My writting

[Tung Thach Ngan]

Dear Miss Ngoc Anh , 

Here's my writting , it's not a good one. I hope u'll correct the mistakes to make my wrrting better.

....

Fristly, young people today usually waste their time for doing useless thing. For example , They watching television , playing game, sitting in front of a computer screen ... almost their leisure time. Especially , the online game is the main reason to watse their leisure time. It makes young people to be an addict , they must pay their time , their money and aloso their health to archive the target in the game. Furthermore , some young people spend their time on surfing some social networks day after day. Although social network is a good environment to connect people with people , it's also a virtual social. If they spend too much time on it , they will forget the relationship and people arround them in the real social.

.....

[Ton That Hoa]

Hi Tung,

I am just feeling like correcting some of your mistakes to make it a better paragraph:

In the first place, today's youths tend to spend most of their leisure time doing meaningless things such as watching television , playing video and computer games and sitting in front of a computer screen. Playing online games is a good example for such time-wasting activities. It makes young people to be game addicts whose time, money and health are being consumed in a useless way. Another popular activity pastime among many young people these days is surfing the net and joing social networks on a daily basis, which is positive in one way but negative in another. For example, they may believe in and live with online relationships while ignoring the realities that need to be nurtured.

Do not worry if your paragraph has been revised and keep up good work. The more you write, the more you master the language.

Best regards,

Tôn Thất Hòa - 0903 348 178
 

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Best regards.

Tôn Thất Hòa (Mr.) - 0903 348 178

[ngoc anh nguyen]

Hi Tung,
Just take a look at the revised version done by Mr Hoa, who dropped by
our class days ago. It would be great to have your writing corrected
by him as his writing skills no doubt excel ours, including mine.
Dear All,
Now you can refer to both the original writing piece done by Tung, one
of my students in my class and another version already revised by Mr
Hoa. Althogh both of them are on the same topic (the use of leisure
time), the latter one, by all means, is much better than the former. I
am sure comparing them both can teach you something beneficial for
your writing skills.
Regards,

[Tung Thach Ngan]

Tks so much Mr. Hòa.