she's pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
277. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
An air bag.
278. Why are there lip stick stains on the sterring wheel after a blonde
drives a car?
Because she blows the horn.
279. What does a blonde say when asked if her blinker light is on?
It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off...
280. Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.
281. Did you hear about the blonde couple that was found frozen to death in
their car at a drive-in movie theatre?
They went to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
282. How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
By the buckle print on her forehead.
283. How can you tell who is the blonde's boyfriend?
He's the one with belt buckle that matches the impression her forehead.
284. What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
She can't say 'No.'
285. What did you name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
Retardo.
286. Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths."
Blonde: Yeth. And I'm not even thickteen yet
287. A guy walks into a bar. "Ouch!"
A blonde walks into a bar. "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!=8A"
288. What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.
289. Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aids.
290. How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
291. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.
292. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
Perri-air.
293. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
294. Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
295. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
296. What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
The Air Pump!
297. Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an F in sex.
298. What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
299. Why did the blonde cross the road?
Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom/kitchen!?
or
300. I don't know.
or
301. Neither did she.
302. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.
303. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where
the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
304. On a trip a blonde drives past a sign reading "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8
MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
305. Did you hear about the suicide blonde?
She dyed by her own hand.
306. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says
suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, and
says, "Where?"
307. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong
way on a one-way street.
Cop: "Do you know where you were going?"
Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were
leaving."
308. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
309. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them
decides to call 911:
Blonde: "We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb."
Operator: "Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?"
Blonde: "Yes."
Operator: "The power in the house is on?"
Blonde: "Of course."
Operator: "And the switch is on?"
Blonde: "Yes, yes."
Operator: "And the bulb still won't light up?"
Blonde: "No, it's working fine."
Operator: "Then what's the problem?"
Blonde: "We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt
ourselves."
310. Did you hear about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...
311. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead,
and a blonde.
The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20
miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So
she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from
the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I
guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve."
So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the
brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15
miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd
better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles,
NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said,
"I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
312. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the
blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out,
I'll sink?"
313. A blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was
wrong and the blonde=20said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (=
a
blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the
bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can have sex with the best of them. But
he says I can't cook."
314. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde #1: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
Blonde #2: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to
rain and the top is down!"
315. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird
flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit
me right in the face!!!"
or
316. "Good thing that cows don't fly."
317. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly
Gates, she met St. Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you
have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but St. Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said St. Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting=8A What made you say that?" asked St. Peter.
Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy
tells me=8A"
318. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a
book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume
seven of the encyclopedia...
319. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
320. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the barten=
der:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
321. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun -- they
just don't remember who with.
322. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a
blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde
turned to her friend and said, "You know, it's blondes like that that give
us a bad name!"
To this the other blonde replied "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd
go out there and drown her."
or another version
323. There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The
announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was
mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another
blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car
jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a
bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to
you!"
324. . then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan
"Billions Served -- just today"
325. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day?
She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
326. Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
The rest are hunt'n peckers.
327. What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
An air bag.
328. Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.
329. Why do blondes work seven days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
330. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
(see joke 627 for a similar punchline)
331. What is foreplay for a blonde?
Thirty minutes of begging.
332. What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
333. What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
You need a quarter to use the phone.
or
334. Only one person can use the phone at once.
335. What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.
336. What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
It's OK daddy. I'm not hurt.
337. Why did the Blonde=20get fired at the M & M factory?
Becasue she threw out all the W's.
338. How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
339. How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.
340. Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
Because he didn't want them shi**ing in the streets during parades.
341. How do you get a one
armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
342. How does a blonde get pregnant?
And I thought blondes were dumb!
343. What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A know-it-all bitch.
344. What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
One's a phony buck.
345. What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
346. What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period.
347. What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
An Italian suppository.
348. Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her butt when she stands?
Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.
349. What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-=
O?
Jell-O wiggles when you eat it.
350. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
or
351. Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it
gets blood.
352. Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
She was having sunny periods.
353. What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
Her feet!
354. How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
When she farts, her knees bag.
355. What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
Marriage.
356. How is a blonde like a frying pan?
You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
357. How do you describe the perfect blonde?
4 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
358. How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.
359. How do you paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
Marry her. (see joke #355 also)
360. Did you hear about the blonde that died drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
361. How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for French fries.
362. How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.
363. How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
364. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
365. What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
Lipstick.
366. Why does a blonde insist on a having a guy wearing a condom?
So she can have a doggie bag for later.
367. Why do men like blonde jokes??
Because they can understand them.
368. Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
369. (Asking a blonde) Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin
and a flat forehead?
