Summer Fun

[WEW]

Well, looks like summer just might be deciding to put in an appearance after all, and there's so much more to look forward to in the month of June too! There's the world cup. For any yanks reading this who are totally unaware of this event, then I think I should explain that this is a truly global sporting event, not an interstate thing where everyone's playing a game that's only played in the one country. I think you guys actually have a team playing too and will probably be the only team in the tournament that will be calling the game soccer, not football, so as not to confuse the fact that they should use their feet to manoeuvre the ball and not their hands. Unfortunately, despite the fact that I usually have no interest in football whatsoever, this year's world cup presents me with a dilemma. England is playing Nigeria. Now, being a citizen of both illustrious nations, usually I'd side each of these teams to beat whichever country they're playing, but this isn't going to work this time, is it? So I'm afraid I'm going to have to side with Nigeria. There, I've said it! I'll be supporting Nigeria in the England vs Nigeria world cup match. And I really, really, really hope that Nigeria wins this particular match and that England gets kicked out of the tournament really early so that I don't have to live with months and months, if not years and years, of TV coverage about how great England did. There are more important things in the world than football …

… Like the Queen's golden jubilee for instance. Whoopee! Fifty years and counting! Long live the queen, may we continue to foot her bills, and her children's bills, and her children's children's bills, forever! Let me at that red, white and blue bunting!! No offence ma'am, but, unlike Ms Leona Helmsley, I don't believe that taxes are just for the little people. Once upon a time, maybe, but the little people have grown up and they're not amused. I'm sure Hello magazine will be only too happy to feature you and your possessions in their pages every month or so to keep the cashflow flowing. It seems to work for other European royalty and our own minor celebrities and royals.

Then of course there's the prospect of a nuclear war—makes Afghanistan seem pretty tame in comparison doesn't it? I'm thinking another crazy attack on America, or some other unsuspecting western nation, is due soon, just to keep the profile of Mr Bin Laden and his henchmen up there in our minds. Like Dubya, war-monger extraordinaire, is likely to let us forget! Anyone would think he was working for the other side, what with warnings he chose to do nothing about and all! If you ask me, Dubya and Mr Sharon, deputy war-monger-in-chief, have paid India and Pakistan to turn the heat in that region up a bit to divert our attention from their own blunders and bad press. Neither of them seem quite so frothy mouthed of late, do they?

Personally, I see no reason to panic now. The horse has already bolted out of the stable and whatever will be will be. If we never fed it, watered it or treated it right, then we can pretty much expect to get kicked in the head by said horse at some stage or another. So, seeing as I work in London's financial square mile, I guess I can either look forward to being blown to smithereens while I tap away on my keyboard to tight deadlines, or I can sit on my balcony in something skimpy, enjoying the summer's sun and, being more hirsute than most, wait for a passing nuclear cloud to float my way and see how long it takes for all my hair to fall out.

Fun days ahead or what?

 

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