Nothing But The Truth Full Text Pdf

[Willy Aucoin]

DEARABBY: A few years ago, my sister and I took our kids on vacation together. She and I get along but have never been close. Sometimes I walk on eggshells around her because I never know what might make her upset.

I thought we were having a good time on that vacation and getting along well, even though I was anxious. We were both taking pictures with our phones, and she handed me hers to forward myself some of the pictures. While I was looking at them, a text message pinged, and I checked it without thinking about it not being my phone.

It turns out my sister had spent the entire vacation texting about my "B.S.," my inability to do anything competently and even referenced something that happened years before. I had noticed her constant texting but said nothing because I didn't want to risk an argument.

I am still angry about this and don't know how to let it go. I really don't want to travel with her again, since I know the invisible third party will be with us the whole time. How do I deal with this? -- STAYING PUT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STAYING PUT: When you saw that message from your sister's text partner you should have handed her the phone and started packing. You are not obligated to travel with someone who causes you to walk on eggshells, ignores you, puts you down and says nasty things behind your back. Don't be mean about taking steps to protect yourself. Simply stop vacationing with her. (I know I sure would!)

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently had her DNA tested so she could learn more about her genealogy. She then decided to make her results public so other possible relatives could contact her. Not long ago, she received an email from a man, "Stan," claiming a DNA match.

Stan said he was adopted, and his search to find his birth parents had hit a dead end. My wife immediately recalled old family stories about an older relative -- who is still alive -- who had given up her baby for adoption. Several pieces of information from Stan matched (like his birthplace), and we have no doubt my wife's relative is this man's parent.

Our question: Do we help Stan contact his long-lost parent? As sad as it may be, I don't think it's our business to surprise my wife's kin with news of a son they've never talked about. My wife is leaning in the opposite direction and sees no harm. What do we do? -- TO HELP OR NOT TO HELP?

DEAR TO HELP: Your wife should contact the relative in question, explain about her DNA test and inform her that she has been contacted by a man claiming he is related. She should tell her relative she had long ago heard about a child that may have been placed for adoption. If your wife's relative would like to have "Stan's" contact information, she should share it. However, if this relative isn't open to being contacted, your wife should let the matter rest.

This year, one of the wives lost three family members within three months. This has been devastating to her, of course, as well as to all of us as we watch her struggle to regain her footing in this new reality. I know firsthand the pain she's living with.

My problem is, she has started accusing me of having an affair with her husband. Nothing could be further from the truth! I'm torn between trying to remember she is angry and lashing out from her losses and being deeply insulted and angry at her.

DEAR FRIEND OR FOE: I am concerned for your friend. Are you sure she doesn't have other emotional or marital problems besides her grief? That she would accuse you of having an affair with her husband when nothing of the sort is happening could be a clue that something is wrong ... with her.

DEAR ABBY: Any suggestions on how to motivate a husband? We've been happily married for 35 years. Now he does nothing but read, eat and sleep. I'm not exaggerating. He started reading about 15 years ago when our boys were teenagers. He was an active parent, Boy Scout leader, baseball coach, umpire, volunteer in the church, got his masters, and took a high-energy exercise program, etc. But then he discovered fantasy fan fiction, free stories on the internet written by unpublished authors.

He now reads 16 to 18 hours a day on weekends, plus 10 hours each day during the week. He does nothing else -- no exercise, no house maintenance, nothing. When I asked if he's depressed, he said no, he's just tired and wants to relax. He has regular medical checkups; nothing abnormal there. His career is not high stress -- it's office work.

I cannot get him to socialize, and he no longer keeps up with his friends. All he looks forward to is retiring in about a year, but I don't want him to retire just to see him read more. This is making for a very lonely marriage. I am unable to motivate him to do anything. -- MOTIVATED IN THE EAST

DEAR MOTIVATED: It is time for a frank conversation with your husband. Ask him what he's using the fan fiction bingeing to escape from. Point out that the lifestyle he has adopted isn't healthy for him or for your marriage. Proceed from there to find out if a compromise would be workable.