(Blonde answering: puts finger on chin) I don't know. (Hits forehead) Oh I
get it!
370. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.
371. Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
From dating blonde men.
372. But why do brunettes take the pill ?
Wishful Thinking.
373. Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
374. Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
375. Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
They can't remember the number.
or
376. She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
377. What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A brunette with bad breath.
378. What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations.
379. What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
They pull up their pants.
380. What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
Air bubbles.
or
381. an air pocket.
382. What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a
street corner?
f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
383. What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A waste.
384. What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
An air mattress.
385. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A divorcee.
386. What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
387. What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?
388. What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
A brain tumor.
389. A guy's in bed with a blonde and asks her, "Do you smoke after sex?"
She replies, "I don't know; I never looked."
390. What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
Two brunettes.
391. What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
They both got screwed by 10 men whilst on holiday.
392. What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
He knows who the ten men were.
393. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
394. Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
Too many blondes were drowning.
395. Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
396. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
397. Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.
398. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
399. Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
Because she loved children.
400. If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
401. To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.
402. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third Grade.
403. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
404. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
405. Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...
406. Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
407. What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
408. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they're screwed.
409. How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry wo=
rry"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
410. Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
411. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She
passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
412. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in
six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
413. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.
or
414. Putting the car in park.
415. Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
416. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur
around the home?
She moved.
417. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.
418. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
419. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told
me she didn't know how to cook them.
420. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the
first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this
down and went to window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the
second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft
yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the rose window, opened it, and
yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The
painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN
SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side
up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod
across the street.
421. Did you hear about the blonde who:
1) had more on her body than on her mind?
2) was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
3) took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
4) got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
5) was an M.D.: Mentally Deficient?
6) had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
7) thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
8) was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
9) after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls=
?
10) went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
11) brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
12) thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease?
13) thought that a sanitary belt was a shot from a clean whiskey glass?
14) thought that intercourse was a state highway.
422. Blondes=8AThey take a lickin', and keep on=8ALickin!
423. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"
referred to her ears?
424. Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
425. At a car wash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out
at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off,
leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter, she
reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"
426. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His
boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you
handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's
positive comments he finally agrees. A blonde goes into the drug store to
buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the
pharmacist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box
of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I
wondered how they kept them on."
427. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display
and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he
use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind
for under his arms."
428. Another blonde in the porno shop: She asks, "How much for the white dil=
do?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before."
She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in
and asks, "How much for the black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm=8AI think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one
before=8A" She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are
your dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm=8A.how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo=8Ait'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never
had a plaid one before=8A." She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?=
"
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white
dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
429. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a
blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to
replenish his just spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right
before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he
sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and
says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
430. Blonde Medical Terminology:
Anally: occurring yearly
Artery: study of paintings
Bacteria: back door of cafeteria
Barium: what doctors do when treatment fails
Benign: what you be after you be eight
Bowel: letter like A.E.I.O.U
Cesarean section: district in Rome
Cat scan: searching for kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Colic: sheep dog
Coma: a punctuation mark
Congenital: friendly
D&C: where Washington is
Diarrhea: journal of daily events
Dilate: to live long
Enema: not a friend
Fester: quicker
Fibula: a small lie
Genital: non-Jewish
G.I. Series: soldiers' ball game
Grippe: suitcase
Hangnail: coathook
Impotent: distinguished, well known
Intense pain: torture in a teepee
Labor pain: got hurt at work
Medical staff: doctor's cane
Morbid: higher offer
Nitrate: cheaper than day rate
Node: was aware of
Outpatient: person who had fainted
Pap smear: fatherhood test
Pelvis: cousin of Elvis
Post operative: letter carrier
Protein: favoring young people
Rectum: damn near killed 'em
Recovery room: place to do upholstery
Rheumatic: amorous
Scar: rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion: hiding anything
Seizure: Roman emperor
Serology: study of knighthood
Tablet: small tablet
Terminal illness: sickness at airport
Tibia: country in North Africa
Tumor: an extra pair
Urine: opposite of you're out
Varicose: located nearby
Vein: conceited
431. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
432. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
Blow in her ear.
433. Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
To keep her ankles warm.
or
434. To keep her neck warm
435. How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her
cigarette.
436. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Way to go team!
437. How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
By the chipped tooth.
438. How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow.
439. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To keep from bruising their ears.
440. Why does a blondes bra say T.G.I.F?
Tits go in first.
441. Why do blondes have vaginas?
So guys will talk to them at parties.
442. What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
Rebel without a clue.
443. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
Full.
444. Imitation of a blonde refueling.. (Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
445. Why don't blonds breastfeed their babies?
It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
446. What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
"No, I just lie there."
447. What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
"Thanks, guys=8A"
448. What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
Air pockets.
449. Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel.
450. What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute and her four blonde frie=
nds?
Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
451. What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blond=
e?
"Space. The final frontier=8A=8A"
452. How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
Just One=8A Boomer Esiason. (circa 1991)
453. What's brown and red and black and blue?
A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
454. What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
455. Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
456. How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple
Leafs?
She fell out of the tree.
457. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought.
458. How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.
459. Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
She didn't know what ONE came first...
460. Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
or
461. Their mothers told them not to talk with their mouths full.
462. What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.
463. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that
her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and
Shoulders" andit cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do
you give shoulders?"
464. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
465. How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
466. How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
You lick'em, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
467. How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
468. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her
lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not
gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
469. What do you call a bunch of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A wine and cheese party!
470. Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
She wasn't used to the front seat!
471. (Visual Joke)
What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
"How do you shift this thing?" (said while making jacking off motions)
472. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.
473. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
474. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.
475. What's the difference between a lesbian finger-f**king a blonde and a
Schwinn at the side of the road?
One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
476. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
477. What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?
Far-from-thinkin.
478. Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
479. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.
480. Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?
She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the
Hymenlick Maneuver.
481. Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth!
482. What do a moped and a blond have in common?
They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
483.
STATE OF OHIO DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE
451 HIGH STREET George Voinovich Director
COLUMBUS, OH 43210 Ralph G. Pacheco Governor
=09
BULLETIN NO. 91
DATE: January 7, 1992
TO: All Ohio Insurance Agents
FROM: Ohio Department of Insurance
SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches Pursuant to the Ohio Department of
Motor Vehicles Act No. 97, all motor vehicles sold in the State of Ohio
after February 15, 1992, will be required to have the headlight dimmer
switch mounted to the floorboard. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a
position accessible to operation by pressing the switch by the left foot.
The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid
inadvertent operation or pedal confusion. Included in the above act and
beginning June 1, 1992, all other vehicles with steering column mounted
dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a floorboard mounted dimmer switch
of the type described above. The steering column mounted dimmer switch must
be disabled or removed from the vehicle. Vehicles which have not made this
change will fail the forthcoming Ohio Safety Inspection program which will
begin on this date. It is recognized that this will cause some hardship for
the driving public. However, this change is being made in the interest of
public safety. Ohio DMV Act 92 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the
prevalent dimmer system in use prior to the influx of foreign market
vehicles. A recent study entitled the "Inflation Sequence in Ohio Nighttime
Highway Traffic Accidents" was conducted jointly by the Ohio Department of
Motor Vehicles and the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicle Research. It has
shown that 96% of all Ohio nighttime highway accidents are caused by a
blonde getting her foot caught in the steering wheel=8A
484. A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane=
and pulls the cord
nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The
blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
485. How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
She sneezes.
486. What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was
composed by Rimsky-Korsakov?
"Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!
487. What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
Nail polish!
488. What's the fastest way to get a blonde pregnant?
Take her to the petting zoo.
489. How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house
490. What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
491. What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A vacant possession.
492. What did the blonde's dentist find?
Teeth in the cavity.
493. What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
She's trying to hold on to a thought.
494. What does a car fatality and a blonde have in common?
Put either in a car and they're fucked.
495. What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A padded dash.
496. Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens?
They couldn't find their eraser.
497. What is the most difficult thing to teach a blonde?
To count to twenty-eight. (Cycle of a period).
498. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell=8Ashe's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
499. Why did the blonde cross the road?
She wanted to see the geese because she heard honking!
500. Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
501. A blonde working in a office is constantly being kidded about how dumb
she is; so one evening she goes home and studies a map of the United
States. The next day she goes into the office and announces that she knows
all 50 states and their capitals. One of her office mates says, "OK, what's
the capitol of Wyoming?" and the blonde replies, "W."
502. How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last night
gave you a good blow-job?
The sheets are sucked up your ass.
503. Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke Lis=
t.
504. Blonde Inventions:
=8Awind-powered fan
=8Abattery-powered battery recharger
=8APerpetual machine-needs power plug!
=8AWind-powered air-conditioner
=8ARefrigerator for Eskimoes
=8ASteam bath that works only in the middle of the Sahara
=8AElectrically powered dynamo [Look at the extension cord she brought
attached to her bicycle wheel=8AQED]
=8Aejection seat for helicopter pilots
=8Asolar powered flashlight
=8Awater-proof hair dryer: saves time in the shower.
505. What's the mating call of the redhead?
"Next!"
506. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off.
507. Why do blondes prefer electric lawnmowers?
So they can find their way back to the house!