DEAR READERS: At sundown, the first night of Passover begins. This major Jewish holiday celebrates the most momentous event in Jewish history -- the liberation of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt. Happy Passover to my readers who observe this important holiday. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: The first Christmas my future husband and I were dating, he gave me an angel ring. I asked him to take me to a bar where my best friend worked so I could show it to her. When I showed it to her, she told me her cancer had come back. I gave her the ring and told her to hang onto it, hoping it would give her the strength to fight another round.

Twenty years later, she became angry with me and wanted to end the friendship. I told her that it was OK and asked her to return the ring. Abby, my entire family saw my husband give it to me. But now she has made up this story about how she had put it on layaway for a year, and it never belonged to me. Even worse is that she played me. She never had cancer in the first place.

While we were at school, her parents emptied their house, except for the contents of her room and disappeared. My mom offered her a home, but she declined. She was into drugs. Yes, she had some tough breaks, but so have a lot of other people, and they haven't stolen or lied to their friends. We had each other's back for 40 years and now this has happened. I am heartbroken. She doesn't seem to care -- the layaway lie is her story and she's sticking to it. What do I do? -- LOST MY RING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOST: Accept that the ring is gone. Your drug-addicted "friend" stole it and may have sold it. You may not yet realize it, but you are fortunate that she's now out of your life. You may have thought she had your back, but you were mistaken. She is dishonest and vengeful. If you're looking for friendship, you need to look in another direction. You couldn't do worse than this.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Chris," has two adult sons; I have an adult daughter, "Dori." My husband, Dori and I are close and happy. Chris doesn't believe in having only one child and never misses an opportunity to point out to me what a hardship it is to be an only child -- e.g., "It will be so hard on Dori when you die."

Chris doesn't know why we had only one child and I will never discuss such a private decision. It infuriates me every time she implies that we have somehow denied my daughter complete happiness by not providing siblings. Dori has given no indication of being unhappy as an only child. What do you think about this? -- BOTHERED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BOTHERED: I am so glad you asked. Your sister's behavior all these years has been relentless and heartless. For whatever reason, she has it in for you and can't resist the urge to "stick it to you" whenever she sees the chance. I think you should distance yourself from Chris. Some people choose to have only one child and manage to raise a happy and well-adjusted offspring, as you have done. Others have just one child because they cannot have another.

16 April 1963

My Dear Fellow Clergymen:

While confined here in the Birmingham city jail, I came across your recent statementcallingmy present activities "unwise and untimely." Seldom do I pause to answer criticism of mywork andideas. If I sought to answer all the criticisms that cross my desk, my secretaries wouldhave little timefor anything other than such correspondence in the course of the day, and I would have notime forconstructive work. But since I feel that you are men of genuine good will and that yourcriticisms aresincerely set forth, I want to try to answer your statement in what I hope will be patientandreasonable terms.

I think I should indicate why I am here in Birmingham, since you have been influencedby theview which argues against "outsiders coming in." I have the honor of serving as presidentof theSouthern Christian Leadership Conference, an organization operating in every southernstate, withheadquarters in Atlanta, Georgia. We have some eighty five affiliated organizations acrossthe South,and one of them is the Alabama Christian Movement for Human Rights. Frequently we sharestaff,educational and financial resources with our affiliates. Several months ago the affiliatehere inBirmingham asked us to be on call to engage in a nonviolent direct action program if suchweredeemed necessary. We readily consented, and when the hour came we lived up to our promise.So I,along with several members of my staff, am here because I was invited here. I am herebecause I haveorganizational ties here.

But more basically, I am in Birmingham because injustice is here. Just as the prophetsof theeighth century B.C. left their villages and carried their "thus saith the Lord" far beyondthe boundariesof their home towns, and just as the Apostle Paul left his village of Tarsus and carriedthe gospel ofJesus Christ to the far corners of the Greco Roman world, so am I compelled to carry thegospel offreedom beyond my own home town. Like Paul, I must constantly respond to the Macedoniancall foraid.

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