508. How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
509. How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
Come.
510. How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg.
511. How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to Londo=
n?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
512. How do you know a blond likes you?
She has sex with you two nights in a row.
513. How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still sticky.
514. Why is a blonde like Australia?
They're both down under, and no one cares.
515. Did you hear about the blonde that liked the number 77?
She likes to be 8 (ate) more.
516. Why don't blondes like anal sex?
They don`t like their brains being screwed with.
517. Why aren't blondes good at water-skiing?
When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
518. Why are blondes like pianos? When they aren't upright, they're grand.
519. Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
Who cares?
520. Why can't blondes count to 70?
Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
521. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
They spread for the bread.
522. What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
523. What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A foursome.
524. What do you give the blonde that has everything?
Penicillin
525. What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularit=
y?
B.J.
526. Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
527. Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.
528. Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
They have to pull their own pants down.
529. What do blonde virgins eat?
Baby food.
530. What is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
A prostitoad.
531. What is 68 to a blonde?
When she goes down on you and you owe her one.
532. Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
She wanted to go on a round trip.
533. Why did the blonde with a big vagina douche with crest?
She heard that it reduces cavities.
534. Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?
She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.
535. Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
She thought it was diet coke.
536. Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 1/2 days?
The recipe said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
537. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
538. Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
539. Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.
540. What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons =
?
You can also sit upright in a car.
541. What's the definition of a metallurgist?
A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.
542. What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
Vaseline and Poli-Grip.
543. What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead
animal (fill in type) /brunette/etc. in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the animal/brunette.
544. What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
Prostitutes don't drive Ferraris.
545. What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
Elvis has been sighted.
546. What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop.
547. What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
548. What's the difference between a blonde and a bitch?
A blonde will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but y=
ou.
549. What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a blonde
with diarrhea?
One shucks between fits.
550. What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.
551. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
or
552. A brick doesn't follow you around after it's been laid.
553. What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
Pubic hair.
554. What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her ur=
ine?
She peed on her corn flakes.
555. What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making
love to him?
"Funny, you don't feel Jewish."
556. What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already
written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.
557. What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
"Thanks for the refill."
558. What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
559. What can save a dying blonde?
Hair transplants.
560. What did the blonde say when she woke up under a cow?
What are you guys still doing here?
561. What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
562. What did the blonde think of her new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
563. What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
She stopped sucking.
564. What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the
delivery room?
I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.
565. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
566. What did the blonde say during a porno?
"There I am!"
567. How can you tell when a blonde is horny?
Stick your hand down her panties. If it feels like a horse eating oats,
she's horny.
568. What's the ultimate embarassment for a blonde?
When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector.
569. What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A hundred dollar bill.
570. Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
She loves having her picture taken (flashes, get it?).
571. How does the blonde car pool work?
They all meet at work at 7:45.
572. What happens when a blonde puts her panties on backwards?
She gets her ass chewed out.
573. Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
574. Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
575. Did you hear about the blonde that said she would do anything for a
fur coat?
Well, now she can't button it (prego).
576. Did you hear about the sophisticated blonde?
She thought her period was French Provincial.
577. Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an AM radio?
It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
578. Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend say that he loved her?
She believed him.
579. Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
It's called MAIDS -- if the don't get one, they die.
580. Did you hear about the blonde with a Masters degree in Psychology?
She'll blow your mind, too.
581. Did you hear about the new slogan for Miss Clairol's Hair Dye?
Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.
582. Did you hear about the conceited blonde?
She screams her own name when she comes.
583. Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
She tied up the safe and blew the guard.
584. Did you hear about the blonde who had an appendix operation?
Well, now she is making money on the side.
585. Did you hear about the scared blonde nurse down by the water?
She won't go down on the doc.
586. Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room
for a concussion and severe head wounds?
She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
587. Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
588. Did you hear about the blonde doctor?
She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.
589. Did you hear about the blonde that ate mountain oysters?
She was dragged 200 yards.
590. Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 Leagues
Under the sea?
She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so
many teams.
591. Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her
eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
592. Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
They take off their makeup.
593. Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?
She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.
594. Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs together.
595. Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
596. Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
Her employer found out she was embezzling.
597. What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blo=
nde?
He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.
598. What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A shower has to be turned on to get wet.
599. Why do blondes always drink with straws?
Practice.
600. Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
From dating blonde men.
601. What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say?
Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
602. What do a blonde and a good beer have in common?
They both go down easy.
603. What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
They're both stuck up c*nts.
604. If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
ground first?
The brunette. The blonde is such an air head.
605. What's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone?
Ice cream cones don't lick back.
606. What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a
street corner?
4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, not for a zillion bucks, 4 bucks!
607. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
Bobbing for Bimbos.
608. What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on yo=
u.
609. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the
gutter, and they'll always come back.
610. Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
Because that's what they train for all their lives.
611. Why does telling a blonde to alphebetize M&Ms confuse her?
"Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
612. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
613. What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
614. What is the blonde's favorite battery?
Ever-ready.
615. What is blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, =8A.?
A blonde doing cartwheels.
616. Why did the blonde finally pass her driver's test?
She took the examiner with her.
617. Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
She blew it both times!
618. What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
619. Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
Who cares?
620. What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About 2 cans of hair spray.
621. What's the quickest way to get into a blonde's pants?
Pick them up off the floor and put them on.
622. What is the definition of "fu** off"?
The final round of an all blonde beauty contest.
623. What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
Clitty litter.
624. What is a bellybutton for?
It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.
625. What is a blonde's only complaint about oral sex?
The lousy view.
626. Why is a blonde similar to an ironing board? I could never close the
legs of an ironing board either. (see joke 330 for a simliar punchline)
627. How does a blonde prepare for safe sex?
She puts on rubber based lipstick.
628. There was a blonde and a brunette who were about to commit suicide.
They both jumped off of a tall building and, a couple of seconds later, the
brunette hit the pavement, but not the blonde. What happened to her?
She got lost.
629. A guy asked his blonde wife, "How did you get the car into the living
room?"
"I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
630. Someone asked a blonde if she believed in smoking.
"Yes, I've seen it done."
631. Two blondes are in a dark theatre:
Blonde #1: "Hey, the guy next to me is jerking off!"
Blonde #2: "Just ignore him."
Blonde #1: "I can't. He's using my hand."
632. A blonde walked into a hardware store, picked up the hinges she was
looking for, and went to go pay for them. The clerk asked her, "Need a
screw for those hinges?"
"No, but how about a blow job for the shovel in the back?"
633. Blonde #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Blonde #2: "No, who wrote it?"
634. Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to
keep the milk fresh?
635. Did you hear about the blonde bride that was so horny she carried a
bouquet of batteries?
636. Did you hear about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
637. Blonde #1: "It's embarassing, but every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm=
"
Blonde #2: "Gee, what are you taking for it?"
Blonde #1: "Snuff."
638. Blonde: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
Man: "It's 3:15."
Blonde: (puzzled look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I
have been asking that same question all day, and each time I get a
different answer."
639. Male Secretary: "Feel free to use my dictaphone."
New Blonde Employee: "No thanks, I'll just use my finger like everyone else=
Y. Kuzuha
Because my hair is gay colors, Please tell me.
--
Yas
Andre Tornow
Chris Carkner <car...@sage.edu> wrote:
>On Mon, 9 Dec 1996, Bill Ryder wrote:
>
>> cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>>
>> >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
>> >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
>> >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
>> >the cuss words.
>> >Sincerly,
>> >Becky
>>
How about this one ?
What does a blond say, when you push her down the cellar stairs ?
A Bud or a Heineken ?
Disclaimer:
I don't laugh about jokes on blondes or other women, i even don't find
them funny. I do not agree with people making jokes on ...
--
Andre Tornow
e-mail: tor...@zedat.fu-berlin.de
http://userpage.fu-berlin.de/~tornow/
BLACKJACK
aru...@pipeline.com (Lou or Annette Hinshaw) wrote:
>ryd...@ebtech.net (Bill Ryder) wrote:
>>cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>>>I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
>>>the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
>>>send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
>>>the cuss words.
>>>Sincerly,
>>>Becky
>>How about the blond who was staring at the frozen orange juice can
>>because it said CONCENTRATE.
>what's black and red and lays around and whines?
>A brunette that told one blonde joke too many.
A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street. The brunette
said,"Oh, look at the poor dead bird!" The blonde looked up,
searching the skies and said.."Where?"
Marty Zuroff
Here's a blonde joke:
Q: A blonde and a brunett are going to jump off the empire state building.
Who hits the ground first?
A: The brunett. The blond has to stop and ask for directions.
****
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
A: Thers white out on the screen.
****
I laugh, but not because they are "blonde" jokes. I am against that. I just
think their funny. I have nothing against blondes. I AM one. . .
-Steff
Tim Albritton
My personal favorite is:
A brunette is driving down a street. She asks her blond friend to lean
out the window and tell her if the turn signal is working. The blond
leans out and says....
Yes, ...No....Yes....No.....Yes...No....
Badump Bump (Rimshot) Thank you, thank you I'll be here all week...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
talb...@cyberhighway.net || No Web page; No alternate e-mail; Just lil
ole me
SA. Morgan
: > cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
: >
: > >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father has told me
: > >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting desperate. Please
: > >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase leave out
: > >the cuss words.
: > >Sincerly,
: > >Becky
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
-Simon
CHIGIRA Takemasa F.
In article <5b2km6$h...@fu-berlin.de>
Andre Tornow <tor...@zedat.fu-berlin.de> writes:
> Path: sol.cc.hit-u.ac.jp!sh.train.ad.jp!news.nc.u-tokyo.ac.jp!
> newssinet!ccews7!itserv.it.okayama-u.ac.jp!odins-suita!chiba-ns!
> news.chiba-u.ac.jp!eclnews!nttiros!cosmo!lepus!tyo-noc-news!
> news5-tokyonet!tokyonet.ad.jp!wnoc-tyo-news!wnoc-sfc-news!
> news.Hawaii.Edu!munnari.OZ.AU!news.mel.connect.com.au!
> melba.bby.com.au!newsfeed.dacom.co.kr!newsfeed.kreonet.re.kr!
> EU.net!howland.erols.net!news.nacamar.de!fu-berlin.de!
> mepc32.met.fu-berlin.DE!not-for-mail
なんでもいいけど、えらい遠いところから投稿されてますなぁ。
しかもハワイまで行ってるあたり結構この記事はミーハーなのか？
--
<-------- -`--------- ----------- -`--------- ----------- -`------>
(o TCHIGUILA.Takemasa F. Hitotsubashi Univ. st2...@srv.cc.hit-u.ac.jp o)
/~oo~~~~~oo~-~oo~~~~~oo~-~oo~~~~~oo~-~oo~~~~~oo~-~oo~~~~~oo~-~oo~~~~~oo~\
Rick Deevey
On Thu, 9 Jan 1997 19:10:02 GMT, sm4...@ncs.bris.ac.uk (SA. Morgan)
wrote:
Why did God give blondes one more brain cell than horses?
So they wouldn't shit during parades.
Eddy Lloyd
What do you call a blonde that just dyed her hair 'brunette'..............
..................'Artificial Intelligence' !
...................................................Eddy
peter hedeman
http://www.cs.neu.edu/home/ren/humor/index.html
There you will find a text file *filled* with dumb blonde jokes
Rich Adams
peter hedeman (pe...@peter.jeffdell.com) wrote:
: http://www.cs.neu.edu/home/ren/humor/index.html
:
: There you will find a text file *filled* with dumb blonde jokes
Yes, but what about good blonde jokes, or even funny blonde jokes?
Anyone can write dumb jokes...
--
~ Rich Adams [DNRC] Women move in strange and mysterious ways.
~ ri...@alpha.delta.edu I can never find any of my stuff after
~ they have moved it.
Me
In article <5bm6vi$l...@alpha.delta.edu>, ri...@alpha.delta.edu says...
>
>peter hedeman (pe...@peter.jeffdell.com) wrote:
>: http://www.cs.neu.edu/home/ren/humor/index.html
>:
>: There you will find a text file *filled* with dumb blonde jokes
>
>Yes, but what about good blonde jokes, or even funny blonde jokes?
>
>Anyone can write dumb jokes...
Yes and why are we so darned prejudiced...
Aren't Red headed jokes just as funny?
... just because im blonde.. doesnt mean i'm a joke.
Chung, ki hyun
Rich Adams wrote:
>
> peter hedeman (pe...@peter.jeffdell.com) wrote:
> : http://www.cs.neu.edu/home/ren/humor/index.html
> :
> : There you will find a text file *filled* with dumb blonde jokes
>
> Yes, but what about good blonde jokes, or even funny blonde jokes?
>
> Anyone can write dumb jokes...
> ~ Rich Adams [DNRC] Women move in strange and mysterious ways.
> ~ ri...@alpha.delta.edu I can never find any of my stuff after
> ~ they have moved it.
visit
http://vid06.wm.lge.co.kr
--
KiHyun Chung Seoul Korea Phone: (2)5264375
Multimedia Lab. Woomyoun-dong Fax: (2)5264876
LG Electronics e-mail:khc...@lge.co.kr
---------------------------------------------------------------
HEAD OFFICE
> What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
>Pregnant.
What do you call a blonde with 1 brain cell?
Gifted
HEAD OFFICE
>Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
>A: Thers white out on the screen.
How can you tell a second blonde has been on the computer?
There writing on the twink...
Vincent Schonau
kir...@nznet.gen.nz (HEAD OFFICE) wrote:
>What do you call a blonde with 1 brain cell?
>Gifted
That's funny, considering what your office has to give.
Vince.
--
Visit the Internet Spam Boycott: <URL:http://www.vix.com/spam/>
God has Alzheimer's disease; he's forgotten that we exist.
Dewan Demmer
Rick Deevey <spam...@nowhere.com> wrote in article
<32d63c34...@news1.on.sympatico.ca>...
what you call ablonde with half two brain cells ??
pregnant !
what you call a blonde with half a brain ??
golden retriever !!
whats the first thing a blonde does when she wakes up in the morning ??
go home !!
what do you calla blonde between two brunettes ??
comunication gap !!
what does a blondes father tell her before she leaves for her night on the
town ??
" if you not in bed by 12 come home !"
later !!
DGrem !!
wishbone
On 10 Mar 1997 10:24:52 GMT, "Dewan Demmer" <Dem...@aforbes.co.za>
wrote:
Check out http://www.coffey.com/~alizorn/blonde.html
There is no end to the blonde jokes
Dr B
Hear about the blonde who got sick of the stereotypical comments, and
decided to prove how smart she was by learning all the capitals of
every country in the world? Took her a couple of weeks, but she did
it. First chance she got, she revealed her newfound knowledge to
some dork who made a sarky comment about blondes. "REally? quoth
the guy? OK, what's the capital of England?"
That's easy she replies. "E".
The Fourth Warrior
> >>Please
> >> >: > >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do,
pleaaaase
> >leave out
> >> >: > >the cuss words.<<<<<<<<<<<<<I
> >> >: > >Sincerly, l
> >> >: > >Becky l
l
^
Leaving the "cuss words" out
is like
having an orgasm without
involving sex.
T F W Native of the British Isles.
cur...@nunya.bidneth
My son brought this one home from elementary school...
A blonde goes to a salon to get her hair cut regularly. She's always
wearing walkman headphones. Each time, she instructs the stylist,
"Cut around the headphones, I don't want to take them off." Each
time, the stylist complies, until one day, just out of curiosity, the
stylist "accidentally" flips the headphones off the girl's head. The
blonde falls to the floor, choking, and eventually dies. The stylist,
curious to know what tape was playing, puts the headphones on, and
hears a voice saying; "Breathe in... breathe out... breathe in...
breathe out..."
wish...@dog.net (wishbone) wrote:
>On 10 Mar 1997 10:24:52 GMT, "Dewan Demmer" <Dem...@aforbes.co.za>
>wrote:
>>
>>
>>Rick Deevey <spam...@nowhere.com> wrote in article
>><32d63c34...@news1.on.sympatico.ca>...
>>> On Thu, 9 Jan 1997 19:10:02 GMT, sm4...@ncs.bris.ac.uk (SA. Morgan)
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> >: > cen0...@centuryinter.net wrote:
>>> >: >
>>> >: > >I am looking for all of the dumb blonde jokes there is. My father
>>has told me
>>> >: > >the same blonde joke for the past 10 yrs. And I'm getting
>>desperate. Please
>>> >: > >send me all of the dumb blonde jokes you know. If you do, pleaaaase
>>leave out
>>> >: > >the cuss words.
C. De Leon
How can you tell if a blonde was using your computer?
There's white-out on the monitor.
anne dwyer
C. De Leon wrote:
>
> How can you tell if a blonde was using your computer?
>
> There's white-out on the monitor.
Did you hear about the Blonde who liked to wear "Space for Rent" signs
as earrings?
Gaven Miller
anne dwyer (ann...@epix.net) wrote:
> Did you hear about the Blonde who liked to wear "Space for Rent" signs
> as earrings?
No. I haven't heard about the Blonde who liked to wear "Space for Rent"
signs as earrings.
Please elucidate.
--
Quote For The Month:
"Open up, it's the pigs!"
Russell Eva
Gaven Miller wrote:
>
> anne dwyer (ann...@epix.net) wrote:
> > Did you hear about the Blonde who liked to wear "Space for Rent" signs
> > as earrings?
>
> No. I haven't heard about the Blonde who liked to wear "Space for Rent"
> signs as earrings.
>
> Please elucidate.
>
>
Why did the blonde have bruises around her belly button?
Blonde men are stupid too!
--
This space intentionally left blank
Lisa
Russell Eva <ru...@aqumen.co.za> writes:
>Gaven Miller wrote:
>> No. I haven't heard about the Blonde who liked to wear "Space for Rent"
>> signs as earrings.
>>
>> Please elucidate.
>Why did the blonde have bruises around her belly button?
>Blonde men are stupid too!
Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
Coz they have to pull their own pants down.
- L
anne dwyer
> > > as earrings?
> >
> > No. I haven't heard about the Blonde who liked to wear "Space for Rent"
> > signs as earrings.
> >
> > Please elucidate.
> >
>
> Why did the blonde have bruises around her belly button?
>
> Blonde men are stupid too!
>
Gaven Miller
> Coz they have to pull their own pants down.
Blondes wear pants? I've never met a blonde who did.
Are you sure they weren't brunettes pretending to be blonde?
Lisa
In article <3157cd$c2727.36b@HERMES> gmi...@inca.co.nz (Gaven Miller) writes:
>Lisa (sp...@syd.com.au) wrote:
>> Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
>> Coz they have to pull their own pants down.
>Blondes wear pants?
Yes, they need them as ankle-warmers :)
>I've never met a blonde who did.
>Are you sure they weren't brunettes pretending to be blonde?
Well, I dunno. I didn't see any bruises on their shoulders...
- L
Gaven Miller
Were they wearing thick shoulder pads? (a 1980's high-fashion item)
As we all know, that was the reason shoulder pads were invented - to stop
blondes from getting bruises and headaches when they rock their head from
side to side.
Hans Nieuwenburg
A bonde walks into a barber shop with a walkman on her head
Barber: Can i help you?
Blone: Yep, i need a haircut
Barber: Okay, take off the walkman an sit down this chair
Blonde: No way! i'm not taking off my walkman, just cut around it!
Barber: Okay
So the barber starts cutting....
After a while the blone falls asleep...
Barber thinking: Hmmm if i just could get rid of that walkman's
headphones... and he gently takes it off
After 20 seconds the blonde drops down the floor!
Barber: Miss, miss are you allright [checking out if she is allright]
Barber: Oh no she is DEAD! [picking up the walkman and wandering how the
walkman kept her alive]
PgDn
A gentle voice on the tape says : Breathe in...... Breathe out....Breathe
in...... Breathe out....Breathe in...... Breathe out....
Lisa <sp...@syd.com.au> wrote in article <spawn.977...@syd.com.au>...
> Russell Eva <ru...@aqumen.co.za> writes:
> >Gaven Miller wrote:
>
> >> No. I haven't heard about the Blonde who liked to wear "Space for
Rent"
> >> signs as earrings.
> >>
> >> Please elucidate.
>
> >Why did the blonde have bruises around her belly button?
>
> >Blonde men are stupid too!
>
> Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
>
> Coz they have to pull their own pants down.
>
> - L
>
Martin J Bateman
A brunette goes to see her doctor
"Doctor, I don't know whats wrong with me but I hurt all over"
"What do you mean?" said the Doc
"Well, if I touch my shoulder here, it hurts and if I touch my leg
here, it hurts and if I touch my head here, it hurts and if I touch
my foot here, it hurts"
"Tell me" said the Doctor "do you dye your hair?"
"Yes" she said "I'm really a blonde"
"I thought as much, you've broken your finger"
D. R. Birch
Okay time for another one:
Why don't blondes double recipies???
Ovens don't go to 700 degrees!
Frode Mauring
Figure this:
Why cannot a blonde get the Mad Cow decease ?
Because it attacks the brain .......
Russell Eva
How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone!
Oliver K. Reichl
This may be old news but.....
Why do blondes have bruises around their belly buttons?
Cause blond guys are dumb too.
--
Anti-spam alert!!!!
To respond to the real me, remove the "hill" part of the e-mail address.
Andy
In article <5gv94l$idf$1...@despair.u-net.com>, Martin J Bateman
<mar...@byteco.u-net.com> writes
--
Andy 42
Andy
In article <01bc35ea$4010e640$69ab...@Hans.Nieuwenburg.CMG.NL>, Hans
Nieuwenburg <Hans.Nie...@cmg.nl> writes
>A bonde walks into a barber shop with a walkman on her head
>Barber: Can i help you?
>Blone: Yep, i need a haircut
>Barber: Okay, take off the walkman an sit down this chair
>Blonde: No way! i'm not taking off my walkman, just cut around it!
>Barber: Okay
>
>So the barber starts cutting....
>After a while the blone falls asleep...
>
>Barber thinking: Hmmm if i just could get rid of that walkman's
>headphones... and he gently takes it off
>
>After 20 seconds the blonde drops down the floor!
>
>Barber: Miss, miss are you allright [checking out if she is allright]
>Barber: Oh no she is DEAD! [picking up the walkman and wandering how the
>walkman kept her alive]
>
>
>
>in...... Breathe out....Breathe in...... Breathe out....
>
whole joke from nz with no sheep mentioned, well apart from now anyway!
--
Andy 42